Jump to content

Let's talk about blocking...


Recommended Posts

I'm thinking about social media blocking tonight. It's a passing thought really, and I haven't considered the answer to my question yet, so I actually don't have my own opinion. In fact, I'm not even sure I have a question...I'm just thinking out loud.

 

So many members give advice to block/delete their XSOs from social media/phone/email, etc. in the beginning stages of a break up. I've done it myself (everything but phone), so has my dumper...(well, just one social media platform...not others and not his phone...not very consistent on his part, but that's neither here nor there).

 

It's been close to 7 months now for me now. I guess I'm wondering what people do once they start getting out of the woods?

 

I'd say I'm pretty much at the acceptance phase now. I'm not healed by any means, nor am I indifferent. Would I take him back if he showed up at my doorstep? I don't even know that answer either. What I DO know is it wouldn't be right away. I'd have to see change in him because I've been working hard on myself.

 

I suppose what I'm just starting to consider is: is there a time people decide, "Ok. It's been long enough. I'm "ok" and can handle whatever happens. I can handle if they choose to contact me. I can handle if they don't??

 

Is there a point people decide the block is unnecessary for their own healing and you choose to lift it?

Link to post
Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear

 

It's been close to 7 months now for me now. I guess I'm wondering what people do once they start getting out of the woods?

 

They keep walking and don't look back.....;)

 

TFY

  • Like 7
Link to post
Share on other sites
todreaminblue

i havent unblocked my ex from social media platforms.....and i talk to him on the phone every day .....i dont see the need to unblock him.....if i thought i was going to be with him...i would unblock him.....i actually feel a bit indifferent towards him in the sense i can talk about his love for his current ex and am helping him work through it.....i actually feel they should be together....he loves her still...and she loves him....but i do not feel the need to add him on social media......we were together before face book so we never had each other on social media as friends or partners.....he is the father to my children and if i need to contact him i do so by phone.....and i like to have a little privacy that is my own from him.....because it is my life after him on social media.....

 

 

so i dont know ....i feel unless you want to be with him...dont unblock him.....and keep your distance.....i have only ever deleted people from social media that affected me in a negative way i cant handle..has to be continuously bad........and unless that were to change .....i would not and have not added them back as friends upon their request.....it depends on the toxicity level ......and if i delete ...its not a game to me.....

 

its something i have had to really really think about....and i also pray....i dont take it lightly so i would not request to be their friend again....i hardly ever delete......as i said..its serious to me..i know some people dont feel that way ..but i do ..about people.....

 

one big deciding factor is...this....would they really care or notice i wasnt their friend..... or do they need me...and if its yes they would.......i dont delete...if its no ....then i delete.....and its only people who have been consistently toxic to me(made me feel bad more times than good or never really made an effort where i have made the effort to be their friend....).....

 

i dont know whats best for you...i have just given you a few examples of how i would and do handle things as far as blocking and deleting goes....i wish you well and hope you make the right decisions for you.....good luck...deb

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thanks Deb. I appreciate your response.

 

I don't really know what's best for me yet either. As I said, I haven't really thought it through, it's just a passing thought.

 

And again, I don't know if I actually him back in my life. But I guess what I'm considering is the POSSIBILITY of having him back in my life.

 

If I were to unblock, I still wouldn't try reaching out. I guess it would just be opening the door a little on my end to see what happened...without expectations. I can handle that.

 

To me, I've accepted it's over and I'm focused on bettering myself through therapy and self discovery.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
todreaminblue
Thanks Deb. I appreciate your response.

 

I don't really know what's best for me yet either. As I said, I haven't really thought it through, it's just a passing thought.

 

And again, I don't know if I actually him back in my life. But I guess what I'm considering is the POSSIBILITY of having him back in my life.

 

If I were to unblock, I still wouldn't try reaching out. I guess it would just be opening the door a little on my end to see what happened...without expectations. I can handle that.

 

To me, I've accepted it's over and I'm focused on bettering myself through therapy and self discovery.

 

 

yeah blocking is really a harsh way to maintain distance ...and i only have two people blocked...one is my ex and the other his now ex ...its that privacy i spoke of...i just want a separateness...my own little space.....that is for me and my new life.....i was with him fro fifteen years and it was a huge chunk of my adult life.....and i feel i need that separateness....i dont know if you can understand that or its even understandable....i actually get on really well as friends with him from a distance....like 2000 physical km.....i just need something that is mine alone now.....deb

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
todreaminblue
I get it, Deb. It makes sense. I can certainly empathize.

 

Thanks again.

 

 

thats ok gl....i hope you find your answer you need..sorry i couldnt help more.....deb

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I'm not even sure I'm looking for an answer to be honest. I'm just throwing the thought out there.

 

I've just been going to his social media and unblocking, then blocking..then unblocking and blocking.

 

Over and over...

 

I feel I'm at this weird fulcrum, where I could go either way right now. I guess I'm just trying to figure that out.:)

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks

I've blocked 2 of my previous x'es, and the most recent one (he has been giving me the slow fade-away/silent treatment after a fight), I removed him from FB and then deactivated my FB. I haven't unblocked my xes and see no reason to.

 

The urge to stalk has been there, but I gave myself the time to deal with that, and then blocked. For me, it was more the satisfaction of not having them see me in any way or have a way to find out about my life.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
For me, it was more the satisfaction of not having them see me in any way or have a way to find out about my life.

 

Yep. I have this too. I think that's part of the pull. Do I let him in, or do I keep hiding?

 

What's the benefit/downfall of each option?

Link to post
Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks
Yep. I have this too. I think that's part of the pull. Do I let him in, or do I keep hiding?

 

What's the benefit/downfall of each option?

There is no benefit. I soon realized that the whole idea of letting them see how much fun I'm having, etc., was so obviously fake, and was eating up at me. I was trying so hard to show that I was doing well, and I was kidding myself. It wasn't helping me heal at all. So instead, I just left them unblocked (but removed from my friends) for a while but didn't make the effort to put up stuff to show them how well I was doing, or deactivated my FB, and then blocked them when I was able to muster that strength. When I blocked them, I didn't do it vindictively, as in, I'll show 'em kind of mentality. I just did it because I didn't feel they deserved to know more about me, seeing how they had treated me. I wanted to have that ease of mind, that they couldn't "access" me in that way (of course, they could easily have created a fake profile to see my profile pic, but that's the extent of what they'd have been able to see as everything else on my profile is heavily private/friends only).

 

There is no "downside" to the idea of hiding your life from people who kicked you out of theirs.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Outside of telemarketers, spammers or the plain vulgar I have never blocked anybody, especially not any former lovers. They all can reach me whenever they want, from my first girlfriend to my last. And some of them do from time to time.

 

At the end of the day it was only a relationship that ended, not my life and certainly not the world.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Zip Silver

Blocking exes is a permanent move for me. There's no need for them to have any kind of access to my life anymore or vice versa. You clearly want to unblock him to open the door a little and see what happens... if that's the case, you're not truly over him. Unblock him if you wanna see whether you can start something up again, sure. But own it, instead of pretending that you're considering unblocking cos you're past it.

 

If you were past it you wouldn't be sat here asking the question.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

I see blocking as a nuclear response and only necessary if the person in question won't leave you alone. I rarely block. Who have I blocked? I blocked my ex-husband and relatives on FB at the time of the divorce. It's not that I didn't like my in-laws, but with the divorce and other circumstances, I simply didn't need to blend our lives or provide fodder to the ex. I blocked a guy I met through OLD that proved to be needy, mean, and creepy. He would not stop.

 

Most people are mature and outside of some need to communicate, get back together, or poor choices in the beginning of a breakup, they stop. I may not unfriend them, but will restrict what they see on FB (I'm not involved in other social media).

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

If you're ready to deal with unfinished business then unblock and see what happens.

 

If it's still to raw, don't.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
greymatter

I tend to remain friends with exes, but unfriended my ex-husband when we split 7 years ago. He is not blocked, however, and my FB privacy settings only allow friends to see my posts. We have mutual friends and I don't care if he sees my posts on their FB walls but we are pretty much friends to each other now. I have an ex-boyfriend who is still a friend on FB, and a few men I've dated who are friends on FB. I don't tend to post super personal stuff on FB though so not much to block anyone from seeing.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I'm thinking about social media blocking tonight. It's a passing thought really, and I haven't considered the answer to my question yet, so I actually don't have my own opinion. In fact, I'm not even sure I have a question...I'm just thinking out loud.

 

So many members give advice to block/delete their XSOs from social media/phone/email, etc. in the beginning stages of a break up. I've done it myself (everything but phone), so has my dumper...(well, just one social media platform...not others and not his phone...not very consistent on his part, but that's neither here nor there).

 

It's been close to 7 months now for me now. I guess I'm wondering what people do once they start getting out of the woods?

 

I'd say I'm pretty much at the acceptance phase now. I'm not healed by any means, nor am I indifferent. Would I take him back if he showed up at my doorstep? I don't even know that answer either. What I DO know is it wouldn't be right away. I'd have to see change in him because I've been working hard on myself.

 

I suppose what I'm just starting to consider is: is there a time people decide, "Ok. It's been long enough. I'm "ok" and can handle whatever happens. I can handle if they choose to contact me. I can handle if they don't??

 

Is there a point people decide the block is unnecessary for their own healing and you choose to lift it?

 

I've for a very easy answer to that from personal experience.

 

My ex wife it's been 10 yrs now anyway I'd block and unblock even yrs after because I thought there was no harm. I was wrong. Let me explain. Wen I unblocked her she would tick random Posts of mine and photos. One day I woke up to 12 photos being ticked by loved the ego boost bUT it came wth it's own consequences because my partner at the time saw it and caused a whole bunch of issues and problems.

I would suggest block them for good but create another account a fake account and u can check in on them if u realy wanna see how there doing or wat there up to. I still get tempted to unblock her and show her sometimes how well I'm doing public posts and all but it's only for my own ego lol its not important. I cld do it now as I'm single but to be honest her treatment of me breaking up wasnt nice so I figure blocking them for good is ur way of leaving the past behind. I genuinely tried to be friends wth my ex wife and wss happy for her and her new husband aftrr she initiated it and then went all funny again like we were still matried the bottom line it's not worth it it can do more harm then good especially if ur in a new relationship. I hope the next relationship because I have learnt so many lessons I will not even talk or mention the ex or bring them up i will be fully present wth that new partner and dedicate my heart to Them and put in 100 percent into the new relationship and really forget and let the past go wich only does more harm thend good. I will strive to make a wonderful future wth the new woman and only pick someone because it's all got to do wth our choices someone who feels the same for me as I feel for her and has the same qualities as me like loyalty let's just say I've learnt a hell of a lot im not bringing any baggage into the next one they don't deserve it nor will I go wth someone that's hung up on the past Imonth better athan knowing the signs now

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thanks everyone. I think I'm just happy to keep going status quo. He doesn't use much social media, and what he does use, I am inactive and/or blocked him. Things like Instagram and FB are set to private anyway, so unless we're "friends", he isn't seeing much.

 

I think I like it that way for now...I'll keep moving forward. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, the Facebook experience for me has been has been mixed at best. I know the ex that brought me to LS at least previously stalked my wall, and I have been contacted by three other previous exs using it. Two I happily responded to, one was drunk and awful, and therefore she got blocked. And one girl pursued me using FB - I had never seen that before.

 

During the high emotions of the immediate post breakup, I went through the block unblock thing, then did the life is perfect thing for awhile. Now I just am happy to have a venue to connect with the different groups of my life.

 

Previously I couldn't fight the stalking phase, and now it's only an occasional urge which I can brush aside.

 

Unfortunately, as shown above, the ladies use it, so I guess I will continue to as well.

 

Basically, I am, as the kids say, whelmed about it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've blocked a woman who used to be a friend because I don't want her asking to crash at my place when she's in town or pulling me into the drama of her dating my best friend's first husband. I felt guilty, but she hadn't tried to reach me for years, so I knew something was up when she all of a sudden did try.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It feels odd that you were once very close and then all of a sudden you became known strangers. You get your ex blocking you and then you have to deal with the loss.

 

Not a big fan of blocking my ex out unless they cheated me. If we broke up over some other reason, I'd prefer if we could remain as friends.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've blocked an ex from a few years ago but no one else really. My dumper (as of yesterday) hasn't been blocked but has been unfriended as well as several friend/family that we share on social media. It's just the beginning of the break up now so I'm not sure which way I will go either. Blocking is much more of a preventative measure for me as opposed to a way to keep the ex from contacting me. Like you were saying, I've been through the block/unblock/lurk/block again matrix before. Blocking and unblocking takes more efforts than just clicking so I'm led likely to do it and it does help with moving on.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...