Jean05 Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 (edited) I have never been on a forum before but am really struggling with my situation and i think i just hope someone can empathize with me. Although i have a supportive family and friends i feel very lonely. When i met my partner i had a 3 year old who he accepted readily as his own very quickly. We went on to have 2 more children and he has never made any difference between them. He is a good man in the way that he is a provider, would never cheat on me, and i always felt secure. However, he is a workaholic, easily stressed and grumpy a lot. Ive always felt like a single parent emotionally. Ive been miserable at times and sometimes felt like calling it a day but something has always stopped me. We have had some lovely times too. We hadnt been talking or getting on for a while which isnt unusual for us but normally i would bring it up, he would apologize and we would make up. This time he burst into tears and said he wasnt happy. That we've just been sliding along for years and he wanted to split up. I was distraught, so much so that i shocked myself. I didnt realise how much i actually love him. This was just 6 weeks ago. He has moved out but is being so supportive. Hes left the house to me. Wants me to tell him if anything needs fixed. Hes doing as much as he can financially. He is being nicer than he has been in years. In some ways this makes me feel worse cos its making me want him back more. We are about to become grandparents and he is spending a lot of time with our kids which is great but highlights that the only person he is cutting out is me. I feel lost, broken and empty. I dont want anyone else but want to know im attractive to someone. I sometimes think im doing ok and then it just hits me again. Edited July 21, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 So he just up and left ? How old are you and him ? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Is there another woman? Usually when someone up and leaves there is another person hiding somewhere in the wings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jean05 Posted July 21, 2017 Author Share Posted July 21, 2017 We are 44. Been together half our lives. Yeah pretty much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jean05 Posted July 21, 2017 Author Share Posted July 21, 2017 I asked him if there was someone else but he says he wouldnt do that to me or the kids. I asked him to be honest and tell me. Even asked if there was someone he was attracted to even if he hadnt done anything and he says no. Admitted that his brother and friends asked him that too but swears no!! Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Try talking when you see him again. If he has been unhappy for a long time, then maybe try and find why. Work on it together Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 "We hadnt been talking or getting on for a while which isnt unusual for us..." So there were definitely problems for each of you, but rather than addressing and correcting them, it seems like you (both) just kept putting fresh bandaids on the untreated wounds. This couldn't have gone on indefinitely; neither of you were happy. Maybe at some point you each can get to the bottom of why you were both so unhappy, needs that weren't being met, etc. and work on correcting those things (assuming the feeling is mutual). Sorry for your pain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I have to say, though, that once a relationship is mostly fighting and not much fun anymore, you might be happier on your own. I mean, it's a lot of tension to expose kids to. They start to think that's normal. Actually, you seem to think it's normal, too. Change is always scary, I get that. In order to make the best life for yourself and be able to work and all, if there are still any young kids living at home, be sure you insist he get joint custody so you both have an equal shot and keeping a job and making money and having time with the kids as well as free time to get things done and socialize. No matter what anyone says, you will likely need an attorney because even though he's being very nice now, men will turn on you as soon as you start dating other men and start saying they want custody or don't want to pay child support, etc. just trying to control things. Because even though they don't want you anymore, it's rare they want anyone else to have you or for you to move on and have a life. Try not to think about the big picture, but handle things one day at a time and get an attorney for the divorce. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Does he seem happier now that he's moved out? Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 I've always believed that no one just gets up one day and leaves. Things had been building up below the surface for a long time and they weren't being heard. What's a person to do? Either stay and be miserable or breakup. The latter is one of the hardest things someone will ever do of the love is still there. ( unless they leave for another person) Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Do you want to reconcile? If that is your goal, you will need to risk rejection & tell him that you are willing to work to make the relationship work & bring back the spark. Talk about what drove him to want to end things & what he'd like to see happen to make it fun for him again. Depending on how long he's wanted out, there may be no coming back but you should find peace of mind knowing you tried. Hang in there. You have been together 1/2 of your lives & this has to be a shock to your system. It won't be resolved one way or the other over night. Link to post Share on other sites
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