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I feel so guilty...


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Well....unfortunately, i am back. If anyone remembers my story I was verbally and emotionally abused for about a year. I determined I was dealing with a narcissist mixed with BPD disorder.. frequent hot and cold behavior, and he turned me into the "crazy one". Nothing i did or said was the right thing, and everytime id try to reach out and fix the relationship- id get stonewalled OR he would tell me nothing was wrong I was just creating drama. Meanwhile he gaslighted me, triangulated me, and would rage at me over the stupidest things ever. We could never discuss or resolve ANYTHING.

 

Anyways 6 months with no contact- I was doing good. Skip ahead to last week... I commented on a mutual friends post on fb and within 15 minutes my ex who was still blocked on FB sent me a friend request - which I deleted.. I panicked I checked my settings and my blocked list was gone and I couldn't reblock him because FB makes you wait 48 hours!!! That wait time couldnt come fast enough, but he did managed to message me saying he was so happy he wasn't blocked anymore at first and then when I didn't accept he called me a horrible person who is insane and off my rocker... now I'm back to square one and I feel horrible... I was doing so well too, and now I'm back feeling anxious and depressed...and I feel bad. Why the hell do I feel bad?? I should not feel bad at all. I feel so guilty about walking away now... I'm feeling as if I AM the awful horrible he claims I am. I can't shake this. I can't talk to anyone about it because they don't understand.. I get alot of 'he's an *******, move on' ... It's almost as if a wound was reopened.. I'm wondering WHY after everything he would send me a friend request on Facebook. And I feel so guilty I didn't accept it .. I can't explain it, I just feel like I'm back to where I started 6 months ago and this isn't good. I can't shake this guilt..

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Well, I'm sure that was scary. And of course he was right there waiting, so how freaking creepy! Stop with the guilt. Being too nice is why you are letting these crazy people in when anyone else would run them out. All you have to do is wait and reblock. Stay off FB until then. How about that? Go out and do something.

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