Was It All an Illusion? Crushed

[JJNY]

I apologize for the length guys, but after lurking here for a few days I think it may be helpful to get this off my chest and hopefully hear from some of you. Im afraid I may have been the classic rebound.

 

I first met this girl back when I was 14. We're both 28 now, so I've quite literally known her half my life. Though we went to different high schools, we lived somewhat close and would meet up every now and then. Went to different colleges too and we both dated other people, but always seemed to stay in touch and meet up every so often. Every time we saw each other it was an amazing night, but we were living in different cities and in different places in our lives. This continued until about 3 years ago, when she got a serious boyfriend. I heard through the grapevine she was engaged. We didnt talk at all during this time.

 

She first reached out to me again about a year ago. Her engagement had fallen through two weeks earlier after only a month (I wont get into the reasons why but it was very messy and no fault of her own). Initially she was asking me for legal advice. She was distraught. I was supportive, offered the best help I was able to give, and after a few weeks offered to take her out for a drink to cheer her up.

 

Looking back now, it all moved very quickly. I understand now we were both probably approaching it from different angles. But there was just something between us that both of us felt and acknowledged. I was respectful of her feelings and where she was coming from, and we didnt take on a "boyfriend/girlfriend" title. After a couple of months we were talking daily, going out together every weekend. But she acknowledged she still had walls up and they werent ready to come down. I wasnt exactly looking for a relationship either, so I was just happy to be spending time with her and seeing where it led.

 

This went on for months and months. After awhile she told me she loved me, she told me how happy she was that I came back into her life and "rescued" her, and that she's never been with anybody like me before. How she felt a decade of feelings finally coming to the front and was so happy we were doing this. Sex was amazing. I was in heaven and she seemed to be too. She did still have down times and we would talk about them. Communication was always very good.

 

But Now for the major red flag that I know I ignored: Not only was she refusing to take on the title of boyfriend/girlfriend (which as I said I didnt need), she wouldnt introduce me to her family. I met a handful of her friends, but not her family. Even after 8 or so months of weekly dates and talking every day. She said she wasnt ready for what that represented. And I understood. When we talked about it she was clear she wanted to get there eventually but she just wasnt there yet. I didnt want to pressure her on this given what she had been through, thinking it would just drive her away, so I remained in this odd middle ground. I know that was a huge mistake as I was obviously becoming more emotially attached. I just thought it was mutual.

 

We flew cross country to a wedding together about a month ago (so after seeing each other regularly for about 9 months). She was incredibly distant the entire trip. First time she had ever acted like that. When we got back she said it was just too much. I was supposed to go to a wedding of one of her friends the following weekend; I told her Im not going if that's how shes going to act again. She broke down and said she's so sorry, that it's best I didnt go, that she had to be on her own, that she needs space after everything that happened and just isnt ready to bring this any farther. I was crushed and distraught, I really thought there was something real here finally coming together.

 

I guess here's where I need advice. After saying she needed space and all that, which I understood, she was still reaching out. Texting me like nothing was wrong. I was cordial for a few days but eventually against all better judgment poured my heart out to her on the phone (I was away for work). Said that while I loved her, this isn't fair anymore, that she didnt seem to even make the effort to move this to the next step while taking advantage of how understanding I was. She cried, said she understood, that she truly wants to be there one day and is terrified to lose me but has to be on her own for now. Again, I was crushed. This was 4 days ago, and every day since, she has sent me a text just saying "hi." That's it. I didnt respond to any of them but this morning I just unloaded on her via text. Said she has to stop contacting me because it's making me miserable. She just said she didnt think space meant we had to cease all communication but she understood.

 

Man, looking back on what I just wrote it seems so obvious that I was just a rebound. But I just didnt believe it given what we seemed to have between us and everything that she was saying to me about us. I am crushed, I feel used, feel taken advantage of, and love her all the same. I know 8 months isn't a long time but given our history I truly thought it was going to lead somewhere. We're both 28 years old; we arent young kids anymore. Im not a person who has many relationships and I cant help but feel that I ****ed this up somehow, that if I just talked more about moving forward she may have tried.

 

I dont know if I'll ever hear from her again and it terrifies me that that's a possibility. I basically told her I didnt want to hear from her even though I want nothing more right now than for her to tell me she wants to try. If she contacts me and says she wants to, do I even respond? Someone smack some sense into me please because I am crushed and depressed.

 

Thanks to all who made it to the end of this.

 

Edit: And for clarification, I know for a fact she isn't seeing or talking to her ex.

Edited June 3, 2017 by JJNY
clarification

[preraph]

Sorry you're going through this. You sound like a good guy.

 

Could it be that the same thing that caused her engagement to break off before wasn't ALL the other guy's fault and that she just wouldn't admit it or doesn't see it herself? I am getting at that maybe she has some commitment problems of her own.

 

Of course, could be she's just still healing from what happened before with her engagement. Maybe she truly does need to be on her own, especially IF she has never lived alone and supported herself before.

 

You did the right thing expressing yourself. She would have just kept la-la-ing along in your life and been just fine with that, having you like a sidecar while she does whatever she's going to do.

 

All I can tell you is get the mourning over with but then make yourself go out and be social and do fun things and travel because all that is a good distraction and also gives you a better perception and pulls you away from the tunnel-vision focus you now have on her and brings that lens back to a bigger view where she won't seem quite as important.

 

Who knows, maybe someday down the road, but don't wait for it.

[JJNY]

Thanks for the response Preraph and for taking the time to read. And I appreciate your advice.

 

Could it be that the same thing that caused her engagement to break off before wasn't ALL the other guy's fault and that she just wouldn't admit it or doesn't see it herself? I am getting at that maybe she has some commitment problems of her own.

 

Of course, could be she's just still healing from what happened before with her engagement. Maybe she truly does need to be on her own, especially IF she has never lived alone and supported herself before.

 

I think it's much more the latter. Without getting into details out of respect for privacy, it was actually he who ended it after a huge disagreement about something he had kept hidden. Im sure thats a huge reason she is keeping those walls up.

 

As for me, I want to believe it was right for me to express myself like that but I can't help thinking I just pushed it away for good. Hopefully with time that feeling of messing it up will go away.

 

What makes it so hard is that I've never really been a "relationship" person. I had high school and college girlfriends, and now that Im older I casually date but always find a reason to pull the plug or phase it out before things get too serious. And to have something, for the first time, that I truly saw going somewhere get dangled before my face and pulled away like that just really hurts.

 

I just want to reach out, tell her to stop being scared of me, that I would never hurt her like that, but I know enough from reading here that the only thing that would do is cost me what's left of my dignity.

 

So the healing period begins I guess.

[JJNY]

And the fact that I've known her so long certainly doesnt help. I think a part of me has always wondered if/hoped that I would end up with her one day, and now that hope appears to be gone. I think I was prematurely already writing the happy ending in my head.

 

Sorry for the disjointed thoughts here...I'm trying to post it all on here rather than sending it to her. Man this feeling sucks.

[mikeylo]

The hope with her could also have the reason that you never committed to anyone else. Now close this chapter finally, and move on to someone new.

 

I guess she is too scared to be in a relationship at the moment and while you came at the right time but didnt handle it properly.

[JJNY]

The hope with her could also have the reason that you never committed to anyone else. Now close this chapter finally, and move on to someone new.

 

Thanks. I supposed that's a possibility but I don't think so, it's not like I was thinking about this girl every day and when I heard she was engaged I truly wasn't bothered by it.

 

If there's any sort of silver lining here, I guess that it lets me know I am capable of wanting to make that kind of commitment to someone (though this may have set me back a little bit in my ability to do so).

 

I just want to reach out so badly but there's no good that can come from it.

[preraph]

In her subconscious, she may be quietly waiting and hoping for her previous relationship dissolution to right itself or to at least make sense. You know, people get real stuck on things that don't seem just and I'm one of them. It's hard to move past something you just think was so wrong and senseless and unfair and then worst of all, to realize how you failed to see the elephant in the room. You lose trust in not only yourself but everyone else too. She may snap out of it in time, but that's no guarantee she'll come back your way, as she may go where the wind blows as people often do. But you've stayed in touch for a long time, so maybe in a couple years you do a wellness check on her. But I hope you find someone before then.

[Goodguy05]

I apologize for the length guys, but after lurking here for a few days I think it may be helpful to get this off my chest and hopefully hear from some of you. Im afraid I may have been the classic rebound.

 

I first met this girl back when I was 14. We're both 28 now, so I've quite literally known her half my life. Though we went to different high schools, we lived somewhat close and would meet up every now and then. Went to different colleges too and we both dated other people, but always seemed to stay in touch and meet up every so often. Every time we saw each other it was an amazing night, but we were living in different cities and in different places in our lives. This continued until about 3 years ago, when she got a serious boyfriend. I heard through the grapevine she was engaged. We didnt talk at all during this time.

 

She first reached out to me again about a year ago. Her engagement had fallen through two weeks earlier after only a month (I wont get into the reasons why but it was very messy and no fault of her own). Initially she was asking me for legal advice. She was distraught. I was supportive, offered the best help I was able to give, and after a few weeks offered to take her out for a drink to cheer her up.

 

Looking back now, it all moved very quickly. I understand now we were both probably approaching it from different angles. But there was just something between us that both of us felt and acknowledged. I was respectful of her feelings and where she was coming from, and we didnt take on a "boyfriend/girlfriend" title. After a couple of months we were talking daily, going out together every weekend. But she acknowledged she still had walls up and they werent ready to come down. I wasnt exactly looking for a relationship either, so I was just happy to be spending time with her and seeing where it led.

 

This went on for months and months. After awhile she told me she loved me, she told me how happy she was that I came back into her life and "rescued" her, and that she's never been with anybody like me before. How she felt a decade of feelings finally coming to the front and was so happy we were doing this. Sex was amazing. I was in heaven and she seemed to be too. She did still have down times and we would talk about them. Communication was always very good.

 

But Now for the major red flag that I know I ignored: Not only was she refusing to take on the title of boyfriend/girlfriend (which as I said I didnt need), she wouldnt introduce me to her family. I met a handful of her friends, but not her family. Even after 8 or so months of weekly dates and talking every day. She said she wasnt ready for what that represented. And I understood. When we talked about it she was clear she wanted to get there eventually but she just wasnt there yet. I didnt want to pressure her on this given what she had been through, thinking it would just drive her away, so I remained in this odd middle ground. I know that was a huge mistake as I was obviously becoming more emotially attached. I just thought it was mutual.

 

We flew cross country to a wedding together about a month ago (so after seeing each other regularly for about 9 months). She was incredibly distant the entire trip. First time she had ever acted like that. When we got back she said it was just too much. I was supposed to go to a wedding of one of her friends the following weekend; I told her Im not going if that's how shes going to act again. She broke down and said she's so sorry, that it's best I didnt go, that she had to be on her own, that she needs space after everything that happened and just isnt ready to bring this any farther. I was crushed and distraught, I really thought there was something real here finally coming together.

 

I guess here's where I need advice. After saying she needed space and all that, which I understood, she was still reaching out. Texting me like nothing was wrong. I was cordial for a few days but eventually against all better judgment poured my heart out to her on the phone (I was away for work). Said that while I loved her, this isn't fair anymore, that she didnt seem to even make the effort to move this to the next step while taking advantage of how understanding I was. She cried, said she understood, that she truly wants to be there one day and is terrified to lose me but has to be on her own for now. Again, I was crushed. This was 4 days ago, and every day since, she has sent me a text just saying "hi." That's it. I didnt respond to any of them but this morning I just unloaded on her via text. Said she has to stop contacting me because it's making me miserable. She just said she didnt think space meant we had to cease all communication but she understood.

 

Man, looking back on what I just wrote it seems so obvious that I was just a rebound. But I just didnt believe it given what we seemed to have between us and everything that she was saying to me about us. I am crushed, I feel used, feel taken advantage of, and love her all the same. I know 8 months isn't a long time but given our history I truly thought it was going to lead somewhere. We're both 28 years old; we arent young kids anymore. Im not a person who has many relationships and I cant help but feel that I ****ed this up somehow, that if I just talked more about moving forward she may have tried.

 

I dont know if I'll ever hear from her again and it terrifies me that that's a possibility. I basically told her I didnt want to hear from her even though I want nothing more right now than for her to tell me she wants to try. If she contacts me and says she wants to, do I even respond? Someone smack some sense into me please because I am crushed and depressed.

 

Thanks to all who made it to the end of this.

 

Edit: And for clarification, I know for a fact she isn't seeing or talking to her ex.

 

No u haven't sabotaged anything dude ur just following ur instincts which in this case from wat i read are spot on.

 

I would feel the same as u where the level of commitment fromantic her end? She's not introducing u to family aftrr 8 mths that's definatly not a good sign. If anyone sabotaged it its her.

Uve set a standard that's all that uve done and expressed u wont be treated like a doormat.

No its up to her to come to u and up the anti if she is really serions. Leave it dude u did the right thing I wouldnt either go along wth this type of treatment. I wouldn't say ur a rebound but she's not ready for a relationship because she just isn't from her behaviour. I remember wen my ex wife split from me and I quickly got involved again i was the samend as ur ex my heart was still in love wth my ex wife and I wasn't ready but I continued wth this new relationship but sabotaged that because of my unresolved feelings for my ex wife but in this case this girl was a rebound. So this time round im doing myself a favour and really giving myself space to be fully present for the next relationship but the moment I detect any behaviour like this gf of yours I'll cut it and be out the door. Don't settle for less dude thats the message here for u dont settle for less.

[JJNY]

No u haven't sabotaged anything dude ur just following ur instincts which in this case from wat i read are spot on.

 

I would feel the same as u where the level of commitment fromantic her end? She's not introducing u to family aftrr 8 mths that's definatly not a good sign. If anyone sabotaged it its her.

Uve set a standard that's all that uve done and expressed u wont be treated like a doormat.

No its up to her to come to u and up the anti if she is really serions. Leave it dude u did the right thing I wouldnt either go along wth this type of treatment. I wouldn't say ur a rebound but she's not ready for a relationship because she just isn't from her behaviour. I remember wen my ex wife split from me and I quickly got involved again i was the samend as ur ex my heart was still in love wth my ex wife and I wasn't ready but I continued wth this new relationship but sabotaged that because of my unresolved feelings for my ex wife but in this case this girl was a rebound. So this time round im doing myself a favour and really giving myself space to be fully present for the next relationship but the moment I detect any behaviour like this gf of yours I'll cut it and be out the door. Don't settle for less dude thats the message here for u dont settle for less.

 

Thanks very much for this. It makes me feel better to hear others say I did the right thing. I think Im going to print out some excerpts of this and carry it around with me when I start feeling down/guilty again. Or when I get the urge to reach out.

 

I wouldn't say she treated me as a doormat. When we spent time together (whether it was just the two of us, or us and a bunch of my friends, etc.) she was absolutely amazing to me. And I to her. We both frequently acknowledged how compatible and comfortable we were with each other. Maybe that's part of what was scaring her too much? Or maybe that's just me remembering the good too much, and not appreciating the whole picture like being kept hidden. Maybe a "security blanket" would be more accurate for her treatment of me than a doormat. Either way, still sucks. I shouldnt be trying to justify her behavior.

 

I've found that the mornings and nights are by far the toughest. When it starts getting late (usually around the time we'd chat/text and say goodnight, which we did every single night), I just get this incredible feeling of anxiety. I can usually fall asleep ok, but often wake up at 4 or 5am and never fall back asleep. I just lie there and replay everything in my head. I really hope that goes away. The days have usually been manageable, I go through rollercoasters of hope and despair but reading here I guess that's part of the process.

 

Today is the first whole day since I told her not to contact me anymore, and she hasnt. Of course today she was supposed to find out some very important news. I'm sure she knows by now and it's killing me she hasn't told me about it...we talked about the lead up to it a lot and how nervous/excited she was for it. I badly want to reach out and just ask how it went but what good would that do. I guess the NC clock begins.

Edited June 4, 2017 by JJNY
typo

[Marc878]

Typical breakup mistakes

 

Continued contact

 

Pouring your heart out after you get dumped

 

Writing a stupid letter pouring your heart out after you get dumped

 

Being "friends". All this is for her to be able to say "see he's ok with how I'm treating him. Are you?

 

Look you can't make her do anything but staying on standby trying to live on breadcrumbs is just for her. The only thing it does for you is it lowers your status to a plan B type doormat. That's not where you want to be.

 

Go your own way and in the future stay away from rebounds.

 

If she's interested she'll find a way to get in touch

 

Don't use some stupid excuse to contact her for any reason.

 

You go your own way

[JJNY]

Typical breakup mistakes

 

Continued contact

 

Pouring your heart out after you get dumped

 

Writing a stupid letter pouring your heart out after you get dumped

 

Being "friends". All this is for her to be able to say "see he's ok with how I'm treating him. Are you?

 

Look you can't make her do anything but staying on standby trying to live on breadcrumbs is just for her. The only thing it does for you is it lowers your status to a plan B type doormat. That's not where you want to be.

 

Go your own way and in the future stay away from rebounds.

 

If she's interested she'll find a way to get in touch

 

Don't use some stupid excuse to contact her for any reason.

 

You go your own way

 

Appreciate the bluntness. I guess my issue was that I didnt see it as a break up at first, but it was clearly her way of ending whatever this was. But you're right, all of those things obviously didnt help and if anything made it worse.

 

Really feeling down, going to go for a run.

[Goodguy05]

Thanks very much for this. It makes me feel better to hear others say I did the right thing. I think Im going to print out some excerpts of this and carry it around with me when I start feeling down/guilty again. Or when I get the urge to reach out.

 

I wouldn't say she treated me as a doormat. When we spent time together (whether it was just the two of us, or us and a bunch of my friends, etc.) she was absolutely amazing to me. And I to her. We both frequently acknowledged how compatible and comfortable we were with each other. Maybe that's part of what was scaring her too much? Or maybe that's just me remembering the good too much, and not appreciating the whole picture like being kept hidden. Maybe a "security blanket" would be more accurate for her treatment of me than a doormat. Either way, still sucks. I shouldnt be trying to justify her behavior.

 

I've found that the mornings and nights are by far the toughest. When it starts getting late (usually around the time we'd chat/text and say goodnight, which we did every single night), I just get this incredible feeling of anxiety. I can usually fall asleep ok, but often wake up at 4 or 5am and never fall back asleep. I just lie there and replay everything in my head. I really hope that goes away. The days have usually been manageable, I go through rollercoasters of hope and despair but reading here I guess that's part of the process.

 

Today is the first whole day since I told her not to contact me anymore, and she hasnt. Of course today she was supposed to find out some very important news. I'm sure she knows by now and it's killing me she hasn't told me about it...we talked about the lead up to it a lot and how nervous/excited she was for it. I badly want to reach out and just ask how it went but what good would that do. I guess the NC clock begins.

 

Security blanket apologies yes that's probably more accurate.

 

I would also suggest to read the NC guide on here its really good and makes a hell of a lot of a lot of sense.

 

I know how hard it is my ex in myour case really shut the door so the sign was a lot clearer I know how hard it is no joke because I'm alone up here where I lI've I moved 1000 miles away from my home city a cpl yrs ago aND the ex followed long story u shld read my thread if u have time i was all alone and only cld talk to friends on the phn if they picked up. I remember walking up and down the beach hyperventilating having a panic attack from the overwhelming feelings of pain. We have night markets along the beach and I had to console wth a psychic just to calm myself down and hear som positive news it worked lol. I must say I'm my case I've used pyschics to get me thru and did go find the best one on ask now psychics incredible wat he knew about me and my ex and timeliness were spot I donno it kinda helped me. Each to his own. I definatly know how difficult it is in ur case we can all see its on her not u but u will always feel like it's u because ur the one who got let go and rejected. Rejection has such a powerful effect on the psych and physically also ure heart wen it aches it literally aches and hurts ur chest area.

If u were to reach like i have in some relationships like especially my ex wife and chased and chased and got nowhere it can make u feel really regretful that u behaved that wayi and u can feel like an idiot wen they don't respondo the way u had wished rarely does it work and lots of stories on here testify to that. Some woman do want u to chase bUT I think the scenarios are kind of a little different.

Also sometimes the other thing contacting them does is just drive them further away because ur not respecting there wishes.

 

Not always a given. It's always ur decision in the end. I for one regret contacting my ex wife it got me nowhere and actually played wth my head real bad wen she started going hot and cold.

If u go NC and she never contacts u there's ur answer does that make sense? She wss never that interested in the relationship to u have ur answer it's not because u didn't reach out more don't believe that for a minute. Reverse it if u dumped her how would u be thinking if she never contacted u? Ud start to wake up aND realise **** maybe I hurt this person and it's up to me to contact them. I wouldn't call in this case simply vecause I love myself enough not to settle for 2nd best.

[Marc878]

Appreciate the bluntness. I guess my issue was that I didnt see it as a break up at first, but it was clearly her way of ending whatever this was. But you're right, all of those things obviously didnt help and if anything made it worse.

 

Really feeling down, going to go for a run.

 

You'll be fine just keep a hard NC. Exercise is great!!!

[JJNY]

Hi guys it's been about a week and just wanted to give an update to those who were kind enough to provide me with some advice, and to see if anyone else may be able to help me. I am struggling hard.

 

First off I was to apologize to those who answered since I did not listen the first time. I hope this is a lesson to everyone else: reaching out and chasing (even if you dont think it's chasing at the time) is the WORST thing you can do, and it'll screw up everything beyond recognition for you.

 

As you may remember I hadnt been answering the breadcrumbs but they kept coming. Last Sunday I finally caved, we talked a little. It actually went well and thought "hey there may even be something worth saving here." She told me she loved me, told me I was her guardian angel after she had been lower than at any point in her life. A few more days went by but I didnt hear a word from her. I began overanalyzing, thinking "did I just appease her guilt by a friendly chat"? After an incredibly stressful day and against all judgment I confronted her on this whole space thing. I pretty much said "is this you taking space or are you ending this because Im not staying in limbo anymore." We've already had this conversation. She's made it clear where she stands. But I did it anyway because in my screwed up mind I thought it would fix something. Obviously it didnt go well, after a couple days I texted her again to say sorry for going off, I'm obviously not handling this well. Hope you understand. I got nothing back.

 

I'm torn up about this. Not just losing her but now I cant help but feeling I messed it up for good, and if I had just not bit on the breadcrumbs who knows where I'd be.

 

I've lost 5 pounds this week, can't really eat or sleep. It weighs on everything I do.

 

Just looking for some words of encouragement I guess. I know NC is for my own sake and not some "get her back" scheme. I guess until this morning when she didnt answer me I always thought she was still coming back. I can't think like that anymore.

 

Lost and dont know what to do.

[JJNY]

It's been a very hard two weeks. I had been keeping a good NC (no social media, no nothing) but I forgot I was put on some mailing list for her work and got the monthly update. Huge setback. Ended up texting her some friendly dumb stuff, she was cordial but acting like nothing was wrong. Felt good for about 20 mins, then gradually starting sinking lower and lower. I guess that's why everybody here always says don't do it, don't reach out, you'll end up feeling worse than you did beforehand. I can vouch for this now for sure.

 

I think I'm at the anger stage in this now. I completely knew what I was getting into and I take full responsibility for my part in getting it to this point, but how could she say some of that stuff to me and not mean it? I mean christ, that I'm her guardian angel, that I rescued her, that I made her heart beat again, that she loved me, etc...of course that was going to make me believe this was going somewhere, especially given our long history. Did she do all that just to keep me around and then ditch me when she can finally stand on her own two feet? Or does she truly need time alone after a long relationship that ended very badly? Man this has really messed with my head, what a roller coaster.

 

Just really feel manipulated and used. What makes women do that to people they claim to care about?

 

As for me Im trying to get on the best I can. I know I've got a lot going for me but it's still hard to have a crushing self-esteem blow like this. I went out last night tried talking to some new people but was too difficult.

 

Apologies for the incoherent rambling. It wasnt a good night for me and it's probably better to post it here than to contact her with it. Any thoughts/support would be very appreciated.

[JJNY]

Would really appreciate any and all thoughts guys, today is a bad day and posting here is all I can do to stop myself from sending her a flurry of texts that will destroy my self respect even more.

[mikeylo]

Sorry dude but I'm not sure why you are holding anger against her. She isn't ready. She might have felt for a split second when you felt hope but she retracted because of past. Not her fault though.

 

Stop all contact. It's unfortunate that you guys didn't make it second time around but that's life. She might have lost feelings. You need to accept and move on.

[JJNY]

Sorry dude but I'm not sure why you are holding anger against her. She isn't ready. She might have felt for a split second when you felt hope but she retracted because of past. Not her fault though.

 

Stop all contact. It's unfortunate that you guys didn't make it second time around but that's life. She might have lost feelings. You need to accept and move on.

 

Thanks for the response. Of course feelings can change, and of course she obviously isnt ready. But if that's the case I wish she would just stop reiterating everything she said about us. That she "meant everything she said and cares about us so much but right now just has to be alone and figure out what she wants." I can't stop replaying all of it in my mind and it just seems like such a contradiction to me. Ive seen it happen to a ton of other people on here too, it just seems like it helps absolve them of some guilt while in reality they are still leaving somebody in the dust.

 

I dont plan on contacting her. It's been a full week, longest since we first got in touch again over a year ago.

 

Hey I went three years once before I can do it again right

[la74219]

Hey man very similar situation here. My advice isn't any different than anyone else's. End it now. Otherwise you'll be in this cycle for as long as I've been in it..7 months. I chased while she continued providing breadcrumbs. Finally when she got tired of it (today), she blamed me for chasing..blamed me for everything..then blocked me on everything. Don't do it to yourself. You'll feel pathetic, embarrassed, and in even worse shape than you are now. It'll wreck your life bro. Let it go. If she wants to come back, she knows how to reach you. Don't hold out hope for that though. Trust me.