mustangsally Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 I really think my ex has some mental issues. Here is our story in short: He broke up with me for no good reason, was crying about it, blah blah blah. Two days later we decide to work on things and get back together. Then he calls me crying saying he can't do this. For a month, I get calls from him still, he tells my friends I'm gorgeous, that he misses me and is doing badly. During that month, he gets a new girlfriend and claims to have moved on. During that month he is also in therapy, grades slipping and EXTREMELY depressed and not himself. He also gained about 30lbs. We were best friends before the relationship and best friends during it. He said he wanted to remain my friend because he loved my personality, I was funny and I was gorgeous (??? so why did we break up? lol). Since we've broken up, we seemed to do nothing but fight about that because I didn't want to be his friend and he wanted to be friends. I was kind of a bitch to him and said some really nasty stuff and then apologized later and basically ignored him for two months. During those two months he had made several bizarre attempts to contact me, such as coming to my house to give me random items I had left at his house, trying to talk to my friends online, practically sending me messages through his away messages, etc. I ignored him. Now I find out he is actually coming to my college in August. My college is a small 3,000 person campus. We will be doing the same major and are involved in the same outside hobbies....so there is no doubt in my mind we will run into each other quite often and be forced to interact. I had told him i probably never wanted to his friend, but when I heard this I decided it was time to reconsider. I really don't want to spend 2 years trying to avoid someone. Apparently he didn't want me to know he was going there because he thought i disliked him. I don't know what the plan was, but he said he wasn't worried about us being in the same vicinity together or the fact that I wouldn't know until August. When I found out I IMed him and asked him if we could talk. He was very short with me and gave me one word answers and so finally I gave up. I think he was probably shocked I had tried to contact him after all of his failed attempts. His "girlfriend" or whoever she is, was online at the time, so she may have gotten really paranoid and told him to ignore me, I don't know. I also know there were people in his family not too fond of me so he might have been around them when the message was sent. So I sent him an e-mail...short, to the point, basically pointing out that yes, we were both immature, we were both idiots, we've "moved on" (which I think is a lie on both parts) and its a win-win situation if we are on friendly terms. Avoidance is impossible. I sent it about 24 hours ago. He's been online for several hours and has not responded. I know our e-mail accounts have been jacked up at times and its take a while for e-mails to go from this account to that account. But if he doesn't respond I think I'm going to go nuts. I am not asking to get back together, I'm not being emotionally distraught, I am not being mean or accusatory, I'm just doing what he wanted 3 months ago! If we aren't on good terms by the fall, its going to be a VERY difficult transition for both of us. And a VERY awkward 2 years. What do you guys suggest? I was thinking of waiting a couple weeks and calling him if I get no response in case the system ate my e-mail because its done that a couple of times sending things to his account. And PS he didn't know I knew he was going to my school when I IMed him. Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by mustangsally I'm just doing what he wanted 3 months ago! Alot of things can change in 3 months. Perhaps after your rejections, he did move on. Perhaps what he wanted 3 months ago is the last thing he wants now. Are you sure you want to be friends, or are you upset he isn't chasing you anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mustangsally Posted May 25, 2005 Author Share Posted May 25, 2005 well, he's the one who dumped me and he hasn't really been that actively chasing me. He's the one who acted like he wanted to get back together so badly and then when I'd suggest it act like I was crazy and would tell me he's moved on. (he told me he'd moved on 3 months ago...but all of these crazy attempts at contact have happened in the last month). And yeah I do want to be his friend...or at least FRIENDLY with him. I mean I don't have to help him move into his dorm room or whatever, but we can have polite conversations in class, say hello in the dining hall, etc. I would really like to be his friend again...he was a good friend, just a totally crazy boyfriend in the end. I've been going to this school for a year already (I'm older than he is). If we're not at least on some level of understanding, its going to be a seriously tough two years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mustangsally Posted May 26, 2005 Author Share Posted May 26, 2005 any other thoughts? He seems to be avoiding me now, which is really making me angry.... I mean I feel like it was warranted that I avoid him before since I said I didn't know if I ever wanted to be just friends. And now that I'm like "Okay, we were both retarded, let's just be mature because we're going to have to see each other everyday." he's like "ugh, whatever!" Link to post Share on other sites
outdated Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Are you worried about seeing him, or do you secretly want him back? Seriously... Link to post Share on other sites
Author mustangsally Posted May 26, 2005 Author Share Posted May 26, 2005 seeing him! I really don't want to be avoiding him. I haven't seen him since January and I think its pretty much common sense that we need to talk before August if we're going to be forced to interact. Link to post Share on other sites
MarkRaiders733 Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 I had a similar issue with my crazy ex GF. She wanted to break up for no good reason too (well i guess long distance was sort of a reason) but still she acted really wierd. I first accepted the break up acting really hurt (because i was) but i didnt get angry. We had several phone exchanges and then I just said i couldnt talk to her nemore because I was too hurt. Anyway, she ims me several times later saying shes talked to my friends and said they say bad stuff about me, but I knew she didnt know their screen names. The end result is that she does get me really mad and we didnt talk for 5 months. I guess she was trying to make the breakup easier for her by making us BOTH wanting to be away from each other. Anyway, i sent her a letter later and weve been talking since. Ive been on a few dates since but im still really into her, she has a new bf now, but wont stop calling me. Still, it is SO painful to hear her talk about dating someone else, even though its not as intense as she and I were...still, I know how u feel and the best thing I can say is that if it really is love, it will find its way back to you. So just do what im doing now with my ex: break off all contact and seem like YOURE the one ignoring them. If they still love you, eventually it will get so hard for them to hide it when they think u are not interested and theyll snap and come back to you. Link to post Share on other sites
outdated Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Originally posted by mustangsally seeing him! I really don't want to be avoiding him. I haven't seen him since January and I think its pretty much common sense that we need to talk before August if we're going to be forced to interact. Okay, let me ask it another way. Do you still love him? Why do you need to talk, and why will you be forced to interact? All you have to do, unless he's glued to you, is say hello and move on. You may be in the same classes, you may be in the same hall, but you are by no means entitled to interact with him. Remember high school? I'm sure you had an ex in high school. Did you see him everyday? Did you talk to him everyday? This is no different. Unless you have some real feelings still involved, there's no reason to sweat it. And you don't have to avoid him to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mustangsally Posted May 26, 2005 Author Share Posted May 26, 2005 well...we will be forced to interact because we're doing similar activities. He wanted to be friends...let's be friends! grrr. and do i still love him? i don't know how i feel about him at all. I've told him i don't....but i don't really know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mustangsally Posted May 26, 2005 Author Share Posted May 26, 2005 PS- I have been ignoring him for two months. This recent contact is not about me trying to get him back. We've said some pretty nasty stuff and it will take some sort of contact in order to even get us to be civil. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mustangsally Posted May 26, 2005 Author Share Posted May 26, 2005 UGH, not only do i get no response, but he plasters his "girlfriend's" name in his profile knowing full well I can see it. Dude...COME ON. Link to post Share on other sites
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