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Broke up with me by ignoring me


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toffeecream77

After two years, and out of the blue, he ignores me. Doesn't pick up my calls or reply to my messages. We live in a big city in the United States where this kind of behavior is called ghosting, but it usually happens to women, usually, after a few weeks or months of dating. Not long term relationships where things are fine.

 

Tips on how to deal with the extreme pain of not knowing?

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toffeecream77

A week. He has read my messages, I've got a notification. He also removed me from his social networks.

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Do not try to contact him again as it will make you look desperate for his attention. If he tries to contact you, ignore, ignore, ignore. Then block him from ever contacting you again.

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A week. He has read my messages, I've got a notification. He also removed me from his social networks.

 

Ouch. If you both finalized the ending and he has remained NC, I can understand it. But just disappearing is cruel.

 

Don't send him any more messages. His silence is a response.

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Michelle ma Belle

I know young people can behave like total douche bags but to ghost on someone you've been in a committed relationship with for two years for NO REASON at all seems a bit suspicious.

 

No idea why he would do that? No signs of trouble at any given point?

 

That's not to excuse his disappearing act, I'm just trying to gain some perspective here before I weigh in completely.

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After two years, and out of the blue, he ignores me. Doesn't pick up my calls or reply to my messages. We live in a big city in the United States where this kind of behavior is called ghosting, but it usually happens to women, usually, after a few weeks or months of dating. Not long term relationships where things are fine.

 

Tips on how to deal with the extreme pain of not knowing?

 

How long has it been?

 

Not long term relationships where things are fine. -- This is more common than you realize. Men and women walk out on families too without a word. They go to work, out for cigarettes, etc. and are never heard from again.

 

There are usually signs/indicators that show up in behaviors all along. And, sometimes, the partner is just kinda blind to things in the relationship. It's very difficult to untangle.

 

how to deal with the extreme pain of not knowing? -- Sometimes "knowing" is worse. He may have done you a great favor but not telling you what's going on with him.

 

Are you in touch with his family? Perhaps reach out to someone there to confirm that he's not physically injured. Otherwise, just let it be.

 

Focus on you and your own life right now. Get really busy. Spend time with friends and family. Try not to dwell. It's a tough thing to deal with for sure.

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toffeecream77
I know young people can behave like total douche bags but to ghost on someone you've been in a committed relationship with for two years for NO REASON at all seems a bit suspicious.

 

No idea why he would do that? No signs of trouble at any given point?

 

That's not to excuse his disappearing act, I'm just trying to gain some perspective here before I weigh in completely.

 

 

Things had become a little domesticated and boring, but nothing out of the ordinary happened lately. I saw him a week ago, he kissed me good bye, and said he would call. He never did.

 

Perhaps he has met someone new.

 

I messaged him to say if he wants to walk away, that's fine, if he has met someone, that's fine - but that we should talk and say a proper goodbye. Nothing.

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Michelle ma Belle
Things had become a little domesticated and boring, but nothing out of the ordinary happened lately. I saw him a week ago, he kissed me good bye, and said he would call. He never did.

 

Perhaps he has met someone new.

 

I messaged him to say if he wants to walk away, that's fine, if he has met someone, that's fine - but that we should talk and say a proper goodbye. Nothing.

 

How old are the two of you?

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fieldoflavender

That's pretty terrible. Regardless of the reason, they should have the decency to speak to you. And that's probably something you want in a relationship.

 

So I would first make sure there is nothing super terrible that happened - are they still working? Other than that....I guess you have to move on. That's not someone you want to be by your side (or rather not be by your side) when something major happens in your life.

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Michelle ma Belle
30s/40s - surprising, huh?

 

Oh wow, I wasn't expecting that. I was pretty certain you were both young, early twenties at the most.

 

Yeah, that's disturbing.

 

Count your blessings that he's gone then and don't be a fool and take him back. This behavior is telling of the kind of man he really is. I mean, who does that???

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toffeecream77
Oh wow, I wasn't expecting that. I was pretty certain you were both young, early twenties at the most.

 

Yeah, that's disturbing.

 

Count your blessings that he's gone then and don't be a fool and take him back. This behavior is telling of the kind of man he really is. I mean, who does that???

 

Of course, I'll get over it, but right now it hurts so, so much.

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Michelle ma Belle
Of course, I'll get over it, but right now it hurts so, so much.

 

Of course it does!

 

Remedy? Time. That's it.

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penelopeanne

so sorry you are going through this.

i can kind of relate.....i was with my ex for over 2 years and things were unraveling and i was bringing it up and he is a super avoidant.

at the end, he did a lot of avoiding and ignoring and it hurt.

i did get a break up EMAIL though, which was so painful.

leading up to that email was a week of him avoiding me and the confrontation.

he and i knew what was coming and i don't think he was capable of handling it any differently (i see that now.)

but for that week it was me texting him, calling him, trying to meet.

he was too busy. i got some response but barely.

it really drove me crazy. and it was sooooo hard.

it took me sending an email to him to finally get some sort of response which was an erratic email saying he didnt want to be in a relationship with me anymore.

most of it was because of his issues and the work he needs to do.

anyways, it really was painful and the first few months were hard.

after the initial break up emailing i sent him a few more and i got nothing from him for weeks.

living in those spaces of silence was just the worst.

he finally sent me a longer more thought out email weeks later and a lot of it was self depricating and some apologizing that he couldnt face it, that he cared deeply but he isnt ok.

there was some closure in that but not much.

most of the big healing i have done was on myself and over time.

there was nothing i was going to get from him and my feelings changed for him after his utter immaturity and lack of compassion for my feelings.

it was all about him.

and that is now such a turn off to me.

so now it is 5 months later and i am doing better and i have let go and accepted that this was for the best.

but for a few months it took a toll on my self worth and self esteem.

i know that i deserve more now.

i know that he isnt in a good place and he needs to figure that out for himself.

the pain of him sort of disappearing has subsided quite a bit but i think it will always sting a little.

i am here to listen if you need to vent more.

keep your head up and take care of yourself the best you can.

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Well, he's just a chicken. He doesn't want to have a confrontation. This could be for any number of reasons. Maybe he's afraid his anger would get the best of him. Maybe he's afraid because he knows it's not an argument he can win, which is usually the case.

 

I am having trouble believing you had no inkling there were issues in your relationship that he never ever mentioned before. Of course, maybe he just met another woman and doesn't want to have to admit that.

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toffeecream77
I am having trouble believing you had no inkling there were issues in your relationship that he never ever mentioned before. Of course, maybe he just met another woman and doesn't want to have to admit that.

 

As I said, things had become a little domesticated and boring. The passion had gone, but it's something that could have been worked on. Either way, doesn't warrant this behaviour. A week ago, he bought me flowers and kissed me goodbye.

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toffeecream77

Could he be doing this to spite me? After all, he is a grown, smart man. He knows what he's doing. And he's had relationships and break ups before.

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3rd party involved here.

 

 

I was ghosted as well after a 9 year relationship.

 

 

You probably will hear from him at some point, especially if his next relationship goes south.

 

 

The flowers thing is fairly common. Some dumpers like to do some kind gestures before they officially dump, even though they have already emotionally checked out. Somehow they think that will make them feel less guilty and look like a better person. Ironically, from the dumpee's perspective, it is quite the opposite.

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I feel your pain. My ex girlfriend of almost 2 years pretty much dumped me via a vague text 3 weeks ago. She was supposed to come over that night and then the text. I'm just not happy. Haven't been happy for a while. No reason why or can we work on things. Nothing. I was devistated. Then about 3 days later she texted saying we should have a sit down talk one of these days.and she is sorry she hurt me and she is hurting too. I said sure because I don't know what happened. Her response was "I don't know what to say". I was working and didn't respond to that. The next day I wake up and I'm deleted from her Facebook. My parents and aunts too. I texted. Really? Deleted me from Facebook no warning. That's hurts bad. Her response was I thought I was the right thing to do. I said a little warning would be nice. Then didn't hear from her. Until about 5 days after talking about this with friends I sent a long text basically I miss her lover her you know the lovey Dovey stuff. (I talked to friends about doing this because I wasn't sure if I should. But I need to say something just to get it off my chest. My friends agreed and said do it then). She did reply basically saying again she is sorry I'm hurting and that she is too.shes not happy And that there are things in her life that I can't give her??? Like really? What are those things. I think that's just vague. Now I'm wondering what those are. I don't get it. We were seriously taking about moving in. We invested in each other's kids. My kids miss her too now. And what really confusing to me is that she is not like this. A vague text message to end an almost 2 year relationship. I can see it if it was 2 months. But 2 years?? Really? Anyways she ended the text with her saying that not talking is the best way for us to heal. Which from reading a lot of other people's post. Guess she's right. But sucks. 2 weeks now with NC. It's hard. Very hard. I'm a mess. Don't know what to do.

 

So your not alone with your pain and your out of the blue break up and not knowing why. There seems to be no closure. I've read many threads on this forum about breakups and learnt that it's a process. It takes time. Some it will be short others like me know it will be a long time before I'm back to normal. Hang in there. Your not alone

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And then u have guys who will continue dating u and another person without breaking up with u.

 

Dating world is a scary place.

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so sorry you are going through this.

i can kind of relate.....i was with my ex for over 2 years and things were unraveling and i was bringing it up and he is a super avoidant.

at the end, he did a lot of avoiding and ignoring and it hurt.

i did get a break up EMAIL though, which was so painful.

leading up to that email was a week of him avoiding me and the confrontation.

he and i knew what was coming and i don't think he was capable of handling it any differently (i see that now.)

but for that week it was me texting him, calling him, trying to meet.

he was too busy. i got some response but barely.

it really drove me crazy. and it was sooooo hard.

it took me sending an email to him to finally get some sort of response which was an erratic email saying he didnt want to be in a relationship with me anymore.

most of it was because of his issues and the work he needs to do.

anyways, it really was painful and the first few months were hard.

after the initial break up emailing i sent him a few more and i got nothing from him for weeks.

living in those spaces of silence was just the worst.

he finally sent me a longer more thought out email weeks later and a lot of it was self depricating and some apologizing that he couldnt face it, that he cared deeply but he isnt ok.

there was some closure in that but not much.

most of the big healing i have done was on myself and over time.

there was nothing i was going to get from him and my feelings changed for him after his utter immaturity and lack of compassion for my feelings.

it was all about him.

and that is now such a turn off to me.

so now it is 5 months later and i am doing better and i have let go and accepted that this was for the best.

but for a few months it took a toll on my self worth and self esteem.

i know that i deserve more now.

i know that he isnt in a good place and he needs to figure that out for himself.

the pain of him sort of disappearing has subsided quite a bit but i think it will always sting a little.

i am here to listen if you need to vent more.

keep your head up and take care of yourself the best you can.

 

This is almost exactly what happened to me.

 

Op, if I may, firstly, ghosting isn't limited to women. I was ghosted three times over an 18 month debacle of a relationship. I loved her anyway.

 

Now on to the better stuff. It hurts like hell. One minute they are there, and then they are gone without a word or explanation.

 

Mine found a letter from an ex that I wasn't seeing - and without even asking about it went to Louisiana for three weeks. I panicked, called hospitals, police stations, and even went out looking for her. I'd never seen anything like it.

 

This occurred three separate times. Five months of rock solid nc has given me a much clearer perspective of the games she played.

 

These people have a hole inside of them that cannot be filled. Sex, money, goals, nothing does it for them. They avoid and ignore, thinking it gives them control. When in reality, clear, direct communication makes both parties feel valued. They are selfish, fearful, and allow their insecurities to control them.

 

Babe, I'm so sorry. I went through this multiple times with my ex. I hurt so bad and learned so much that I'm a completely different person now. I look for mature partners who communicate and will protect my feelings.

 

Look back at the red flags that you missed because you liked him. Look for those in future partners and avoid them like the plague.

 

Stay strong. Online hugs.

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