" I miss you, I love you...." just BS

[Meejustmee]

So over this bread crumb crap!! I know, I know....don't respond!! But I do!! I always do!! And why do we? Because curiosity gets the best of us. I want to hear what kind of BS he is saying now!! Guys: how can you sit there and tell a woman with whom you spent 4 years with how much you love and miss them and still play around with other woman on social media? Neither of us are in our 20's but in our 40's. I am too old for this game. But it's like I am addicted to what he will say, so I respond!! Ugh! But why say those things and make no attempt at a rwconswaleation?! I just don't get it!!

[Goodguy05]

Woh hang on wth the stereotypes it's not just men that do this also woman I think it's a very insecure personality type that does this.

They need a lot of validation and variety. Let me guess did he get easily bored?

My ex wife did breadcrumbs and I like u stupidly responded. That's because ur right curiosity gets the better of us in my case I have a big heart and like to think I can trust people.

Yrs later she still did it but I'd had enough. I remember 8 or so yrs after our divorce she ticked 12 of my photos on fb oddly I had a dream of her that morning which wen I woke up made me think wether she ever did have feelings for me to see the ticks. I never responded got an ego lift and blocked her for good. Her games have cost me 2 relationships. I think they are genuinely insecure and have issues filling a deep void within themselves and look for validation from others that's wat i think

Edited June 3, 2017 by Goodguy05

[1fish2fish]

This is where you're going to need to be tough on yourself and stop responding to his breadcrumbs. Block him everywhere!

 

Why is he doing it? Because it soothes his ego to have you respond. He can rest easier knowing you're there in the wings, as a backup plan until he gets stronger.

 

ETA: I know you're only referring to your exBF but both men and women do it. As Goodguy said above, the common denominator is insecurity.

[d0nnivain]

What do you mean play around with women on social media? If you broke up because you were annoyed that he liked pictures on the internet or talked to other women, maybe just maybe you over reacted. If he was sexting them, that would be one thing but clicking like on some scantily clad virtual woman . . . I'm not so sure what lines that crosses. Hey, it's your life & if you don't like that good for you for not putting up with it. But if the other women were all virtual women he doesn't know or interact with IRL perhaps he really does love & miss YOU because you are the flesh & blood woman he was with for 4 years.

[Bromeo]

So over this bread crumb crap!! I know, I know....don't respond!! But I do!! I always do!! And why do we? Because curiosity gets the best of us. I want to hear what kind of BS he is saying now!! Guys: how can you sit there and tell a woman with whom you spent 4 years with how much you love and miss them and still play around with other woman on social media? Neither of us are in our 20's but in our 40's. I am too old for this game. But it's like I am addicted to what he will say, so I respond!! Ugh! But why say those things and make no attempt at a rwconswaleation?! I just don't get it!!

 

Sweetpea, I feel you. It's the most frustrating thing you'll go through. I'm 38, and my ex is 36. Mine made me want to chew rocks with her nonsense.

 

For context, mine did this to me for 3-4 months after we broke up. She'd reach out, I'd try and reconcile and meet up, and she'd start distancing. It truly did a number on my mental health. I had never seen anything like it, and my emotions are still occasionally out of whack months later as a result.

 

After she broke into my home, and had been gone for over a month, I took another woman shopping. I got blasted via text for this. Months later, I had only seen her in person when she collected the gifts I bought her (am I disabled?), and I had travelled home for thanksgiving. She blasted me on the phone, as I "was meeting up with my ex". Hardly, and this from a woman who had exchanged hundreds of texts with her ex, on the phone and plan I provided.

 

Yet a month before, when I went to conduct a Hail Mary attempt, tell her I love her, etc, she was seeing another man - and wearing the diamond bracelet I had given her for her birthday.

 

You have to be so sick of their **** that you will be totally done, and it sucks. Sucks bad. In January I cut mine off after another week of her stupid games. And I still regret it, but self respect took over. I haven't felt the same feverish bs in months.

 

Writing this, almost exactly four months no contact, makes me smile at how stupid I acted. I was simply lovesick for someone who was "confused", and wanted to play games.

 

Good thing is, once you go through it once, you'll never do it again. Cut them off totally. If they love you, they will wise up, if they don't, you will no longer be messed up.

 

There is zero confusion on the right path.

[elaine567]

What do you mean play around with women on social media? If you broke up because you were annoyed that he liked pictures on the internet or talked to other women, maybe just maybe you over reacted. If he was sexting them, that would be one thing but clicking like on some scantily clad virtual woman . . . I'm not so sure what lines that crosses. Hey, it's your life & if you don't like that good for you for not putting up with it. But if the other women were all virtual women he doesn't know or interact with IRL perhaps he really does love & miss YOU because you are the flesh & blood woman he was with for 4 years.

 

He broke up with her, she didn't break up with him.

He said she was too needy. Since then he has been throwing breadcrumbs and then disappearing again whenever she replies.

[Sweetfish]

So over this bread crumb crap!! I know, I know....don't respond!! But I do!! I always do!! And why do we? Because curiosity gets the best of us. I want to hear what kind of BS he is saying now!! Guys: how can you sit there and tell a woman with whom you spent 4 years with how much you love and miss them and still play around with other woman on social media? Neither of us are in our 20's but in our 40's. I am too old for this game. But it's like I am addicted to what he will say, so I respond!! Ugh! But why say those things and make no attempt at a rwconswaleation?! I just don't get it!!

 

 

from reading your threads.. it appears you are the bigger problem. That is my opinion.

 

 

I started having problems with the house. I called my ex each time something broke.

 

I accused him of other things bc who breaks up with someone bc their heater broke, the car needed fixing and so on....

 

 

Stop treating him like a service and start treating him like a boyfriend and you might yield results.

[elaine567]

Stop treating him like a service and start treating him like a boyfriend and you might yield results.

 

Is it not a bit late for all that?

[Meejustmee]

Woh hang on wth the stereotypes it's not just men that do this also woman I think it's a very insecure personality type that does this.

They need a lot of validation and variety. Let me guess did he get easily bored?

My ex wife did breadcrumbs and I like u stupidly responded. That's because ur right curiosity gets the better of us in my case I have a big heart and like to think I can trust people.

Yrs later she still did it but I'd had enough. I remember 8 or so yrs after our divorce she ticked 12 of my photos on fb oddly I had a dream of her that morning which wen I woke up made me think wether she ever did have feelings for me to see the ticks. I never responded got an ego lift and blocked her for good. Her games have cost me 2 relationships. I think they are genuinely insecure and have issues filling a deep void within themselves and look for validation from others that's wat i think

 

 

Not stereotyping; it was an actual question to guys... I am a female and I did not want a girls perspective on that specific topic.

[Meejustmee]

He broke up with her, she didn't break up with him.

He said she was too needy. Since then he has been throwing breadcrumbs and then disappearing again whenever she replies.

 

Thank you for your clarification!!

I'm not so sure why everyone is jumping down my throats here. He broke up with me bc I recently bought a house that is very old. Him being a contractor was with me through the whole house hunting deal. He did the home inspection on this house and knows this house better than I. 6 months after buying the house little things started going wrong, but big enough to worry me. Having lost my job 6 months after buying the house, money was tight. So I went to him for help. After 4 years and his knowledge and experience I thought it was okay to turn to him. The heater went and problems with the toilet. Both of which I would not know anything about. I didn't know I would be labeled needy at that point.

[Meejustmee]

from reading your threads.. it appears you are the bigger problem. That is my opinion.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stop treating him like a service and start treating him like a boyfriend and you might yield results.

 

 

 

Perhaps this may shed some light!! Wow, way to be supportive!! Smh

 

Thank you for your clarification!!

I'm not so sure why everyone is jumping down my throats here. He broke up with me bc I recently bought a house that is very old. Him being a contractor was with me through the whole house hunting deal. He did the home inspection on this house and knows this house better than I. 6 months after buying the house little things started going wrong, but big enough to worry me. Having lost my job 6 months after buying the house, money was tight. So I went to him for help. After 4 years and his knowledge and experience I thought it was okay to turn to him. The heater went and problems with the toilet. Both of which I would not know anything about. I didn't know I

[Meejustmee]

This is where you're going to need to be tough on yourself and stop responding to his breadcrumbs. Block him everywhere!

 

Why is he doing it? Because it soothes his ego to have you respond. He can rest easier knowing you're there in the wings, as a backup plan until he gets stronger.

 

ETA: I know you're only referring to your exBF but both men and women do it. As Goodguy said above, the common denominator is insecurity.

 

I wasn't saying only guys do this, but me being a woman, I wanted a guys persoective. I was simply asking for a guys opinion on this specific incident! Geesh!

[Sweetfish]

Perhaps this may shed some light!! Wow, way to be supportive!! Smh

 

Thank you for your clarification!!

I'm not so sure why everyone is jumping down my throats here. He broke up with me bc I recently bought a house that is very old. Him being a contractor was with me through the whole house hunting deal. He did the home inspection on this house and knows this house better than I. 6 months after buying the house little things started going wrong, but big enough to worry me. Having lost my job 6 months after buying the house, money was tight. So I went to him for help. After 4 years and his knowledge and experience I thought it was okay to turn to him. The heater went and problems with the toilet. Both of which I would not know anything about. I didn't know I

 

 

This is not about being supportive... this is about whats right and wrong or a point of view. (opinions)

 

I see two problems.

 

One you have trust issues.

Two you call him to fix your stuff in your house. EVERY TIME.

 

So who will bare a relationship that the other party is not enjoying the relationship? What are you providing him in the relationship?

 

It seems that the boyfriend feels you are being needy as expressed. You may feel the pressure of losing the job and that pressure is on him now. Imagine if you cooked and clean pots all day long as a job and he called you every time he was hungry to cook and clean.

 

You would feel like a utility..more than a girlfriend. Eventually. yes or no?

 

So hopefully you kept a balance of being a girlfriend/partner to him as well.

 

You have not expressed anything else about this boyfriend. You have not said he is supportive, good nor bad. You have not said he was a great BF or horrible one. I understand you miss him, but all you have really expressed is how you value him as a fixer upper to your home.

 

So I have the impression... that is what matters to you is him a utility and (built resentment when he offered his services to others) You have no idea what obligations or things his friends have done for him so maybe its possible he provides services to follow up on those obligations.

 

I have a friend like your boyfriend. The problem is he does the things for his friends in priority and not his girlfriend because either.

 

A: They are paying him.

B. The validation.

 

I think both of you have become complacent. That is my opinion.

 

Personally, after the amount of work looking into a house and doing all the work.. I don't think you understand or comprehend the cost and value of the job he is doing and could be in the 1000's of dollars also the amount of work he does on his work time plus has to fix your things becomes frustrating .. A lot of men show their love by providing and because you cannot understand the value of the work and call him with (the toilet doesn't work) he may not feel like a provider anymore and a worker.. so thus he started lose attraction..

 

BTW.. did you nag him about cheating under this pressure as well.

[Meejustmee]

This is not about being supportive... this is about whats right and wrong or a point of view. (opinions)

 

I see two problems.

 

One you have trust issues.

Two you call him to fix your stuff in your house. EVERY TIME.

 

Not every time, more like two!

 

So who will bare a relationship that the other party is not enjoying the relationship? What are you providing him in the relationship?

What have I provided him, here it goes; I have provided him with several referrals for his business, I have run errands for him for his business, I have taking care of his son when he was sick and the X had to work, assistance with his insurance application, taking care of him when he was sick or in the hospital, dinners on Sunday, and many other things.

 

It seems that the boyfriend feels you are being needy as expressed. You may feel the pressure of losing the job and that pressure is on him now. Imagine if you cooked and clean pots all day long as a job and he called you every time he was hungry to cook and clean. I didn't call him for a broken toaster or microwave, I called him because the heater was not working on a cold night. As for the toilet, it was clogged out of the street. I didn't expect him to fix the septic, but I did expect a contact person to help with that issue considering his line of business. He did not fix the septic issue. I actually got the phone number to a plumber from my next-door neighbor.

 

You would feel like a utility..more than a girlfriend. Eventually. yes or no?

 

So hopefully you kept a balance of being a girlfriend/partner to him as well. Yes, I feel as though I did.

 

You have not expressed anything else about this boyfriend. You have not said he is supportive, good nor bad. You have not said he was a great BF or horrible one. I understand you miss him, but all you have really expressed is how you value him as a fixer upper to your home. If you have followed my threads he would see how I value him.

 

So I have the impression... that is what matters to you is him a utility and (built resentment when he offered his services to others) You have no idea what obligations or things his friends have done for him so maybe its possible he provides services to follow up on those obligations.

 

I have a friend like your boyfriend. The problem is he does the things for his friends in priority and not his girlfriend because either.

 

A: They are paying him.

B. The validation.

 

I think both of you have become complacent. That is my opinion.

 

Personally, after the amount of work looking into a house and doing all the work.. I don't think you understand or comprehend the cost and value of the job he is doing and could be in the 1000's of dollars also the amount of work he does on his work time plus has to fix your things becomes frustrating .. A lot of men show their love by providing and because you cannot understand the value of the work and call him with (the toilet doesn't work) he may not feel like a provider anymore and a worker.. so thus he started lose attraction..

 

BTW.. did you nag him about cheating under this pressure as well.

And no I did not!

[1fish2fish]

I wasn't saying only guys do this, but me being a woman, I wanted a guys persoective. I was simply asking for a guys opinion on this specific incident! Geesh!

 

 

 

Relax. No need to lash out at all of us. I got where you were coming from and was responding to Goodguy's post.

Edited June 5, 2017 by 1fish2fish

[Ipsy]

Bromeo, thank you for this reply, even though it's not my thread.

I have one so similar to this and I really needed to hear what you said.

I won't take over this thread but OP, I understand completely what you are going through.

 

My recent ex is doing the same to me and I am literally sitting here in tears wondering why I keep taking the battering and if he enjoys it.

 

Same deal, he sends breadcrumbs but is too confused to know what he wants when I go running.

Talk about a mind eff and how painful.

 

I wished I knew the answer to this, I really do. I think all a person can do is stop the madness and go complete NC.

[The Urbanyst]

I love and miss some of my Ex girlfriends.

 

That doesn't mean I can't love and have sex with other women right now though. This idea that you cannot love multiple people is something I never understood.

 

I love multiple types of food. I love multiple types of music. I love multiple hobbies. Multiple friends. Multiple family members. Why not multiple sexual partners?

[Ipsy]

You sound like a goof. If there is a way to block you, I will be doing so.

[The Urbanyst]

You sound like a goof. If there is a way to block you, I will be doing so.

 

When you block me, just know that I will miss you.

[Meejustmee]

Relax. No need to lash out at all of us. I got where you were coming from and was responding to Goodguy's post.

 

How was that lashing out?!

[Meejustmee]

Bromeo, thank you for this reply, even though it's not my thread.

I have one so similar to this and I really needed to hear what you said.

I won't take over this thread but OP, I understand completely what you are going through.

 

My recent ex is doing the same to me and I am literally sitting here in tears wondering why I keep taking the battering and if he enjoys it.

 

Same deal, he sends breadcrumbs but is too confused to know what he wants when I go running.

Talk about a mind eff and how painful.

 

I wished I knew the answer to this, I really do. I think all a person can do is stop the madness and go complete NC.

 

It's just so darn unfair bc when you see the text like this one that I received from him just two days ago, it gives me hope!!

 

"Wtf! I'm so mad at you, myself.. whatever!!! I go out tonight, woman everywhere but you were on my mind all night! Ugh! ??"

 

It's all just a game to him! I understand that it's all just a way to keep me on the back burner, but it also gives me hope bc if he is still thinking about me after 3 months, I think maybe he will come around! And yet I sit around waiting for that break thru! Ugh! So the NC is the only way as you said!! Ugh

[PegNosePete]

So block him. Problem solved.

[Meejustmee]

So block him. Problem solved.

 

I haven't figured out how to block emails.

[PegNosePete]

I haven't figured out how to block emails.

Well it depends on your email client or which webmail you use. They are all different.

 

They all allow you to create mail rules, which do certain things depending on who the mail is from, what the subject is, etc.

 

You need to make a mail rule which moves any mail from his email address, into the trash.

 

If it's gmail for example, you would go settings, filters and blocked addresses, create a new filter. Enter his address in "from", click create filter. Tick the "delete this message" box and then create filter.

[1fish2fish]

How was that lashing out?!

 

Lashing out=defensive

 

No one was jumping down your throat.

 

I know you're confused and hurting, and rightly so. Breadcrumbs suck. We all deserve the entire sandwich.

 

I'm in a similar position with my ex of 2 months. He is also a building contractor and does excellent work, and he was going to do some major updates to my home. Now that he's completely out of my life, I have to figure this stuff out on my own - more of an expensive hassle than anything, but mistakes can be costly.

 

Good luck!