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How do I get my ex back?


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I have been in a long distance relationship for 3 years. I loved this woman every single day. I always made trips to her house. I live in cali, she in Arizona. I was a good man to her. Never called her names or cheated on her. I have always been here for her when she needed. Always helped her financially. I did everything a gentleman would do. She left me, because I had a " lack of initiative". I'm a full time college student. I have worked little here and there, but was never broke with this girl. When she needed help, I was there. I always paid for dates and took her out as a man should do. I always bought her what she wants for her birthday/Christmas. I've also surprised her on our anniversaries. With all that, I still apparently wasn't enough. We had a plan to move out by the end of th year which was coming up. Plan was to move out and get an apartment together. The reason we haven't moved out earlier in the past was because of school. Now that I'm about to finish, I was ready to go. She told me she was tired of long distance. I understand, but I was on the path of going to her and living a life together. She wa wanted security, and wanted me to get a job. Doesn't make sense, because I had always have money, and I'm not talking little money, obviously I, driving 6 hour trips to her house all the time and treating her out. Money has never been an issue. Anyways last couple of months she told me that it bothered her that I didn't have a job at the moment. I say okay, I'll get one. I do, and she tells me that it's too late.She was willing to throw away a wonderful 3 year relationship for something so small and that I fixed. It broke my heart into pieces.Also she sees a therapist once a month. We were all good until she talked to her therapist that day which was on Monday. The therapist is a woman by the way.

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She is changing away from you. People do change away from friends and leave them behind sometimes. I don't know her reasons exactly for why she wanted you to have initiative and goals instead of just money, but if I had to guess I'd say it's because someone without a life goal and who isn't working toward something seems, well, kind of lazy and also boring and dispassionate. Like you are without direction. And because of this, she may either feel or sense that you are not mature in some ways.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting. I like it that you treated her well every way you knew how, but please realize whether she loves you enough to stay with you isn't within your control. You did your part as you saw fit. For whatever reason, you weren't who she sees herself with long-term. You can't make someone come back to you. Sometimes people do get back together after the first breakup and try again, but it usually doesn't work for long.

 

I think you'll just have to move forward with your life. Spend this time to think of something you'd enjoy doing, and then try to find a job doing it. You can afford to go that route, even if it isn't very lucrative. So if you like sports, see if you can take classes to become a sports agent. If you like boats, after school, open a marina. Find your passion.

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You don't get this woman back & you thank your lucky stars she showed you her true colors at this point. She ran out of patience, that's it. Knowing you are in school, she should have had patience. She didn't. She cares about herself, not you. Because she doesn't care about you, there is not potential for a meaningful LTR, despite the 3 year history. Let her go.

 

Stay in school & start your adult life a free man.

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My ex and I were seeing different shrinks at the same time. She began telling me all of this stuff that her shrink didn't seem to like (it came across as maybe being directed at me...her boyfriend). My therapist told me to tell her..."Tell your girlfriend to tell her therapist that you want to come to therapy with her. I've seen this before.. that'll stop it". (and I really did want to go...)

 

And it did stop it. when she told her therapist that her boyfriend wanted to participate as well....the therapist told her....."I don't think that'll be necessary" LOL

 

after that.....my girlfriend seemed a lot kinder. lol

 

 

D0nnivain is right. You do not want this woman back. it's understandable that you miss her. And it's also understandable that you may think that you can change her. But you cannot. No one can change another human being.

 

 

It's not all gloom and doom though. The man she thinks she's looking for....she may be in for a bit of a surprise.....

 

my ex's first marriage....when I asked her what the cause of the failure was...she just dismissed it really quickly and said...."He just didn't have any initiative". That was that.

 

Then.....she met a doctor. Her dream man!! A man with true initiative! And married him! :)

 

He beat the crap out of her several times. Pointed a gun at her and threatened to shoot her once. And the "final straw" as she put it was when she came home and found him in bed with another woman. If I gave you his name....and you googled him....you'd see....even though this guy is her dream guy....a doctor...(with initiative ;)) .he's scum. Having been arrested and sued for chasing after under age girls. (still has his license......The AMA is a powerful organization...) But...he had plenty of initiative...and that's what she wanted! lol

 

 

So....that's just to say....one never knows what the future holds and sometimes we might want to occasionally ask ourselves if our lives would really be that much better if we were given everything we like to think we want?

 

Take care man....and be careful about chasing after this butterfly....she might just turn out to be a hornet

Edited by whatnot
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Hi,

She might have lost feelings for you because of the distance...then trying to come up with an excuse blaming you of course. This is crappy.

You seem to be the perfect gentleman, don't ever change.

 

I am not emotionally involved as you are so it is easy for me and us to say things that are objective from an outsider's point of view.

-- Being a full time student is a full time job itself, you managed yourself financially well given the circumstances.

--- You did a lot for her, did she do anything for you ?? Did she CARE about you ?? Did she do any sacrifices for you that was an inconvenience for her ever ??

Because you did for her. So, if your answer is NO to these questions, it's a RED FLAG !

--- You are hurting at the moment but try to see this from the outside. You will gain a clearer picture in no time.

--- Please do not go after her if she dumped you, it shows self-respect for yourself (for her too) and please initiate NO CONTACT for your own healing, it's about self preservation. Block her on the phone and social media.

It might shock her too. (not getting begging/pleading messages as she expects might trigger her questioning this decision)

--- Please focus on yourself, venture out from home, do daytrips, ask a friend/family to go with you, talk things out with them, try new restaurants whatever....you need to face the pain but also you need to distract yourself seeing that there is a whole world out there for you with many possibilities :)

--- I do not think that you guys were compatible or that your feelings for each other were equal..... I think you deserve a more emotionally mature, less shallow, much more caring lady. Don't you ??? :)

So this thing might have been a blessing in disguise.

--- (i suggested this in many other posts) one day months from now, when you feel ready put yourself on a dating site and ask some ladies out for a coffee date....this is a great tool to meet many women, the possibilities are endless....you will have a much broader selection to choose from :) I know it sounds weird but it makes perfect sense.

These coffee dates can be cut short or last for hours, you can have light conversations with them, give them one complement (don't overdo it), be funny, listen to them. (no talks of exes)

This thing will take some time to get over it,,,,,, this is how it is unfortunately. We go through this several times in our lives..... but we learn a lot too. You will be fine, don't worry !! HUGHS ! :) (watch video under)

 

Please watch this video ( I always recommend this )

Edited by Captivating
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Girlfriend recently broke up with me 6 days ago.Her birthday is next week.Should I send her the gift she wanted as a reminder that I love her? Also to win her back?

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Girlfriend recently broke up with me 6 days ago.Her birthday is next week.Should I send her the gift she wanted as a reminder that I love her? Also to win her back?

 

Nope. She broke up with you. It's not your responsibility to win her back. When someone does not want to be with you anymore, walk away.

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If you like wasting money by all means send her something she doesn't want that will anger her & that she will throw out.

 

 

You are broken up. She was the dumper. She doesn't want a birthday gift from you. You can't buy her back.

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Girlfriend broke up with me 6 days ago. After seeing what she told her friends, she said that she felt like a total *****. After a couple days, she had told them that she feels better now. Her birthday is next week, and her and girlfriends are going to go to some bars where everyone goes to. How can she only be hurt for 2 days and be happy and outgoing with her friends after 4 days. It hurts to see how someone can throw away a wonderful 3 year relationship and walk away. Then again, i'm the dumpee, so I would suppose I would hurt more, especially since I truly loved her flaws and all. I was a true gentleman to her. We were long distance for 3 years. I always drove 6 hours to see her. spend summers with her. gave her great birthday, anniversary, and valentine gifts. always did my best for her. She was tired of long distance, even though in 3 months I was going to move there, and she claims she's too "independent". She said I lacked initiative? Doesn't make sense. I'm about to graduate from college and saved up money for us, and always helped her financially even when I didn't have a steady job.

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She was "over" you & the relationship long before she made the decision to tell you. that is how she can be happy & upbeat going out with her friends for so long. Ending this was a decision she had avoided for a while & now that weight is off her shoulders.

 

 

That does not make you feel any better but it is probably the reason.

 

 

You simply have to accept it's over. Concentrate on school. You sound like a good guy. You will be starting the next phase of your life after college free & clear.

 

 

Best wishes.

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Notice you GAVE her all of these things. What did you get in return?

She's independent yet you had to help her out with money.

Seems like you pretty much did everything and shouldered the relationship. Am I wrong?

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Notice you GAVE her all of these things. What did you get in return?

She's independent yet you had to help her out with money.

Seems like you pretty much did everything and shouldered the relationship. Am I wrong?

 

She did return gifts as well and they were very thoughtful. Being independent made no sense. I was always there for her and never depended on her. She did buy things for us for a future house. Then one day, after her therapy session, she just decided to give up.

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If you send her a gift make sure it's your balls wrapped in a nice box to ensure she has zero respect for you.

 

Let's play this out:

 

Her: " I want to break up with you and never see you again"

You: "Ok, here's a present for you"

 

Seems silly, right?

 

Don't get her anything or reach out. Her birthday is no longer your problem. If she wants back she will reach out to you saying as much. But don't count on it.

 

Take that cash and go out with a new girl.

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nothingsintheflowerz

I'm sorry. This is hard, but trust me, you will move on.

This will explain why she moved on sooner than you did.

Good luck! Shine on!

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My ex girlfriend broke up with me a week ago. Her birthday is next week. She hasn't talked to me since then. I still love her dearly and wish she would come back.

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Unfortunately if she broke up with you, she does not want to hear from you on her birthday. Wishing her well will not bring her back; in fact it will probably make her annoyed at you because by contacting her you "ruined" her birthday. It's a lose lose proposition for you.

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