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Ex acts like nothing ever happened ***Updated***


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Broke up with my ex yesterday when I found text messages of him asking his long term ex gf go come over, he wants to talk because " it's long over due".

 

 

Just a couple weeks ago another one of his exes who had been hanging out with his roommate came up to him with attitude and walked away from him, I was confused and realized oh they probably made plans to hang out and he flopped. He swore up and down he wasn't the one who texted her to hang out that it was his roommate. I dropped it. Fast forward a week I looked on his lock screen on his phone and noticed he had a notification from dating site, I freaked out so he showed me that he unsubscribe to it...as he was was doing that I noticed texts from his ex the one he said he hadn't been texting. He blocked and deleted her off everything. I kicked him out and broke up with him.

 

The next morning he begged for me back, said he wanted to start from scratch, said he would give me the password to his phone to give me piece of mind. Said he would delete all his exes.I agreed and the next day I went to his house, nothing was even mentioned, what happened, the password, just acted like nothing happened. I brought it up and he got very upset and I couldn't bother.

 

 

Everything was going really good, he was sober for the most part, he's very attentive, I'm always put first he's been like that throughout the relationship actually. Until yesterday I read that text from another ex asking her to come over. When I confronted him about it he said he wants to meet up with her to talk...when I asked about what he just screamed to me that it was none of my business. She never replied as far as I saw. They were together for a while and I do think he still has feelings for her, he denies it.

 

Why did he beg for me back and make promises just to do the same things to me??? Together for a year btw.

 

He covers everything up with " stop I love you".

When I called him and brought her up he just hangs up the phone on me.

 

I'm so hurt, I don't know what's real or fake. He's not even trying to console me or reassure me of anything . I blocked him.

Edited by Hurtx10
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...I kicked him out and broke up with him.

 

The next morning he begged for me back, said he wanted to start from scratch, said he would give me the password to his phone to give me piece of mind. Said he would delete all his exes.I agreed and the next day I went to his house, nothing was even mentioned, what happened, the password, just acted like nothing happened. I brought it up and he got very upset and I couldn't bother.

 

Watch this.

 

Emotional escapes.

 

You did the right thing by breaking up with him.

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Watch this.

 

Emotional escapes.

 

You did the right thing by breaking up with him.

 

Yes that's exactly what's been going on. Just blows up with anger or gets really sad and begs for me back , but never lives up to his promises.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Greedy.

 

Selfish.

 

I'll add narcissistic.

 

Really, incapable of actual love for another, which is sad.

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I'll add narcissistic.

 

Really, incapable of actual love for another, which is sad.

 

I felt like he loved me. He did everything he was suppose to as a boyfriend .....just behind my back he wasn't

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Because they want more than one partner so they try to keep more than one partner by saying whatever it takes.

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He basically asked his long term ex gf telling her to come over after he had saw her in person on his way to work. He told me he had no feelings for her but I could tell by his facial expression that he still does have feelings for her. There's no reason to hang out with an ex.

 

 

But I'm so stupid I was missing him this morning and sent him a text saying that I love and miss him. Logically I know he's been playing me but my heart is saying something else.

 

I don't know what to do I already called him today so many times thankfully his phones off. I had him blocked all day yesterday .

 

How do I handle this, I'm not ready to not have him in my life. I feel like I can't compete with that ex.

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If this were a healthy and stable relationship, you wouldn't have to compete with his ex. It's tough, but you need to release him.

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I read your other thread. This guy has had so many inconsistencies.

 

You handle this by re-blocking him. Try to preserve and hold on to your dignity and self-respect. Use that to propel yourself forward rather than wanting to keep a cheater in your life. All you're teaching him is that you are a doormat.

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I read your other thread. This guy has had so many inconsistencies.

 

You handle this by re-blocking him. Try to preserve and hold on to your dignity and self-respect. Use that to propel yourself forward rather than wanting to keep a cheater in your life. All you're teaching him is that you are a doormat.

 

Just cut him out? It hurts so much I'm almost willing to just let him do whatever . Why is it so hard for him to get over his ex.

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Just cut him out? It hurts so much I'm almost willing to just let him do whatever . Why is it so hard for him to get over his ex.

 

If they were together a long time he may not be over her. Why can't you go out and meet other guys? Do you have girlfriends to go out and have fun with?

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stockyoldfrump

I hate to say this, but the "phone being off" is always a bad sign.

 

As a man, I can tell you that when I am in love with/interested in/care for a woman, I don't want to turn my phone off for extended periods of time because I am afraid I'll miss her call and she'll feel like I wasn't there for her when she needed me. You want to be available because you don't want to let the woman down.

 

He's dodging you and avoiding you. I think you're probably right to believe the ex is the reason why, but only he can tell you for sure.

 

My advice would be to very openly articulate your concerns to him in a way that emphasizes your own feelings over accusations. Don't make it more about his ex than about you. Internally, he's looking for a reason to justify his own behavior and will use "jealousy" or "paranoia" to do so, even if both of those feelings are completely catalyzed by his behavior.

 

Instead, tell him that you feel like he is not prioritizing you and have noticed that he is being distant and evasive. Don't beg him for those things, tell him they're what you need. Don't give him the ego-boost of feeling like two women are tripping over themselves for his attention, instead demonstrate that you recognize yourself as a singular person deserving of decent treatment and indicate that you don't believe you're getting it from him. Don't just block him without saying anything so that he can, again, make himself feel better by labeling you erratic or unpredictable, tell him that because you feel that he has not been considerate of your emotional needs that you think it's best for you to not communicate until a productive, honest conversation takes place. Then takes the steps to follow through.

 

It hurts to tell you that this probably won't work out, but if there's an ex involved then it's really by no fault of yours. It sucks to be powerless, so the best thing you can do is handle this in a way that affirms your needs, preserves your dignity and, at the end of the day, forces him to confront the fact that he had a good woman and failed her, not that two good women were fighting for him and he just chose the better one. You're better than that.

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If they were together a long time he may not be over her. Why can't you go out and meet other guys? Do you have girlfriends to go out and have fun with?

 

Actually was asked out on a date for tomorrow....and it's making me sad I feel so sick I dont even wanna see other guys. And it was a struggle putting on makeup today, kept crying...I'm too much of a mess to go socialize.

 

They were together over three years.

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Just cut him out? It hurts so much I'm almost willing to just let him do whatever . Why is it so hard for him to get over his ex.

 

Manage and cope through the hurt. You will get over this in time. The alternative isn't going back to someone that does not respect you. If you do, you'll just keep hurting yourself over and over again.

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stockyoldfrump
Actually was asked out on a date for tomorrow....and it's making me sad I feel so sick I dont even wanna see other guys. And it was a struggle putting on makeup today, kept crying...I'm too much of a mess to go socialize.

 

They were together over three years.

 

Don't go on dates, go out with your girlfriends. I'm a firm believer that, when you're in love, everything about the opposite sex just reminds you of the one you love. They become points of reference, not uniquely attractive people. When I talk to women or see beautiful women on the street, I never think "oh that's a great, unique person." I think "gee, wouldn't my ex look great in that dress" or "I remember when my ex and I could have conversations like this." It only hurts. You'll know when you're ready for it not to.

 

Until then, distract yourself from all that by investing in your friends and yourself. It's not just that you don't need him, you don't need a man at all. The more you remind yourself that you can have fun and be happy and be worthwhile without anyone by your side, the more ready you will be when you get the chance to be with someone you love. Whether that's him or someone else.

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Actually was asked out on a date for tomorrow....and it's making me sad I feel so sick I dont even wanna see other guys. And it was a struggle putting on makeup today, kept crying...I'm too much of a mess to go socialize.

 

They were together over three years.

 

Don't date. It will only make you feel worse.

 

Keep your friend and family close. Use this time to get closer and reconnect with them.

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I hate to say this, but the "phone being off" is always a bad sign.

 

As a man, I can tell you that when I am in love with/interested in/care for a woman, I don't want to turn my phone off for extended periods of time because I am afraid I'll miss her call and she'll feel like I wasn't there for her when she needed me. You want to be available because you don't want to let the woman down.

 

He's dodging you and avoiding you. I think you're probably right to believe the ex is the reason why, but only he can tell you for sure.

 

My advice would be to very openly articulate your concerns to him in a way that emphasizes your own feelings over accusations. Don't make it more about his ex than about you. Internally, he's looking for a reason to justify his own behavior and will use "jealousy" or "paranoia" to do so, even if both of those feelings are completely catalyzed by his behavior.

 

Instead, tell him that you feel like he is not prioritizing you and have noticed that he is being distant and evasive. Don't beg him for those things, tell him they're what you need. Don't give him the ego-boost of feeling like two women are tripping over themselves for his attention, instead demonstrate that you recognize yourself as a singular person deserving of decent treatment and indicate that you don't believe you're getting it from him. Don't just block him without saying anything so that he can, again, make himself feel better by labeling you erratic or unpredictable, tell him that because you feel that he has not been considerate of your emotional needs that you think it's best for you to not communicate until a productive, honest conversation takes place. Then takes the steps to follow through.

 

It hurts to tell you that this probably won't work out, but if there's an ex involved then it's really by no fault of yours. It sucks to be powerless, so the best thing you can do is handle this in a way that affirms your needs, preserves your dignity and, at the end of the day, forces him to confront the fact that he had a good woman and failed her, not that two good women were fighting for him and he just chose the better one. You're better than that.

 

No he goes to work and it dies fast because his phone battery is messed up.

 

This is something like this already happened two weeks ago, I found him texting another ex which he had lied about and said he never texted her. He begged for me back, said he would delete all his exes he wanted so bad to start over from scratch so I gave him another chance . Said he would give me the password to his phone if it would help ease my mind....everything was going really good that two weeks...and then I found that text in his phone .

 

I confronted him asked why he has to hang out with her, he said he wanted to go out for a drink and talk to her, I asked him about what??? And he said private things and said it was none of my business .

 

I don't understand he said he loved me, he's very attentive , I spend alot of time with him he seems to put me before anyone else. But I think it's because no one else is giving him the time of day. He left his ex gf before me for this ex because he wanted to work things out with her but she ended up breaking up with him.

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stockyoldfrump
He left his ex gf before me for this ex because he wanted to work things out with her but she ended up breaking up with him.

 

Sadly, the same way you feel about him right now is probably the way he's been feeling about this girl for YEARS. Think of how (understandably) irrational you feel right now, then imagine another twenty months of desperation, longing, and hurt.

 

No one is capable of reasoning you out of the way you feel and, ultimately, no one will be capable of reasoning him out of it either. He's probably torn between a sense of responsibility toward you and a feeling of overwhelming attachment to her. That's a battle that might go on for a bit, but it's one you'll never win. If they're not right for each other, he has to learn that on his own.

 

Best thing you can do is be strong and protective of your own feelings and needs, be very clear, and make sure you don't leave the relationship with any regrets in terms of what you said/didn't say or did/didn't do.

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Manage and cope through the hurt. You will get over this in time. The alternative isn't going back to someone that does not respect you. If you do, you'll just keep hurting yourself over and over again.

 

I know . I keep blocking and unblocking him.

I feel like I need to tell him how I feel just to end it. For some reason I want him to know how much he hurt me then block him again.

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I confronted him asked why he has to hang out with her, he said he wanted to go out for a drink and talk to her, I asked him about what??? And he said private things and said it was none of my business .

 

I don't understand he said he loved me, he's very attentive , I spend alot of time with him he seems to put me before anyone else. But I think it's because no one else is giving him the time of day. He left his ex gf before me for this ex because he wanted to work things out with her but she ended up breaking up with him.

 

It doesn't seem like it. If he's putting his ex ahead of your feelings, then he really does not prioritize you or the relationship.

 

Cheaters will tell you they love you and act like the best partners. Most times it's to blind you from their discrepancies.

 

You noted you saw a dating site notification on his phone. Another red flag.

 

Block him and stop contacting him. If you do go back, expect he'll do the same as you would be teaching him that you are tolerant of being treated poorly.

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Sadly, the same way you feel about him right now is probably the way he's been feeling about this girl for YEARS. Think of how (understandably) irrational you feel right now, then imagine another twenty months of desperation, longing, and hurt.

 

No one is capable of reasoning you out of the way you feel and, ultimately, no one will be capable of reasoning him out of it either. He's probably torn between a sense of responsibility toward you and a feeling of overwhelming attachment to her. That's a battle that might go on for a bit, but it's one you'll never win. If they're not right for each other, he has to learn that on his own.

 

Best thing you can do is be strong and protective of your own feelings and needs, be very clear, and make sure you don't leave the relationship with any regrets in terms of what you said/didn't say or did/didn't do.

 

I want to say so many things to him but I can't put my thoughts together .

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I know . I keep blocking and unblocking him.

I feel like I need to tell him how I feel just to end it. For some reason I want him to know how much he hurt me then block him again.

 

He doesn't care -- if someone cared about your feelings, you wouldn't be where you are. The fact that he said he was going to talk to his ex regardless as to how you felt is indicative of how much he cares about your feelings.

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It doesn't seem like it. If he's putting his ex ahead of your feelings, then he really does not prioritize you or the relationship.

 

Cheaters will tell you they love you and act like the best partners. Most times it's to blind you from their discrepancies.

 

You noted you saw a dating site notification on his phone. Another red flag.

 

Block him and stop contacting him. If you do go back, expect he'll do the same as you would be teaching him that you are tolerant of being treated poorly.

 

I feel like you're right. Just block and disappear. He's so dumb tho she's in another relationship she didn't even reply to his text.

 

He's still attached to her, did he have any real feelings for me . He said the dating site was from years ago and unsubscribed .

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You just told him in so many words that you will put up with his cheating and sit quietly by loving and missing him. Never reward bad behavior!

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