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Ex gf cant be in the same room as me


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 2nd October 2017, 8:04 AM   #1
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Ex gf cant be in the same room as me

It is coming up to about 3 months since my ex and I called off our long term relationship. we were together for about 6 years, lived together for 5.
The break up was amicable, it was fine for about 2/3 weeks, but got strange after I left the house for good.

After I moved out, we both stopped contact, bar a few household points (such as finalising bills - all done via text/call).

We share two large friendship groups, one in our current city, another in one we lived in previously.

I have been hearing that she will not turn up to any place I will be, not sure why. I get it that it might be a bit weird, but this seems extreme considering that we left it on good terms. I am not in any rush to see her, I respect our space, but it is becoming a bit of a problem. I have heard that I have been cut out of certain events, and she apparently has to be told not to come if i'm even just having a drink with the group. Being left out of things has upset me a little.

I have two questions (girl advice would be greatly appreciated here!);

- Why is it such an issue for her?
- Is there anything I should be doing to rectify the situation?
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Old 2nd October 2017, 8:11 AM   #2
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The reason she doesn't want to be around you is to heal. Seeing you is a set back for her. She wants strict NO CONTACT and has asked her friends to help.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 8:15 AM   #3
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You're projecting your feelings and thoughts about the situation on her and feeling entitled as to how she should behave.

There may be reasons why she is choosing to keep distance between the two of you. There could be unresolved emotions that may have now surfaced and she is now dealing with it and finds it difficult to be around you. She probably needs to sever all ties to help her truly move on. She may feel that seeing you brings up emotions that she does not want to feel or deal with. There could be various reasons.

Yes, you both ended amicably. She still may need time apart to fully detangle herself from you.

You both had a break-up. It is natural for two people to go separate ways. Allow her that and you need to accept it as well.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 8:19 AM   #4
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Why did you break up and who broke up with who?
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Old 2nd October 2017, 8:23 AM   #5
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We broke up because it hadn't been working for a while (maybe a year), life had become dull, neither of us could fix our issues, I guess it just petered out and neither of us were happy. It was far from an explosive end.

She initiated the conversation, I agreed, we both knew it was coming.

I guess she was a bit stronger in that department and was able to actually just say it was over! (which I very much respect).
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Old 2nd October 2017, 3:30 PM   #6
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well...

Could be any reason:

Too painful to see reminders; people need to move on and they can't do that if they keep seeing their ex.

No friendship; feelings might be too raw; creates awkwardness. When people hang out with friends they want to have a good time, not get into an awkward discussion with their ex. If you're not friends with your ex, it will be awkward.

They might be seeing someone and don't want drama.

Of the above, the reminders-awkardness-raw-feelings dynamic is probably most likely. You lived together 5 years and it's been just a few months. People need time to get over things.

As for rectification, simply schedule something w/ friends that doesn't include your ex. If they are truly friends, they will want to spend time with both of you even if that may be separately. So make some plans with them apart from your ex.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 3:55 PM   #7
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She doesn't want to see you or run into you. What you should do is leave her alone. There's always friend casualties in breakups. You're lucky they're managing them instead of just leaving you behind.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 6:51 PM   #8
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Because your a reminder of something in the past that didn't workout and she's trying to focus on the present.
Or thier is more to the break up then you know. If it was as dead as you say did one of you stray?
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Old 3rd October 2017, 4:30 AM   #9
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Her not wanting to see you is totally normal and a healthy way to recover.
Accept it and work with your friend groups so you can both see them going forward.
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Old 4th October 2017, 8:25 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OHincty84 View Post
It is coming up to about 3 months since my ex and I called off our long term relationship. we were together for about 6 years, lived together for 5.
The break up was amicable, it was fine for about 2/3 weeks, but got strange after I left the house for good.

After I moved out, we both stopped contact, bar a few household points (such as finalising bills - all done via text/call).

We share two large friendship groups, one in our current city, another in one we lived in previously.

I have been hearing that she will not turn up to any place I will be, not sure why. I get it that it might be a bit weird, but this seems extreme considering that we left it on good terms. I am not in any rush to see her, I respect our space, but it is becoming a bit of a problem. I have heard that I have been cut out of certain events, and she apparently has to be told not to come if i'm even just having a drink with the group. Being left out of things has upset me a little.

I have two questions (girl advice would be greatly appreciated here!);

- Why is it such an issue for her?
- Is there anything I should be doing to rectify the situation?
My ex was the same way and I could never figure it out. When you find out, let me know.
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Old 5th October 2017, 1:57 AM   #11
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It doesn't make sense that's for sure. I've only had one ex where I couldn't stand to be around at all but that was because she had wronged me beyond belief. Yours I have no idea. I might be inclined to just straight up ask her why she has a problem with you.
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Old 5th October 2017, 9:14 PM   #12
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I am very sorry! Sometimes you cannot predict how things will feel after you break up and you can get a surprise when different unexpected feelings are present. I really donít know what is happening inside your ex-girlfriend but I am very sorry about what is happening! Itís possible that things have turned out painful for her. Or, maybe, just too uncomfortable. Perhaps it has become hard to get used to the two of you not being a couple anymore. Would it be possible to ask for advice from someone who knows the two of you? Itís wonderful that you were together for a long time! It was a blessing to have had someone who cared about you for many years! I hope that you get healing from how things have turned out. Perhaps creating other friendship groups could make things easier and less painful for you. Do you think you can make new good friends? Itís a good thing to make new friends all our lives! You could try volunteering too. I hope God blesses us all! Life hurts. All of us need good friends. I hope God provides all of us good friends and love. I wish you many blessings!
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