Feeling pain of rejection

[IAmBroken123]

Hi

 

I'm a late thirties female who has never been lucky in love. Even though I'm attractive and have lots of great qualities, and the guys I date even tell me how they are into me, they always end up breaking up with me for no good reason. I'm always heartbroken. I think I may have had only one real relationship which lasted only 3 months, but it was predicated on lies because he lied to me about wanting children. I want children, and I told him that, and he pretended that he wanted children, but at the three month point revealed that he didn't.

 

The latest breakup is hitting me hard. I was very attracted to him physically, which is rare for me to find, and in addition he treated me well and claimed to want a long term relationship with me. Then we had one small misunderstanding and he abandoned the entire relationship. We dated for one month but it was a month of bliss. I can't help thinking that maybe some other former girlfriend came into his life and he chose her over me. I've had that happen to me before. So I'm devastated.

 

I've had my heart broken so many times in my life, but this one feels the worst. And it feels different. It's different because now I've lost all my desire to meet a new man. I feel like I'll never love again because I felt so strongly towards him. I also have lost all my trust in men. I feel I have no control over the outcome so I've given up. Each time, I find someone I like, I invest in him, but then he always deceived me or ends the relationship. I feel like I have no control and no power to affect my relationships. I am always at the whim of fickle men. So I'm done with trying. I deleted all my online profiles. Usually in the past I would grieve for three days then jump right back in and try to find a date. This time I'm not. I'm too scared to get my heart broken. I don't trust any man whatsoever. They all hurt me. It's like I'm cursed.

 

So now I feel so lonely and broken. I can barely function. I took the day off work and I don't want to go to work the rest of the week. On the one hand I want to avoid work, but on the other hand I'm afraid of the weekend, because I will sit home alone all day mourning my loss and crying over the state of my life. I'm in agony. I fear the weekend even though work is a struggle for me. Please help. Any ideas how to endure this? Any ideas with how to alleviate the pain? I'm already taking two extra strength tylenols every four hours even though it's bad for my liver, and even though it's not really working that much. I don't want to become too much of a burden on my friends. Please help. Any strategies? I'm dying here.

[mightycpa]

The only thing that ever worked for me was to get angry. The trouble with how you're feeling is that the rejection, the sadness, the feelings of affection and forgiveness don't allow you to feel anger. If you did, you could focus on that, hopefully hold onto it, tell him in your mind to F*** OFF and you'd feel better. With anger, you'd be able to cross that line and begin to care about yourself more than you care for him.

 

I don't know exactly how it went down, but I know you're replaying the whole thing in your mind. You have to find that moment that will allow you to change your attitude.

 

I just hope it's in there for you.

[Goodguy05]

Hi

 

I'm a late thirties female who has never been lucky in love. Even though I'm attractive and have lots of great qualities, and the guys I date even tell me how they are into me, they always end up breaking up with me for no good reason. I'm always heartbroken. I think I may have had only one real relationship which lasted only 3 months, but it was predicated on lies because he lied to me about wanting children. I want children, and I told him that, and he pretended that he wanted children, but at the three month point revealed that he didn't.

 

The latest breakup is hitting me hard. I was very attracted to him physically, which is rare for me to find, and in addition he treated me well and claimed to want a long term relationship with me. Then we had one small misunderstanding and he abandoned the entire relationship. We dated for one month but it was a month of bliss. I can't help thinking that maybe some other former girlfriend came into his life and he chose her over me. I've had that happen to me before. So I'm devastated.

 

I've had my heart broken so many times in my life, but this one feels the worst. And it feels different. It's different because now I've lost all my desire to meet a new man. I feel like I'll never love again because I felt so strongly towards him. I also have lost all my trust in men. I feel I have no control over the outcome so I've given up. Each time, I find someone I like, I invest in him, but then he always deceived me or ends the relationship. I feel like I have no control and no power to affect my relationships. I am always at the whim of fickle men. So I'm done with trying. I deleted all my online profiles. Usually in the past I would grieve for three days then jump right back in and try to find a date. This time I'm not. I'm too scared to get my heart broken. I don't trust any man whatsoever. They all hurt me. It's like I'm cursed.

 

So now I feel so lonely and broken. I can barely function. I took the day off work and I don't want to go to work the rest of the week. On the one hand I want to avoid work, but on the other hand I'm afraid of the weekend, because I will sit home alone all day mourning my loss and crying over the state of my life. I'm in agony. I fear the weekend even though work is a struggle for me. Please help. Any ideas how to endure this? Any ideas with how to alleviate the pain? I'm already taking two extra strength tylenols every four hours even though it's bad for my liver, and even though it's not really working that much. I don't want to become too much of a burden on my friends. Please help. Any strategies? I'm dying here.

 

I can relate and I'm a man I've had 5 broken hearts altho mine hav been longer 1 marriage lasted 10 yrs and other 3 yrs and then to recently t 6 yrs. Me and u share some similarities som things to consider.

We're attraction ting this type of personality. There's possibly a pattern. I can only speak for myself.in my case it's not healing properly and especially baggage from the passed. One ex cheated wth a close friend which caused me to have major trust issues wich I brang to the next relationship.

Boy ud love my stories something good straight out of Jerry springer. In my case it's always at my expense. For example the most recent break up your yrs we lasted she chased and chased and I cld never really accept her kids and always wanted to leave but she made it very difficult and was somewhat manipulative as well. Anyway the last 2 yrs were long distance as i moved interstate she eventually joined me but not under ideal circumstances and we were having major issues where I broke up she wanted to work in the same Co for her own reasons but I didn't feel good about it as we're having issues anyway she got the job moved up and 9 mths later dumps me and starts seeing someone else in the office.

 

My point is somehow me and u are attracting these people and for me and u the challenge is to learn what we are doing so we can choose better. Not all men are like that I'm certainly not despite our issues I never give up but they always do. Before I discovered this site I really started to believe woman don't feel and are evil but they r definatly not.

For me im gonna really do a lot of therapy wth a good psychologist to unravel why I do wat i do and react and pick these partners so I can hopefully have the relationship I've always wanted. Heal and unravel the damage. Because I can tell u as soon as u dont trust all men ull attract one that's the opposite and possibly sabotage that one u see where I'm going wth this

[preraph]

One thing online dating has done is create a whole lot of short attention spans. If you met someone in real life and didn't have an online catalog to go order out of every day, you'd be more likely to settle into a long-term relationship. So that's what's against you.

 

The other thing against you is especially online too, which is guys saying whatever it takes to get laid, up to and including agreeing with you on something as important as having kids.

 

I wouldn't expect another man to do that to you because most guys are slightly more decent than that and might be afraid God would strike them down, so you took your lumps, but lick your wounds and move on and don't believe what a guy says but more what his actions towards you and others say. Good luck.