Is she hiding something?

[Been]

Been dating this woman for a little bit and its gotten serious. Everything seems good but I never meet her friends.

Somehow she always gets together with her friends when I'm working and she will shoot me a text saying she is with her friends and how much she wishes I was there so they could meet me.

Now when we are off together from are jobs magically she doesn't hang out with her friends.

Like I said everything appears good but I just have this gut feeling something isn't right. And usually your gut is right. What do you think?

[kgcolonel]

Maybe she'd rather have you to herself when you're both available?

[dumbass2]

Why don't you specifically plan to do something with one or a few of her friends? Do any of her friends have a partner you could double date with?

[ExpatInItaly]

Maybe she'd rather have you to herself when you're both available?

 

This is what I was thinking.

 

I don't automatically think this is red-flag behaviour unless she is actively keeping you away from her friends, OP.

 

How long have you been dating? Have you had a past negative experience which might be raising your suspicions now?

[salparadise]

I agree with the others... not enough to raise my spidey sense unless she has been going out of her way to keep you from meeting her friends, and then only if you've been dating awhile. How long have you been dating, how long since it got serious? Is there anything else that contributes to this feeling?

 

Introducing a new partner to my friends would be low on my list anyway. There's no point really, assuming you're not looking for a thumbs up/down, and that's teenager stuff. If you're getting toward a year and you haven't met any of her family, friends or colleagues, then it might be time to worry. First few months, nah. Might be variable with age group though.

Edited June 18, 2017 by salparadise

[Been]

Been dating maybe for 6 months.

The problem I have is that these last couple of months we don't go out anywhere when we spend time together. But as soon as I'm working and shes off all of the sudden she goes out with her friends which I don't have a problem with except when she tells me she wishes I was with her so I could meet her friends knowing full well I'm working.

And these friends are friends of her ex which normally I wouldn't have a problem with but I'm starting to feel like a dirty little secret.

I've brought this up to her before and she always makes excuses like she's too tired or doesn't want to go out. But like I said as soon as I go to work and she's off somehow all the sudden she finds the energy to hang out.

[Sweetfish]

Been dating maybe for 6 months.

The problem I have is that these last couple of months we don't go out anywhere when we spend time together. But as soon as I'm working and shes off all of the sudden she goes out with her friends which I don't have a problem with except when she tells me she wishes I was with her so I could meet her friends knowing full well I'm working.

And these friends are friends of her ex which normally I wouldn't have a problem with but I'm starting to feel like a dirty little secret.

I've brought this up to her before and she always makes excuses like she's too tired or doesn't want to go out. But like I said as soon as I go to work and she's off somehow all the sudden she finds the energy to hang out.

 

 

Trust your gut. She is not invested in you as you think..

[ExpatInItaly]

Been dating maybe for 6 months.

The problem I have is that these last couple of months we don't go out anywhere when we spend time together. But as soon as I'm working and shes off all of the sudden she goes out with her friends which I don't have a problem with except when she tells me she wishes I was with her so I could meet her friends knowing full well I'm working.

And these friends are friends of her ex which normally I wouldn't have a problem with but I'm starting to feel like a dirty little secret.

I've brought this up to her before and she always makes excuses like she's too tired or doesn't want to go out. But like I said as soon as I go to work and she's off somehow all the sudden she finds the energy to hang out.

 

Hm. That would make me wonder, too.

 

How long have she and the ex been broken up?

[Been]

I gotta start doing that more- going with my gut instinct instead of trying to make sense of things.

[salparadise]

I still don't think it's a problem by default. Why don't you suggest that the two of you host a July 4th cookout and invite her friends and yours? If she has small excuses for why not, then you could at least use it to initiate a discussion. But she might think it's a great idea to get your lives more integrated.

 

I'm sort of like her... if I'm dating a woman it's a 1:1 thing, not a social group thing. It's hard for us to tell. This is an intuition thing for you and we just can't sense it the way you can.

 

If i were you I'd push for more integration and see if she's all for it or not.

[enddeck]

I have seen this behaviour before and what transpired was the woman in question wanted to get back with her ex.She didn't want her friends telling her ex that she had a new boyfriend.You may be simply a placeholder and you need to decide if you are happy with this.

[Been]

And that's what I figured out. See by not going anywhere or meeting her friends I'm basically unknown.

So yesterday I told hey let's go out and get a couple of drinks and her response was she was too tired.

That's wheat my gut had been telling me- I'm the in between. She likes me but not enough to have her people know about me. And that doesn't sit well with me.

[BC1980]

Are you friends with her on social media?

[Purepony]

Pretend your working and then she'll go out with her friends... wait so she Texts you that she wanted wishes you were there the say good idea I'm on my way what's the address where you are etc. ?

[whatdeww18]

Your gut was and is right, in my opinion.

 

For whatever reason, it's all talk but after 6 months of knowing/dating each other, you haven't met a friend of hers? You rarely go out on dates together? *my eyebrow is raised as high as it can go.*

 

You've written how you have tried to dispel this. So, maybe try talking to her about this? I would expect her to try and deflect the discussion, further stringing you along. Like others have mentioned, I don't see her very invested in this relationship.

[Been]

At first it was confusing. She would talk about how much she was into me.

And when we first started dating she it was rare that she would go out with her friends.

Now its common for her to always be checking her phone. Or getting a lot of texts.

So I called her out on it. Stated we never do anything in town and you seem to all the sudden go out when I'm at work. But when I'm off you don't want to do anything.

So I told her I'm not going to beg or chase after you. Told her I'm going to go with my gut instinct and cut back other time I spend with her.

Then she tells me she does in fact talk to her ex boyfriend but just as friends-he calls her to "check up on her to see how she is doing".

I tell her im not going to date someone whose ex is still in the picture in some way. She calls me insecure and being too jealous.

I say it makes sense now why you don't want me around your friends and tell her I don't have time to play games. And I leave it at that.

Now she wants to meet up to " talk about this".

[Sweetfish]

At first it was confusing. She would talk about how much she was into me.

And when we first started dating she it was rare that she would go out with her friends.

Now its common for her to always be checking her phone. Or getting a lot of texts.

So I called her out on it. Stated we never do anything in town and you seem to all the sudden go out when I'm at work. But when I'm off you don't want to do anything.

So I told her I'm not going to beg or chase after you. Told her I'm going to go with my gut instinct and cut back other time I spend with her.

Then she tells me she does in fact talk to her ex boyfriend but just as friends-he calls her to "check up on her to see how she is doing".

I tell her im not going to date someone whose ex is still in the picture in some way. She calls me insecure and being too jealous.

I say it makes sense now why you don't want me around your friends and tell her I don't have time to play games. And I leave it at that.

Now she wants to meet up to " talk about this".

 

This is where you should have drawn the line. She has no respect for your boundaries and to make things work you are letting her tip toe over these boundaries because you don't want to lose the chemistry or relationship you have.

 

You been here long enough to know how this is gonna play out. Don't think you are immune. You hear it all the time here and I don't subscribe to this statement..but you are Plan B

 

She is invested in the ex and getting the rest of her needs thru you.

 

You deserve better...she shamed you by saying you are jealous however, you start talking to your ex and not inviting you with your friends keeping her in the shadows and let me know how that plays out.

[ExpatInItaly]

Given this latest information, I think you're right to be very wary of continuing the relationship.

 

She might call you jealous, but what is she really doing to help ease your discomfort? This should be a meet-in-the-middle situation, and it's quickly becoming apparent that while you've been pretty patient and trying to understand, she has yet to really integrate you.

 

I wonder if her friends even know she has a boyfriend.

[BluesPower]

At first it was confusing. She would talk about how much she was into me.

And when we first started dating she it was rare that she would go out with her friends.

Now its common for her to always be checking her phone. Or getting a lot of texts.

So I called her out on it. Stated we never do anything in town and you seem to all the sudden go out when I'm at work. But when I'm off you don't want to do anything.

So I told her I'm not going to beg or chase after you. Told her I'm going to go with my gut instinct and cut back other time I spend with her.

Then she tells me she does in fact talk to her ex boyfriend but just as friends-he calls her to "check up on her to see how she is doing".

I tell her im not going to date someone whose ex is still in the picture in some way. She calls me insecure and being too jealous.

I say it makes sense now why you don't want me around your friends and tell her I don't have time to play games. And I leave it at that.

Now she wants to meet up to " talk about this".

 

You are correct... This is typical stuff.

 

They want one foot in and Mr. Available standing in the wings.

 

I am not sure that I would even talk to her, but that is your decision.

 

Why do people do this? Especially when just dating. And you are not being insecure or jealous. If she was not banging her ex when you guys were dating, you can bet she is now.

 

Good for you cutting it off...