New and need someone to tell me to leave him alone

[Barbiegirl_11]

I was searching google, and found this and I thought this sounds like somewhere I need to be! I'm late 30's, divorced and a mom. I'm finally on good terms with my ex husband after splitting almost 5 years ago, so I know this is doable.

 

Myself & my (most recent) ex split up at the end of August last year. We've spoken on & off since, including spending a few weekends together the beginning of this year.

 

We split because my friends got involved after thinking he wasn't giving me what he should - proper commitment, he just wanted something fairly casual, it ended up causing enough hurt to make him walk away. I then moved away from my hometown, leaving him behind, around a 4 hour drive away, so my kids could be closer to their dad.

 

As I said. We've been in contact. A lot. Last month we were sending messages with very suggestive connotations.

 

I guess I can't let him go. He told me he's lost all feelings. But he's the one who always messages first.

 

I've found out over the last few days he has a new girlfriend. He's been with her for a few months, says she makes him happy at the moment.

 

The reason I know? He told me during the 90 min phone conversation we had yesterday. He was close to my area with work and asked to see me, I said it wasn't a good idea. We ended up chatting - I ended the call after 90 minutes. He says he needs me in his life, in a friendship capacity. I said I can't because he's seeing someone, he said that doesn't mean we can't be friends & just because he is doesn't mean he no longer exists to me.

 

He asked me to meet him in a bar that night where he'd be with a few friends, he said he'd arranged to meet people because I was busy. I said I don't go out into bars anymore, & how would it look if his gf found out, he said it would be fine, we're friends and he just wouldn't tell her. He said he's nothing to lose anyway, as who knows how long they'll be together.

 

After we'd spoken, he text and said thanks for the call, I said I don't want to be accused of anything, I already feel bad enough knowing we text what we did when you were seeing her, it won't look good, he sent 3 of the blowing heart emojis.

 

I've since blocked his number, on all social media (& his new gf) How else can I go about this??

[preraph]

Well, I understand he made a friend in you and doesn't want to give it up, but mostly only those who HAVE lost the romantic feeling want to do this. I think you need to be honest with him and say, Hey, maybe one day we can be friends, but right now I am struggling to move forward and being in contact with you is holding me back, I think, so please understand.

[la74219]

I was searching google, and found this and I thought this sounds like somewhere I need to be! I'm late 30's, divorced and a mom. I'm finally on good terms with my ex husband after splitting almost 5 years ago, so I know this is doable.

 

Myself & my (most recent) ex split up at the end of August last year. We've spoken on & off since, including spending a few weekends together the beginning of this year.

 

We split because my friends got involved after thinking he wasn't giving me what he should - proper commitment, he just wanted something fairly casual, it ended up causing enough hurt to make him walk away. I then moved away from my hometown, leaving him behind, around a 4 hour drive away, so my kids could be closer to their dad.

 

As I said. We've been in contact. A lot. Last month we were sending messages with very suggestive connotations.

 

I guess I can't let him go. He told me he's lost all feelings. But he's the one who always messages first.

 

I've found out over the last few days he has a new girlfriend. He's been with her for a few months, says she makes him happy at the moment.

 

The reason I know? He told me during the 90 min phone conversation we had yesterday. He was close to my area with work and asked to see me, I said it wasn't a good idea. We ended up chatting - I ended the call after 90 minutes. He says he needs me in his life, in a friendship capacity. I said I can't because he's seeing someone, he said that doesn't mean we can't be friends & just because he is doesn't mean he no longer exists to me.

 

He asked me to meet him in a bar that night where he'd be with a few friends, he said he'd arranged to meet people because I was busy. I said I don't go out into bars anymore, & how would it look if his gf found out, he said it would be fine, we're friends and he just wouldn't tell her. He said he's nothing to lose anyway, as who knows how long they'll be together.

 

After we'd spoken, he text and said thanks for the call, I said I don't want to be accused of anything, I already feel bad enough knowing we text what we did when you were seeing her, it won't look good, he sent 3 of the blowing heart emojis.

 

I've since blocked his number, on all social media (& his new gf) How else can I go about this??

 

Im sorry you are going through this. I've heard the "I have feelings, I've lost feelings, I hate you, I miss you, I don't want to see you, I want to see you, I am happy with this other person, I'm confused, etc etc etc" over and over the past few months. I can definitely understand the way you feel right now. It's taken me 6 months to finally realize that I will get absolutely nowhere with this situation if I don't let go. There will never be a chance for a reconciliation, never a chance for a new relationship with someone else, and more importantly never a chance for myself to be happy, nothing..if I don't let go. As difficult as it is (and trust me I know)...let go. What's meant to be will be. He will either come back, or he won't. But either way..you'll be a better person for it.