Broken up and feel like a rebound

[Price7]

Hello there, im not to sure if this will reach anyone but I just needed a second opinion. Sorry if its lengthy.

 

Ive been in a relationship for near 8 months now I think and we have broken up, alot of crap has happened and I just some advice. I feel like a rebound since multiple times my girlfriend has gone back to talk to her ex when we've fallen out and got to the point of breaking up, she said she asks advice and reassure herself about her relationship with him, she had been in an a really bad and abusive relationship for 6 years and we met at the start of our uni year, we both met two days after she broke up from him, and i was even talking to her when she was breaking it off as I first talked to her on Facebook knowing we was in the same course at uni. We got together, I would say about a week or two afterwards, she said she wanted me even before then it was just awkward and I had problems like with getting close to people, emotional problems and have gotten hurt before by my first love of my life, finally we talked and she said lets give it a try, she said she even liked my the first time she saw me, I always thought it was abit unhealthy to do that and move on so quickly after such a long and emotional relationship, I guess i only started to think logically after a while. Within the relationship it felt like she still had her past attitude and ive always felt like im not getting treated like i should be, as if Im getting treated like her ex which im not surprised after being with someone after 6 years but i made sure I told her multiple times that im very sensitive and I have issues and when I get treated like her ex it just makes me worse.

 

She we bring her ex up a lot, yeah she would need to talk to me about it properly like as if she needed to bring it out which i respected and supported and I would always sit down and listen to it but it would be the other times when she would bring him up and her past experiences with him, there was even a time she talked to her friend at uni about how she went and had sex in a toilet in front of the mirror right in front of me and enjoyed talking about it, and I obviously knew it was with her ex, i told her that it really hurt me and she said you didn't care and in the end I was the one to walk back to her and talk things out like an idiot, another time she had to get money from her ex so she had to go over his house to get it, i was standing outside like an idiot for half an hour, she took her time and even accepted a hug off him and later learnt when she saw him she had feelings for him again but never told me until recently.

 

The next time she went to the gym and talked to him, I made some crappy mistakes and lied, i told her i lied as i didn't want to make her feel insecure because i had issues with my past and porn addiction, I had trouble with my emotions and couldn't feel attracted to her and told her everything, I always knew it wasn't truly me that was doing this, it was another half of me and ounce I understood that I was able to take control of it and I found that I became a better person and felt much better towards her, I took a lot of crap from her family, even violence just because no one understood and cared that I actually had issues, even at the end of that I hugged her and stoked her head saying that I had to let her go because i didn't want to put it on her, I told her nothing is wrong with her it was me but we sorted things out on got back together, but when she said she went to talk to him again even though she promised she wouldn't it killed me, she said she had a nice chat with him talking about fitness and different exercises and talked about the past and when she saw me again she just rubbed it in my face to piss me off or something, she was stupid to do that again.

 

we went to an hotel and she talked to me about it and explained she would say hello and be civil and if she wanted to talk to him she would chat with him on Facebook and also turned around to me and tolled me that he wanted to add her on snap chat and asked if she should add him, like it wasn't a big deal, we had another falling out again, throughout the relationship she wasn't very respectful of my feelings and problems and when she said some really hurtful things to me like the ex thing at the gym and being flattered that her sisters boyfriend used violence against me I just took a step back and said I just couldn't take it, we argued a lot and it was at the breaking point, I was hurting a lot and feeling suicidal, I was pouring my heart to her which I never have with anyone in my life but the thing I found out afterwards is that she was talking to her ex on Facebook while talking to me and went to his house to talk to him, she ignored me when I was telling her my true feelings and how upset I was and found out that he tried something with her, she said she fell asleep and woke up getting kissed by him, she said to me on the phone she just went with it but just changed that story afterwards, she lied to me first saying it was a house party with friends and didn't know he was there, i obviously knew that wasn't the truth. I forgave her and it went back to normal, we went to hotels to stay as I felt way to uncomfortable at her house after all the stuff happened there,but not for long as we kept getting into arguments again, I opened up to her again but she just argued against me.

 

We was planning to move out together and to do that I had to stay at her place for a period of time until we could find a place, I said i felt really uncomfortable but I would bring my computer down a 3 hour journey to her, I went all the way down there and I had a really hard to coping and feeling comfortable, she didn't seem like herself and I was having panic attacks, she said dont worry you dont have to do it and said she didn't want to move out, she told me she didn't love me or cared for me and couldn't love anyone or be with anyone who couldn't cope or self loathes, I felt like I was treated like a joke that night, i was crying and hurting so bad and she barely comforted me she just sat there normal eating her food, she made me beg to comfort her and said if I did she could feel different about the situation and when i said that to her in the morning she just laughed about it, I got my PC and left, she gave me my rings plus her engagement ring, yeah I proposed to her, and bracelets and stuff and kinda made me feel guilty because i was leaving. I got home and she said sorry she was wrong but in a way i felt like it was just excuses and after that it just went down hill, she made me feel worthless again and I told her how I felt and felt horrible that she threw me away like that and said that I loved her and I felt suicidal and that but she turned around and said that she wasn't my carer, but every time she was depressed, hurt or had problems with her family I as always there, taking that 3 hour journey at the latest times just to get down there to save her.

 

The past got to me again, depression and despair kicked in real bad, the porn addiction got hold of me again, but i eventually was able to snap out of it, it sounds stupid but its actually really hard to take control when I slip back into my past, i guess it was one of the ways to ignore depression i suppose, to use that obsession to replace it. We tried to sort it out afterwards and it was going okay like we talked about meeting up and talking about all of this, I told her about the porn thing and she flipped out, I said I was truly sorry and I was able to take control again but she said I preferred it over her and I tolled her thats not the case, i have problems and its nothing to do with her, shes amazing and nothing compares to her truly, she made a big deal about it and after that I found out she was talking to men on dating sites, sending kisses, flirting and talking about hobbies and such, as if trying to find another partner and all sorts, after finding this out i confronted her, she tolled me it was to piss me off and she was posting suggestive pictures of herself on Facebook and the sort and using one as her profile picture as if she wants attention, but again she says that she wants to be a online model which ive never heard from her mouth before, it just sounded like utter crap really.

 

I just slept on it and after I learnt she had been talking to her ex again online and i think other guys as well, I just dont know what to think about this anymore, even after all the stuff shes done and said, even other stuff ive not mentioned, I still thought about her because I care about her alot, even when I should be the one hurting Im just asking myself if shes okay and not hurting, i feel like its unhealthy and unfair.

 

and in the end i just feel like ive been treated like a rebound in a way as a part of her still cares and loves me but she still has feelings for her ex, and apart of me says she put that on me and she should of sorted out her past before getting with me that quickly.

sorry for the long story and if it was hard to follow, i kinda had to rush it.

Thank you

Edited June 3, 2017 by Price7

[Goodguy05]

Dude,

 

Shes not worth it what a headache and I kinda got one reading this not from you but her lol. Please do ureself a favour and cut the chord. She does not value u at all and disrespects u and ur feelings and ur always getting hurt. Ask yourself this, does all that sound healthy and am I happy. Why would u allow ureself to be treated like ****. She is because u allow it.

 

No my friend the only solution here for ur own sanity and dignity is to walk away.

I been single now 8 mths and these are like reminders for me why I'm not in any rush to get into a relationship. I been through this and other stuff cheating oh God lord lol it makes me think sometimes I'm not in such a bad place. I miss sharing tho and sex yes but not these kinda headgames.

 

In any case dude, she's treating u like **** don't allow it have some dignity and strength and show her how strong u r by walking away she's not gonna change she's already proved that..

Edited June 3, 2017 by Goodguy05

[JJNY]

Dude,

Ask yourself this, does all that sound healthy and am I happy. Why would u allow ureself to be treated like ****. She is because u allow it.

 

This is really good advice. Unfortunately, we all tend to turn a blind eye to how badly the ones we love sometimes treat us. OP, you have to realize that, above all, you have to love yourself and realize that you deserve to be treated right. If you allow someone to give you anything less, they will continue to do so.

 

Ive been lurking here for a few days now, no idea how I found this place but I'm so glad I did. I have a story very similar to yours that I now have the courage to post.

 

Hang in there buddy, and realize you arent the only one going through this. Just take it one day at a time.

[Marc878]

This isn't you stay away from rebounds. You been to grow up a bit.

 

Go dark on her and don't look back. Hopefully you've learned from this

[Price7]

Thank you guys for the advice, I definitely understand and agree in what your saying. I've learned shes been on more dating sites, its just so painful because i know I have problems with my emotions but when times get tough like this all i feel is overwhelming emotion and love for her, I care for her a lot and its horrible that she dosent really care or love me, it sad as we both thought that fate brought us together as she's literally the female version of me and we've text at the exact time so many moments, it just felt like fate even I didn't believe in it first but I did when I met her, I would of gave her everything, my life and put her infront of everything thats in my life, thats how much she meant to me, its always felt one sided and now I understand. I guess I do need to think about myself and I hope she understands one day she has lost something great in her life, its just that this has been my first proper relationship and I suppose im going through that alone stage thinking that i wont find another partner like her again, as I saw her as my soulmate.

its just such a shame but I guess life's a bitch.