Ex gf is gone - 4 ½ years relationship - will she contact me?

[hcedrick]

I'm new there. Just using this board to express myself and maybe seek help from you or maybe this will help some people going through the same.

 

I've been in a relationship with my ex gf from September 2012 to March 2017.

 

We've been living together from April 2016 to July 2017, which means during the last 4 months we were living together despite us not being gf/bf anymore.

 

She forced me to leave the place as she just had sex with a new guy. A guy I knew of and I hated him. She had sex with him like 5 days ago. Problem is, 10 days ago my ex was always after me. I was being more distant, she would run after me for hugs and kisses. She wanted my attention and affection but then a few days later she ended up in bed with this dumb guy.

 

I knew this moment had to come someday since we broke up 4 months ago but...I didn't imagine she would have done it with this guy in that particular scenario. When she told me she had sex with another man I put a poker face on me and was like ok whatever. But when I learned who the guy was...I went really angry. It was 4 A.M in the morning and I was violently packing boxes and stuff to my van as I had planned to move out anyways to go back to my parents. The problem is, we had a deal that she was supposed to help me move out as where I live I only have a temporary drivers license and I needed to be somebody who had a complete drivers license.

 

So she helped me...but the thing is to get back to her appartment, her new ****buddy was waiting in front of my parents house and I was really mad at her for giving him their address. It was really disrespectful so I told her to tell him to meet her further away from my sight as I would have punched him in the face.

 

Anyways so when she was about to leave she said bye and I didn't say anything but she stood there so I went back at her and looked at her eyes and she said "Are you waiting for a hug or something?" and I answered "Do you want a hug?" She said "I'm ok." So I didn't say a word and left the place.

 

But I was really angry and sad and heartbroken. I've done dumb things like spying on her social media and stuff just to find photos of her and this guy and it hurts me to see him holding her in an almost sexual way.

 

I'm 26 and she's 22 and we've been together almost 5 years and I was the one to take her virginity so it pisses me off to learn that another dirty guy erased all the purity of my little angel.

 

Anyways...have been no contact since. I deleted many apps like Snapchat and Instagram, I hid her facebook profile (she is still in my friend list but I can't see anything she posts or when she's online cause I'm trying to forget her).

 

I felt jealous a bit cause the guy is fitter than me (I'm fit but this guy is a total douchebag gym addict) and appears to have more money. I knew the guy a longtime ago because I used to make YouTube videos where I lived and at a moment I was popular in my area and this idiot...was one of my "fans" LOL. I even received private messages from him back in the days because he was a total fan of my videos. (I have stopped making videos since).

 

Anyways. I wrote him that I should have knew he was a ****ing rat cause it was the second time he tried to mess my relationship with my girl and this time it worked....

 

 

MY QUESTION IS: Even if I don't think I want to get back with her ever again as she acted a bit like a whore to me, is there a chance for her to contact me again? We were really really close and I think overall we had a great relationship. I think some things were unstable at the end but I loved her with all my heart and I genuinely think our love was true and strong.

 

She is an independent and introvert person and I think that if she ever misses me she won't contact me because she would be afraid of the outcome.

 

However, I feel the way it ended was so cold that I feel it hard to believe it would be the "true" ending.

 

Now I concentrate on myself, trying to heal, meet people, I want to meet sexy women, spend time with friends, have projects, get money and get better.

 

I know this other dude will never be in a million years as loving, caring and smart as I am. I feel I've been a good dude.

Edited July 12, 2017 by hcedrick

[Marc878]

The time you're putting into this is a huge waste. Block her on everything and move on already

[hcedrick]

I'm not sure about blocking her yet. It doesn't matter because I have no idea what she's doing anymore. But you talk as it should be easy to move away from a 5 years relationship like nothing happened. That's not how life works, bro.

[springy]

You want to reconcile?

 

Why did you continue living with her after the breakup?

[hcedrick]

You want to reconcile?

 

Why did you continue living with her after the breakup?

 

Because I had some projects in that city. I had to some things to complete here, for work and for drivers license. Before that we were living 90 minutes of car away from each others.

[basil67]

Hcedrick, you're not being rational here. You were living with her for your own convenience. She was wanting to get with you but you were being distant and pushing her away. So she gave up and moved on to someone else. You may not like her choice, but she did nothing wrong here.

 

Also, she's not a little angel with purity. She's a woman. This kind of patronising view/terminology will do you no favours.

 

It's good that you've moved out. Now you can move on and so can she. Soon, this will all be a distant memory.

[Blanco]

I get feeling hurt that someone you care about slept with another guy, but she only needed to be picked up because she had done you a favor. Why don't you have a "full" license right now?

[Goodguy05]

I'm not sure about blocking her yet. It doesn't matter because I have no idea what she's doing anymore. But you talk as it should be easy to move away from a 5 years relationship like nothing happened. That's not how life works, bro.

 

So true it takes time il was in a 6 yr relationship it's been 10 mths and it still hurts

[ExpatInItaly]

Hcedrick, you're not being rational here. You were living with her for your own convenience. She was wanting to get with you but you were being distant and pushing her away. So she gave up and moved on to someone else. You may not like her choice, but she did nothing wrong here.

 

Also, she's not a little angel with purity. She's a woman. This kind of patronising view/terminology will do you no favours.

It's good that you've moved out. Now you can move on and so can she. Soon, this will all be a distant memory.

 

This. Come on, OP, she is a grown woman now. You're not talking about the fairest maiden in all the land having her reputation sullied by the town Lothario.

 

Sure, it would have been nice for her to wait until you no longer lived together but life isn't fair and tidy like that - you're learning this the hard way. This is precisely why living together after breaking up is a very bad idea, regardless of circumstances.

 

It will be hard, but you need to accept this is over. Yes, she might get in touch again. But will you two reunite and stay reunited? It's not likely. Think about it: she was just 17 when you started dating, she has no other experience besides you. It is extremely rare these days for someone so young and inexperienced to stay with their first loves forever. You both grew up and are transitioning into different stages of your lives. It's unfortunate that it happened this way, but you really needed to not be living under the same roof anymore.

 

Eventually, with time and space, you will feel a little better. It's not easy, I know. But there are bigger and better loves waiting for you out there.

[hcedrick]

I'm on a partial no contact. It means that I don't write my ex-girlfriend and she doesn't write me but like a dumbass I keep checking her facebook profile and instagram and snapchat. It's like an addiction. Every now and then I delete the apps then I re-download them because I'm addicted.

 

She was my girlfriend for almost 5 years and I miss her so much right now. She was my best friend and she left me for another guy. She broke up with me 4 months ago but we kept acting like a couple cause we were living together until I was forced to move out 8 days ago. No contact since 8 days. She probably doesn't miss me...yet? I should be happy for her because she seems happy with her new guy, even if I'm almost sure it's a rebound.

 

It's so hard to stop talking to someone you've been talking to every day for the last 5 years. I miss talking to her so much. I miss when we talked to the phone. Something tells me one day she will miss me and write me but at the same time I realize it might be the opposite and never hear from her again. Our ending didn't end well. I was so mad at her and I regret it. I don't even care if she had sex with other men now I just miss her. I miss the person and I could forgive her.

 

I try to keep focusing on myself but every time I'm bored I think about her and start crying like a weak man. I just wish she was there to hug me when I cry. I don't know what to do. I know I keep hurting myself by thinking about her and I try to focus on myself but I can't seem to keep her out of my head.

 

Life sucks. I'm living a nightmare. I dream of her and wake up in the middle of the night all alone. I tried to talk to other girls but none of them seem interesting. I'm not ready to move on yet. I don't know why relationships have to be so complicated. I just wanted to love someone and be loved back and I thought she was the once. I feel like I wasted 5 years of my life. I also feel guilty because I feel I wasn't good enough for her and should have done more. It sucks.

 

My birthday is in 8 days and I keep wondering if her or her mother will wish me a happy birthday.

[SuzieQ98]

This is so difficult and I'm so sorry. You are not weak at all. This pain is real and it sucks. Be proud that you are surviving this.

 

If you were still living with her only 8 days ago, she has not had nearly enough time to truly realize and process this loss. Five years is a long time and I can assure you she will have her own coping with this to do. Nevertheless, now is a time to focus on you. It hurts now but it will get better. Don't rush into dating but dive into hobbies, friends, your career- things that make YOU happy. What will end up happening is she will either regret the decision, reach out, and you will have the power to control what happens next...or you will move on and find happiness on your own. Someone new will come along. Trust me, I know how painful it is to even fathom what I am saying... but once you are ready, it is truly the next step to take in order to move on. Live a life you are excited about.

 

Btw, I took my ex (dated 2.5 years) back when he came back a month later....and he just dumped me again about two weeks ago, after almost 5 months of round 2. Keep your heart guarded, and really take time for yourself to decide what you want/need.

[SuzieQ98]

Also recommend deleting her on social media and everything! You're just gonna torture yourself.

[hcedrick]

Thank you for answering Suzie. I managed to hide her facebook profile and everything but I don't want to "delete" her because it would send her the message that I'm weak and I still can't move on without erasing her.

 

I need to be strong and focus on myself and tell me that if she REALLY wanted to talk to me, she would do it. Obviously she doesn't want me around now otherwise she would let me know. I'll try to focus on my stuff and try not to be bored ever. I need to get back to training, I lost so much weight in 1 week.

[Rko28]

I can't give you advice my friend, all I can say is you're not alone. Thinking of you

[MarvelFan1]

Hey man, you aren't weak, you cry and let that **** out, it's good for you, you need to let it out and not bottle it up.

 

Hell, I've cried a few times after I broke up with my ex, and I did the dumping and for the right reasons!! So don't be ashamed.

 

After 3 weeks, I removed her off my FB as just Unfollowing her feed wasn't enough, I still had to check what she was up to.

 

By staying on each others FB, all your doing is denying yourself freedom from temptation, and upsetting yourself by looking at what she is doing. Not only that, they won't have any power over you, as all staying Friends on any social media will do is give you false hope of something happening between you again, and getting yourself down looking at pictures and the past.

 

Trust me, the first step to happiness is ditching them off any social media. Why would you want to be 'friends' with someone, especially when they left you for someone else and broke your heart, end the cycle of pain man, and start the healing process.

[ExpatInItaly]

Thank you for answering Suzie. I managed to hide her facebook profile and everything but I don't want to "delete" her because it would send her the message that I'm weak and I still can't move on without erasing her.

 

I need to be strong and focus on myself and tell me that if she REALLY wanted to talk to me, she would do it. Obviously she doesn't want me around now otherwise she would let me know. I'll try to focus on my stuff and try not to be bored ever. I need to get back to training, I lost so much weight in 1 week.

 

This isn't what we (women) think when an ex who we broke up with deletes us.

 

Instead - We might feel bad that it hurts you to remain in contact. Some less mature might be angry and take it personally. Those in new relationships, well, the harsh truth is that we might not even notice right away we've been deleted. I know that last one hurts, but it's often the case that a new interest is occupying so much of our time and energy we're not paying a heck of a lot of attention to what the ex is up to.

 

I don't say the above to be unkind, but rather to point out that the fear of being viewed as "weak" for deleting an ex is usually all in the dumpee's head. It's a matter of self-preservation for the dumpee, and to heck with what the ex thinks anyway. You can't live your life based on what an ex might or might think of you. That is giving her too much power.

[SammySammy]

"Do or do not - there is no try." - Yoda

 

There is no such thing as partial no contact. I know it's difficult, but to get to a place of healing and peace as quickly as possible, you must go all the way. Total no contact. Or the misery will linger. On and on.

 

At this point, you're fighting for your own peace of mind. Get there as soon as possible.

[hcedrick]

I have passed the 3 weeks mark of no contact with my ex gf with who I have been almost 5 years, and my reflections put me in state where I believe I am slowly getting better.

 

She left me 4 months ago but we remained very close as we were living together and then she found a rebound guy and that was when I had to leave and started no contact.

 

I didn't have any communication with her for the past 22 days but I admit I checked her social media stuff despite everyone advising against this. However, I feel it helped me it the long run. Of course it was painful to see her happy without me and all, but I came to realize how shallow that girl was.

 

She left me for a guy who had more money, more muscles, etc. I realized that what this girl wanted is simply a guy who would make her feel valuable to the eyes of others, not a guy who truly loved her. Despite me not being rich, she never missed anything with me. I bought her expensive gifts and paid for restaurants very often.

 

I haven't unfriended her yet from my Facebook account, because my pride tells me that I want to become the man she ever dreamed of, I started going out with friends, I have projects and goals and I want to make a lot of money and become popular and she will eventually see this.

 

Also, I'm feeling her rebound relationship is about to fail soon. They aren't officially "dating" but I saw that the guy likes every picture and post of her and that is a very "needy" behavior. Once the honeymoon stage is done she will quickly realize how weak and dumb this new guy is (who was a guy I knew of for some years and always thought he was an idiot), and how strong I have become over time without her around.

 

Plus, the new guy lives far away from her and their work schedules doesn't match at all. So they don't see each other very often and if they do it's only about sex I suppose.

 

She is being a total attention whore on social media these days, always posting meme images and jokes about dating new guys. I feel like she is trying to get a reaction from me but I'm not falling for this.

 

I think it is possible to get over an ex gf who dumped you when you start to understand that you are not in love with the present version of the girl, but you are in love with an old version of what she once was.

 

My ex gf became shallow and instead of feeling love for her now, I feel disgusted about her. I feel sad for her.

 

I still get many ups and downs. Sometimes I miss her, but I start to get better.

[hcedrick]

Me and my ex were still friends on Facebook but I decided to block and delete her and also unfriend her family members. I have nothing against them, they are good people but I feel I had to do this at least for the moment.

 

Me and my ex were together for almost 5 years.

 

In March 2017 she broke up with me but we lived together until July 2017, then she had sex with another guy and I had to leave the place.

 

From July 9th to now I went No Contact but I admit I stalked her stuff from time to time. But now I decided to unfriend and block her from everywhere. Unfollowing her was not enough.

 

I don't think I'll ever hear from her again and I'm still confused about how the things badly ended. Feel likes a big bad dream to me that I can't wake up from. A part of me doesn't understand how she could just dump me like that and never talk to me again after a 5 years relationship. I thought we were really close.

 

[]

Edited October 20, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[doyathinkso]

You did the right thing.

 

Let it go.

 

Forget about her. An unfortunate waste of a few years of your youth.

[Taticake]

Me and my ex were still friends on Facebook but I decided to block and delete her and also unfriend her family members. I have nothing against them, they are good people but I feel I had to do this at least for the moment.

 

Me and my ex were together for almost 5 years.

 

In March 2017 she broke up with me but we lived together until July 2017, then she had sex with another guy and I had to leave the place.

 

From July 9th to now I went No Contact but I admit I stalked her stuff from time to time. But now I decided to unfriend and block her from everywhere. Unfollowing her was not enough.

 

I don't think I'll ever hear from her again and I'm still confused about how the things badly ended. Feel likes a big bad dream to me that I can't wake up from. A part of me doesn't understand how she could just dump me like that and never talk to me again after a 5 years relationship. I thought we were really close.

 

Anyways...**** this bitch

 

Great job! Im currently at 42 days, so you're 10 days ahead of me. I really tried to make my relationship work the last month we were together...tried to compromise on a lot of things but he didn't want to put in the effort. He's currently in another relationship and it hurts me that he doesn't even want to give me another chance to make it work...I don't know if I'll ever feel better again

[Reddice]

Keep up the great job buddy. It hurts as hell, but it's necessary. She may throw you some breadcrumbs in a little while, please do yourself a big favor and don't bite. Stay strong! We're here for you if you need advice.

[Zul]

[]

 

Funny, almost as if I wrote your post, OP.

 

I dated a girl for 5 years and she acted like it was nothing when we broke up.. Rather, she broke up with me. I just don't get how someone I spent 5 years with can just up and leave and never look back. It's sort of sick if you ask me, but I guess I saw it coming for a while. I started to lose interest in her, too.

 

I don't blame you, I have been NC for almost 60 days now and I am very, very happy. She has sent me two text messages, one saying "hi" then another saying how sorry she was. I didn't respond to either. Then last week she called me, of course I ignored it and it's been quiet ever since.

 

I don't know what she could possibly have to say to me that I would want to actually hear. I have no desire to hear from her, and everything that I needed to know she has shown me through her actions.

 

Keep your head high, and keep moving forward my friend. Don't look back, the past is done; the future is what is to come.

Edited October 20, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[hcedrick]

I feel like I am my own worst enemy. The following day that I blocked her I unblocked her and her mom thinking I don't want to look like a bitter man, but still it's been 2 months now that I am no contact with her.

 

I am my own worst enemy because from time to time I keep stalking her life and I saw a video of her in a car with a new guy I had never seen before (a different guy than the one she had sex with) so I supposed she's been dating a few guys around for the past 2 months.

 

It's sad because I feel like every time I find out new hurtful things I lose the progress I was getting recently. I need to focus on me, myself and only me. I need to go out more often and see friends and meet new people as much as I can. I need to focus on my business and make money.

 

Every time I decide to stay lonely at home and watch her social media stuff I'm only hurting myself and nothing good comes out of this but at the same time it's like an addiction, it's like I have to see who's she is hanging with.

 

Those little anxiety and adrenaline spikes only last a few minutes. After the stress I feel depressed, I feel guilty and stupid to keep looking at her stuff.

 

I thought that if I changed the love I once had for her into hate it would be easier. A friend of mine told me not to hate her, but instead forgive her and move on and accept it.

 

I feel weird

[Marc878]

Blocking is for you. Why do you give a damn about them?