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She ended it with me because I “always talk to her like s**t”


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 2nd October 2017, 7:43 PM   #1
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She ended it with me because I “always talk to her like s**t”

I did everything for this girl, took her to work, picked her up, cooked for her, took her on weekends away/vacations, out for dinner, the works..

I was never disloyal to this girl, never did anything behind her back, she was the only one for me and I always made that clear to her.

But apparently I always spoke badly to her, using a bad condescending/rude voice. Apparently I constantly turned my nose up and would moan about anything and everything. I’ve only ever had her describe me like that.

Now I’m not saying I’m an angel, I can be grouchy when I’m tired/hungry/stressed from work etc. but I’m just a human.. whenever she was on a short fuse I understood that simply something was bothering her, and if she snapped at me then just to take it and be there for her. She didn’t do the same for me, if I snapped at her then she’d take it personally.

This evening she ended it, we were on our way to the gym (9pm) when she asked to stop off at a store to pick up some food, sure no problem.. however she decided to check out the clothes and every other department in the store. I had already mentioned to her that I was tired and wanted a quick gym session so that i could get home to bed so (understandably?) I was pretty annoyed at her taking her time. I asked her to please hurry up, she then turned around and said “that’s it, I’m done” and proceeded to lay into me about how i’m always moaning and talking to her badly. I dropped her off at home and she said she’s collect her stuff from mine another day, then blocked me.

Am I in the wrong here? Should I have been more patient? It is now 2am and I feel sick, I miss her already..
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Old 2nd October 2017, 8:15 PM   #2
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I don't see what you did wrong here. It's she who is throwing temper tantrum. She sounds selfish... Take this time to reconsider if you should accept behaviours like this.

Plus you shouldn't be doing everything for her. Let her come get her sh*t and go into NC. When she comes over, don't show any emotions and try to talk her into staying. This break up might be a blessing later down the road..
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Old 2nd October 2017, 8:18 PM   #3
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Pretty quick to end something without any discussion what so ever.
And the immediate blocking was a little quick especially if she needs to collect her items.
From what I read I would venture to say she was waiting for an opportunity to "end" it with you so she used whatever came as the excuse.
I wouldnt reach out to her. I am guessing their is more to her "break up" with you then you know.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 8:32 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Been View Post
Pretty quick to end something without any discussion what so ever.
And the immediate blocking was a little quick especially if she needs to collect her items.
From what I read I would venture to say she was waiting for an opportunity to "end" it with you so she used whatever came as the excuse.
I wouldnt reach out to her. I am guessing their is more to her "break up" with you then you know.
She has mentioned previously that she doesn’t like how I talk to her. I feel like it’s unreasonable to expect someone to speak to you in a perfect manner 100% of the time, especially when you’re in a relationship. I simple told her that I will do the best I can, but due to my high stress job and me having to do all the driving (she doesn’t drive), my tone of voice may differ from times. To me this is hugely irrelevant in the grand scheme of things but to her it was the end of the world if I spoke in a negative tone.

But yes I agree - obviously something else on the table to cut out someone you supposedly ‘love’ like this.

Blocking thing was very weird, I messaged her apologising for the silly argument and explaining that i was simply tired. She responded “nothing you say will change my mind”, I replied “Ok whatever you want”, then blocked.

I offered to pick up her stuff from mine tonight and drop it round but she was having none of it.

Very confused.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 8:45 PM   #5
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As they say, 10% of conflict is due to difference of opinion while 90% is due to tone of voice...
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Old 2nd October 2017, 8:47 PM   #6
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Two thoughts.

If she's complained several times that you talk down to her, you probably do. It's impossible to really give advice based on just that last night at the store. You sound like you realize you DO speak poorly to her sometimes, but you're making excuses for it. I felt talked down to by my ex-H all the time so I get where she's coming from. And I've never felt that way with/from anyone else before or since. It's just the way he is. I'd really check yourself in this area. Maybe ask some female friends for their honest opinions about this, if they know the two of you as a couple well enough. You may not even realize you're coming off as condescending.

A second thought....the last relationship I was in, the man had told me in the very beginning that his ex wife always complained about the way he talked to her, and he complained she was so sensitive. He talked about how he'd truly only ever "yelled at her" one time in their whole marriage, but she used to get so offended even when he vented TO her about other things (work, his dad, etc.). She'd get all worked up and accuse him of yelling "at" her. In the beginning I sympathized with him about this, agreeing that she did sound uber sensitive. But then I listened. And I listened. And I listened. To the same venting and ranting and raving about things over and over and over and over (probably some of the same things she heard, but then add in all his resentment about HER and her cheating, leaving him, etc.). And he talked loud and forcefully. LIKE he was yelling at me lol. It became very stressful! He was so negative! I knew it had nothing to do WITH me and I never felt disrespected by him like I did with my ex-H, but I still could just no longer handle the negativity, woe-is-me, pessimistic view on life. We had very few upbeat/positive happy talks toward the end.

Just a couple of thoughts from reading your post.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 9:11 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HumanMachine View Post
I did everything for this girl, took her to work, picked her up, cooked for her, took her on weekends away/vacations, out for dinner, the works..

I was never disloyal to this girl, never did anything behind her back, she was the only one for me and I always made that clear to her.

But apparently I always spoke badly to her, using a bad condescending/rude voice. Apparently I constantly turned my nose up and would moan about anything and everything. I’ve only ever had her describe me like that.

Now I’m not saying I’m an angel, I can be grouchy when I’m tired/hungry/stressed from work etc. but I’m just a human.. whenever she was on a short fuse I understood that simply something was bothering her, and if she snapped at me then just to take it and be there for her. She didn’t do the same for me, if I snapped at her then she’d take it personally.

This evening she ended it, we were on our way to the gym (9pm) when she asked to stop off at a store to pick up some food, sure no problem.. however she decided to check out the clothes and every other department in the store. I had already mentioned to her that I was tired and wanted a quick gym session so that i could get home to bed so (understandably?) I was pretty annoyed at her taking her time. I asked her to please hurry up, she then turned around and said “that’s it, I’m done” and proceeded to lay into me about how i’m always moaning and talking to her badly. I dropped her off at home and she said she’s collect her stuff from mine another day, then blocked me.

Am I in the wrong here? Should I have been more patient? It is now 2am and I feel sick, I miss her already..
I don't know you, so it's impossible to say how you present in your relationship... But, I will say that from what you wrote, my first impression was that you were...

Entitled - "I did everything for her, drove her, cooked for her, etc..." Ie. she should be grateful me...

Defensive - "I'm no angel. I'm can grouchy sometimes. I'm human. It's impossible to be perfect 100% of the time."

Dismissive - "Apparently, I always spoke badly to her... Apparently, I've turned my nose up and moaned/complained about everything..." The word "apparently" in my dictionary means - this is what she thinks but I think she's wrong...

Passive-Aggressive- "I always took it from her when she was short tempered. But, she didn't do the same for me..." In other words, you are the victim...

Like I said, I don't know the dynamics of your relationship. I'm just saying this is how you present to me in your post... Maybe, just maybe, she has a point...

I hope it words out for you.

Last edited by BaileyB; 2nd October 2017 at 9:14 PM..
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Old 2nd October 2017, 9:35 PM   #8
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What Been is saying is...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Been View Post
Pretty quick to end something without any discussion what so ever.
And the immediate blocking was a little quick especially if she needs to collect her items.

From what I read I would venture to say she was waiting for an opportunity to "end" it with you so she used whatever came as the excuse.
I wouldnt reach out to her. I am guessing their is more to her "break up" with you then you know.
What Been is saying is... she has another guy, either lined up or she is already sleeping with him.

Doesn't really matter either way. A woman that acts this way is not worth the time. You need to blow her off. Ignore her and for god's sake don't act weak and beg her back.

It is ok to be sweet to your girl and take care of her but don't get into a situation where you can be a doormat or seem like she can take advantage of you or think that you will put up with BS.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 10:36 PM   #9
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I always try to base my advice on things that I have personally gone through or witnessed.
With your situation usually when someone values or wants to stay in a relationship if a problem persisted they want to discuss it to try to fix the problem. When they are looking for a way out they use the first "problem" that arises as an excuse to end the relationship quickly.
And nine times out of ten In their haste to find a suitable replacement they overlook a lot of things and it ends up blowing up in their face hence why exs all the sudden try to get you back.It isn't so much ad love as it is out of necessity- they are familiar with you and know what to expect.
So I always tell people who are getting back together with an ex ask yourself 2 questions:
Why the sudden change of heart in now they want you BACK and why did they truly end it in the first place?
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Old 3rd October 2017, 1:15 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BaileyB View Post
I don't know you, so it's impossible to say how you present in your relationship... But, I will say that from what you wrote, my first impression was that you were...

Entitled - "I did everything for her, drove her, cooked for her, etc..." Ie. she should be grateful me...

Defensive - "I'm no angel. I'm can grouchy sometimes. I'm human. It's impossible to be perfect 100% of the time."

Dismissive - "Apparently, I always spoke badly to her... Apparently, I've turned my nose up and moaned/complained about everything..." The word "apparently" in my dictionary means - this is what she thinks but I think she's wrong...

Passive-Aggressive- "I always took it from her when she was short tempered. But, she didn't do the same for me..." In other words, you are the victim...

Like I said, I don't know the dynamics of your relationship. I'm just saying this is how you present to me in your post... Maybe, just maybe, she has a point...

I hope it words out for you.
Thank you; this is exactly what I wanted to hear. I know there are flaws in my personality and they appear quite apparent from your post. How can I work on ironing these out? I want to be a better person, and for her to have that opinion of me when I feel like I’m in the right is upsetting.

Thanks!
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Old 3rd October 2017, 8:01 AM   #11
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Well I had confirmation today, saying she’s had a think and is sticking with her decision. Told me to block her and move on with my life. She then blocked me again.

I am speachless and feel nauseas.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 3:33 PM   #12
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I don't think she has a new guy and if she does he's probably an ego crutch. I think she can't love you, or anyone else for that matter, because she doesn't love herself. Now she has to work on herself and needs to be left alone.

I went through a similar break up a few months ago. Your best course of action is to look forward. There's no coming back from this. The only thing you know is that your ex has zero interest in working with you on the problem. So you might as well get used to the new situation.

All this being said, it never hurts to better oneself at a time like this. If you feel that you are too short tempered then try to become more patient. Is your life too stressful? Are you unhappy with something? These are questions that made me realize how I could become less of a hot head.

Good luck
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Old 3rd October 2017, 7:35 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by HumanMachine View Post
Well I had confirmation today, saying she’s had a think and is sticking with her decision. Told me to block her and move on with my life. She then blocked me again.

I am speachless and feel nauseas.
I'm sorry.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 7:38 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by HumanMachine View Post
Thank you; this is exactly what I wanted to hear. I know there are flaws in my personality and they appear quite apparent from your post. How can I work on ironing these out? I want to be a better person, and for her to have that opinion of me when I feel like I’m in the right is upsetting.

Thanks!
Well, wanting to change is more than a heck of a lot of people ever achieve, so that's in your favor. Therapy would probably be beneficial to you.
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Old 4th October 2017, 12:37 AM   #15
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Well I had confirmation today, saying she’s had a think and is sticking with her decision. Told me to block her and move on with my life. She then blocked me again.

I am speachless and feel nauseas.
Unfortunately, sometimes there really is no way back.

It doesn't mean you were totally at fault; there could be other things going on with her that she hasn't shared, which contributed to her decision.

In any event, you have your answer now. I am sorry it didn't work out in the end.
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