Poutrew Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 (edited) My friend finally grew a pair... Last weekend my friend took his wife out to a fancy restaurant for dinner. He had planned a nice, quiet, romantic evening for the two of them. Only, his wife was always using her phone during the dinner, constantly checking it and tapping out text messages... he asked her what was so interesting that she couldn't even enjoy an evening out with her husband without pecking at the keyboard more than she was pecking at her expensive dinner. She made some dismissive excuse. She wouldn't go into it, or let him see the messages. He dropped it. That was Saturday. Monday he comes to me with a readout of her cell bill, which lists all calls, duration, and times... there was a single number that stood out more than any other, showing literally hundreds of calls over the month, sometimes in the middle of the night. Again, He said nothing. Tuesday he took a day off work and went to see a lawyer. He told her nothing. Wednesday was a normal day, with her tapping constantly. He said... nothing. Friday, he had her served with divorce papers and stayed over my home. He will stay away for another week, before returning to the home he shares with his STBXW. Meanwhile, she has gone ballistic. He hasn't spoken to her at all. He tells me he wont speak to her until the urge to Fracking kill her has passed. Last week my pal finally grew a set, and I am proud of him! To all cheating women out there I say to never underestimate your beta husband. They can change on a dime... old dogs indeed can learn new tricks. Edited September 16, 2017 by Poutrew 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Frostedflake Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 I think your title and the actual point of your story weren't completely parallel. I do believe that people are attached to their cell phones these days simply because everything is so accessible. Because we expect immediate gratification, to be updated on all things, and be entertained. It does not always mean there is cheating. In your friends case, suppose so. But I would say communication was lost a long time ago. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 no marriage counselling......no discussion..no confrontation.....no chance of reconcilliation..... doesnt feel like he cared that much about the marriage in the first place......one romantic dinner date does not a marriage make.....marriage takes discussion and hard work.....even when you begin to loathe them for their actions....you need to discuss and try and instigate change.....i feel before divorce..if she was looking outside for affection there has to be a certain amount of responsibility on his behalf to check out his own actions within marriage ......deb..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poutrew Posted September 17, 2017 Author Share Posted September 17, 2017 no marriage counselling......no discussion..no confrontation.....no chance of reconcilliation..... doesnt feel like he cared that much about the marriage in the first place......one romantic dinner date does not a marriage make.....marriage takes discussion and hard work.....even when you begin to loathe them for their actions....you need to discuss and try and instigate change.....i feel before divorce..if she was looking outside for affection there has to be a certain amount of responsibility on his behalf to check out his own actions within marriage ......deb..... That's my friend. There are no shades of gray in his world view. His wife, on the other hand, thrives in the gray zone. And, there were other signs over the last few months. He really did try to ignite the passion but his wife was comfortable existing in the gray zone of their marriage as well and didn't want to change - the texting at the restaurant was only the last straw that broke the camel's back... so, he really did try to save things. But wifey was getting reamed behind his back by a 25 year old stud... so she had no motivation to alter things. Now her world is literally gonna rock all the way to the gutter. Her new boyfriend brags about what he can do with his 11 incher, but in reality he is a dirt poor college dropout. My pal, on the other hand, is a multimillionaire who though he is generous to his friends and family - he flew over 50 people from the states to Italy for the marriage ceremony, all expenses paid - his money is locked up tighter than a Nun's sphincter and there's not a lot the wife can do about it, so she's going to suffer a step down in living... poor thing 4 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 That's my friend. There are no shades of gray in his world view. His wife, on the other hand, thrives in the gray zone. And, there were other signs over the last few months. He really did try to ignite the passion but his wife was comfortable existing in the gray zone of their marriage as well and didn't want to change - the texting at the restaurant was only the last straw that broke the camel's back... so, he really did try to save things. But wifey was getting reamed behind his back by a 25 year old stud... so she had no motivation to alter things. Now her world is literally gonna rock all the way to the gutter. Her new boyfriend brags about what he can do with his 11 incher, but in reality he is a dirt poor college dropout. My pal, on the other hand, is a multimillionaire who though he is generous to his friends and family - he flew over 50 people from the states to Italy for the marriage ceremony, all expenses paid - his money is locked up tighter than a Nun's sphincter and there's not a lot the wife can do about it, so she's going to suffer a step down in living... poor thing my ex fiancee after fifteen years left me for an older woman......not much older.....but more well off.....their relationship lasted ten years......at the time of the break up i gave an ultimatum me or her......and had he chosen to stay i would have insisted that we get family and relationship counselling.....it wouldnt have been about grey or black and white areas but about healing and progression past mistakes and obvious relationship issues....to build back the bonds that were broken ...... i agree that its hard to overcome infidelity......and that you know about her new bf current penis stature well....theres a definite boundary issue for all involved......a certain amount of disrespect..(not on your friends part)...maybe its the respect or lack thereof that sealed the demise of the relationship..... i just get sad when i hear of marriages failing.....im a bit of an old school die hard in a relationship...and im a romantic.. go to the very end type of girl.try everything possible to fix a relationship thats struggling......no matter the color of the area.black...white...grey...or polka dotted..i believe marriage is a sacred union......worth saving......most of the time....wish your friend well as i do wish him well......its a shame.....but...consequences exist in all areas of thinking.....the ex wife will find that out the hard way...deb Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 I think he handled it great. No chance for her to "explain" why she is cheating. I mean he acted rather then waited for the hammer to drop on him. Cheating should be the ultimate deal breaker. No second chances. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 I don't understand what your title has to do with your opening post. Lots of cheaters barely even use their cell phone to communicate, and lots of people attached to their cell phones aren't cheating. Two separate issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poutrew Posted September 17, 2017 Author Share Posted September 17, 2017 I don't understand what your title has to do with your opening post. Lots of cheaters barely even use their cell phone to communicate, and lots of people attached to their cell phones aren't cheating. Two separate issues. Yeah, I probably could have been clearer on the title, but no way I can edit it. It just seems to me that in todays culture, people have their phones glued to their hand and eye no matter what they are doing. To me it seems plain disrespectful. I have an old style flip phone and I turned off texting with the carrier. If you are my date, I will give you all my attention and I want the same in return. I compare modern day texting to any other addiction - and I don't date addicts. I guess I am just wondering what others feel about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 Yeah, I probably could have been clearer on the title, but no way I can edit it. It just seems to me that in todays culture, people have their phones glued to their hand and eye no matter what they are doing. To me it seems plain disrespectful. I have an old style flip phone and I turned off texting with the carrier. If you are my date, I will give you all my attention and I want the same in return. I compare modern day texting to any other addiction - and I don't date addicts. I guess I am just wondering what others feel about it. For a lot of us in long-term live-in relationships, sometimes we do do other things when we're physically in the same space. It would be impossible to be 100% focused on your partner all the time. It's normal for a couple to sometimes be in the living room together but one of them is reading while the other is on their computer, etc. As long as they still spend a good amount of time ACTUALLY paying attention to one another, I think it's actually healthy to be able to enjoy the other person's physical presence without necessarily focusing 100% on interacting with them sometimes. I do think some people are addicted to their phones/social media, which is an issue, but it's not something that you can assume just because a couple is out together but on their phones (which is an assumption that I know some people make). If we're actually on a DATE date (which we still do fairly often), then yes we put our phones aside and give each other 100% of our attention. But if we're just waiting in line at the grocery or grabbing a bite to eat or whatever, yes, sometimes we use our phones. It's just an extension of what we sometimes do at home. Not an issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 Yeah, I probably could have been clearer on the title, but no way I can edit it. It appears the main topic of your OP is your friend's wife's infidelity, so moderation changed the title to the first line of the OP. Habitual cell phone usage in a relationship would be a valid topic on its own, perhaps in the General Relationship Discussion forum. ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
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