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45 and working thru breakup...


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Spartakooty

Hi all! First time caller, long time listener...

 

As a 45-year-old dumb male, you would think stuff like this gets easier to understand. After having been through a divorce 4 years ago I would have thought I could handle it all. If anything, getting dumped at this age makes you analyze it even more, thus creating more pain and ruminating...sigh.. I will try and keep this short.

 

I met a wonderful 38-year-old woman online last year. We both have our places, jobs, kids, pets, friends and a life. Getting together was a bit of a marathon but we were making it work. We put a lot of effort into it and even declared our love. We had not got to the point of living together, even tho early on she said she wanted to, and even mentioned a month before the breakup that her next move would be with me...but I digress. Lip service at best.

 

There is some background information that needs mentioning.

 

She lost her first child in 2014 to a heart condition. The girl was just 3. Her partner in that relationship was never around, nor was her family as she took care of the gravely ill child. Nurses did help of course but it's not the same as emotional family support. Her ex wasn't even at the hospital when the girl passed away. All while dealing with a 2-year-old at the same time. The stories would make you cry. In fact, her ex still makes her cry cuz he's frustrating to deal with and a flake.

 

She has a 4-year-old boy with little or no boundaries. She lives in a studio suite with him and lets him stay up till pretty much 11 every night and they co-sleep, which is fine I guess. As a parent, I don't have too much of an issue with co-sleeping, just not something my ex and I ever did. It just meant no time or space when I am around trying to stay the night.

 

It's hard to say if the lack of boundaries for her son is just her overcompensating for him and her horrible sense of guilt. She does feel she is partly responsible for the death of her daughter, but that's another story, and not remotely true. It's simply how some grieving parents might wish to define something they can't control.

 

All of this I supported and never once treated it with any less sensitivity than should be required. She was my hero for going through that and coming out alive.

 

Anyway...

 

We dated for just over a year. We did sort of split up last winter for a couple months when I let some of my insecurities creep in. We never lost contact and got back together in Jan. I was so happy she came back and she even apologized for being stubborn.

 

Fast forward 3 months after she came back in Jan. She decides she can't be in the relationship and it's basically all my fault.

 

Her two main reasons:

 

1) I don't engage her son enough. He was ALWAYS around and unavoidable. I did play with him lots and interacted. Took him to the store and bought him lego! Snuck him skittles... Looked after him the odd time when she worked. She felt the relationship between him and I was not going as she hoped it would. Lemme think....maybe because he's 4 and does not like another man around who isn't his dad, taking up mommy time?? Maybe the lack of boundaries leaves him not really understanding his place in the scheme of things? Just a thought. They would stay at my place from time to time on weekends and he started to push back against that too.

 

2) After a year of dating and horrible logistics she felt she didn't know who I was. Didn't know what made me tick! Didn't feel there was a friendship. Didn't see any passion in me. I have a good job that I love, and even at 45 am currently recording an album with my band. We play lots of live sweaty shows. I am generally a happy camper and pretty chill most of the time...but again...I digress. I dunno what to say to her. No one in my life has ever had this issue with me. I'm a pretty open book! Just ****ing ask!!!

 

Her leaving left me crushed...yes at 45 it apparently still happens...and feels the same as when I was 25...and 35. Our relationship was not perfect, but wow we had some amazing chemistry. Yes, a very good sex life, the best I've had in 30 years, super connected. But before you say "Well you can't base an entire relationship on th..." Yes I know. I'm not the best talker, but I am a great listener and very giving, not overbearing like a love sick puppy mind you.

 

I will take my responsibility in this, but I do believe much of it comes down to her past and being ultra protective of her feelings and not wanting to be vulnerable. And relying on her happiness to come from someone else.

 

OR...I'm an ******* and a ****ty, well-established boyfriend despite being involved, giving, loving, attentive, accepting of her and her son and her idiot ex issues.

 

We've been NC pretty much for 2 months now. It's been the hardest 2 months that I can remember. I did write a couple of emails explaining some of my thoughts and feelings. She did respond to one, then unfriended me on FB. I thought that was an odd move on her part, but whatever, people do that I guess. So, now just working through the grief and slowly coming to terms that reconciliation is likely impossible at this point. If it happens it must come from her...she knows how I feel. Would love another shot.

 

Thanks for listening.

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I'm 45 too i can relate to that part about it hurting more at this age. Me too divorced 10 yrs ago. Just wen I thought it couldn't get any worse in my case there's always some twist.

 

In my case we work together she split after 6 yrs together 9 mths ago. Then she starts a office fling wth a coworker a few mths ago and I was forced to watch that blossom in front of my eyes it was painful. I almost chucked the towell in and went back interstate but stuck it out wich im glad becausee he resigned a few weeks ago and went overseas but I'm already sensing she's onto her next guy there at work. She too had kids and lost them in a custody battle she decided to stay here long story she moved interstate for this job and apparently me. Boy all i can say is a crave for a woman but am also so exhausted from the dramas of being in a relationship im happy to take time out.

 

They scare me now even though I see where it went wrong the woman I've really connected wth bar my ex wife have been full of baggage.

 

I think that's key here she's got a lot of baggage what I would impart from my own experience wth these woman is unfortunately u meaning u being in a relationship isn't gonna fix them or heal them. Duse do ureself a favour and move on its hard for me too but these type of woman really need to grow up and mature.

They are crazy to some extent and not rational. They don't think straight. They have a very deep wound that plays itself out and hurts and causes dramas for others in there life a bottomless wound only they can heal wen they decide to not u. She blames u but takes no ownership not a good sign I've come to learn

They have no insight into there own behaviour leave her and let her deal wth her own issues and ****. I'm sory dude and I know its fresh but ur better off wthout.

 

Like me try and catch the red flags on early on and move on. That's a big red flag blaming and not taking any responsibility themselves.

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Spartakooty

Thanks for the response. Yes, she does need to mature a bit in that sense. Very self righteous, sometimes in a good way, cuz let's face it, we can be stubborn too. I would have thought tha what she had been through would have galvanized some of that for her, and I'm sure it has, but ultimately no feel self reflection going on. Why I like forums like this...self reflection is mucho important. ;)

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Sir,

 

Lemme weigh in here.

 

First, it never gets easier when you love them. I've loved three women in my life, and all three have left, and all three times it sucked bad, worst of all during this last time.

 

Second, from your post, there were red flags from the start.

 

For context, my ex was 36, previous drugs, abortion, arrest, no education, worked in food service, abusive ex, etc. I loved her anyway.

 

Here's the thing - her stated reasons really don't matter, probably aren't true, and you'll never know the real reasons, if she even knows them. A person with your exs background, kind of like mine, they don't think the same way due to the trauma.

 

After all the games my ex played post breakup, albeit my fault for allowing them, I never thought I'd feel better. Hard nc for over four months, and the good days far out weigh the bad. Read my thread to see how crazy I was. Lol

 

Food for thought - I've developed a very take it or leave it attitude as a result. If I go out, stay in, meet an amazing woman, read a book, have a three way, work out, or sleep, I'm perfectly happy being me. As a result, I can say I'm the happiest I've been in years. By being fully present, and detached from any outcomes, life is amazingly vibrant, and I'm not dependent on other people, notably women to validate me. And great things have crept up as I've made space for them.

 

Women like yours and my ex have big gigantic holes inside of them that never get filled by life. They keep searching for men, things, and experiences to make them happy, when it really comes from inside.

 

Focus on your career, your band, and your life. Tend to your garden, and let the butterflies come to you. I had to learn this, and pain is the best teacher unfortunately.

 

It does get better, and the best part is, after going through it during midlife, you are cured and learn enough not to make the same errors in selection next time. I sure did.

 

Be safe.

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Spartakooty

Excellent response Bromeo. Totally agree. Make no mistake tho, I don't need validation from a relationship. It's simply the pain of losing and missing. My happiness def comes from within. True, her excuses could be 100% bull****, she may have simply met another guy who she thought might be a better fit. I find that hard to believe given our nutty schedules tho...but anything can happen. And yes, my wisdom even knew the red flags were there, but I figured, meh, give it shot. Despite the trauma she went through she is still very much worth it. That isn't rose coloured glassses talking. At the end of the day, if someone wants to be with you they would be...period. Cheers!

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On the kid thing, to me, it's unfair to ask someone to give their kid more attention if they are simultaneously not giving you any input on discipline and where and when they sleep, etc. So I wouldn't let her skate on that point.

 

She probably is really overprotective, and she may even be letting the boy be the man of the house in the way that I've see a couple of women do whose husbands either aren't there or don't step up and take responsibility. Having lost one child, she may just totally cling to this one no matter the results of that. I wouldn't be surprised if the kid told her he didn't like you, even if it was just for a day, that that alone wouldn't make her dump you. And that she blamed you for not doing enough with him makes me suspicious something like that happened.

 

I'm sorry you're left high and dry. You sound like a reasonable person to me, so I'm betting once you put this behind you, that you will find another. Good luck.

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Spartakooty

Thanks preraph. I was at her place and her kids said.."My mom doesn't like you anymore!" It was funny at the time. And I'm sure he said more to her that influenced her decision. I didn't let her skate on that point really. Explained why she was erm...misguided in her take on my relationship with her son. But...like talking to a wall I'm sure. Certainly over protective which I understand. It was hard to explain my perspective on kids...they are PART of my life, they are NOT my life. She didn't get i don't think. It was the 'I don't know who you are' comment that just seemed oddly insurmountable for some reason. Hell, I've been on this forum for the first time today and you probably understand me more!!

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lonelyplanetmoon

Spartakooty, I am also on a second break up after reconciling during a previous separation which happened about 2 years ago. Let me tell you that we are breaking up now for the exact reason that we did 2 years ago. We both promised we would changed and I think we both tried but 1. It was never the same. 2. Obviously we did not change at all or enough. So 2 years down the tubes.

 

I am on Day 7 of BU so still very raw. Every day I wish to get back together with him, but I am getting the feeling that if we got back together, it would be relationship goundhog day. Do i really want to go through that?

 

You have to ask yourself if it is realistic that she will have the time or energy to work on fixing the relationship if you both decided to try again. Or if you will be left with the heavy lifting and then be blamed later that it did not work out.

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Spartakooty

Hi Lonelyplanetmoon. Yes I believe I would be doing all of the lifting. I guess tho, the part that kinda bothers me is that, beyond the seeming lack of reflection on her part, is that it didn't feel like it was given the chance it could have had. But, given certain circumstances it's unrealistic to think that would ever happen. Plus I think she is gone for good, and I'm not making an effort to get her back. I have to accept that either there is another man in the picture, or she just ain't that into me, regardless of who's at fault. Thing is, I lack understanding why some people could put up such a front and then simply end it. As I said in a previous post...a month before the brakup she wanted her next move to be moving in with me...a month later it's over. Sorry to hear your reconciliation didn't work out.

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Sir,

 

Lemme weigh in here.

 

First, it never gets easier when you love them. I've loved three women in my life, and all three have left, and all three times it sucked bad, worst of all during this last time.

 

Second, from your post, there were red flags from the start.

 

For context, my ex was 36, previous drugs, abortion, arrest, no education, worked in food service, abusive ex, etc. I loved her anyway.

 

Here's the thing - her stated reasons really don't matter, probably aren't true, and you'll never know the real reasons, if she even knows them. A person with your exs background, kind of like mine, they don't think the same way due to the trauma.

 

After all the games my ex played post breakup, albeit my fault for allowing them, I never thought I'd feel better. Hard nc for over four months, and the good days far out weigh the bad. Read my thread to see how crazy I was. Lol

 

Food for thought - I've developed a very take it or leave it attitude as a result. If I go out, stay in, meet an amazing woman, read a book, have a three way, work out, or sleep, I'm perfectly happy being me. As a result, I can say I'm the happiest I've been in years. By being fully present, and detached from any outcomes, life is amazingly vibrant, and I'm not dependent on other people, notably women to validate me. And great things have crept up as I've made space for them.

Women like yours and my ex have big gigantic holes inside of them that never get filled by life. They keep searching for men, things, and experiences to make them happy, when it really comes from inside.

Focus on your career, your band, and your life. Tend to your garden, and let the butterflies come to you. I had to learn this, and pain is the best teacher unfortunately.

 

It does get better, and the best part is, after going through it during midlife, you are cured and learn enough not to make the same errors in selection next time. I sure did.

 

Be safe.

 

Don't understand why so many males subject them selves to this behavior... this is what allows these women to continue with this behavior.

 

Loving your own self seems to be the hardest thing a person can do..

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Women like yours and my ex have big gigantic holes inside of them that never get filled by life. They keep searching for men, things, and experiences to make them happy, when it really comes from inside.

 

I cldnt of said it any better Bromeo this is so true and I've had 1st hand experience of it and is the case wth the current ex just sux because I have to have front row seats to it working together thx for sharing

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Spartakooty

Ok...so. Been doing a lot of thinking and healing. I'm a former journalist so I'm always digging for an answer, and I think I have found it. When I find an answer, things become a lot easier. As the OP I mentioned she blamed me for the way she was feeling and ultimately the break up. I'm not perfect but I know I am not to blame. Then I came across a couple of websites and bam...I could relate to all of it. I think she is simply commitment phobic. I'm not afraid of a commitment at all, she was the one who bailed, not me. Interesting read.

 

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frigginlost
Sir,

 

Lemme weigh in here.

 

First, it never gets easier when you love them. I've loved three women in my life, and all three have left, and all three times it sucked bad, worst of all during this last time.

 

Second, from your post, there were red flags from the start.

 

For context, my ex was 36, previous drugs, abortion, arrest, no education, worked in food service, abusive ex, etc. I loved her anyway.

 

Here's the thing - her stated reasons really don't matter, probably aren't true, and you'll never know the real reasons, if she even knows them. A person with your exs background, kind of like mine, they don't think the same way due to the trauma.

 

After all the games my ex played post breakup, albeit my fault for allowing them, I never thought I'd feel better. Hard nc for over four months, and the good days far out weigh the bad. Read my thread to see how crazy I was. Lol

 

Food for thought - I've developed a very take it or leave it attitude as a result. If I go out, stay in, meet an amazing woman, read a book, have a three way, work out, or sleep, I'm perfectly happy being me. As a result, I can say I'm the happiest I've been in years. By being fully present, and detached from any outcomes, life is amazingly vibrant, and I'm not dependent on other people, notably women to validate me. And great things have crept up as I've made space for them.

 

Women like yours and my ex have big gigantic holes inside of them that never get filled by life. They keep searching for men, things, and experiences to make them happy, when it really comes from inside.

 

Focus on your career, your band, and your life. Tend to your garden, and let the butterflies come to you. I had to learn this, and pain is the best teacher unfortunately.

 

It does get better, and the best part is, after going through it during midlife, you are cured and learn enough not to make the same errors in selection next time. I sure did.

 

Be safe.

 

Bromeo absolutely nailed it.

 

I've been walking this planet of ours for nearly 50 years and the one thing that never changes is how we all feel pain. No matter the reason that created it.

 

Spartakooty, you seem to be a bang on fellow with loads of integrity and character. Don't forget that. Commitment shy folks can absolutely destroy a person with high integrity and character because those two traits are so sought after these days that when they are not recognized in someone it crushes the person.

 

Your ex threw some pretty big red flags, but I can fully understand why you overlooked them. I've done it as has many, many, others.

 

As Bromeo so greatly put it, focus on yourself and don't change who you are at your core. Somebody will come along and recognize it, but until then, you are now armed with the ability of seeing "empty souls" before you become really attached.

 

I feel for ya man. Your experience with a commitment phobia bearing woman brings up all kinds of memories.

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Strikes a chord with me as well. The person I've been in this cycle of hot/cold push/pull with admits that she is scared of commitment. ADMITTED IT. And I still fell for her. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I'm mad at myself for allowing it to go on this long, and embarrassed I acted the way I did. Struggling to get out of the cycle now. Hang in there man!

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Sir,

 

Lemme weigh in here.

 

First, it never gets easier when you love them. I've loved three women in my life, and all three have left, and all three times it sucked bad, worst of all during this last time.

 

Second, from your post, there were red flags from the start.

 

For context, my ex was 36, previous drugs, abortion, arrest, no education, worked in food service, abusive ex, etc. I loved her anyway.

 

Here's the thing - her stated reasons really don't matter, probably aren't true, and you'll never know the real reasons, if she even knows them. A person with your exs background, kind of like mine, they don't think the same way due to the trauma.

 

After all the games my ex played post breakup, albeit my fault for allowing them, I never thought I'd feel better. Hard nc for over four months, and the good days far out weigh the bad. Read my thread to see how crazy I was. Lol

 

Food for thought - I've developed a very take it or leave it attitude as a result. If I go out, stay in, meet an amazing woman, read a book, have a three way, work out, or sleep, I'm perfectly happy being me. As a result, I can say I'm the happiest I've been in years. By being fully present, and detached from any outcomes, life is amazingly vibrant, and I'm not dependent on other people, notably women to validate me. And great things have crept up as I've made space for them.

 

Women like yours and my ex have big gigantic holes inside of them that never get filled by life. They keep searching for men, things, and experiences to make them happy, when it really comes from inside.

 

Focus on your career, your band, and your life. Tend to your garden, and let the butterflies come to you. I had to learn this, and pain is the best teacher unfortunately.

 

It does get better, and the best part is, after going through it during midlife, you are cured and learn enough not to make the same errors in selection next time. I sure did.

 

Be safe.

 

Exactly. Although not mentioned in the post a lot of it has undertones from the teachings of Corey Wayne which I sugguest you get his book.

 

I too had a similar experience (I'm 45 as well) but was with my ex for 7 years when she left. No explination other than it was all my fault. I read the warning signs wrong due to my ignorance.

 

This breakup was different in that it changed the way I look at women (or rather reminded me when I thought I found one different). It is ALL lip service. They will swear up and down they love you but that's only true until it isn't. Their feelings are a direct reflection of how they are feeling at that moment and are subject to change without notice.

 

I believe true love is different for a man. Despite a less than perfect last year with her it never crossed my mind to end things. I figured it was due to her temporary stress that would pass eventually. I was wrong and made to feel the demise was entirely my fault. Through studying CW I learned my part but it was not all me.

 

What I've done is use it as an opportunity to learn. I still make mistakes with my gf now (been together about 3 months - 6 months and several other women post breakup) but I now don't walk away like I used to. I resolve the issue there and then.

 

But I also look at women as temporary. I used to think in terms of forever (with my ex) but now I live for the present moment always reminding myself that she could be gone tomorrow. I'm ok with it.

 

It took months to get to this point but I, like Bromeo, go in with no expectations. It's fun right now and one day it might be over. But I'll be ok.

 

I still vividly remember the pain. As I write this I'm sitting in my car at lunch in the same spot where she ended it over the phone a year ago almost to the day. That was followed by three months of limbo hell of trying to work things out until she ended it for good 3 months later. Time is your friend. One day I won't care at all and you won't either.

 

Best of luck bro and post often.

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Spartakooty
I too had a similar experience (I'm 45 as well) but was with my ex for 7 years when she left. No explination other than it was all my fault. I read the warning signs wrong due to my ignorance.

 

I figured it would pass too and never once thought about ending it. At the same time, I'm not going to try and convince someone to be with me or tell her what to do in this regard. She's a big girl. She made a decision that defied the lip service that had me convinced she was all in. It's confusing as hell. I made no expectations to her. In our final face to face talk, I was very understanding, asked her what she would like to do; ie: slow it down, take a break etc. Didn't want to pressure her as I felt comfortable with the way things were and just wanted her to feel comfortable. She didn't know what she wanted to do. If someone can't explain their feelings or provide at least some sort of direction within themselves there's not much I can do, apart from listening. I asked her what I can do to resolve it...she didn't know. As far as I can tell there was just no saving it. Like many posters ask themselves what they could have said to make it better...NOTHING is the answer. They have to find it within themselves.

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I figured it would pass too and never once thought about ending it. At the same time, I'm not going to try and convince someone to be with me or tell her what to do in this regard. She's a big girl. She made a decision that defied the lip service that had me convinced she was all in. It's confusing as hell. I made no expectations to her. In our final face to face talk, I was very understanding, asked her what she would like to do; ie: slow it down, take a break etc. Didn't want to pressure her as I felt comfortable with the way things were and just wanted her to feel comfortable. She didn't know what she wanted to do. If someone can't explain their feelings or provide at least some sort of direction within themselves there's not much I can do, apart from listening. I asked her what I can do to resolve it...she didn't know. As far as I can tell there was just no saving it. Like many posters ask themselves what they could have said to make it better...NOTHING is the answer. They have to find it within themselves.

 

That's exactly the right thing to do. Initially I made the mistake of freaking out and telling her if she doesn't know what she wants we are done. After I cooled down I took it slow for 3 months until I hit a breaking point and flat out said either come back or let me go. She would come over and we would have sex and a great time in general. She chose the latter. In my defense I could no longer deal with the limbo so I forced the issue.

 

After that I did the right thing including helping her for 10 hours packing a truck moving out of my house. She way hysterical all day crying and all I could say was "This is what you want". I didn't try to convince her to stay or change her mind at all.

 

On top of that she kept on saying "maybe we'll get back together" and we were fooling around between her freak outs. She informed me she kept a couple of my t shirts and had slept in one the night before.

 

All I can do is chalk it up to crazy. And you can't fix crazy.

 

It has helped tremendously for me to date and sleep with other women. I recommend you do the same.

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Spartakooty
That's exactly the right thing to do.

 

Thanks, I think I handled it ok, did get a bit defensive. Just had no idea how to respond really. That evening wasn't the final blow however. That was a few days later over the phone. I haven't really heard a peep from her at all apart from her last email several weeks ago, and just one at that, which seemed quite definitive. As in, I ain't coming back.

 

I did get a text from her a few weeks ago telling me about a car accident that would have affected my drive home from work....um...thanks? Figured it might have been meant for someone else, but likely not.

 

Trying to get out and date a bit... Mostly just feel like improving myself and working on my music, work and friends. Heading down to San Fran for a business conference this weekend! Will be a nice distraction for a Canuck.

 

What you went through sounds worse. Still having sex and her lip service must have been confusing?? Crazy? Dunno. Emotional? Yep. Women base decisions on emotion, men on logic. Logic should win out (he says as he embraces his singledom)..fml lol!

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Been there too. I'm 54.

Common themes here:

Baggage/ damaged;

hot & cold

push & pull

psychological issues/therapy

 

and yes, the loving is so sweet, but it doesn't last with these people.

But the hurt keeps returning, unless YOU stop it...

 

Run for the hills!

 

(and not lose yourself next time around).

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Spartakooty
Been there too. I'm 54.

Common themes here:

Baggage/ damaged;

hot & cold

push & pull

psychological issues/therapy

 

and yes, the loving is so sweet, but it doesn't last with these people.

But the hurt keeps returning, unless YOU stop it...

 

Run for the hills!

 

(and not lose yourself next time around).

 

She is FAR too stubborn for therapy. I think the fear of commitment is her biggest thing. Never saw herself getting married and having kids etc. Has a kids, but almost 40 and no walking down the aisle. Although she joked last year that I could be the one to convince her. Uh...............ya. Fiercely independent too. Often when very independent people get close they fear losing that side of themselves and back off. Blah blah...what the hell do I know!!

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What an amazing collection of exs. I've always wanted to start such a thread so men could weigh in and we could track similarities. Every single man on here appears to have gone through a different version of the same woeful story.

 

Why these exs choose to rather exist in the limbo that they create rather than communicate effectively and directly absolutely astounds me. Personally, I had never seen anything like it prior, as my previous relationships had concisely stated when things were over, either from me or them.

 

The lesson to be gained here is to look at the commonalities between the exs themselves, and avoid them in the future as glaring red flags. As we have all now either been through, or are going through, I know for me I am far different emotionally.

 

I've said numerous times, mine was 36, no education, etc.

 

Here's the best part, I know for a fact if I contacted mine, after four months, she'd say I told her to leave me alone, which she did. Absolutely no EQ.

 

It is comforting to commiserate with others, and the support had been invaluable.

 

And ladies, believe me I'm not singling you all out, just promoting some brolove over here.

 

Be safe.

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Spartakooty

Feel the bro love! Thx Bromeo. And of course we are not talking about all women. I could go on about my opinions about her mentality and the history of her life, but at the end of the day we all need to accept they just ain't that into us. Or they met someone else. Occam's Razor says the easiest answer is usually the right one. There's no law that says they have to be with us. NEXT!!!

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frigginlost
What an amazing collection of exs. I've always wanted to start such a thread so men could weigh in and we could track similarities. Every single man on here appears to have gone through a different version of the same woeful story.

 

Why these exs choose to rather exist in the limbo that they create rather than communicate effectively and directly absolutely astounds me. Personally, I had never seen anything like it prior, as my previous relationships had concisely stated when things were over, either from me or them.

 

The lesson to be gained here is to look at the commonalities between the exs themselves, and avoid them in the future as glaring red flags. As we have all now either been through, or are going through, I know for me I am far different emotionally.

 

I've said numerous times, mine was 36, no education, etc.

 

Here's the best part, I know for a fact if I contacted mine, after four months, she'd say I told her to leave me alone, which she did. Absolutely no EQ.

 

It is comforting to commiserate with others, and the support had been invaluable.

 

And ladies, believe me I'm not singling you all out, just promoting some brolove over here.

 

Be safe.

 

Good stuff Bromeo. Really good stuff.

 

With age comes wisdom as they say, and one of the things that absolutely floors me is how (some) women continually refer to their shallow side when dating. The greatest guy can come along, treat them great, respect them, etc. yet they will "go shallow" and when all their "tick boxes" are met they jump to the commitment phobia land of excuses.

 

Now days dating someone with a glaring red flag is so easy to see. Never saw it when I was younger, but now, it's a piece of cake.

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Thanks, I think I handled it ok, did get a bit defensive. Just had no idea how to respond really. That evening wasn't the final blow however. That was a few days later over the phone. I haven't really heard a peep from her at all apart from her last email several weeks ago, and just one at that, which seemed quite definitive. As in, I ain't coming back.

 

I did get a text from her a few weeks ago telling me about a car accident that would have affected my drive home from work....um...thanks? Figured it might have been meant for someone else, but likely not.

 

Trying to get out and date a bit... Mostly just feel like improving myself and working on my music, work and friends. Heading down to San Fran for a business conference this weekend! Will be a nice distraction for a Canuck.

 

What you went through sounds worse. Still having sex and her lip service must have been confusing?? Crazy? Dunno. Emotional? Yep. Women base decisions on emotion, men on logic. Logic should win out (he says as he embraces his singledom)..fml lol!

 

As long as you didn't freak out and get angry (like I did) or beg and plead (like most do) you are in the top 1% of dumpees lol.

 

That text from her could have been her trying to dip a toe in the waters or even to see if you're still on the hook. Did you respond?

 

That's great you are focusing on yourself and open to dating. It's unlikely you'll meet your next girlfriend right out of the gate so you have to play the numbers. The more you put yourself out there the more likely you are to find a replacement. And awesome about the trip!

 

Well I can't say my situation was worse than yours but if sure did suck and was the most difficult thing I've ever been through in my life. For 3 months she would come over every other weekend or during the week and we would have sex all day and have an awesome time together. Send me gifts and cards in the mail, bring over food she cooked for me, talk about having a kid with me, etc. Then she finally ended it.

 

I was not seeing anyone else and as a result my entire world was pending her decision. Summer 2016 will go down in history as the worst of my life lol. I've never done that with a woman and I never will ever again. She was different because I never doubted I would spend the rest of my life with her - I was never so sure of anything in my life. She was my best friend, confidante, and the woman of my dreams. Now she's a stranger. Funny how life throws you curveballs like that.

 

I'm doing better now (and have a hotter gf) but I was REALLY bad for about 6 months. Like ready to pop a hole in my head bad.

 

I'm thankful as she taught me a valuable lesson which is to never trust a woman's "feelings" again. Logic is king - it shocks me how I can now elicit desired behavior by my words / actions like I'm programming a computer due to studying female behavior. I also learned what I did that pushed her away. I've made it my mission to never be blindsided by a breakup again.

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