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My ex is contacting my mother


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 3rd October 2017, 1:36 PM   #61
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Quote:
It kinda upsets me because I am not fully moved on
One thing that would help immensely in this endeavor is for you to block his number already. Why isn't he on block if all you say is true about you moving on?
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Old 3rd October 2017, 1:46 PM   #62
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He should not be contacting you, and especially not your mother. I would advise both of you to continue blocking numbers he tries to contact you from.

As the others have said, alcoholism is ugly and you deserve better. I have been with someone who suffered from addiction before, and honestly there is nothing you can do or say to help them. I had to go NC completely, yes it sucked and it hurt at first, but it was what I had to do.

You can't hang onto this idea of loving him when he's sober, because the reality is he is an alcoholic. Time to cut your losses.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 1:49 PM   #63
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Darling girl, you really should attend an al-anon meeting or see a counselor and learn more about addictions and codependency.

It wasn't a rational choice. It has nothing to do with you, it has everything to do with his addiction.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 2:08 PM   #64
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I understand your pain and you do not need it.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 2:09 PM   #65
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Hon, first of all, let me just commend you on standing your ground. Too bad he lives with an acquaintance but bravo for mom for blocking him and you should too.

Second, he's not MOVING anywhere. He's swimming in alcohol. He tried playing games to make you jealous and got no response, so now he's drinking himself blind and wallowing in self-pity. Please stop worrying about him. He may hit rock bottom someday and decide he wants to be sober (and if it's because of you, pat yourself on the back) or he more likely will not. But you sticking to your guns and not enabling him is the BEST thing anyone can do for him. If he manages to get through to you, remind him you want zero contact until he's been to rehab and been sober for at least six months. Really, a year. It takes months for a person to stabilize and take the edge off after drying out. They usually have a lot of maturing to do and they're usually all over the place emotionally during the first year and that's why AA doesn't want them to pursue a relationship. So you may as well let him know you're writing him off until he's been sober for a year and can prove it.

He's probably wallowing. You have no control over what he does now. You should move on with your life. If he ever does get sober you may find out you're a trigger of some sort (maybe through association) who he really shouldn't be around. A lot of people have to change out their whole social group to stay sober. Don't let him lean on you by letting him contact you. Tell him once he's been sober a year, you can talk.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 2:50 PM   #66
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I am staying away. I lost all hope in him. It was more like a separation for me and I felt that everything backfired. He relapsed and I stayed away and didn't contact him. He kept begging and begging. Telling me I am the only one, he doesn't want to lose me, etc. I wrote him two letters clearly stating I will only be in his life if he wants to be sober and go through rehab. I told him there are no, ands, ifs, or buts, it's just rehab and counseling. Otherwise I am out of his life if he continues to drink. I clearly stated that I wouldn't accept his calls, but he tricked me and texted me saying "It's important please answer the phone call."I answered because I thought he was calling me to tell me he is going to rehab. He just asked how I was and that he loves me.

I got angry and hung up. I found out he added that bartender he has an interest in on facebook, so I got pissed off and said I am not even holding onto him and I am moving on for good, dating other guys, etc. Meanwhile, I am not I was just angry. My mom did block him, but he called from a different number and texted her from a different number. Same with me. I am so heartbroken. I know he can't function without me. So, I thought if I stay away he'll realize he has a problem, and hit rock bottom, but he's holding his ground. He's rubbing a girl in my face, and he quit contacting me which is VERY unusual. So, it does upset me but his room mate said he has nobody and has been drinking all day moping around. He's been in the house on the weekends, and ony one night he did go to a bar, but he came back.

I just said those things. I really am not dating guys. I just felt played. I am too scarred and traumatized to move on so quickly. He says I am his soulmate and no other woman will ever compare to me. Instead of changing and never wanting to lose me, it's like he is just sending me a farewell text or call by saying to my mother (before she blocked him) "Olivia will always have a permanent place in my heart that nobody can ever replace. I ruined this relationship. I am sorry." He goes form that to being vicious and mean with me. He goes from being loving, to being hateful by saying "I am ****ing other women, **** you, you suck in bed, you're horrible, move on, I am done with you and your toxicity." "You are toxic, you need to move on. I did." He keeps making it a point to my mother when she calls her friend and to me that he has moved on but then texted me saying he knows he'll never have me, so he drinks to numb the pain. He is back and forth and I really was hoping he would go to rehab, but I did unblock just to see if he would contact me and he hasn't.
Kinda upsets me. I know it shouldn't. Thank you everyone. I appreciate you a lot. Xoxoxo <3 Thank you for the support. It means a lot to me. I feel so alone. </3
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Old 3rd October 2017, 3:08 PM   #67
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What is sad is that he is 29 and full of potential. He is a very talented drummer that he threw away for alcohol. His friends told me they distanced themselves from him due to his alcohol abuse. He is very abusive, mean, insulting, and belligerent when drunk. He is the COMPLETE OPPOSITE when sober. He is loving, kind, sweet, understanding, and rational. He is a good guy sober, but the alcohol turns him into an embarrassing monster who destroys people. If he was abusive sober I would give up on him entirely, but what is sad is that I am still holding on even him being with women because i love him that much when he is sober.

My mom's friend is not really a friend, he refuses to kick him out because he said he has nowhere to go. My mother tried to convince her friend that he is enabling him and needs to let go of him because he gets involved in their private conversations. She can't even talk to her friend on the phone, so now he ruined the friendship between my mom and the guy he's staying with. They have been friends for 7 years. But because of my mom's friend's actions and my ex's actions she cut her friend out. It's really sad how he is destroying everything around him. my mother treated my ex like he was her son, and he insulted her too for the first time ever. he was always a drunk but he never insulted my mother, or I would have killed him, but he said he hates her and her voice makes him want to kill himself and he only put up with her. When if it wasn't for my mother he'd be homeless. My parents let him live at our house for the longest time before my parents had enough of his alcohol abuse. He got sober, and he was perfect but my dad didn't want him at the house, so out of the kindness of my mother's heart she found him a room mate to stay with and thought it would be a healthy environment for him because her friend John doesn't drink or do drugs, he just stays to himself. He's a stand up guy that way, but he kinda proved he has no loyalty to my mother by keeping my ex in his house.

It's sad how my plan that he would break and go to rehab completely failed. His room mate claims he doesn't have anybody else, but who knows. It's just sad. I am super sick with a cold, my birthday is in two days. We had a special trip planned because my birthday is on a thursday. So, he was going to take off friday and take me on a trip to halloween attractions because that's what I like to do. And surprise me with a dinner and a movie out of state where these attractions are. He was really excited about but then he relapsed and crush my world. I am so heartbroken and now I am going to have a miserable and awful birthday because of my sickness and him. Breaks my heart.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 4:27 PM   #68
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Quote:
I am staying away.
I wrote him
I told him
I clearly stated that I wouldn't accept his calls
I found out
I got pissed off and (I)said
I just said those things.
(he) then texted me
I did unblock
I am still holding on
I guess this all answers my question.

You really should go find an al-anon meeting. You need to break your codependency of him.

He's a drunk who doesn't want to change what he is doing. That is "what is". "What you wished would be" ain't even on the horizon anymore.

He loves alcohol more than he loves you. He has to hit rock bottom on his own without your help before he will see the wisdom in changing.
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