LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Breaks and Breaking Up

She ended it with me because I “always talk to her like s**t”


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

Like Tree50Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 4th October 2017, 1:16 AM   #16
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,278
Whether you talked down to her or not, we can't tell. Only you know that.

But the scenario you described was, imo, totally her fault and very inconsiderate of her. I wouldn't want to date or be with a person who is like that.

You're tired and on your way to the gym yet you stop so she can get some food items. Do you know that many men and women who are good people would either not have stopped or dropped her off and picked her up after the workout?

But you stopped for her! That speaks volumes to me of how easy to deal with you are. And her going clothing shopping after you'd already given in to stop for her food, is, to me, more than inconsiderate. To top it off when you complain, as most people would, she immediately breaks up with you.

I know you miss her but I wouldn't grieve this one. She sounds entitled and actually as if she's the condescending one, not you. Condescending in that you expressed what most normal people would, impatience with her lollygagging, at your expense, behavior, and she acts as if you did something wrong.

And, also, she sounds really hard-headed to be so closed-minded by not giving you the opportunity to work on your differences.

Nah, you dodged a bullet on this one.
LivingWaterPlease is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th October 2017, 7:27 AM   #17
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 231
Quote:
Originally Posted by LivingWaterPlease View Post
Whether you talked down to her or not, we can't tell. Only you know that.

But the scenario you described was, imo, totally her fault and very inconsiderate of her. I wouldn't want to date or be with a person who is like that.

You're tired and on your way to the gym yet you stop so she can get some food items. Do you know that many men and women who are good people would either not have stopped or dropped her off and picked her up after the workout?

But you stopped for her! That speaks volumes to me of how easy to deal with you are. And her going clothing shopping after you'd already given in to stop for her food, is, to me, more than inconsiderate. To top it off when you complain, as most people would, she immediately breaks up with you.

I know you miss her but I wouldn't grieve this one. She sounds entitled and actually as if she's the condescending one, not you. Condescending in that you expressed what most normal people would, impatience with her lollygagging, at your expense, behavior, and she acts as if you did something wrong.

And, also, she sounds really hard-headed to be so closed-minded by not giving you the opportunity to work on your differences.

Nah, you dodged a bullet on this one.
Thank you I really appreciated this.

I offered to drop her stuff outside hers last night but she declined and insisted on coming to mine tonight to pick it up?

What’s this all about? Seens like she’s just playing games with me now..
HumanMachine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th October 2017, 8:51 AM   #18
Established Member
 
elaine567's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 13,294
Quote:
Originally Posted by HumanMachine View Post
Thank you I really appreciated this.

I offered to drop her stuff outside hers last night but she declined and insisted on coming to mine tonight to pick it up?
I would guess to make sure she has got all her belongings back.
elaine567 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th October 2017, 9:03 AM   #19
Established Member
 
amaysngrace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Jersey Shore
Posts: 23,072
I'd box up her stuff, mark her name on it and leave it outside and I wouldn't be home.

Or I'd bring the box to her house and leave it on her porch.

I don't know why she thinks she gets to call all the shots.
__________________
just dance
amaysngrace is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th October 2017, 9:08 AM   #20
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,278
Quote:
Originally Posted by HumanMachine View Post
Thank you I really appreciated this.

I offered to drop her stuff outside hers last night but she declined and insisted on coming to mine tonight to pick it up?

What’s this all about? Seens like she’s just playing games with me now..
After she comes to your place you'll have a better idea, I suppose. Elaine made a good point but idk, could be gamey, too.

Are the things of hers at your place valuable? Personally, I left a lot of stuff with a guy I never wanted to see anymore, just so I wouldn't have to deal with him. As stringent on NC she seems to me to be am surprised she wouldn't want you to drop the stuff off at her door and take a loss if you forgot something.

If she wants to make sure she gets everything that means if something is missing she'll have to talk with you about it.
LivingWaterPlease is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th October 2017, 9:13 AM   #21
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,278
Quote:
Originally Posted by amaysngrace View Post
I'd box up her stuff, mark her name on it and leave it outside and I wouldn't be home.

Or I'd bring the box to her house and leave it on her porch.

I don't know why she thinks she gets to call all the shots.
The above seems like a great idea to me!
LivingWaterPlease is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th October 2017, 9:31 AM   #22
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 231
Quote:
Originally Posted by amaysngrace View Post
I'd box up her stuff, mark her name on it and leave it outside and I wouldn't be home.

Or I'd bring the box to her house and leave it on her porch.

I don't know why she thinks she gets to call all the shots.
I offered to do the second suggestion yesterday and she declined. I didn’t want to do it without her blessing as I know what would happen “my stuff has disappeared, you owe me new stuff, i told you not to leave it outside”

Mainly clothing/junk. I made it clear to her that I wouldn’t be playing silly buggers and leaving stuff behind, she won’t be coming inside my house so all seems a bit odd.

Declined to agree a time so obviously thinks I will be sat around waiting for her - no chance!
HumanMachine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th October 2017, 9:58 AM   #23
Established Member
 
simpleNfit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Where the snow is better than in Colorado!
Posts: 1,879
Quote:
Originally Posted by HumanMachine View Post
I did everything for this girl, took her to work, picked her up, cooked for her, took her on weekends away/vacations, out for dinner, the works..

I was never disloyal to this girl, never did anything behind her back, she was the only one for me and I always made that clear to her.

But apparently I always spoke badly to her, using a bad condescending/rude voice. Apparently I constantly turned my nose up and would moan about anything and everything. I’ve only ever had her describe me like that.

Now I’m not saying I’m an angel, I can be grouchy when I’m tired/hungry/stressed from work etc. but I’m just a human.. whenever she was on a short fuse I understood that simply something was bothering her, and if she snapped at me then just to take it and be there for her. She didn’t do the same for me, if I snapped at her then she’d take it personally.

This evening she ended it, we were on our way to the gym (9pm) when she asked to stop off at a store to pick up some food, sure no problem.. however she decided to check out the clothes and every other department in the store. I had already mentioned to her that I was tired and wanted a quick gym session so that i could get home to bed so (understandably?) I was pretty annoyed at her taking her time. I asked her to please hurry up, she then turned around and said “that’s it, I’m done” and proceeded to lay into me about how i’m always moaning and talking to her badly. I dropped her off at home and she said she’s collect her stuff from mine another day, then blocked me.

Am I in the wrong here? Should I have been more patient? It is now 2am and I feel sick, I miss her already..
Perception, my friend. I am surprised that there wasn't a discussion regarding this earlier. For her to simply end it sounds rash.
__________________
...love being a father!
simpleNfit is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th October 2017, 9:58 AM   #24
Established Member
 
elaine567's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 13,294
Quote:
Originally Posted by HumanMachine View Post

Declined to agree a time so obviously thinks I will be sat around waiting for her - no chance!
I get the anger but just be there and get it over with.
Causing drama and being passively aggressive and childish, will not change anything, so just see her, give her her stuff and say Bye.
elaine567 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th October 2017, 10:08 AM   #25
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 231
Quote:
Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
I get the anger but just be there and get it over with.
Causing drama and being passively aggressive and childish, will not change anything, so just see her, give her her stuff and say Bye.
Is that really childish? I asked to agree a time earlier and she decided to ignore (read the message), so i’ve got to waste an evening waiting for her to contact me, if she even does?
HumanMachine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th October 2017, 10:48 AM   #26
Established Member
 
Elswyth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 24,519
Quote:
Originally Posted by HumanMachine View Post
Thank you; this is exactly what I wanted to hear. I know there are flaws in my personality and they appear quite apparent from your post. How can I work on ironing these out? I want to be a better person, and for her to have that opinion of me when I feel like I’m in the right is upsetting.

Thanks!
It's great that you have realized this. Things may never work out with this girl (and that might even be for the best - while I agree with Bailey's assessment of your post, I also did think she was being selfish on that particular night by going clothes shopping while you were waiting for her when you'd already said you were tired), but this self-realization will help you HUGELY in the future.

All the best!
__________________
~Perfection is about accepting that we cannot control everything and letting go of some of our preconceived notions.~ -Spiritofnow-
Elswyth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th October 2017, 10:54 AM   #27
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,278
Quote:
Originally Posted by HumanMachine View Post
Is that really childish? I asked to agree a time earlier and she decided to ignore (read the message), so i’ve got to waste an evening waiting for her to contact me, if she even does?
I don't think it's childish at all if you have somewhere you need/want to be. Otherwise I'd wait and get it over with, with her.

However, if there's something you're planning on doing I'd weigh it against possible drama from her continuing. The more this unfolds the more it seems to me you're fortunate to be getting away from her because of her not cooperating in setting an agreed upon time with you and other aforementioned things. Once again, she seems inconsiderate and controlling.

If you do have something to do, can you leave the box where no one will see it, rather than risk someone taking it? That would be my concern but, then again, had she set a time to pick it up she could have avoided that.

Were I in your place, the way this is playing out, and I needed to be away the evening she comes to get her things, I believe I'd leave a note on the box telling her that you had somewhere you needed to be so couldn't wait for her. The ball's in her court then. If you've forgotten something you can then just set it out for her again.

I'd also save the texts or emails (have you been communicating by text?) the two of you've shared in which you tried to set up a mutually agreed upon time.

I have no way of knowing but from the behavior you're posting she exhibits it's possible she may claim someone stole her stuff and now you owe her for it. That most likely won't happen but I would protect myself were I you by documenting in case she tries to take you to small claims court or something. Again, probably isn't going to happen but better safe than sorry.
LivingWaterPlease is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th October 2017, 11:13 AM   #28
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 231
Quote:
Originally Posted by LivingWaterPlease View Post
I don't think it's childish at all if you have somewhere you need/want to be. Otherwise I'd wait and get it over with, with her.

However, if there's something you're planning on doing I'd weigh it against possible drama from her continuing. The more this unfolds the more it seems to me you're fortunate to be getting away from her because of her not cooperating in setting an agreed upon time with you and other aforementioned things. Once again, she seems inconsiderate and controlling.

If you do have something to do, can you leave the box where no one will see it, rather than risk someone taking it? That would be my concern but, then again, had she set a time to pick it up she could have avoided that.

Were I in your place, the way this is playing out, and I needed to be away the evening she comes to get her things, I believe I'd leave a note on the box telling her that you had somewhere you needed to be so couldn't wait for her. The ball's in her court then. If you've forgotten something you can then just set it out for her again.

I'd also save the texts or emails (have you been communicating by text?) the two of you've shared in which you tried to set up a mutually agreed upon time.

I have no way of knowing but from the behavior you're posting she exhibits it's possible she may claim someone stole her stuff and now you owe her for it. That most likely won't happen but I would protect myself were I you by documenting in case she tries to take you to small claims court or something. Again, probably isn't going to happen but better safe than sorry.
I need to be out bettering my self, I can’t be sat in moping around waiting for some selfish individual to let me know when they are getting their stuff. I offered to drop off at hers last night - declined, I offered to agree a time today - declined. I really can’t do much more and I refuse to wait around until she shouts jump.

She can be very coniving, no way I’d leave her stuff unattended. Even thought i am certain it wouldn’t go missing, I wouldn’t want to give her that ammo.

Thanks!
HumanMachine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th October 2017, 1:19 PM   #29
Established Member
 
knabe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 1,175
Quote:
Originally Posted by HumanMachine View Post
Is that really childish? I asked to agree a time earlier and she decided to ignore (read the message), so i’ve got to waste an evening waiting for her to contact me, if she even does?
No, definitely don't wait around. I would gather all her stuff, like others said. Then YOU decide a time (since she wouldn't). Then text and say, "Ill be here at home until X;00. You can come by and pick up your things before then, or I will be glad to put them outside my door before I leave."
__________________
“Here's what is truly at the heart of wholeheartedness: Worthy now, not if, not when, we're worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is.”
― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection
knabe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th October 2017, 3:23 PM   #30
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 231
Checking in for some reason

She didn’t collect her stuff tonight

I’m sat alone watching a movie, normally she’d be snuggled up next to me

It’s hard
HumanMachine is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
He ended his marriage..and ended it with me as well.. ShatteredHearts The Other Man / Woman 31 14th August 2015 12:36 PM
Ended it and getting hostile treatment... talk some sense into me! kumar123 Dating 7 24th November 2013 3:11 PM
He ended the relationship and I ended the "friendship" to NC Jordanjames Breaks and Breaking Up 4 2nd September 2009 6:43 AM
ended the fwb out of frustration and he still wants to talk...im weak so 9Lives Friends and Lovers 11 16th April 2009 12:31 AM
We talk,then we dont talk,we have sex and 2 days later its weird!Then back to talking IhavenoFREAKINclue Second Chances 7 21st December 2004 9:54 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:20 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.