Am I the crazy one here?!

[TCOIE]

Never been on a site like this before but I really need some objective advice.

Granted my situation is petty compared to some of the horror stories i have read on here...still I'd appreciate any advice because i feel like i'm going crazy.

 

About 6 months ago i got to know my current Ex alot better and our friendship evolved into dating. We also started a watch party group for our favorite show and out of it a new mutual circle of friends developed, which i greatly value.

 

About two months ago she broke up with me, said she just was not feeling a romantic connection and thought we worked better as friends. I'd be lying if i said that did not sting a bit but ultimately i agreed. We were kinda drifting.

After that things went well for about a month and i really felt good about things.

 

Last month i reached out to her to have a conversation as to inevitably when one of us started dating another person and wanted to bring that person to the group, how we would navigate that as to not cause problems or drama..etc.

 

I THOUGHT it was a good and open conversation and in the end she suggested that if one of us wanted to bring someone to the group events, we'd give the other person a head's up. She also said how she did not want to be blindsided and how she was taking a break from dating.

 

I thought her idea of a "head's up" was a good one and perfectly reasonable and again left that conversation feeling really good about how we had managed to avoid post break up crap and were really moving forward as friends and communicating.

 

So, imagine my surprise when TWO WEEKS LATER at our watch party she shows up with this new guy, she is clearly dating and she is sitting across the table from me cuddling and all and does not even introduce me for over and hour and a half.

 

It felt humiliating and really disrespectful...and worse still, I felt robbed of agency. With a head's up i could have decided not to come that night, or leave early gracefully, or simply had sat somewhere else or moved to be with other friends.

 

The entire time that night and since she's just acting like nothing happened.

The next night, the watch party group went to the drive in. Which was a great time. My Ex was there with her new guy but in fairness they did not park with the rest of us...still it sucked given that this was a date i asked her to go on when we were dating and now she is there with a new guy, the night after making out with the same new guy in the very booth we used to sit in as a couple. Not sure how valid this part is objectively but it still stung.

 

I have alot of other things going on in my life so i decided to wait before confronting her because i wanted to make sure that I was not transferring other anger in my life here. I recently cut my emotionally abusive mother out of my life, had a friend suffer a serious injury, have a stressful job....so i wanted to make sure that i was dealing with this in the proper context.

 

That was all about three weeks ago. Earlier this week I decided I was over it and it was not worth the potential collateral damage and discomfort of our mutual friends to have it out over what is essentially spilled milk.

 

I had dealt with it and was pretty much over it.....until last night.

 

All week she was posting in thread or in texts that she was not going to make it this week to the party...and then of course shows up with him again..laughing saying that it was all a prank on the rest of us. I know that this was not pointed at me directly but it brought all the anger i was over back to the surface...and of course she sits down next to me....like i don't need to be right next to you guys.

I've played it cool. I've been polite and cordial and have not spoken to mutual friends about it. Except one who asked out of concern..and i kept that conversation to a very brief minimum as i don't like **** talk with mutual friends.

 

For the record, i don't care that she's dating someone new..godspeed and live and let live and all but i'm now furious that she, after being the one to suggest a head's up..seems to completely have forgotten that

 

Now i feel like anything i do..will be misread and misrepresented as petty jealousy or me "not being able to handle the breakup" and I feel like i'm almost being baited somehow. The friday night Watch party was the highpoint of my week...now it's always a tinge of dread.

 

 

I don't know...am I overreacting here? Is there another logical explanation as to why she id doing this?

[elaine567]

When she requested the heads up, she was frightened that you would bring a girl to the Watch party and she would look foolish being on her own and it may be upsetting.

However as soon as she got a bf, she promptly forgot all about it, because even if you do bring someone along now she is safe with her new guy...

 

She is being totally selfish, but you are correct it will be you that will appear petty and jealous if you complain, so you just need to suck it up. I am sorry your Watch party group is spoiled, but unless you boycott the group, or join another group or start a new group, then there is not much you can do atm.

 

I think you need to get out there and date so that you can bring your new girl to the group and your ex can show off her bf all she likes and you won't care a damn.

I think you dodged a bullet, she lacks empathy.

[TCOIE]

Yeah..i was afraid of that.

Still it just makes no sense..and that's part of what's needling me...i mean and i'm serious here, if she had just not blindsided me, i am sure this would not bother me at all by now. I'd even make an effort to make her new guy feel welcome.

 

How could someone who claims to care about me and was once in a relationship with me be so thoughtless. It's kinda scary, like maybe i don't really know her.

 

But yeah..i'll just have to grin and bear it for a while i suppose unless i wanna leave the group...or at least take a break.

 

Thank you.

[elaine567]

How could someone who claims to care about me and was once in a relationship with me be so thoughtless. It's kinda scary, like maybe i don't really know her..

Its a common complaint, but I think some people just get so caught up in their new romance or new dating experience that they do not think straight.

They also do not want to show their new partner that they still care for their ex, so they often go out of their way to act cruel or thoughtless towards the ex. The new partner can also be very pleased that the ex's nose is put out of joint so they can egg them on too.

[preraph]

i hate to say it, but she's enjoying this. Not sure how she got to a place where she wanted to punish you, but seems like when you had that conversation about getting a heads-up, the took the idea and ran with it, which was really mean of her. And I totally get what you're saying about how she's turning it around on you and making you look like the idiot and that sucks, because now what you have to do is be super nice to her and her date in public when in front of your friends to show that you don't give a crap and are not the jerk in this picture. Sadly, she didn't leave you the opportunity to just not show up, but in the long run, maybe that's best.

 

Can I suggest you block her from seeing what your plans are on social media so that at least she cannot deliberatly show up somewhere you're going and ruin your evening? Or just stop putting that on social media at all. And stop looking at her social media because now you know she likes seeing you feeling bad.

 

The good news is now you know what a petty weasel she is and you found out before she got pregnant or you married her sorry butt. So try to start looking at her as a bullet dodged. What to do when she acts as if nothing is different and contacts you? Be cheery, but tell her "Oh, sorry, I have plans" and no other explanation and don't let her linger.

[TCOIE]

Yeah i would just block out but given that we both started this Watch group which kinda morphed into a mutual circle of friends it's hard unless I just hang out less and that pisses me off.

 

At the same time i do not want to drag our friends into this because it's stupid and petty and unfair to make them feel like they have to choose sides....and part of me feels like you guys that she is kinda counting on that.

 

Yeah you are right, i did indeed dodge a bullet because either she is super self absorbed or is super manipulative. Either way is bad.

 

What's driving me crazy is that it just does not make sense.

 

I mean she broke up with me and it was as amicable as such things could be. We have never had an argument or a fight.

 

I am at a complete loss as to WHY she is doing this. I've never known her to be like this..but at the sametime..she is smart and i cannot believe she is unaware of how this would make me feel. It's just waste and meanness.

 

Thanks for replying to you both. It's really helpful just to not feel like i'm insane.

[Goodguy05]

Never been on a site like this before but I really need some objective advice.

Granted my situation is petty compared to some of the horror stories i have read on here...still I'd appreciate any advice because i feel like i'm going crazy.

 

About 6 months ago i got to know my current Ex alot better and our friendship evolved into dating. We also started a watch party group for our favorite show and out of it a new mutual circle of friends developed, which i greatly value.

 

About two months ago she broke up with me, said she just was not feeling a romantic connection and thought we worked better as friends. I'd be lying if i said that did not sting a bit but ultimately i agreed. We were kinda drifting.

After that things went well for about a month and i really felt good about things.

 

Last month i reached out to her to have a conversation as to inevitably when one of us started dating another person and wanted to bring that person to the group, how we would navigate that as to not cause problems or drama..etc.

 

I THOUGHT it was a good and open conversation and in the end she suggested that if one of us wanted to bring someone to the group events, we'd give the other person a head's up. She also said how she did not want to be blindsided and how she was taking a break from dating.

 

I thought her idea of a "head's up" was a good one and perfectly reasonable and again left that conversation feeling really good about how we had managed to avoid post break up crap and were really moving forward as friends and communicating.

 

So, imagine my surprise when TWO WEEKS LATER at our watch party she shows up with this new guy, she is clearly dating and she is sitting across the table from me cuddling and all and does not even introduce me for over and hour and a half.

 

It felt humiliating and really disrespectful...and worse still, I felt robbed of agency. With a head's up i could have decided not to come that night, or leave early gracefully, or simply had sat somewhere else or moved to be with other friends.

 

The entire time that night and since she's just acting like nothing happened.

The next night, the watch party group went to the drive in. Which was a great time. My Ex was there with her new guy but in fairness they did not park with the rest of us...still it sucked given that this was a date i asked her to go on when we were dating and now she is there with a new guy, the night after making out with the same new guy in the very booth we used to sit in as a couple. Not sure how valid this part is objectively but it still stung.

 

I have alot of other things going on in my life so i decided to wait before confronting her because i wanted to make sure that I was not transferring other anger in my life here. I recently cut my emotionally abusive mother out of my life, had a friend suffer a serious injury, have a stressful job....so i wanted to make sure that i was dealing with this in the proper context.

 

That was all about three weeks ago. Earlier this week I decided I was over it and it was not worth the potential collateral damage and discomfort of our mutual friends to have it out over what is essentially spilled milk.

 

I had dealt with it and was pretty much over it.....until last night.

 

All week she was posting in thread or in texts that she was not going to make it this week to the party...and then of course shows up with him again..laughing saying that it was all a prank on the rest of us. I know that this was not pointed at me directly but it brought all the anger i was over back to the surface...and of course she sits down next to me....like i don't need to be right next to you guys.

I've played it cool. I've been polite and cordial and have not spoken to mutual friends about it. Except one who asked out of concern..and i kept that conversation to a very brief minimum as i don't like **** talk with mutual friends.

 

For the record, i don't care that she's dating someone new..godspeed and live and let live and all but i'm now furious that she, after being the one to suggest a head's up..seems to completely have forgotten that

 

Now i feel like anything i do..will be misread and misrepresented as petty jealousy or me "not being able to handle the breakup" and I feel like i'm almost being baited somehow. The friday night Watch party was the highpoint of my week...now it's always a tinge of dread.

 

 

I don't know...am I overreacting here? Is there another logical explanation as to why she id doing this?

 

Ur handling things quiet well and no ur not overreacting. Please read my thread allthough I was with my ex a lot longer 6 yrs but went thru hell the last 6 mths watching her office romance yes we all work together blossom. However he's out now and going over to London to live and all I can think is suck **** u bitch. I don't feel sorry for her at all she rubbed it in my face like this ex pardon the pun bitch of ures is rubbing it in ur face. The best thing to do is do wat i did and don't show any emotion don't give her the satisfaction. I don't know if she's trying to get a response out of u but she's not very nice by the sounds of her behaviour. Why don't u leave this group dude? In my case I had to stick it out becauee I had a good job but the last mth I'd had enough and it was doing my sanity on and started looking for another job but now that this guys left I can breather easy. If I wss u id find another group or interest and leave. U dont wanna see tg hat **** if u dont have to its just gonna continually play wth and heighten ur emotions no matter how overy it u think u r. I would go home sometimes recalling and feeling so angry at my ex's behaviour at work it's almost like she intentionally wanted to stab me in the heart or she just didn't care i survived and came out intact but if I had a choice like u do I'd leave. Just a thought

[elaine567]

As you both started the group, then as founder members you enjoy a "status".

I am not saying everyone is bowing at your feet, but you are the "VIP"s of the group.

 

Who's he?

Oh that is TCOIE he started up this group.

Ah... so he's the top man

Pretty much.

 

If she can get rid of you out of the group, then she is now the sole "VIP" and her bf takes on your role.

 

just a thought.

[TCOIE]

Hung out this afternoon with two mutual friends from the Watch Group. i never bring this stuff up around them. Had a good time today and that makes me feel better about things.

 

I was kinda worried that if i left the group i'd effectively be giving up all of my mutual friends to her by default.

 

Yes, i did kinda feel like i was being set up to be replaced but now i feel like that part is my own insecurities.

 

That being said i'll most likely start to slowly fade out of the group and instead hang out more with our friends at other things like today.

 

Seems like the consensus here is to let it go and wait...and that's prudent...folks who do things like this usually reveal themselves in time. Better to let her burn her own bridges without having anything to do with it.

 

That will be very hard to do, but you guys are making alot of sense.