Been Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 Not gonna go into detail-you can read my previous threads. I work with my ex girlfriend who I was suppose to marry at one time but we broke up . We were living together at the time. It was a bad break up on both sides made worse she started dating 8 days after we broke up. Fast forward 8 months. I of course see her at work but I don't say anything to her unless work related. So she comes to my section at work one day a shes acting weird but I ignore her and continue working. The next day she comes back to my section and says she has to talk to me. Thinking its job related I of course say ok what's up-she then proceeds to tell me she's still in love with me!!! Not what I was expecting to say the least but I played it cool and told her im not talking about our previous relationship at work. She said OK can she talk to me after work. I told her let me think on it. Part of me wants to hear what she has to say and part of me doesn't care. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
SpecialJ Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 Does the part of you that doesn't care not care because you're over the last relationship (and might be open to hearing her out) or because you're over her and no longer care about having her in your life? Be honest with yourself, and if there's any part of you that might seriously consider rekindling to see if marriage is in the cards, hear her out. If not, don't bother leading her on (unless she insists you hear her out, even after you tell her you don't think it will make a difference for you, as it could at least provide closure for her to say what she needs to). Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 Does the part of you that doesn't care not care because you're over the last relationship (and might be open to hearing her out) or because you're over her and no longer care about having her in your life? Be honest with yourself, and if there's any part of you that might seriously consider rekindling to see if marriage is in the cards, hear her out. If not, don't bother leading her on (unless she insists you hear her out, even after you tell her you don't think it will make a difference for you, as it could at least provide closure for her to say what she needs to). Good luck!I would kind of take the opposite point of view, and say if there is any part of you that does not want to marry her, or could care less, then listen most closely to that part. Link to post Share on other sites
Bromeo Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 Been, I must admit, I quite conflicted about this. Part of me thinks that the dating market for your ex has been quite shallow, and she is crawling back. The other, more romantical part thinks we all wish for exactly this. Realistically, you lose nothing by hearing her out. I would advise doing so, and measure your feelings at each step. If she will break up, go 8 months, and come back to you, she will do it again. If the feelings are still there, for now enjoy the extreme ego boost, hear her out, and take things ultra slow. I've noticed this trend after being on this site for over a year. If unresolved feelings persist from the dumper, and the dating pool is shallow, this may occur. I've seen this happen twice in real life as well, so it does happen. This post made me smile. Good luck, and keep us updated. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 It does want to make you root for love, doesn't it. That's exactly when they get you....like bait on a hook, and you're the fish. It's hard not to be cynical in the face of mountains of evidence. Link to post Share on other sites
ItIsNotMe Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 At least, you could hear what she wants to say. You are not obligated to agree with her. Listen, take your time, make decision and act Link to post Share on other sites
Goodguy05 Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Not gonna go into detail-you can read my previous threads. I work with my ex girlfriend who I was suppose to marry at one time but we broke up . We were living together at the time. It was a bad break up on both sides made worse she started dating 8 days after we broke up. Fast forward 8 months. I of course see her at work but I don't say anything to her unless work related. So she comes to my section at work one day a shes acting weird but I ignore her and continue working. The next day she comes back to my section and says she has to talk to me. Thinking its job related I of course say ok what's up-she then proceeds to tell me she's still in love with me!!! Not what I was expecting to say the least but I played it cool and told her im not talking about our previous relationship at work. She said OK can she talk to me after work. I told her let me think on it. Part of me wants to hear what she has to say and part of me doesn't care. What should I do? Wow ur story is similar to mine but my one works wth me split and now seeing someone at work but in my case it's been hell. All I wld caution against make sure u dont take her back so easily for her to do it all over again. I've had that experience happen many yrs ago wth my ex wife and I was doing fine too till she contacted me wanting to work things out then going cold on me again wen I agreed just be careful that's all Link to post Share on other sites
Superchicken Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Most likely she got dumped, or had a big argument with her current squeeze. So, she goes back to "Old Faithfull", for what she craves. She's just after some "In between" time, so she has someone till her next new love. Look at your history. Who did the breaking up. How long before she hooked up with someone else.. Was there any apologies from her after she ripped your heart and put it in a mince grinder. If she broke off your relationship so easy, then, you need to consider how serious it was before. Her interest in you is because she didn't get the response she hoped from you. You actually were strong enough to show a straight face. This bothered her, and like most people like this, their mind starts to go into overdrive. I, and again, I, would not get back (At least for now), until you get the other side of the story (Other dude(s). ). Time is on your side for the moment. Let her chase you for a while now. If she's really serious, then she will still be there for you in a couple of months. If she hooks up with another, or gets back to her now, ex, then you dodged a bullet. Ted. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Been Posted June 3, 2017 Author Share Posted June 3, 2017 Super Chickens post was spot on. Found out the story. Started dating someone a week after we broke up. It was an up and down relationship that ended in a huge fight in PUBLIC. (This is how I found out) She then jumps back to an ex ex boyfriend and that blew up in her face which leads her back to ME. She has no idea I know this info. She still wants to talk lol. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bromeo Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 Super Chickens post was spot on. Found out the story. Started dating someone a week after we broke up. It was an up and down relationship that ended in a huge fight in PUBLIC. (This is how I found out) She then jumps back to an ex ex boyfriend and that blew up in her face which leads her back to ME. She has no idea I know this info. She still wants to talk lol. Well, in this case, hear her out, and challenge her with the new found info. Should be a pretty decent conversation. Though, only if you are over her. If not, don't compromise your healing and well being over someone like this. I have a feeling something similar occurred with my ex, but we have no mutual friends, so I'll never know. Lol Link to post Share on other sites
SpecialJ Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 She's got major issues, assuming all the intel is true. Don't make them your issues. It's not your problem anymore, and you now know her character. Just be civil enough to keep the coworker thing from getting more awkward (you can even use work as an excuse to let her down easy if you plan to hear her out). Sounds like you know you can do better. Link to post Share on other sites
Superchicken Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 Guys, guys... Stop trying to get anything out of it except a good time. I know its a crappy thing to do, but, she's set the rules, and so, play along those rules. Free sex, and no strings. Treat it just like that, and no one should get hurt. I wouldn't say no to it. In fact, give me her number . Been, just have a little fun, and nothing serious... Ted.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Goodguy05 Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 Super Chickens post was spot on. Found out the story. Started dating someone a week after we broke up. It was an up and down relationship that ended in a huge fight in PUBLIC. (This is how I found out) She then jumps back to an ex ex boyfriend and that blew up in her face which leads her back to ME. She has no idea I know this info. She still wants to talk lol. This is wat u call a "User". From the above its plain to see its plain to deduce ur her last choice after the other ex didn't go down well. I garauntee if she worked out wth the first dude she wouldn't be confessing her love for u it's all smoke and mirrors tell her to **** off That'll be the challenge for me now I know the ex's bf has gone to live overseas she's already shown her true colours a user just like ures I'll tell her to go jump and get ****ed. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodguy05 Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 Guys, guys... Stop trying to get anything out of it except a good time. I know its a crappy thing to do, but, she's set the rules, and so, play along those rules. Free sex, and no strings. Treat it just like that, and no one should get hurt. I wouldn't say no to it. In fact, give me her number . Been, just have a little fun, and nothing serious... Ted.. Haha I like this..ur right make the most of it and **** her brains out then kick her out once ur done lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Been Posted June 4, 2017 Author Share Posted June 4, 2017 So ! Met her in person so she could talk to me. I told if I am to forgive and forget that she must tell the truth. She agreed. So I let her say what she had to say. And I listened. She spoke of how "sad" she was. That I wasn't the only going through a broken heart. She spoke of going through weeks of feeling sad and not wanting to do anything. Then she spoke of the person she had dated during the time apart from me. Said he ended up being a drunk and took her for some money. So then it was my turn to speak. I told her I found it funny how "sad" she was when it was her choice to end things. That she got what she wished for. Told her how I knew she started dating 8 days after we broke up and that doesn't translate into weeks of her being "sad". Asked her how does she claim this " great love" for me when she threw me away and replaced me in 8 days. She sat their in silence. Told her of my journey. Of how during the holidays I was by myself. Of the sleepless nights. Of how much I hurt during that time period. Then I told her how I started going to the gym. Working out like a mad man to take my mind off of her. Got stronger. Got bigger. And the pain slowly started to ease up. Told her how much how I once loved her and I wanted so badly to be with her. Then I told her this is where I leave you and I walked away leaving her sitting on a park bench. And it was hard but I knew it had to be done. Because even when given the chance to come clean she chose to lie. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SpecialJ Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 I think you played it exactly right. It was fair to talk to her, even if it was a test. Now you both have closure. Sorry she didn't come clean, but not really sorry because you never have to look back now. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted June 5, 2017 Share Posted June 5, 2017 Poor muffin. Bet that was like cold water in the face. Nice touch. There are better out there. Never waste your time on a worthless venture. Link to post Share on other sites
Bromeo Posted June 5, 2017 Share Posted June 5, 2017 Well, this has to be the best thread I've read in awhile. It took me a couple months to get a jab in on my ex, and it wasn't anywhere near this good. Though, some makeup sex was in order... lol Godspeed sir, and bravo. Link to post Share on other sites
1fish2fish Posted June 5, 2017 Share Posted June 5, 2017 Well done!!! Interesting that everything she poured out to you was about her - how SHE felt, how sad SHE was. No empathy at all for what her actions put you through. Selfish, insecure, and cowardly. Oh, how I wish I could have the same opportunity to tell my exbf exactly what I think of him, but he's too much of a coward to reach out first...(which is why I foolishly did twice before.) Him losing the awesome woman that I am will have to suffice. lol 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SpecialJ Posted June 5, 2017 Share Posted June 5, 2017 It's true, 1fish2fish, and that is how you know for sure she hasn't changed or grown since the breakup. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Been Posted June 8, 2017 Author Share Posted June 8, 2017 It was basically one lie and we are done-i let her talk but the whole time I had already made up my mind as soon as she lied. And by no means was it easy it just had to be done for my sake. And I did find it odd that she attempted to play the victim. She rushed into a relationship with a loser and when it blew up in her face somehow she's the victim. But that's how she is and always will be. Its never her fault. And she's never truthful. Link to post Share on other sites
Superchicken Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 Been, you just made it worse !. She is now going to hound you. You were too nice, and, what you said will reverberate in her petty mind for a long time. She will now NOT get you out of her mind. I predict (I have contact with Nostradamus's spirit), within the next week, SHE WILL TELL YOU THE TRUTH. oooohhhhh.... However, it will still be construed to her way of logic as to why she did it.. "She didn't want to hurt you, you were special", ahhh PUKE !. The good news is, that you really are getting over this well. The Gym really does get you mind of these things. You meet some great guys (And Gals), learn discipline, dedication, and resolve, to finish what you start. So to anyone out there having a hard time getting over a loss of a loved one, spend some time on yourself, for yourself with anything that keeps you mind growing, and healthy. Of course, knitting also works . Keep going, and do what matters to you. P.S, When she does tell you a little of the truth... Please tell her "Superchicken was right Again".. However, my next reading, I will need your credit card details.. Goats and sheep, I may consider.. Ted (And side kick Nostradamus) Link to post Share on other sites
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