Leah123 Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 I am 33 and broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years nine months ago, we were keeping in contact for the first 6 months but he decided he was ready to start dating so I told him I could no longer keep in touch because it hurt too much to know. He told me that he understood, that it made him sad because I am his best friend and get back in contact when I was ready and that he would always be there for me. That was 3 months ago. I don't feel like I have made any progress, still think about him every day and miss him so much other days. I'm still very emotional and my moods are unpredictable, I dream of him and often wake up feeling anxious and really alone. Although I have been doing all the "right" things, eating well, exercise, keeping routine, meditation etc...I feel like I have made no progress, I miss him still so much and now I feel like if this no contact thing hasn't reduced my feelings what will. How long is this supposed to take?? I am sick of feeling like this will never end... Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Don't beat up yourself. You were with him for a third of your adult life. It's normal that you're still feeling a sense of loss, especially if he's put himself back out on the market. Just remember that progress is not linear. I'm about a two and a half years out and I still think about her often, even if I have no interest in ever seeing her again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Getting over somebody takes as long as it takes. There is no time frame. Sorry. Keep doing what you are doing. Eventually it will work. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 (edited) A break up is like grieving a death. There are stages and people go through them at different times and sometimes back and forth between them. It's important to allow yourself to grieve but if you can do it in little bits, like steam from a tea kettle, it gets easier faster. Set aside a period of time each day, say half and hour to start with, to sit with you feelings -- cry, yell, write, etc. and at the end of that time. Force yourself to do something else, anything else that takes your focus away. Do something nice for yourself -- buy something you've always wanted, call someone you've been out of touch with, buy new curtains/change your environment a little bit. If you can be resolved to do this for a while, you should find that you need/want less time for it -- you work the time spent for that down to 20 mins, 15 mins, etc. Don't give up too soon on this plan. You do it -- until . . . It's not going to be immediate relief but stick with it if you decide to try it. Be patient with and good to yourself. Tell yourself you deserve to be happy. Lots of positive self-talk. You are a strong, independent, secure woman with a rich full life of your own and you should be enjoying it. Edited June 15, 2017 by Redhead14 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AT15 Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 5 years together is a quite a while. It will happen in stages. I realized I was over the ex when I didn't care if he contacted me, actually I prefer that he didn't. My last contact was in the beginning of April. It's now been almost three months. My ex was a complete jack-ss and I should have never trusted him. I'm content that he won't be bringing anymore push/pull drama into my mind. I don't miss him at all. I don't remember any of "the good times", I can only recall the b-llsh-t. It's really tough in the beginning because you have to get used to him not being around. But, once you emotionally let go, it's an amazing feeling of freedom and strength. You won't even want him after a while. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Goodguy05 Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 (edited) I am 33 and broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years nine months ago, we were keeping in contact for the first 6 months but he decided he was ready to start dating so I told him I could no longer keep in touch because it hurt too much to know. He told me that he understood, that it made him sad because I am his best friend and get back in contact when I was ready and that he would always be there for me. That was 3 months ago. I don't feel like I have made any progress, still think about him every day and miss him so much other days. I'm still very emotional and my moods are unpredictable, I dream of him and often wake up feeling anxious and really alone. Although I have been doing all the "right" things, eating well, exercise, keeping routine, meditation etc...I feel like I have made no progress, I miss him still so much and now I feel like if this no contact thing hasn't reduced my feelings what will. How long is this supposed to take?? I am sick of feeling like this will never end... It's completly normal...ur grieving the loss..it can take a while everyone is different the stronger the connection the longer it's gonna take. Everyone's different so I can only speak for myself. On average it takes me about 2 to 3 yrs wen I lose a soulmate. To completly feel indifferent. Then I usually meet my next serious relationship weird that. Must hAve somthing to do wth being fully present. Sometimes I have rebounds in between this time I chose not to well kind of i havent really met anyone. I think it's important to go through the emotions and really feel them. Then in time it shld get less and less. Unfortunately there's no other way around it the exception being if u meet someone u totally fall in love wth but normally u dont because ur hearts still wth that other person. Let ureself feel that's my advice Edited June 15, 2017 by Goodguy05 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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