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Wierd Breakup out of the blue [UPDATE: Horrible coping 6 months]


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Old 2nd August 2017, 11:32 PM   #1
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Wierd Breakup out of the blue [UPDATE: Horrible coping 6 months]

Hi,

3 months ago my gf broke up with me pretty out of the blue there were no warnings signs or anything. a bit of lack of communication as we both are only 23 years old.
She studied in University 3 hours away from me since last year we have (had) been together for 5 years.

We started drifting a bit apart during March, February and not talking that much anymore to eachother.
Ofc we still spoke everyday on good terms but it was a bit less and less since she got into some kind of study comitee or some bull****.

We saw eachother maybe 2-3 times per month and when i went to her place i was always there over the whole weekend.
When i was at her place i felt a bit like the "Spark has gone".

Anyways, in may she just writes without any warning sign "We need to talk" i say hmm okay what has happened. She calls me explains that she has lost feelings "They just vanished" she said to be more specific.
Anyways i met up with her the next day, She says that she feels we have grown apart and gives me the classic "Love but not in love".

Also she gives me the "If we are meant for eachother we will get back together, but there might come someone in between".
She even tells me family that she hopes everything will be "ok, and that we will get back together".

i accept the breakup and she texts me once she gets home "I hope we get back together" etc and all kinds of wierd ****.

I call her back up and asks her if this is what she really wants etc. She says yes, i want something new.

Anyways i tell her we need to be silent and she starts playing games sending me wierd things posting about how awesome her life is how she is gonna have a crazy summer etc etc.

Also i find out that there might be one guy in her university that she might be flirting with which feels a bit hmmmm.

Did i mess up my chances for a future reconciliation here or what is your thoughts?

She has only been with 1 guy exept for me, maybe she is having some kind of quarter life crisis?
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Old 3rd August 2017, 12:37 AM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wobugan View Post
Hi,

3 months ago my gf broke up with me pretty out of the blue there were no warnings signs or anything. a bit of lack of communication as we both are only 23 years old.
She studied in University 3 hours away from me since last year we have (had) been together for 5 years.

We started drifting a bit apart during March, February and not talking that much anymore to eachother.
Ofc we still spoke everyday on good terms but it was a bit less and less since she got into some kind of study comitee or some bull****.

We saw eachother maybe 2-3 times per month and when i went to her place i was always there over the whole weekend.
When i was at her place i felt a bit like the "Spark has gone".

Anyways, in may she just writes without any warning sign "We need to talk" i say hmm okay what has happened. She calls me explains that she has lost feelings "They just vanished" she said to be more specific.
Anyways i met up with her the next day, She says that she feels we have grown apart and gives me the classic "Love but not in love".

Also she gives me the "If we are meant for eachother we will get back together, but there might come someone in between".
She even tells me family that she hopes everything will be "ok, and that we will get back together".

i accept the breakup and she texts me once she gets home "I hope we get back together" etc and all kinds of wierd ****.

I call her back up and asks her if this is what she really wants etc. She says yes, i want something new.

Anyways i tell her we need to be silent and she starts playing games sending me wierd things posting about how awesome her life is how she is gonna have a crazy summer etc etc.

Also i find out that there might be one guy in her university that she might be flirting with which feels a bit hmmmm.

Did i mess up my chances for a future reconciliation here or what is your thoughts?

She has only been with 1 guy exept for me, maybe she is having some kind of quarter life crisis?

Dude u did absolutly nothing wrong i mean without knowing the ins aand outs of ur relationship she just sounds young and non commital.


Best advice is to just wish her well and become a ghost no contact whatsoever. U could post how great a time ur having and post photos wth chicks and watch her run back to u
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Old 3rd August 2017, 9:55 PM   #3
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She has found out i am moving to Another city to pursue academic ventures.

She texted me last week and wished me well etc. Why is she doing this is it some kind of underlying things or just pure platonic?
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Old 4th August 2017, 3:23 AM   #4
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Quote:
"If we are meant for eachother we will get back together, but there might come someone in between".
Quote:
Also i find out that there might be one guy in her university that she might be flirting with
This is what happened - she met someone else.

It's not a quarter-life crisis. Unfortunately, she's just outgrown your relationship and is moving on. All of the silly "I hope we can get back together!" is just a testament to her immaturity. She is trying to soften the blow but doesn't realize how much you will hang on to those words. If she really saw a future with you, she wouldn't be breaking up with you.

This wasn't out of the blue, exactly. You said communication and had dropped and you two had been drifting apart over the last couple of months. That was a sign she was already checking out.

I think what's happened is that she obviously loved you and cared about you a lot, but she's been with you since she was just 18. I am sure you have both changed quite a lot in that period, as teens and young adults do. She is wanting to explore other options now. I am sorry this happened, in any case.

To answer your question about why she texted to wish you well in your new city, it's likely because she does still want the best for you. I wouldn't read into that one message. If she wants you back, you will have much stronger indications from her.
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Old 4th August 2017, 4:37 AM   #5
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This is what happened - she met someone else.

It's not a quarter-life crisis. Unfortunately, she's just outgrown your relationship and is moving on. All of the silly "I hope we can get back together!" is just a testament to her immaturity. She is trying to soften the blow but doesn't realize how much you will hang on to those words. If she really saw a future with you, she wouldn't be breaking up with you.

This wasn't out of the blue, exactly. You said communication and had dropped and you two had been drifting apart over the last couple of months. That was a sign she was already checking out.

I think what's happened is that she obviously loved you and cared about you a lot, but she's been with you since she was just 18. I am sure you have both changed quite a lot in that period, as teens and young adults do. She is wanting to explore other options now. I am sorry this happened, in any case.

To answer your question about why she texted to wish you well in your new city, it's likely because she does still want the best for you. I wouldn't read into that one message. If she wants you back, you will have much stronger indications from her.
It does seem a little that she met someone else.

This guy i am talking about i know they are in the same student blablsbla 5 Days after our breakup she was åt some student trip with him and other students.

After the trip she goes Into Instagram likes a 3 month old picture of her then he follows her she follows him and then friends on facebook....

It sounds a bit wierd doesn't it?
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Old 4th August 2017, 5:00 AM   #6
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I don't know if weird is the right word, but it's obvious there is something going on there. She told you herself she might date someone else, so you'd be wise to believe her. She was indirectly giving you the heads-up so that when you hear the news that she is seeing someone, you won't be shocked.
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Old 4th August 2017, 6:35 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Wobugan View Post
It does seem a little that she met someone else.

This guy i am talking about i know they are in the same student blablsbla 5 Days after our breakup she was åt some student trip with him and other students.

After the trip she goes Into Instagram likes a 3 month old picture of her then he follows her she follows him and then friends on facebook....

It sounds a bit wierd doesn't it?
She is a very young woman and now sees that the world is her oyster. She was no longer going to hang about in some relationship which was only about seeing one another 2-3x a month, so she ended it.

MOST people break up because they want to see other people, some right away as they have someone else in mind, and others eventually as they just want to see what else is out there.
Most see no future in the relationship they are in and so a break is inevitable as far as they are concerned.

It is not weird that she goes on a student trip almost as soon as you break up, she probably wanted to go on that trip as a single woman without the confines of "I have a bf" holding her back from doing anything she wanted to do and I do not necessarily mean sleeping with someone else.

She wanted to leave and she left.
I am sorry but the chances of reconciliation are very slim here, so you need to grieve, heal and move on.
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Old 4th August 2017, 6:39 AM   #8
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She is a very young woman and now sees that the world is her oyster. She was no longer going to hang about in some relationship which was only about seeing one another 2-3x a month, so she ended it.

MOST people break up because they want to see other people, some right away as they have someone else in mind, and others eventually as they just want to see what else is out there.
Most see no future in the relationship they are in and so a break is inevitable as far as they are concerned.

It is not weird that she goes on a student trip almost as soon as you break up, she probably wanted to go on that trip as a single woman without the confines of "I have a bf" holding her back from doing anything she wanted to do and I do not necessarily mean sleeping with someone else.

She wanted to leave and she left.
I am sorry but the chances of reconciliation are very slim here, so you need to grieve, heal and move on.
I am not saying its wierd that she went on a student trip i know she is in the student comitee and they are doing a lot of stuff.

It does actually feel like she got her eyes open for tihs guy, it i a very heartwrenching feeling. i feel tricked and i feel left out.

How could she do this to us? All she wanted was that i was going to move to her city to get into uni there....

wtf
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Old 4th August 2017, 7:17 AM   #9
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I am not saying its wierd that she went on a student trip i know she is in the student comitee and they are doing a lot of stuff.

It does actually feel like she got her eyes open for tihs guy, it i a very heartwrenching feeling. i feel tricked and i feel left out.

How could she do this to us? All she wanted was that i was going to move to her city to get into uni there....

wtf
Unfortunately, this type of thing often happens with young loves. They think they want to settle down with one person - until they don't. They realize there's too much life left to live before deciding to commit to one person forever.

I am very sorry for your pain, OP. I know it feels like she threw it all away. If her heart wasn't in it, it's better that she left. I know that's little consolation now, but in time, you will probably begin to see that was a "forever" relationship for you either.
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Old 4th August 2017, 2:19 PM   #10
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Saw her today driving past me, when she saw me she looked away very fast.

Why? Does have some unresolved feelings for me?
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Old 4th August 2017, 3:00 PM   #11
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Are you the original poster?
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Old 5th August 2017, 3:43 PM   #12
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Ladies and gents,

Is there a chance she was unfairfull?
In how many cases does the dumper have a fallback guy?
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Old 5th August 2017, 4:38 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by ExpatInItaly View Post
I don't know if weird is the right word, but it's obvious there is something going on there. She told you herself she might date someone else, so you'd be wise to believe her. She was indirectly giving you the heads-up so that when you hear the news that she is seeing someone, you won't be shocked.
Hi,

She told me as well "when i meet someone i dont want you to come in between" i Said of Course i wont.

Is that a signs that she is fliritng / going to date this guy i assume?
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Old 5th August 2017, 4:45 PM   #14
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I can tell you most women do not settle for someone they have already decided isn't the right guy for them and with whom they have moved on from, so don't wait and don't worry you did something wrong. Dating is to find out if it's a good match. She decided it wasn't. So it's not. Good luck going forward and hope you find someone awesome.
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Old 6th August 2017, 9:27 PM   #15
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So i found out it is true she has been fliritng with this guy.

However be does not seem to be serious for a LTR which is what she wants id be very confused otherwise.

All my friends are saying things like they dont know wtf happened to her.

Will she realize what she threw away?
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