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Does No contact prevent moving on? UPDATE: I Broke No Contact


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I am 2 weeks into NC with my ex GF of 4.5 years (ouch) but im confused about one thing

 

1. the final stage of moving on is learning and accepting that your partner has moved on

 

2. No contact prevents you from knowing if they have moved on

 

 

so does that not mean that if I stay in NC I wont be able to recieve that final closure?

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U should read the guide on here about what no contact is used for. It's for healing so u dont get hurt by them by getting updates about there life till ur at a stage where your strong enough to accept it's over wthout breaking down.

 

I don't think knowing they've moved on makes any difference accept it'll hurt like hell. That's the point of NC it's to protect and help heal ur wounds.

 

Think of it as a bandaid aiding the healing of an open wound till the scab grows over the skin and eventually falls off replaced by the new skin.

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NC is for you to heal. By going NC you won't have any idea what is going on the ex's life. This enables you to move on without stress. It shouldn't matter what the ex is doing or if they have moved on. The important thing is that you have moved on.

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2. No contact prevents you from knowing if they have moved on -- This is your heart lying to you and trying desperately to find a reason to stay in touch.

 

It doesn't matter whether they are moving on or how well they are doing that. What matters is that you are moving on and how well you allow yourself to do that. You need to look at that situation like a sore or laceration. If you pick at it, it heals very, very slowly, could become infected and if you keep doing things that open it up often, you will certainly have a scar. Emotional scars are the most difficult ones to heal and recover from. They require the most diligent and attentive self-care.

 

No contact is a tool for YOU to heal. Closure comes with giving yourself the ability to focus on you and only you and allow yourself to ACCEPT the reality of the situation. Acceptance is closure . . .

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so does that not mean that if I stay in NC I wont be able to recieve that final closure?

 

Closure comes from you accepting that it is over. An ex cannot give you closure.

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I am 2 weeks into NC with my ex GF of 4.5 years (ouch) but im confused about one thing

 

1. the final stage of moving on is learning and accepting that your partner has moved on

 

2. No contact prevents you from knowing if they have moved on

 

 

so does that not mean that if I stay in NC I wont be able to recieve that final closure?

 

I don't know where you got that. If she broke up with you then it's official she does not want to be with you anymore, that's enough closure.

 

To feel the positive effect of NC you need to tough it out for 6 weeks. It's hard but do it. If you must make a mark on your calendar for each day you went without contacting her and reward yourself.

 

Each time you'll contact her you'll be thrown back to square one and you need to start the NC all over again.

 

Expect you'll need a full year if not more to get over a relationship of 4,5 years.

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Mourning a relationship has 5 stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

 

You will go through them and not in that order and sometimes back and forth. Know how to recognize them.

 

Your thread this morning is definitely the bargaining phase. You are looking to justify contacting her. Don't do it, the need to contact her will pass and you'll feel better about yourself.

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NC is to help you forget. The passing of time without contact will make you think of her less and less. It's a slow process but it does work. You finding someone else will also speed things up. As for her finding someone else, trust me, even in NC, that information will come to you somehow. It's best to remain in NC.

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NC is a horrible, lonely, out-of-control feeling at first. It really is.

 

But when that panic and black hole feeling fades, NC is a blessing and, IMO, the quickest way to heal.

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What they are doing is no longer your business, so NC is forcing you to focus on yourself, and getting off your butt to get back to life again.

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OnlyHonesty

Knowing when or why, does not change what is. Therefore, that's likely your mind trying to find an excuse to either contact them, or not move on.

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They already moved on when they said it's over. NC isn't an instant cure. You still have all the stages of a breakup and go through complete hell. But eventually it prevents you from being like some people I know that have been chasing their ex for 2+ years and have gone no where.

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Michelle ma Belle
2. No contact prevents you from knowing if they have moved on -- This is your heart lying to you and trying desperately to find a reason to stay in touch.

 

It doesn't matter whether they are moving on or how well they are doing that. What matters is that you are moving on and how well you allow yourself to do that. You need to look at that situation like a sore or laceration. If you pick at it, it heals very, very slowly, could become infected and if you keep doing things that open it up often, you will certainly have a scar. Emotional scars are the most difficult ones to heal and recover from. They require the most diligent and attentive self-care.

 

No contact is a tool for YOU to heal. Closure comes with giving yourself the ability to focus on you and only you and allow yourself to ACCEPT the reality of the situation. Acceptance is closure . . .

 

Worth a repost.

 

Although I will say that there is a level of closure that comes with sitting face to face with an ex where you get a chance to discuss what happened and sometimes even get an apology, it certainly isn't the norm or even remotely possible with so many couples.

 

Thankfully it isn't the only way to get it.

 

Redhead hit the nail on the head. NC is for YOU and YOUR healing and for YOU to move on. Acceptance of the situation is key and going NC is often the foundation for acceptance.

 

Good luck.

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Your ex-gf has moved on.

 

You really should wish that for her anyway. NC is forever, indefinite. If you think of NC as having a pre-determined number of weeks, you'd be in limbo waiting for it to be over. That mind set only makes you more emotionally invested in anticipation of one day contacting her.

 

When people die, they don't come back. Your relationship died. If you disagree and you think it can be revived, then ask her. If she says no, it's dead, then it's dead.

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Worth a repost.

 

Although I will say that there is a level of closure that comes with sitting face to face with an ex where you get a chance to discuss what happened and sometimes even get an apology, it certainly isn't the norm or even remotely possible with so many couples.

 

Thankfully it isn't the only way to get it.

 

Redhead hit the nail on the head. NC is for YOU and YOUR healing and for YOU to move on. Acceptance of the situation is key and going NC is often the foundation for acceptance.

 

Good luck.

 

I agree with the above comments, but also agree with this.

 

Nothing helps you move on like sitting across from the girl who "will always love you", "would never leave you", who ""can't imagine life without you" who has the demeanor and compassion of an HR rep telling you you are fired. It's a jump start to "closure" when you realize that she doesn't care whether you live or die.

 

But it is a rough experience and best avoided. The only reason they will meet is to make themselves feel better.

 

NC is akin to the expression "Out of sight, out of mind". As time goes on you will not only think about them less and less but you eventually will not care.

 

It matters not how they are doing. They are dead to you and you mourn them as such. Be sad but no reaching out at all.

 

If there is ever a shot in the future this is what you have to do. But don't count on it - women rarely come back. And your RL is usually damaged beyond repair as you likely won't trust them again.

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There is no such thing as closure. When someone breaks up with you, theres your closure. They are done with you.

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NC is good bc it is going to make her think about you even more and how much she misses you if that is what you are going for. But i would advice, just keep going NC and see what she does. You will always find a solution for this method. If she does hit you back up, then you will know that she really does love you and want you back but if not, she was just a preparation for your ultimate destination.

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I am 2 weeks into NC with my ex GF of 4.5 years (ouch) but im confused about one thing

 

1. the final stage of moving on is learning and accepting that your partner has moved on

 

NC isn't about your partner. It's about you. What they do is no longer your concern or business.

 

2. No contact prevents you from knowing if they have moved on

 

 

so does that not mean that if I stay in NC I wont be able to recieve that final closure?

 

You get closure for yourself, not through any dramatic denouement with your ex.

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No contact allows you to be not in constant updates about their lives. Out of sight, out of mind. Give it time.

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NC is good bc it is going to make her think about you even more and how much she misses you if that is what you are going for. But i would advice, just keep going NC and see what she does. You will always find a solution for this method. If she does hit you back up, then you will know that she really does love you and want you back but if not, she was just a preparation for your ultimate destination.

 

Or it means her new relationship didn't work out, she's going back to Old Faithful until her next new relationship comes along, and it would have been better to refuse all contact.

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Nothing helps you move on like sitting across from the girl who "will always love you", "would never leave you", who ""can't imagine life without you" who has the demeanor and compassion of an HR rep telling you you are fired. It's a jump start to "closure" when you realize that she doesn't care whether you live or die.

 

I had to smile at this. Of all that happened between my ex and I, this is what confused me the most. Lol

 

Once they flip the switch to off, ain't nothing you can do.

 

And for sure it jump started mine, but mine just wouldn't go away, and would reach out every time she shat on me. It's a rather twisted lose/lose for the dumpee, as even if we cut the dumpers bs games off, it still sucks for us.

 

I have no idea what she's been doing these last months. I'd rather not know. And, this time is about me, and not her.

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fieldoflavender
I had to smile at this. Of all that happened between my ex and I, this is what confused me the most. Lol

 

Once they flip the switch to off, ain't nothing you can do.

 

And for sure it jump started mine, but mine just wouldn't go away, and would reach out every time she shat on me. It's a rather twisted lose/lose for the dumpee, as even if we cut the dumpers bs games off, it still sucks for us.

 

I have no idea what she's been doing these last months. I'd rather not know. And, this time is about me, and not her.

 

This happened to me too - I felt fired. And you know what - it shows someone's true colours when they act a certain way when you're together and when it's all over, they are a completely different person.

 

No - they won't be there for you as they had been during the relationship, but if the person is a decent person, they wouldn't change into a completely different person once the relationship is done. They would at the very least care. I'm of the strong belief, just because a relationship doesn't work out doesn't mean the person has to be a jerk. Break up behaviour is very telling of who they really are.

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Frostedflake

Faith is blind, right? Assume they have moved on.

As everyone else has already noted, NC is actually for you. It's a complete detachment from your ex to focus on your own growth and goals that do not involve them nor any scheme to get them back.

Have faith and move forward.

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So yesterday I broke NC with my ex gf, thinking I can just resume the NC when I want

 

But the urge to contact her is stronger than ever, its overwhelming, how long will this last? I dont know if I can hold out

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How did she respond? I would start writing in a journal or in the coping section and pretend that you're reaching out to her. It hurts but sometimes we have to find ways of coping and moving on.

 

It was only 2 weeks before you broke NC so now you restart again and try your hardest to get further.

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