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Why did he blocked me when I didn't do anything to bother him


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Starfishlover

I am really confused and hurt by a guy I dated briefly. We dated for just a bit over a month and then stopped talking and kind of drifted apart.

 

We both traveled a lot during the time but we kept in touch everyday through texting each other. We had 4 dates and in the last one we slept together the first time. It wasn't good I didn't feel him and the connection. After that date he was away for a week but he kept in touch with me and initiated to see me at my place but I turned him down subtly by suggesting a lunch near our offices. The lunch was then canceled because of his work schedule.

 

I didn't want to meet him in my place was because the last sex wasn't good, I didn't want to try again as I worried that it would confirm that we were really sexually incompatible (we tried twice in the 4th date, both not good and rather awkward). Also, I believed that if we were not comfortable enough to talk about it then we were not ready for it.

 

During the week apart I have tried communicating with him that I was overwhelmed and wanted thing to slow down. He sounded cranky and impatient in text. The day after the lunch date plan canceled, I suggested to meet for coffee break (our offices just 10 min walk apart) to have a chat. He asked me why and I told him I wasn't happy and wanted to talk to him in person. He then pulsed and replied that it would take longer than 20min, if I didn't want to see him again just told him over text. Things went down hill from there and we haven't talked since then.

 

4 days after we stopped talking, he defriended me in Facebook, blocked me in WhatsApp. I didn't react to it and I didn't contact him the whole time. 2.5 months later, I noticed that he unblocked me in WhatsApp but then blocked and unlocked multiple times. I still didn't react to it but I found it is very annoying and confusing. A week ago, he blocked me again, I had to block him to keep my sanity. As soon as I blocked him he unblocked me (I knew it because his profile picture re-appeared when he unblocked me, the same he knew I've blocked he when he couldn't see my profile picture). The day after, he deleted his whatsapp account. I was surprised that he would delete his account as his friends and whole social networks wouldn't be able to contact him through WhatsApp.

 

Yesterday I emailed to tell him I blocked him was because it was distracting that he kept blocking and unblocking me, and asked why he had to defriend me in FB and block me in WhatsApp and go so extreme to even deleted his WhatsApp account, and if he wanted to talk let me know. I didn't get a response but I then found that he even blocked me in Facebook.

 

I have a mixed feeling about the whole thing. I don't want us to hold grudge against each other, the email was meant to be an offer of olive branch to resolve our misunderstandings, but he brushed me off. I didn't even one time bother him except that he "force" me to block him. I don't block or defriend someone unless I am seriously offended or hate someone. I don't see how did I seriously offend him to deserve such a treatment.

 

Part of me still miss him but his extreme reactions make me question is he suffering from bipolar disorder (BPD), eg

- I wanted to chat, but he immediately turned into "fight or flight" mode that "if you don't want to see me again just tell me here in text" when all I wanted was a chat to see each other perspectives first;

- I went quiet for a couple of day after the first fight because I was dealing with some big family issues (I had to cut a toxic family ties), and thought to come back later after that but he blocked me before I was done with the family thing;

- I blocked him in WhatsApp, he delete his WhatsApp account

- I emailed him to explain why I blocked him and invited him to talk, he blocked me in Facebook.

 

Why doesn't he give us a chance to talk but hold grudge against me. I am hurt that being avoided like plague when I didn't do nothing to bother him, I didn't harass him, not even a text.

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Frostedflake

It's easier to move on from someone if you convince yourself you hate them.

 

The whole interaction you described from start to finish seems awkward. It's possible he's embarrassed and felt rejection that was then confirmed by you not allowing him to come over. That's fine and it's not your obligation to keep having sex with a guy, especially when you had compatibility doubts.

 

I'm saying that his blocking games and lack of response is more about him than it is about you. He's doing it for himself to get a handle on the situation. Yeah, it's childish and another reason for you to be sure that you guys don't work out. I'm sorry it hurts but when you know there's no connection you shouldn't be offended when that person stops any further effort or blocks you out. It's not as personal as you're thinking it is.

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I can't answer why he was doing the whole blocking and unblocking thing...I guess he was confused as to what he needed.

 

But as for the initial block, turn it around. Why WOULDN'T he block you? The connection you had was failing, you were pulling back, rejecting him.....you can't have been particularly close if you were doing this. I can't see any reason that he'd want to keep you in his life. He probably felt it was logical to move on without you.

 

And a person doesn't need to meet you face to face if you're pulling back/going to dump them. By having you text, he saved you both a whole lot of drama and wasted time.

 

I see nothing remotely bipolar here. Have you ever spent any time with someone who actually has bipolar?

Edited by basil67
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Starfishlover

Thanks Froedflake, Basil67.

 

Your analysis has helped me see thing from his perspective and now I understand better why he behaved that way. Everytime he thinks of me would only remind him I rejected him sexually. Looks like nothing I can do or say can change that shameful feeling he has from me.

 

I wasn't sensitive enough to notice the sexual rejection he has experienced. He once said he knew I didn't want to do it again with him; and when I suggested to meet and chat he turned me down and said he need privacy. It now all makes sense to me. Is there anything I can do to let him understand I didn't reject him because of sex but because I wasn't ready and didn't know how to handle it? I was seriously burnt in my last relationship and thus didn't date for 3 years until I met him. I like him a lot, to the level that I feel uncomfortable and insecure around him, and too shy to speak my mind.

 

What happened in bedroom was that he couldn't maintain erection both times, which made me question whether I am attractive enough to him. I asked him after the second try and he said "of course you are attractive, you have asked a silly little girl question" and then cuddled me. I didn't experience a bedroom situation like that before. I wasn't lost attraction to him but my self-doubt and the frustration turnt me off from wanting to sleep with him again. It is a case of not able to communicate our need properly.

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Starfishlover

About bipolar, no I have no real experience about bipolar. I just observed my ex has shown frequent mood swing, generally cranky and irritated, unexpected extreme reaction to some trivial things, sweet one moment than being harsh the next moment.

 

 

I see nothing remotely bipolar here. Have you ever spent any time with someone who actually has bipolar?

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