Mindset of the rebounder?

[galamoosh]

Is there anybody here who has been the rebounder? Do you have any insight into your mindset during that relationship? Here's some general questions to think on:

 

1. Were you the dumper or the dumpee?

 

2. Did you rebound on purpose or did you fall into it thinking it was real?

 

3. How long did it last?

 

4. Why do you think it fell apart?

 

5. Did the relationship decay slowly or quickly?

 

6. Did you still think of your ex during the relationship? (miss them, love them, hate them etc.)

 

7. Was there any guilt?

 

8. What was the aftermath like? Did you want to go back to your ex?

[Msbeforem]

I figured that i am the rebound guy after a year of our relationship.

[CeciliaCylara]

1. Dumpee

2. I fell into it thinking it was real

3. 4 months

4. The guy I rebounded with was actually an arse and I still had feelings for my ex. If I had to pick, my ex was way better.

5. Quickly, he ended it. Then tried to get back with me and I said **** no.

6. Yes, love/hate actually. The rebound helped me see just how flawed my previous relationship was as I saw the repeated patterns in the rebound.

7. Yes, I apologized to him for using him as a rebound, even if subconsciously. He's still an arse in ever other aspect though.

8. I realized how much I missed my ex afterward yes and did reach out to my ex to try to reconcile. However, my ex still displayed his avoidant attachment personality and could not commit to a relationship with me again so I cut contact.

 

I have now since sworn off having a relationship until I can get myself together first so I can stop picking boys who waste my time and effort.

[ExpatInItaly]

Years ago, I rebounded after a long-term relationship fell apart.

 

1) We both acknowledged it wasn't working anymore; however, given that I was willing to try to resolve it and he wasn't, I suppose you could say I was the dumpee.

 

2) I can't say that I rebounded on purpose; I met someone a couple months after the split and he seemed nice enough so we started seeing each other.

 

3) It only last around 3 months.

 

4) It fell apart because while he initally seemed interesting, he was not at all compatible with me and I was about to make some major life changes that would make a relationship impossible to continue.

 

5) It fell apart quickly.

 

6) I thought of my ex, as we had been together almost 8 years. I was no longer in love with him, and I didn't hate him either. It was more like, "wow, this new situation is very different from what I am used to"

 

7) I did not feel overly guilty, primarily because it also became clear that the "new" guy was a tool and I was better off without him, too.

 

8) No, I did not want to go back to my ex. We broke up for some very important reasons. I simply wanted to move on with my life.

[Beachead]

1. Dumpee

 

2. I fell into it thinking it was real. She made it feel real. Talked to me a lot. Wanted to meet up. Eventually did sweet things for me without me even asking or expecting such as buying me gifts. Told me she Loved me. Lots of cuddling. Lots of sweet words.

 

3. 4 months

 

4. She still loved her ex.

 

5. It decayed quickly. She left and came back quite a few times on her own decision. Each time she did, she was less like who she used to be (She used to laugh and make jokes and be light spirited.) when I first met her (Became moodier, quieter, angrier). She eventually told me didn't feel happy or as excited as she used to be even though a week before that, she told me she loved me. After a bad fight that very week, I realized her feelings had decayed to the point where she was capable of leaving me upset without really caring. So I ended it. She said she wanted to give it one more try after that but I said no.

 

6. Yes. I thought about them all the time. I never hated them during the relationship. I understood why she went back to him. It just hurts that she could cut me out like nothing.

 

7. The only guilt I had was over losing my cool and yelling at her the last time we spoke in person.

 

8. It has been hard. Yes. I miss them and want them back but she needed to give it a second chance with her ex and go through those motions before ever considering anything with me ever again. I never stopped caring about them.

Edited October 16, 2017 by Beachead