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Can feelings just go away that easily..? ***Updated***


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He used me as a side chick and cheated with me on his new girlfriend. The next morning he kicked me out. I was hurt. But I attempted no contact so I could move on and forget about him. 5 days into no contact, he calls me like 10 times and messages me asking me if I had already found another man and why I kept my Facebook profile private. I ignored his text but the next day when I went shopping, somehow a part of me started missing him and kept thinking about the text that he sent to me last night. So I called him, he picks up and pretty much acted really cold towards me and told me to not contact him ever again. I called a few more times because I was still grasping onto hope especially since he showed signs that he might've thought about me. He kept ignoring my calls.

 

I was so hurt and at that moment I didn't see my ex as a good person, so I told a friend about us messing around when I was drunk and when he was dating this current girlfriend. This friend was also friends with the girlfriend so she warned her and the girl got really mad and upset.

 

My ex then called me and started interrogating me and get me all in my feels to make me look like I'm the psycho ex girlfriend. To be honest, yes of course I'm going to still have feelings for him, but I really was trying to move on. I really was attempting to not contact him until he broked no contact with me. The fact that he portrayed me as the psycho ex girlfriend hurts me the most. I thought that our conversations were supposed to be private.

 

Then he begged this girl for another chance but she didn't want to give him another chance. He texted me and told me to meet him at this park that we used to hang out at before we started dating. I had already hated him so much to the point that I don't get these butterfly feelings in my stomach when I see him. I just wanted to hear what he wanted to say. I sat on the grass and I told him how much it hurt me that he portrayed me like I'm the psycho and that he should've never contacted me to get my hopes up if he was with another girl. He told me sorry, that he still loves me and has feelings for me, that he only did that because he really liked M (his new girl) as well and cared a lot about her feelings. He told me he's pursuing this relationship because he's trying to move on and M helps him forget about me. But sometimes it's hard to not think about me even when M was there.

 

I guess he sorta sweet talked me and then told me to lay on the grass with him and hugged him. I shoved him away. He told me that our love was stronger but somehow towards the end of the relationship he felt like it wasn't going to work out. He told me that he wanted to explore other women and pursue other relationships. But he said at this point, he's not even going to try. Because he's not ready. He still loves me so much and apparently it's hard for him to not text me and think about me everyday. He told me he checks my Facebook 3 times a day everyday.

 

He started coming closer towards me and started kissing me and I let him and somehow the chemistry was still there. We layed on the grass and cuddled for a long time. And I told him "we aren't getting back together" and he told me "yeah I know, I don't want to hurt you again". I thought that he was still in love with me because when we got home he texted me "hey wanna go on a date?" And I was like "sure" and we had made plans for Thursday to go dancing.

 

Well the next day he messaged me and said "I feel like this is so wrong" and I told him "it's ok let's not go on a date" because I know that he still cared about M a lot and that I respect his feelings. Then he texts me to meet up with him. And this time he did the most ****ed up thing I could ever imagine him doing.

 

We met at the park again and this time he told me "I know it's hard for you to do this, thats why if you don't feel comfortable doing it, you shouldn't, but, I want you to help me get back with M again. I still love you a lot but I'm trying to move on and I really see a lot of potential in this relationship with M and I've been thinking about her since we had that argument and how we could've possibly worked out"

 

I should feel hurt and all these feelings but I feel like I'm so immune to it I agreed to doing it. I asked him "how do you want me to do it?"

 

He told me "can you lie and say that we've never slept together that day and that you lied about everything and that I'm a great guy so please give me another chance?"

 

At that moment I wanted to cry. I really did. But I realized that he really didn't love me anymore and everything he said was bull****. And I don't know why I agreed to it but I did. I told him yes, and messaged her on Facebook right there. I showed him the messages I sent to her. And he wanted to check my text messages and my photo album to see if I have any screenshots of our text messages together. He told me to delete our text messages and I deleted them right in front of him.

 

Then he told me "thank you so much and I know you're risking a lot for me, your reputation, your friendship with B (who would definitely get mad if she thinks I lie about the whole thing)"

 

I said nothing and tried to get up to walk away. He grabbed my arms and told me "I still have a lot of feelings for you but we can't work out right now. I want to give us a chance in the future as well. I hope if things don't work out with M, that we could cross paths again and start over. I really do have a lot of feelings for you even now..."

 

That made me so mad I told him there's never going to be another chance. I told him if he wanted to return a favor back to me he should **** off and never ****ing contact me again and I don't want to see him ever again. He said "ok but you never know"

 

I just walked away. I don't know why I did it. Maybe because I didn't want someone who didn't give a **** about me to play me like that anymore. He was better off not being in my life than being there all the time. I realize this is the final straw. That I needed to really let go.

 

To think that this person who used to go on so many adventures with me, who used to care about me, who used to calm me whenever I wake up from nightmares, who I used to watch Netflix with while eating ice cream together, the person who used to make me origami flowers just for me would do something like this to me seemed so unbelievable.

 

I don't know how to feel at this point anymore...

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He didn't use you. You allowed yourself to be used because you had a motive. You knew he had a girlfriend and you invited him into your life because you were hoping you could get him back.

 

Everything is a choice, OP.

 

Block this douchebag and try to move on.

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He didn't use you. You allowed yourself to be used because you had a motive. You knew he had a girlfriend and you invited him into your life because you were hoping you could get him back.

 

Everything is a choice, OP.

 

Block this douchebag and try to move on.

 

I did back off when I found out he had a girlfriend. But he was messaging me st that time through email because I blocked him on every social media accounts I have. Somehow he found my account in this app that I use (that's not social media) and he messaged me through there and tried to contact me again. Also the day when he slept with me, he called me to tell me he missed me, and I was drunk and thought that he wanted to be back with me again.

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I did back off when I found out he had a girlfriend. But he was messaging me st that time through email because I blocked him on every social media accounts I have. Somehow he found my account in this app that I use (that's not social media) and he messaged me through there and tried to contact me again. Also the day when he slept with me, he called me to tell me he missed me, and I was drunk and thought that he wanted to be back with me again.

 

Keep him blocked from all avenues of contact and do not allow him access to you anymore.

 

This guy does not love anyone but himself.

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I'm started to accept the fact that we may be over...that he wasn't right for me. Our relationship before all this messy, dramatic breakup was beautiful though and even if we do end up getting back together it won't be the same the second time. We both hurt each other so much that it's hard to shake it off and the last time I saw him, he begged me to do him a favor, told me to lie about us not sleeping together while he was still dating his new girlfriend. I told him I'll do it for him but never contact me again.

 

The fact that he wanted me to do him this favor, gives me a reason to hate him even more. To think that this person who used to care for me would treat me like that in the end shows his selfishness and I deserve someone who isn't selfish.

 

Even though the feelings and memories still linger, I feel like with each passing day I am doing better. I am ok with not having him around. If you asked me like the first month we broke up, I would've took him back in a second. But now, without a doubt I wouldn't want him back.

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even if we do end up getting back together it won't be the same the second time

 

Resolve that you will never revisit this guy again.

 

Keep moving forward. Keep him blocked.

 

You will thank yourself in the future.

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Resolve that you will never revisit this guy again.

 

Keep moving forward. Keep him blocked.

 

You will thank yourself in the future.

 

I know that it's for the good of my future. But when will I feel good again?

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I know that it's for the good of my future. But when will I feel good again?

 

It's going to take awhile. You're suffering a loss and going through grief. And just like any type of loss, it's going to be a process to get over your emotions. It may take weeks or months to start to feel some level of relief.

 

Keep him blocked so that he does not derail you and drag you down a rabbit hole. You need to be determined to move on.

 

Lean on your friends and family and be around people that care for you.

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When my ex boyfriend broke up with me, he said he was still in love with me but wasn't ready to commit yet. The breakup was just unexpected as hell and somehow deep down I know he still loves and cares about me. He was crazy about me before and he would tell me he loved me everyday and how good it felt to be with me. I remember when he was drunk and I was taking care of him, he kept grabbing onto me and telling me how much he loves me and how I was his girl.

 

Even after we broke up, we continued to hang out and he would tell me he loved me still and kiss me on my forehead and stuff....

 

It's been 11 days and he still hasn't talked to me...this is probably the longest he's gone without contacting me and somehow my heart just hurts how this person who used to have so much love for me, so much care for me doesn't have any feelings for me anymore...

 

How can feelings fade that easily? Even after the whole breakup, for me, my feelings haven't fade that easily...I just don't get it....

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Sounds similar to what happened to me. It was completely out of the blue. My guess is he's either really confused or lost, or there is someone else he is interested in. My ex left me after 2.5 years for some girl he's working at a summer camp he met 6 weeks ago. It's pretty tough to deal with.

 

Do not contact him. Time and your TOTAL absence is the only way he can process if this was a good decision for him.

 

Hang in there. I know it crushes. It's been a month of NC for me and I'm still crying a lot. It gets better, some days move forward, some days regress, but in time you will be okay. Try to stay busy and do things you love, it hurts but if you get into the right mindset, YOU will be in control of your life, your relationships, and your happiness.

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His feelings for you left a long time ago. He told you that during the breakup to let you down easy.

 

That's common. Usually the person who leaves has mentally and emotionally detached themselves from the relationship for a while before the actual breakup.

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Same story with me. Said he loved me so many times but let me break up with him.

 

Told me he would be the father of my children but slowly detached over 6 months.

 

How do they go from so so into us to not that much.

 

My particular man is quite broken with no vision if the future n hates life/hates himself (all quotes from him). So i can see how he could 'love' me but not be able to proceed into marriage n kids cos he cant have a healthy future. Therefore he could say he loved me so much but it cant translate into evermore loving in a healthy future....

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ExpatInItaly

How long were you together, and how old are you both?

 

He might be really good at putting on an act, or maybe you missed the signs he was checking out. Of course your feelings haven't faded yet, girl; that's normal for dumpees. This is a shock and it hurts. It's very different for dumpers, usually - they knew it was coming and have already processed the end of the relationship.

 

I'm sorry this happened. You certainly have our sympathies.

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No, he was not in love with you after your breakup. He strung you along while he was cheating on his girlfriend. Then kicked you out. Then asked you to lie to his girlfriend about his dealings with you.

 

People that love and care for you don't treat you poorly.

 

When you romanticize this guy, try to focus on the reality of who he really is rather than the image you're creating because if you start to get honest about who he is, you'll start to grasp that he's just a lousy person and you deserve much better.

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Can feelings just go away that easily?

 

Yes. Especially when they already have a new girlfriend.

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ExpatInItaly
No, he was not in love with you after your breakup. He strung you along while he was cheating on his girlfriend. Then kicked you out. Then asked you to lie to his girlfriend about his dealings with you.

 

People that love and care for you don't treat you poorly.

 

When you romanticize this guy, try to focus on the reality of who he really is rather than the image you're creating because if you start to get honest about who he is, you'll start to grasp that he's just a lousy person and you deserve much better.

 

I need to remember to read the back-stories on these posts. I had forgotten there's much more to this story.

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Greenhawk84

How can feelings fade that easily? Even after the whole breakup, for me, my feelings haven't fade that easily...I just don't get it....

 

 

I am not sure how people do this. It's been a few times where I found myself asking the same question. I know I sure don't tell someone I love them for an extended period of time and then decide to stop being in love with them. It takes quite a lot to remove me from a relationship when I love someone.

 

 

My best shot is that they don't truly love us. The love is not running very deep within them, keeping them in the game. My ex said she loved me and had sex with me the night before our breakup. I had no idea the storm was ahead.

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When my ex boyfriend broke up with me, he said he was still in love with me but wasn't ready to commit yet. The breakup was just unexpected as hell and somehow deep down I know he still loves and cares about me. He was crazy about me before and he would tell me he loved me everyday and how good it felt to be with me. I remember when he was drunk and I was taking care of him, he kept grabbing onto me and telling me how much he loves me and how I was his girl.

 

Even after we broke up, we continued to hang out and he would tell me he loved me still and kiss me on my forehead and stuff....

 

It's been 11 days and he still hasn't talked to me...this is probably the longest he's gone without contacting me and somehow my heart just hurts how this person who used to have so much love for me, so much care for me doesn't have any feelings for me anymore...

 

How can feelings fade that easily? Even after the whole breakup, for me, my feelings haven't fade that easily...I just don't get it....

 

I've never been able to understand it either it baffles me and I'm a guy I use to think it was just us guy's that hurt but now I see it's both. Ur guess is as good as mine

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How long were you together, and how old are you both?

 

He might be really good at putting on an act, or maybe you missed the signs he was checking out. Of course your feelings haven't faded yet, girl; that's normal for dumpees. This is a shock and it hurts. It's very different for dumpers, usually - they knew it was coming and have already processed the end of the relationship.

 

I'm sorry this happened. You certainly have our sympathies.

 

We were together for 1 and a half years. I was really in love with him and at that time he was really in love with me as well. I am 21 and he is 23. There wasn't any signs he was checking out....literally four days before we broke up he was telling me that he wanted to marry me and have children with me jnthe future. And the day before we were cuddling on the couch and he made me dinner while we were watching netflix. It was just all of a sudden.

 

And I know he has someone, but he's only known this person for like 2 months....how can he just stop loving me and start loving another girl for 2 months? Even while he was dating her he kept telling me that he still loved me the most and that everything they did didn't feel right...

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stockyoldfrump

It's baffling, but we sometimes place way too much emphasis on words and actions when ultimately feelings are what matter.

 

The last time I saw her, my ex girlfriend told me she loved me multiple times, begged me to stay with her an extra 2 hours to see a late night movie and - on her own - suggested a romantic dinner for the following Wednesday and a trip the next weekend. She, unsolicited, told me she couldn't wait for the summer when we were both off work so she could stay at my place for days on end and we could do activities all the time. When she got out of my car she said "I love you," kissed me and said "see you Wednesday."

 

She broke up with me a week later over text after avoiding me the whole following week. When she broke up with me the first and last words of her text were "I love you very much."

 

It's just...words. I wanted to take comfort in them too, but ultimately sometimes we say things we don't mean or we do things we're not truly invested in. If the other person is emotionally invested, they take those words and actions as confirmation that their feelings are reciprocated. But the great sadness of relationships is that we never really know what's going on in the head or heart of the person beside us. At some point declarations or demonstrations of love can become play acting, or time biding, or just pure charity. And, if the person is convincing enough, we never know.

 

But you know what love feels like because you feel it now. And, I bet, even with all the pain your ex has caused you, you'd consider taking them back if they asked. I would too. That's what actual love feels like. No matter the excuse, it would've never been enough to drive our exes away if they had loved us then like we love them now. Something had already changed, they just didn't show it. Maybe they would've stayed if everything had been perfect, but imperfections and hardships are inevitable. And if the first sign of trouble or the first difficulty was excuse enough to leave, then the actual love had left a long time before.

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ExpatInItaly
We were together for 1 and a half years. I was really in love with him and at that time he was really in love with me as well. I am 21 and he is 23. There wasn't any signs he was checking out....literally four days before we broke up he was telling me that he wanted to marry me and have children with me jnthe future. And the day before we were cuddling on the couch and he made me dinner while we were watching netflix. It was just all of a sudden.

 

And I know he has someone, but he's only known this person for like 2 months....how can he just stop loving me and start loving another girl for 2 months? Even while he was dating her he kept telling me that he still loved me the most and that everything they did didn't feel right...

 

This guy is a grade-A manipulator and player. Do you really not see that?

 

He says what he knows you want to hear so he can keep you on the hook, and have easy access to the goods when he wants them. And he's probably telling his new girlfriend exactly the same thing.

 

I hate to tell you this, but this isn't a guy who was sincerely in love with you. Not near the end, anyway. If he was, there's no way he would have dropped you like a hot potato for someone else. His words and sweet nothings meant, well, nothing.

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Hey, not too late to post again about how he seduced you into that last post but that it wasn't true. Really, you should have taken some photos.

 

There's a lot messed up about this story, mostly him, but you too for going along when you knew he was entangled and I'm real sorry you let him play you like that. He's the worst. I would definitely retract your statement asap before you're blocked.

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I really thought he was moving on but last night he contacted me at midnight and he sounded a little drunk. He told me that he's not sober right now but everyday that we've been apart he thinks about me. He told me he's not happy with new girl (let's call her M). He's been telling me things like he keeps a journal to write out his thoughts about us and the more he's with her the more he feels like she's not what he wants. He told me he stalks my Instagram and Facebook everyday, at least 5 times a day and he keeps asking me if I already had another guy. I told him I'm talking to 4 guys right now and he seemed a little hurt.

 

I basically told him to "f_ off" but in a much nicer way...told him to stay with M because she is genuinely a nice girl. He says he'll try but it won't last long...which makes me NOT want him back even more. He asks me if there's a chance for us in the future and I told him "if I meet a guy who treats me right and won't leave me why would I leave him for a POS like you?" He kept crying and saying sorry and I had to end it.

 

It feels good. He brought it up. And even Though I love him and everything I just rather stay like this where I'm finally starting To feel okay without him.

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ExpatInItaly

This guy is such a complete tool. I believe "F**k Boy" is what the kids are calling it these days.

 

Block him. He is utterly toxic.

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Why are you answering his phone calls and engaging in this? It feels good for the moment because you had the upper hand in that phone call. That feeling won't last forever. You're still way too invested in him if you're feeling good about this stuff. You need to block him and move on without finding any kind of emotional relief in anything he does.

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