ehern131 Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 So I'm a 23 (m) and was dating a 24 (f), Backstory: She was in a relationship when I met her and we spoke for a while and proceeded to go on one date.. She ended up breaking up with her ex and taking a 4 month break in which we didn't speak at all (I gave her time to recover). Fast forward 4 months later, her and I end up communicating again and started dating shortly after. We date for roughly 7 months and we've both had a fantastic time and had an abundance of great dates and strong affection towards each other. We end up going on an 8 day vacation to another country and throughout the trip I get bothered by her treating me poorly and being disrespectful. I bring this to her attention and she mentions how we should break up and she is not in love with me like she thought she would. I try to work things out and realize that shes firm on her decision and let it be. We return from the trip and we upload all of our photos onto my PC and say our goodbyes. (She starts crying and gives me the whole "I'm losing such a great guy" card. I told her I would rather not be friends with an ex and go no contact). The next day, while going through the photos, I notice that she had taken a picture while we were on a hike during vacation of a tree that had the initials of her and her ex carved out. I'm slightly upset but have come to terms that the reason for the breakup was because she has not gotten over her previous relationship. Any thoughts? It's been a week of no contact and I have an idea of what I should do but I'd love to hear what this community has to say. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 When someone breaks up with someone and its recent its dangerous to invest in them. And 4 months wasn't a long time. Also remember she went on a date with you while she was with someone. That in itself is a HUGE red flag. She does it to him don't you think she can do it to you? Link to post Share on other sites
kortz Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 Sounds like she's not over him, and there isn't anything you can do about that. You're doing the right thing with NC and moving on, not much else to it. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 You loving her doesn't matter. If she is hung up on her EX still & she is disrespectful toward you, there is no reason for you to continue chasing after her. You will only be treated poorly. She has said she doesn't love you & that she wants to break up. Romance always defaults to the one who wants out. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 Unfortunately, I think you are right, OP - she misses her ex. It sounds like she does care about you but he's the one on her mind. It was a huge red flag that she went on a date with you while she was still with him. How long were they together? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ehern131 Posted August 2, 2017 Author Share Posted August 2, 2017 Unfortunately, I think you are right, OP - she misses her ex. It sounds like she does care about you but he's the one on her mind. It was a huge red flag that she went on a date with you while she was still with him. How long were they together? She went on a date with me when they were already broken up. It was right after they broke up but you are right. It was a red flag. They were together for 4 years. I know what I have to do and I think ive played my cards correctly... It's just that I still feel hurt and having some trouble moving on because I dont know if she ever loved me or she just missed her ex. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 Assume she did care for you. But know it wasn't enough & move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 Assume she did care for you. But know it wasn't enough & move on. Spot on. OP, It sucks that you invested, but 4 months after a 4 year relationship is nothing. You sound like a great guy, but it's best that you just move on with your life. You it would seem were the dreaded "rebound". We've all been there and it sucks bad. Life lessons like these suck, but it does teach for things to look for in the future... You probably have not heard the last from her so be prepared... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ehern131 Posted August 2, 2017 Author Share Posted August 2, 2017 (edited) Spot on. You probably have not heard the last from her so be prepared... Haha why do you say that? I really do think that was the last of it. I dont see any communication between us in the future. Edited August 2, 2017 by ehern131 Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 Haha why do you say that? I really do think that was the last of it. I dont see any communication between us in the future. Boredom and loneliness wreak havoc with some men and women. Considering how fast she jumped in with you, it tells me she has a problem being alone... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ehern131 Posted August 2, 2017 Author Share Posted August 2, 2017 (edited) Boredom and loneliness wreak havoc with some men and women. Considering how fast she jumped in with you, it tells me she has a problem being alone... Ehh I don't think so. She said she wanted to be single for a while and was always very independent so I believe her.... I think she got with me because we really did have many similarities and great chemistry. I know my value and believe that she just became blinded by her baggage and old memories and she failed to see the value along the way. I treated her very well, stable and growing careeer, great family, same goals and aspirations and very similar ideaologies. It's a shame but only one way to move which is forward. I dont think she'll be back... and if she does, ill most likely stick to no contact. Edited August 2, 2017 by ehern131 Link to post Share on other sites
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