Boyfriend left me to get back with his previous ex

[Ms.Jazzy]

Hey everyone! I'm just tying to figure out how to cope after being dumped by my boyfriend little over a month ago. I met my now ex about 2 years ago. He was recently getting over a breakup and we first started off as friends and a year later we officially dated and became exclusive. I thought within year of him not mentioning her or anything I thought he was finally ready to move on. Our relationship seemed to be fine until recently I found out him and his ex reconciled and at first he told me that they were just friends which I knew was b.s from the start and tried to reassure me that nothing changed between us. Eventually he told me that they indeed got back together and he cowardly told me through text that he wanted to end things with me and work things out with her.

 

Nonetheless I'm very crushed and looking back on it he didn't really seem to respect me well. I was following them heavy on social media. He has pics of them hugged up together and what hurts is he got what he truly wanted all along and disregarded me.He never really wanted to take pics with me or anything like he does with her. He forgot my birthday months ago but ultimately remembered hers and took her to a fancy dinner this week which he posted on facebook. He never introduced me to his family like he did with her etc and all of the comparing I did really just brought my self esteem down. Nonetheless I found the strength to block them both and trying my best to move on with my life.

 

I know the motto is that things will get better eventually but before this guy came along I lead lonely life and I sort of struggle with depression. Don't really have a lot of friends. Finding myself drinking more too which I feel like its the only thing that's helping me. I go out to bars and events and pretty much get ignored the whole time. Trying to get out more and mingle but socializing seems a little hard for me and I go into a shell. I went to a bar last weekend and got pretty much wasted. Had some old perverted guy try to talk to me but the only thing that it made me feel was more lonely and undesirable . Like wow all of these guys here and this is who I attract?

 

Even though my ex didn't treat me that well I still miss him and how pathetic is that? At least it was fun grabbing the attention of man even though his heart with someone else. Honestly I'm really tired of being alone and getting the short end of the stick with everything. I feel really depressed.

[darkmoon]

most people do not have tons of friends, but if you are drunk in bars, well, not many people wanna talk to a drunk, and you may even look a bit miserable too, tbh, given what is weighing so heavily on you

 

change settings

 

the shell? maybe you need people who bring out another side/s of you, stimulate you with genuine interest, so try classes, not bars, and be a bit more smiley

Edited August 23, 2017 by darkmoon

[Blake101]

I can sympathize, I honestly can.

 

Especially the part where you are comparing yourself to the other person. I did a lot for my ex, I gave my all to her but for some reason she's putting in a lot more effort with her new SO. It hurts your ego, because you know you're better. So why can't they see that?

 

How long did you say it has been since the breakup? A month? Yeah, after the amount of time you guys have dated, your feelings will remain raw.

 

I'm trying to move on too. So what has helped me thus far has been accepting the following statements.

 

1. In order to be yourself again, in order to heal, you must accept that the relationship is over. It's scary, I get it. You feel like you're alone. You feel vulnerable, but remember you are strong. And You will continue to get stronger. The more that pass, the closer you are to healing.

 

2. Know that you gave it your all. You weren't the one to break it off. You weren't the one who gave up. You fought for the relationship, and that says a lot. You can't blame yourself for any of this. You were the one that got away, not him. You are the prize, not him. You deserve someone who is going to fight the same way you fought for him. Let that sink in.

 

3. There will be someone else. Always look back at your past loves or crushes. At the heat of the moment you think they will always be the ome for you. That they are perfect and now one will ever compare to them. But then what happens? You find someone else and the cycle continues. Not everyone marries their first love, sometimes not even their second one. But what happens? They find someone else.

 

Cry if you need to. It's okay, let your emotions run through you. Be human. You feeling this way only shows how much care and love you put into the relationship.

 

Now realize that someone will come into your life and appreciate all that you do. You will be happy. You are amazing. Don't give up. Be brave and take it one day at a time.

[Stephen44]

Yes I don't have tons of friends either.

 

I would try to find activities you enjoy--whether you do them by yourself or with the friends you do have. That will keep your mind off the jerk.

 

Here's a mental exercise: When you think you're missing him, close your eyes and think of a guy who is in a picture with you--because he wasn't.

[kortz]

Now that you are not with him you obviously have a lot more time to yourself and to focus on other things. Use it as an opportunity to make some new friends. I know it is easier said than done, and when you're feeling down and sad it is harder to be that happy person that makes friends with people but just open yourself up a bit to this and in time it will start to happen. It may take a little more time as you're still healing but you will get there and get over this. When my ex left me I was devastated, for a few months really, but as time went on and the pain eased I started saying yes to new opportunities and events and I have since made a whole new group of great friends that I wouldn't have met if I was in a relationship because I'd spend all my time with my ex. These have been through work, through some sporting activities and even some just people I see at regular spots I go to (one just on my regular train ride to and from work).