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Dealing with breakup by looking at porn


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Old 2nd October 2017, 1:22 PM   #1
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Dealing with breakup by looking at porn

I was in a relationship for a few years. During this time I completely quit porn. I felt great about it.

Now that we've broken up, I'm having a really hard time with depression and I'm masturbating constantly as a form of numbing the pain. It's basically the only time I'm not feeling pain. So it's hard to stop. It's controlling my days. I feel like I'm totally hooked on porn now. I don't drink or do drugs but I feel totally addicted to masturbation.

Tips?
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Old 2nd October 2017, 1:26 PM   #2
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Hi,

I was doing the same thing when I split from my partner - it does become an addiction and yes, relieves the pain. I think it depends on whether this is something you're comfortable doing, or not? For me, I had to stop as it was just reminding me that I no longer had a sexual partner - stopping was a question of just quitting, and within a few days I didn't really feel the need.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 1:29 PM   #3
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I want to stop. And while I'm doing it I'm just wishing I was with my partner still None of the girls I'm watching in videos even compares to her

I'm so depressed. I miss her so much.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 1:33 PM   #4
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I'm sorry you're going through this.

If you want to stop, you could first start by just deleting your browser history on your phone/tablet/computer and maybe looking at the triggers - like, do you do it when you're thinking certain things, feeling certain emotions? I know it's but when you feel like you might need to do it, just get up and physically do something else with your hands - even leave the house for ten minutes until the urge goes, message a friend, play Xbox basi tally anything that can distract you for ten-fifteen minutes.

I really get how you feel though. It's almost like doing it is some kind of connection to the ex and you feel upset straight after.

Is there contact between you both?
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Old 2nd October 2017, 1:39 PM   #5
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There is very little contact. She's requested NC. I don't know what she's doing anymore or who she's seeing. But I hear she's dating again. Hearing this is actually what broke me and when I started looking at porn again after years of never looking at it.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 4:17 PM   #6
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In a way it could be a good thing, if it can get you to see how many different types of women are out there etc

I know it may be a controversial opinion, but it could start to show you the benefits of being single.

Also loss of sex drive can be a real sign of depression, so it's kind of good you havent lost that ?
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Old 2nd October 2017, 4:53 PM   #7
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You're letting yourself do this. It's all within your power to STOP porn and START accepting the relationship is over and work on moving ahead in your life. This is NOT a great association you need. This could affect you in the future with a real woman because you're rewiring yourself to associate pain with misery .
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Old 2nd October 2017, 5:18 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lost4everever View Post
There is very little contact. She's requested NC. I don't know what she's doing anymore or who she's seeing. But I hear she's dating again. Hearing this is actually what broke me and when I started looking at porn again after years of never looking at it.
Yes, this occurred for me when I found out my ex was seeing someone else.

I've Googled it before and it appears to be the body's way of coping with emotional pain - release of dopamine, etc.
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