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I had been talking with an ex these past few days and things were going great, talked about our mistakes and where things went wrong the first time. I didn't push for anything but told here how I felt and what I would like out of it.

 

 

Then, the friendzone speech.

 

 

"I don't want you to miss out on other people bc I'm not ready. I don't want you waiting around for me. I'm working on myself and trying to better myself but I have to do that on my own."

 

 

then I told her that we talked about these thing last week and we agreed to trying to reconcile our romantic relationship.

 

 

Her again, "i cant just go on pretending like I know this is going to blossom into something more bc honestly at this point in my life a relationship is the last thing on my mind. I'm used to being by myself and doing things a certain way but that doesn't mean that I don't want to be friends with you."

 

 

But before all of this started she had invited me to go on vacation with her next month and she was supposed to meet my mother this Saturday at dinner. So, I dunno what to do about these 2 preplanned things. Cancel them or go through with them as friends?

 

 

I'm getting mixed feelings. stay friends and see if it turns romantic again or go NC.

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She's your ex for a reason......it's like putting on an old pair of jeans...then you realize they don't fit anymore....toss out.

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180 2Xs....I would plan my own vaca and without her.....get some space and NC to see how you do...

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Don't be friends. Remove her from your life. She isn't ready for a RL with YOU.

 

Everything she said is classic womanspeak for "I'm not interested but wouldn't mind putting you in friendzone or as a backup to soften the blow while I look for another guy and then cut you off completely "

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Go on vacation with her? Absolutely not. I would suggest you cancel all pending plans. You have to accept this is over. If you don't, you'll just have a lot of hurt feelings in your future.

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I had been talking with an ex these past few days and things were going great, talked about our mistakes and where things went wrong the first time. I didn't push for anything but told here how I felt and what I would like out of it.

 

Then, the friendzone speech.

 

"I don't want you to miss out on other people bc I'm not ready. I don't want you waiting around for me. I'm working on myself and trying to better myself but I have to do that on my own."

 

then I told her that we talked about these thing last week and we agreed to trying to reconcile our romantic relationship.

 

Her again, "i cant just go on pretending like I know this is going to blossom into something more bc honestly at this point in my life a relationship is the last thing on my mind. I'm used to being by myself and doing things a certain way but that doesn't mean that I don't want to be friends with you."

 

Then your response should have been "Then in that case, I wish you well in your search. I'm going to go do my own thing. Take care".

 

No friendship, no friendzone, no excuses, no being in her bullpen. You don't want to be her friend: you want to be her man/lover. She doesn't want you to fill that role, so let her go do her and you do you---but you don't owe her friendship. She will turn you into her male girlfriend/emotional tampon where you get to hear about all the guys she's letting in because that's what friends talk about.

 

But before all of this started she had invited me to go on vacation with her next month and she was supposed to meet my mother this Saturday at dinner. So, I dunno what to do about these 2 preplanned things. Cancel them or go through with them as friends?

 

Cancel them. Your mother doesn't need to meet her. Just go hang with your mom and cherish that time.

 

I'm getting mixed feelings. stay friends and see if it turns romantic again or go NC.

 

Go NC.

 

She will remind you in a New York minute of

"i cant just go on pretending like I know this is going to blossom into something more bc honestly at this point in my life a relationship is the last thing on my mind. I'm used to being by myself and doing things a certain way

 

Remember: you used to didn't know her and you broke up with her once before. You can get there again--when you do, stay there.

Edited by kendahke
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ExpatInItaly

She should not be meeting your mother, and you two should not be going on vacation together. That is a recipe for you to get your heart broken all over again.

 

Being friends is a nice idea, but it's not going to work right now. You want more, and she doesn't. You need to really let go so you can move on.

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Yeah , agree with the others sorry mate.

She's just not interested and no time is gonna make much difference l'm afraid.

do yourself a favor and just let it go .

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I agree with the others. "I'm working on myself" is the Year 2017 version of "I don't see you like that anymore". Sorry OP.

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"I don't want you to miss out on other people bc I'm not ready. I don't want you waiting around for me. I'm working on myself and trying to better myself but I have to do that on my own."

 

 

then I told her that we talked about these thing last week and we agreed to trying to reconcile our romantic relationship.

 

That bomb had been ticking for a week ago when she first told you to not wait around for her.

 

End it permanently. No contact.

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I just don't get why people lead you on. I asked her to be up front and honest with me, she agreed, we will talk, discuss and work on things. I asked her not to let me see her kids again unless she was absolutely sure that she wanted things to work, guess what, I met the kids again. I thought all was good.

 

 

So, once again, I'm heartbroken and feeling like crap. I dunno what to do, its so easy for others to let things go but I cant. I have been to counselling which was expensive and didn't help. I have read on here that it just "clicks" with some people and they just say screw it and move on, I wish I were to that point.

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So, once again, I'm heartbroken and feeling like crap. I dunno what to do, its so easy for others to let things go but I cant. I have been to counselling which was expensive and didn't help. I have read on here that it just "clicks" with some people and they just say screw it and move on, I wish I were to that point.

 

But she has let you go. She is trying to say it in the nicest way possible but the end result is she wants to move on and wants you to do the same. It isn't easy getting over a break up but with NC and a busy life you can push forward to healing. The right woman for you is out there waiting.

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But she has let you go. She is trying to say it in the nicest way possible but the end result is she wants to move on and wants you to do the same. It isn't easy getting over a break up but with NC and a busy life you can push forward to healing. The right woman for you is out there waiting.

 

 

 

Mind you she took a cowards way out and did it all by text, couldn't even be woman enough to call me and tell me. But still, something keeps drawing me to her.

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I just don't get why people lead you on. I asked her to be up front and honest with me, she agreed, we will talk, discuss and work on things. I asked her not to let me see her kids again unless she was absolutely sure that she wanted things to work, guess what, I met the kids again. I thought all was good.

 

she wants things to work out as friends, no sex, no romance--and hey, you can watch the kids while she goes out on her date.

 

 

So, once again, I'm heartbroken and feeling like crap. I dunno what to do, its so easy for others to let things go but I cant.

 

Yes, you can. Don't lie to yourself: the truthful answer is : you won't because you want what you want.

 

Actually it is quite easy to do this. You do it, it's done. What's hard is making the decision to do it because you want what you want and are holding onto psychotic hope that she will flip into someone she's not and has told you she's not.

 

I have been to counselling which was expensive and didn't help. I have read on here that it just "clicks" with some people and they just say screw it and move on, I wish I were to that point.

 

Therapy is like any other relationship: if one therapist isn't effective, find another who is and who has a sliding scale so it's not cost prohibitive. It's still covered under the ACA, so make use of it before it's gone.

 

They're not going to tell you how to fix your problem or tell you what you want to hear. This is your journey, not theirs.

They're there to give you the tools to navigate your way out of the emotional minefield before you blow off an emotional limb.

 

I'm hoping for your sake that it doesn't take her unzipping the lizard on you for you to get it that this aspect of your relationship with her is over. It may take you hearing her slip up about a new guy she's seeing or you actually seeing her out in public with the new guy for you to get to that point.

 

She's got you in the weak, insecure, no confidence position where you're begging for crumbs and trying to make a 7 course meal out of it.

Edited by kendahke
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So, once again, I'm heartbroken and feeling like crap. I dunno what to do, its so easy for others to let things go but I cant. I have been to counselling which was expensive and didn't help. I have read on here that it just "clicks" with some people and they just say screw it and move on, I wish I were to that point.

 

It's not easy for anyone to let go of someone. Some people think their heartbreak will go away on its own without efforts so it drags and drags. You need to take steps to forget about her. You delete everything that reminds you of her, you exercize, you get a new hobby, you spend time with family and friends, and each time you catch yourself thinking about her you get up and make a conscious effort to chase her from your mind. If you must take a calendar and cross each day that passes without contacting her.

 

A few years ago I fell completely addicted to someone. When he broke up with me I felt apart, completely. I cried for days and days and I got over it, so can you. Now I am in relationship that is 1000% more rewarding and I would not go back to the other man for all the gold in the world.

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It's not easy for anyone to let go of someone. Some people think their heartbreak will go away on its own without efforts so it drags and drags. You need to take steps to forget about her. You delete everything that reminds you of her, you exercize, you get a new hobby, you spend time with family and friends, and each time you catch yourself thinking about her you get up and make a conscious effort to chase her from your mind. If you must take a calendar and cross each day that passes without contacting her.

 

A few years ago I fell completely addicted to someone. When he broke up with me I felt apart, completely. I cried for days and days and I got over it, so can you. Now I am in relationship that is 1000% more rewarding and I would not go back to the other man for all the gold in the world.

 

 

That's exactly how I feel, like I said, something keeps drawing me to her and I think she senses that and uses it against me. I just hate the feeling that I'm going through now even though I know it takes time.

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Of course you are drawn to her as we all have been drawn to the ones we want and love. Being drawn to her is not an excuse to try to hang on to someone who wants to go. You both have to be drawn to each other and she has pulled away. She has told you it's over and it's best to accept it before you run into her and a new guy. I really do believe she has another guy in mind she wants to see.

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