feeling terrible bumping into ex after 1 month nc

[SethDamien]

I work near where she studies, so i guess the meeting was bound to happen.

I religiously followed NC. For 1 month, we never talked and we never saw each other.

 

Overall, I was feeling better, then boom, there she was at the same diner where me and my workmates eat. After I ordered from the cashier, she casually walks towards me and asks who was with me and i (apathetically) responded.

 

After finishing our meals, i just stood up, looked straight ahead and walked past their table without glancing at her. (but damn she looked amazing!)

 

Right now, i feel like im in a slump... Im resisting the urge to reminisce about our relationship and how pretty she was. and i'm resisting all the urge to message her (she's still single since our break up)

 

after 1 month nc, i felt like the breakup just happened yesterday. I hate this....

 

p.s. need someone to slap sense into me before i hit the 'send' button

Edited August 1, 2017 by SethDamien

[kortz]

You did great with your 1 month NC. Don't worry about these feelings after seeing her and you sound like you handled yourself very well. You just need to go back to NC now and the feelings will fade much quicker and it will be much easier for you to get back into the rhythm with NC, its totally normal to feel down after something like this.

 

I had this happen to me after about 2 months NC and I came out feeling the same as you except I went onto re-initiate contact with her which was a big mistake. I then went back to NC and it had been about 2 months again and the one day I saw someone who looked exactly like her from the back and my heart sank for a moment until I realised it wasn't her. Point is it's normal to feel like that so just be strong and move forward.

[marky00]

I think NC on its own isn't usually enough to get you over it 100 per cent.

 

 

Every now and then, being exposed to an attempted break of NC or a quick snoop on social media can actually help in some regards.

 

 

With me I found that initially it was indeed important to hold NC for as long as I could stand it. This just helps you settle into a new reality.

 

 

But every few months, maybe my Ex broke NC or maybe I had a quick snoop on social media and while it hurts at the time, I think these things actually lead to a more complete healing. Each time you feel the pain but then go back to NC just makes you stronger each time. It's also a good yard stick because when confronted with those moments, you'll start to notice that each time they happen, you suffer less.

 

 

This is why Exes hang around for so long, even dumpers. If you just cut of cold turkey, it's harder to validate your progress and to test your strength. It would like being an amazing runner but never being able to test yourself in a race. Of course at some point, the need for this validation lessens which is when you slip into a permanent NC.

 

 

Breaking NC isn't always bad, as long as you make a concerted effort to go back to NC thereafter. But if NC is broken, always make it about yourself and what you stand to gain from it.

[BC1980]

It's normal to feel the way you are feeling, but you've got to let logic take over right now. You know that contacting her will not remedy the way you feel. Contacting her will be a quick high but will make this worse. And that's assuming she will even respond to you. You were bound to see her sometime, so it may as well have happened sooner rather than later. You are emotionally fragile right now, so seeing her is going to be hard.

 

Can you write out what you would send her, sit on it a few days, and then decide if it's worth it to send?