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Weird Breakup out of the blue [UPDATE: Horrible coping 6 months]


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Hi,

 

3 months ago my gf broke up with me pretty out of the blue there were no warnings signs or anything. a bit of lack of communication as we both are only 23 years old.

She studied in University 3 hours away from me since last year we have (had) been together for 5 years.

 

We started drifting a bit apart during March, February and not talking that much anymore to eachother.

Ofc we still spoke everyday on good terms but it was a bit less and less since she got into some kind of study comitee or some bull****.

 

We saw eachother maybe 2-3 times per month and when i went to her place i was always there over the whole weekend.

When i was at her place i felt a bit like the "Spark has gone".

 

Anyways, in may she just writes without any warning sign "We need to talk" i say hmm okay what has happened. She calls me explains that she has lost feelings "They just vanished" she said to be more specific.

Anyways i met up with her the next day, She says that she feels we have grown apart and gives me the classic "Love but not in love".

 

Also she gives me the "If we are meant for eachother we will get back together, but there might come someone in between".

She even tells me family that she hopes everything will be "ok, and that we will get back together".

 

i accept the breakup and she texts me once she gets home "I hope we get back together" etc and all kinds of wierd ****.

 

I call her back up and asks her if this is what she really wants etc. She says yes, i want something new.

 

Anyways i tell her we need to be silent and she starts playing games sending me wierd things posting about how awesome her life is how she is gonna have a crazy summer etc etc.

 

Also i find out that there might be one guy in her university that she might be flirting with which feels a bit hmmmm.

 

Did i mess up my chances for a future reconciliation here or what is your thoughts?

 

She has only been with 1 guy exept for me, maybe she is having some kind of quarter life crisis?

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Hi,

 

3 months ago my gf broke up with me pretty out of the blue there were no warnings signs or anything. a bit of lack of communication as we both are only 23 years old.

She studied in University 3 hours away from me since last year we have (had) been together for 5 years.

 

We started drifting a bit apart during March, February and not talking that much anymore to eachother.

Ofc we still spoke everyday on good terms but it was a bit less and less since she got into some kind of study comitee or some bull****.

 

We saw eachother maybe 2-3 times per month and when i went to her place i was always there over the whole weekend.

When i was at her place i felt a bit like the "Spark has gone".

 

Anyways, in may she just writes without any warning sign "We need to talk" i say hmm okay what has happened. She calls me explains that she has lost feelings "They just vanished" she said to be more specific.

Anyways i met up with her the next day, She says that she feels we have grown apart and gives me the classic "Love but not in love".

 

Also she gives me the "If we are meant for eachother we will get back together, but there might come someone in between".

She even tells me family that she hopes everything will be "ok, and that we will get back together".

 

i accept the breakup and she texts me once she gets home "I hope we get back together" etc and all kinds of wierd ****.

 

I call her back up and asks her if this is what she really wants etc. She says yes, i want something new.

 

Anyways i tell her we need to be silent and she starts playing games sending me wierd things posting about how awesome her life is how she is gonna have a crazy summer etc etc.

 

Also i find out that there might be one guy in her university that she might be flirting with which feels a bit hmmmm.

 

Did i mess up my chances for a future reconciliation here or what is your thoughts?

 

She has only been with 1 guy exept for me, maybe she is having some kind of quarter life crisis?

 

 

Dude u did absolutly nothing wrong i mean without knowing the ins aand outs of ur relationship she just sounds young and non commital.

 

 

Best advice is to just wish her well and become a ghost no contact whatsoever. U could post how great a time ur having and post photos wth chicks and watch her run back to u ;)

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She has found out i am moving to Another city to pursue academic ventures.

 

She texted me last week and wished me well etc. Why is she doing this is it some kind of underlying things or just pure platonic?

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ExpatInItaly
"If we are meant for eachother we will get back together, but there might come someone in between".

 

Also i find out that there might be one guy in her university that she might be flirting with

 

This is what happened - she met someone else.

 

It's not a quarter-life crisis. Unfortunately, she's just outgrown your relationship and is moving on. All of the silly "I hope we can get back together!" is just a testament to her immaturity. She is trying to soften the blow but doesn't realize how much you will hang on to those words. If she really saw a future with you, she wouldn't be breaking up with you.

 

This wasn't out of the blue, exactly. You said communication and had dropped and you two had been drifting apart over the last couple of months. That was a sign she was already checking out.

 

I think what's happened is that she obviously loved you and cared about you a lot, but she's been with you since she was just 18. I am sure you have both changed quite a lot in that period, as teens and young adults do. She is wanting to explore other options now. I am sorry this happened, in any case.

 

To answer your question about why she texted to wish you well in your new city, it's likely because she does still want the best for you. I wouldn't read into that one message. If she wants you back, you will have much stronger indications from her.

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This is what happened - she met someone else.

 

It's not a quarter-life crisis. Unfortunately, she's just outgrown your relationship and is moving on. All of the silly "I hope we can get back together!" is just a testament to her immaturity. She is trying to soften the blow but doesn't realize how much you will hang on to those words. If she really saw a future with you, she wouldn't be breaking up with you.

 

This wasn't out of the blue, exactly. You said communication and had dropped and you two had been drifting apart over the last couple of months. That was a sign she was already checking out.

 

I think what's happened is that she obviously loved you and cared about you a lot, but she's been with you since she was just 18. I am sure you have both changed quite a lot in that period, as teens and young adults do. She is wanting to explore other options now. I am sorry this happened, in any case.

 

To answer your question about why she texted to wish you well in your new city, it's likely because she does still want the best for you. I wouldn't read into that one message. If she wants you back, you will have much stronger indications from her.

 

It does seem a little that she met someone else.

 

This guy i am talking about i know they are in the same student blablsbla 5 Days after our breakup she was åt some student trip with him and other students.

 

After the trip she goes Into Instagram likes a 3 month old picture of her then he follows her she follows him and then friends on facebook....

 

It sounds a bit wierd doesn't it?

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ExpatInItaly

I don't know if weird is the right word, but it's obvious there is something going on there. She told you herself she might date someone else, so you'd be wise to believe her. She was indirectly giving you the heads-up so that when you hear the news that she is seeing someone, you won't be shocked.

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It does seem a little that she met someone else.

 

This guy i am talking about i know they are in the same student blablsbla 5 Days after our breakup she was åt some student trip with him and other students.

 

After the trip she goes Into Instagram likes a 3 month old picture of her then he follows her she follows him and then friends on facebook....

 

It sounds a bit wierd doesn't it?

 

She is a very young woman and now sees that the world is her oyster. She was no longer going to hang about in some relationship which was only about seeing one another 2-3x a month, so she ended it.

 

MOST people break up because they want to see other people, some right away as they have someone else in mind, and others eventually as they just want to see what else is out there.

Most see no future in the relationship they are in and so a break is inevitable as far as they are concerned.

 

It is not weird that she goes on a student trip almost as soon as you break up, she probably wanted to go on that trip as a single woman without the confines of "I have a bf" holding her back from doing anything she wanted to do and I do not necessarily mean sleeping with someone else.

 

She wanted to leave and she left.

I am sorry but the chances of reconciliation are very slim here, so you need to grieve, heal and move on.

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She is a very young woman and now sees that the world is her oyster. She was no longer going to hang about in some relationship which was only about seeing one another 2-3x a month, so she ended it.

 

MOST people break up because they want to see other people, some right away as they have someone else in mind, and others eventually as they just want to see what else is out there.

Most see no future in the relationship they are in and so a break is inevitable as far as they are concerned.

 

It is not weird that she goes on a student trip almost as soon as you break up, she probably wanted to go on that trip as a single woman without the confines of "I have a bf" holding her back from doing anything she wanted to do and I do not necessarily mean sleeping with someone else.

 

She wanted to leave and she left.

I am sorry but the chances of reconciliation are very slim here, so you need to grieve, heal and move on.

 

I am not saying its wierd that she went on a student trip i know she is in the student comitee and they are doing a lot of stuff.

 

It does actually feel like she got her eyes open for tihs guy, it i a very heartwrenching feeling. i feel tricked and i feel left out.

 

How could she do this to us? All she wanted was that i was going to move to her city to get into uni there....

 

wtf

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ExpatInItaly
I am not saying its wierd that she went on a student trip i know she is in the student comitee and they are doing a lot of stuff.

 

It does actually feel like she got her eyes open for tihs guy, it i a very heartwrenching feeling. i feel tricked and i feel left out.

 

How could she do this to us? All she wanted was that i was going to move to her city to get into uni there....

 

wtf

 

Unfortunately, this type of thing often happens with young loves. They think they want to settle down with one person - until they don't. They realize there's too much life left to live before deciding to commit to one person forever.

 

I am very sorry for your pain, OP. I know it feels like she threw it all away. If her heart wasn't in it, it's better that she left. I know that's little consolation now, but in time, you will probably begin to see that was a "forever" relationship for you either.

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Saw her today driving past me, when she saw me she looked away very fast.

 

Why? Does have some unresolved feelings for me?

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Ladies and gents,

 

Is there a chance she was unfairfull?

In how many cases does the dumper have a fallback guy?

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I don't know if weird is the right word, but it's obvious there is something going on there. She told you herself she might date someone else, so you'd be wise to believe her. She was indirectly giving you the heads-up so that when you hear the news that she is seeing someone, you won't be shocked.

 

Hi,

 

She told me as well "when i meet someone i dont want you to come in between" i Said of Course i wont.

 

Is that a signs that she is fliritng / going to date this guy i assume?

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I can tell you most women do not settle for someone they have already decided isn't the right guy for them and with whom they have moved on from, so don't wait and don't worry you did something wrong. Dating is to find out if it's a good match. She decided it wasn't. So it's not. Good luck going forward and hope you find someone awesome.

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So i found out it is true she has been fliritng with this guy.

 

However be does not seem to be serious for a LTR which is what she wants id be very confused otherwise.

 

All my friends are saying things like they dont know wtf happened to her.

 

Will she realize what she threw away?

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Will she realize what she threw away?

 

Maybe not 100% today but she's probably 60% sure she doesn't want you anymore. Hence, she's asked you to step back.

 

Stop finding out what she's doing, focus on yourself, get your head straight, and move forward.

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Ladies and gents,

 

Is there a chance she was unfairfull?

In how many cases does the dumper have a fallback guy?

 

It's statistically proven that over 50% of women have a fallback guy, whilst in a relationship. It's completely standard behaviour.

 

Let alone whilst planning on leaving one :D

 

Commonly, when a "breakup comes out of the blue", it's not out of the blue at all. It's been planned for a short while.

 

Do not take her back as a girlfriend.

 

She can now be no more than a fwb (if your ego can take it, not easy for a girl you had big feelings for). Probably best that you cut her off completely.

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Young man, you are very naive, so let me clarify a few things for you.

 

1. For you it came out of the blue. For her it was a process.

 

2. She started with a new guy before she broke up with you. I cannot know if it was infidelity involved. Usually (not always) there is at least some element of infidelity. If I must take a guess according to what you've mentioned here, I would guess that she already had sex with him before the break up.

 

3. She is working hard for you to not know about her new guy, so the evidence you see on social media is havily filtered.

 

4. She has completely checked out . He contacting you is an express of selfishness. With the excuse she tells herself (not wanting to hurt you) she allows herself to keep you on the side, in case shomething goes wrong with the new guy(s).

 

5. You will probably not listen to my advice but I strongly recommend to start full NO CONTACT. It means you should not only unfriend her, but block her in everything including phone call and mails.

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All that she Said that she hopes we get back together that she Said to my grandmother "we Will meet soon again" was all that lies?

 

Why does it feel like she thinks she can have her bit of fun and then comeback?

 

Was everything just lies? How ****ing could she why didnt she ****ing communicate with me.

 

Why the **** havent she communicated with me.

 

Was it all lies? Growing apart love but not in love the distance, "just want to finish studies".

 

Why didnt she communicate with me?

Why didnt she just ****ing tell me something was wrong?

 

Was it all excuses and lies?

 

What s ****ing complete piece of ****

 

She said it was forever always me and her, we were going to Venice to croatia over the summer...

 

WTF

 

Will she realize once i am completely gone?

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ChatroomHero

"All that she Said that she hopes we get back together that she Said to my grandmother "we Will meet soon again" was all that lies?"

 

 

YES

 

"Why does it feel like she thinks she can have her bit of fun and then comeback?"

 

She won't come back, she is over you. She thinks about you in a loving and caring way as much as you think about Margaret Thatcher in a loving and caring way.

 

 

"Was everything just lies? How ****ing could she why didnt she ****ing communicate with me".

 

Because your questioning and obviously frustrated responses that you are showing here, would make her uncomfortable to deal with in person. She doesn't want to answer your "Was everything lies?" question in person, and then have you challenge her on it, plead for her to stay with you etc. It's much easier and less embarrassing for her to ghost you and give you 'feel good' breakup reasoning.

 

 

Why didnt she communicate with me?

Why didnt she just ****ing tell me something was wrong?

 

Because you seem like the kind of guy that won't take, "I am not interested in you anymore" for an answer.

 

 

Will she realize once i am completely gone?

Do you realize Margaret Thatcher is gone? No, because she cares about and pines for you as much as you do Margaret Thatcher. Move on, act like an adult. Not every woman has to love you. A lot of guys meet a girl and have a few good dates and think she will be in love with him for eternity, but like you, sometimes women grow tired of the guy they are dating. Sometimes at first they are really interested and over time lose attraction or become annoyed by you.

 

 

Move on, you might need to mature a bit before you take on another relationship.

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This guy that she is probably fliritng with for how long would they have had something going on?

 

I recognized communication dropping as she got Into this student group....

 

What in the actual **** did she just leave me for someone else?

 

Why did she say things like "who knows maybe he gets i to university here and we start seeing eachother again"

 

Is it really all just ****ing lies?!

 

Feel so blindsided and left begin how can the just immedietly jump on to something else..

 

Wtf

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It's called game, mate. Just bog standard girl-game. She's playing you.

 

Now you know what she's doing, you can either turn it around on her, or you can just cut her out of your life.

 

I wouldn't advise flipping out at her. That's never made me feel better.

 

If you want to cut her off, then just completely ignore her. It'll make you feel better long-term, and it'll drive her mad lol

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ExpatInItaly

OP, she is immature and inexperienced in love.

 

It's not likely she immediately jumped into something else. It probably had been brewing for a while. That doesn't mean she cheated, but it could very well mean she'd had a crush and was getting friendly with him before she ended it with you.

 

What she says to your grandma is what she thinks you and Grandma want to hear. Of course she doesn't want to be painted as the bad guy, so she's going to say whatever gets people off her back and makes her look good. You can't put any weight into that.

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Why is she still contacting me?

 

Yesterday i got a text from her with her New phonenumber "hey hey here is my new phonenumber blablabla"

 

A thing that is wierd is over the past half year i was sort of getting tired of her as well. I did not see the relationship progress any further

I knew i was going to have to study in a different city i could not get Into the same Uni as her.

 

Sometimes when i was at her place i just thought she was so boring i just wanted to go home.

 

Sex was out the Window i did not feel that attracted to her anymore. Everything just sort of went on routine when i went to her city it almost felt like a boring job.

 

Now i regret not treating her better than i could och i treated her well overall but some things was just missing ... I sort of asked her sometimes why she wont start working out or smth i guess both of us checked out and the relationship ran its course.

 

However, when she pulled the trigger her stock went from 10-100 she was the girls of my dreams....

 

Is this realizing what you had until you lose it or just ego?

Is this a false feeling?

 

What am i exactly longing for is it her in person our relationship or just A relationship?

 

It´s very wierd and as i have gotten into the 4th month of our breakup i am not sure at all what i feel anymore... Ofc i feel rejected by her but i don´t know if i miss her as a person or just someone/something....

 

How can i know if i just miss her or someone / the idea of a relationship?

 

BR

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