How to move on after a sudden breakup?

[corrineg95]

Hello. I suffered a very out of the blue breakup months ago, and it still is effecting me today. My boyfriend and I were very close, and had just recently bought a pet together and were making plans to move in together the week we broke up. I woke up one morning to him throwing up, telling me that we needed to break up. He cried hysterically,ran around my house, called all of our friends and even my parents and sobbed "It's over,it's over". He also rolled on the floor hysterically and told me we can't speak again. It was quite a shock to me, given how his attitude never changed. There were no signs that he had lost interest. I found out later that his friends had pressured him to not be in such a serious relationship at such a young age.

 

I was his first serious relationship, and also,convenietly,the relationship he seemed to get over the quickest. With his last girlfriend, who he had a very tumultuous relationship with, and wasn't very close to,he met up with her later to explain the breakup. With me,he told a mutual friend he can not call me or see me in person because he doesn't want to cave on his decision. It hurt a lot to see someone who was so caring-almost obsessively so- when we were together not give a second thought to you after. He became a different person overnight. He was cold and refused to speak to anyone about the breakup.

 

He even started dating quickly too, which shocked his family and friends. He met an exchange student from Russia,who will be returning home soon anyway. Even though the chances of this relationship going anywhere is slim, it is still very hurtful to see how he moved on within a week. With the other girlfriends, he took 5-6 months before he believed he was ready to date again. His best friend told me it was almost like he was suppressing the incident as if it was something traumatic.

9 months after the breakup, I found out that he is making family members remove all pictures of us. It is very hurtful, and odd given that we have not spoken in 9 months.Once he asked to go to a social event that I would be at, but then backed out later because I was going to be there(which he knew to begin with) I have no idea what changed-we barely fought and he acted as crazy about me at the end just as he did in the beginning. I don't know why our pictures would effect him.

 

In retrospect, I see how abnormal his behavior was. That last week he was crying over me leaving him. I made a pun off the song "Say Something I'm Giving up on you" and he erupted into tears. If I was ever quiet, he would break down and cry too,thinking something was wrong. I remember rolling away from him in bed once and he started crying. It was odd, but I knew he was very emotional. Just that week I told him I may just stay at my university instead of transferring to his,which made him sob thinking I was going to leave him. He is extremely irrational and unstable really, but the breakup has still severely hurt me.

 

He was my best friend, and we spent everyday together. There were no walls up between us. It just hurts me to see how someone I knew so well could change overnight. He had both of our families and friends fooled too. Everyone was shocked that he did this, and I even had his parents call me to tell me how surprised they were that he did this. When we were dating, he was the perfect boyfriend. Everyone believed we would marry, and I'm scared now I will never meet anyone who I got along with so well as him. anyone have any advice on how to recover from a very sudden breakup? Just the shock of it made hard. I don't want him back. Frankly,I just want to be able to move on, and learn how to trust again.

Edited June 2, 2017 by corrineg95

[devilish innocent]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It wasn't meant to be, but I know that doesn't make it easy. I do think he still has feelings for you, or he wouldn't care that his friends or family still had pictures of you.

 

This experience probably will be with you for a long time to come. I don't think you will trust quite as quickly or as easily as you did before. That doesn't mean you won't be able to trust someone at all though. Each person and each relationship is different. Your ex was young and didn't really know what he wanted. Some day you are likely to meet somebody with more life experience who is more sure of themselves. Over time you will see that it's a different relationship and a different situation, and the doubts will dissipate. But if you are looking to fall in love with somebody tomorrow and immediately see a future with them, it probably won't be that simple.

 

That's not entirely a bad thing. It means you will spend time questioning what you really want. When you do find the person worth giving your heart to, your ex will pale in comparison.

[preraph]

I think he had that Russian girl going on the side just via online dating or whatever and that prompted the breakup. I think he was online looking and flirting probably and his friends knew it and maybe told him, Hey, if you're not ready to commit for life, don't.

 

Sorry, it sounds like quite a shock. I think a lot of his emotion is he feels guilty because he was lying by omission.

 

You need to try to stop yourself thinking about it all the time and instead plan things to do that are fun distractions with either friends or family or on your own. Treat yourself to a little weekend trip or something. Sorry he hurt you.

[corrineg95]

I think he had that Russian girl going on the side just via online dating or whatever and that prompted the breakup. I think he was online looking and flirting probably and his friends knew it and maybe told him, Hey, if you're not ready to commit for life, don't.

 

Sorry, it sounds like quite a shock. I think a lot of his emotion is he feels guilty because he was lying by omission.

 

You need to try to stop yourself thinking about it all the time and instead plan things to do that are fun distractions with either friends or family or on your own. Treat yourself to a little weekend trip or something. Sorry he hurt you.

 

 

No,she wasn't in town until we broke up. She was an exchange student that he had no idea was coming to our school.They met at a sport in school. No online stuff lol.

[GeekLover]

I think a lot of his emotion is he feels guilty because he was lying by omission.

 

This is EXACTLY what I thought right away. I think guilt can present itself as coldness and callousness, but it doesn't necessarily mean he is being honest with how he feels.

 

I'm also going through a "shocking" end to a relationship where I was told things in the end that I never knew and never had a chance to address. It's heartbreaking.

 

I've taken the reigns though, and you can too. It will take awhile, but you can do it. I started going to therapy to deal with the end of my relationship, and just yesterday, she told me what I'm doing (this constant loop...replaying things in my head...trying to figure out what happened so I can close the loop) is very much what someone goes through when they experience a "trauma".

 

I wanted to tell you, in case you're doing the same. I can only imagine that if this was such a shock to you, you are spending your time going around and around trying to "close the loop".

 

Like me, you didn't get the "closure" from him. It's a tough place to be in when you still have questions and you were denied access to any answers.

 

I'm so sorry for your pain. Believe me when I say that your post really hit home with me.

 

Be gentle on yourself.

[ExpatInItaly]

Throwing up and rolling around on the floor and crying and running around the house?

 

Dude sounds off his rocker. Either that or he put on a very dramatic show to cover up his guilt for ending it.

 

It hurts but having his friends or family on social media isn't a good idea anymore anyway. Seeing their updates would be a painful reminder that they're not in your life any longer, and there's really no need to keep in touch with them. Them removing you will actually be another step on your way to detaching.

[Captivating]

Hi,

I am sorry that you are suffering still, it will slowly get better.

His behavior is very odd ! He might have a serious case of separation anxiety paired up with other personality disorders possibly.

This is just a thought...... he might could not take the chance of you breaking up with him so when he felt threatened that this might happen, he broke up with you first. If he is a narcissist....image is everything.

Guys tend to jump into a relationship fast so that they don't have to deal with the emotional loss right away, or it buffers the loss ... ??

His odd behavior should be a red flag for you, this might have been a blessing ! Seriously ! Be cautious !

[Ronnys93]

He sounds like he needs to see a therapist. I do agree that his behavior is a big red flag and although you may have loved him and did your best, he needs to seek help on his own or become someone elses problem. This is too much for you to deal with and it's not healthy either.

[mightycpa]

I woke up one morning to him throwing up, telling me that we needed to break up. He cried hysterically,ran around my house, called all of our friends and even my parents and sobbed "It's over,it's over". He also rolled on the floor hysterically and told me we can't speak again. It was quite a shock to me

Wow. That would have been enough to break the spell for me. That's some serious drama.

[Goodguy05]

In all my 20 odd yrs of relationships one thing I've come to learn, wen they can so easily let go, usually there is another party involved. That's why they can refocus there attention so easily. Usually the cold behaviour is to drum down any emotions from u so they don't feel anymore guilt and see u hurting. The coldness is a way for them to put a stop to u contacting them they don't wanna feel the guilt.

My latest ex I've come to learn was involved wth another party all along anyway things have changed around and he's off overseas to live can't say I feel too sorry for her and wouldn't be surprised if she tries to reach out to me i look forward to it if she does to tell to **** off lol.

Hopefully one day u will learn the truth as i have wth all my ex's it's the same. Even my ex wife who I thought was an angel lol had a guy always in the background made sense to wen she ran hot n cold wth me. Don't rule it out about the third party. It's not always the case but highly likely wen this happens.especially wen one day he's confessing his love for u and then the next. That's why in ur head u can't make sense of it its because that third party has the power to shift there attention away from u to them believe me it does hopefully u come to learn the truth so u dont sit there wondering if it was u wen all along it was some one else