How do I survive this?

[LolitaLove]

I'm a 32 year old RN and I have been deeply in love with a 32 year old doctor for the last theee years. Early after meeting he told me he wasn't looking for a relationship, as he planned to leave in three years and didn't want to get attached. So we slept together only. But I fell deeper in love and lived in the hope that one day he would reciprocate.

Three years later and that hasn't happened. He's now leaving in July. Moving countries.

I love this man more than I can express in words. Everything I do is with him in mind. The hope that one day he might reciprocate kept me going.

 

Now he's going to be gone and I don't know what to do. I already feel empty.

How do I survive?

[d0nnivain]

You survive by putting one foot in front of the other & taking it day by day. It will be hard at first. You will miss him & you will have bad days. Over time the acute pain will subside.

 

 

But you can't have any illusions. You fell in love. He did not. Now he's gone & it's not coming back. Don't expect him.

 

 

Purge your life of mementos. Rearrange your furniture. Take a new route to work. Consider changing jobs if you met him at work. Cut or color your hair. Do whatever to make changes.

 

 

Keep yourself busy & surrounded by supportive people.

 

 

Best wishes. Hang in there.

[preraph]

Next time you try not to fall in love until a man reciprocates your feelings. We've all done it, but truly it makes no sense to be so in love with someone who doesn't feel the same thing or close to it with you. When you love someone and they don't love you back, what this should tell you is you really don't know the person very well -- because if you did, you'd know them well enough to know why they didn't find you as irresistible as you find them. So there's a lot you don't know about this guy. You loved who you hoped he was.

[spiderowl]

I am sorry to hear what happened. If we like someone, it is all too easy to think they might change their views once they know us. People do often say upfront how they define a relationship though. If a guy says he is not looking for a relationship, then it is best to assume there is no future there. He already senses he will not fall in love and, in your case, he had plans to move abroad anyway.

 

It is very tough I know because you are facing a break-up and break-ups hurt like hell. I think part of coping will be accepting that it is going to happen and that he was not on the same page as you. Disentanging onesself emotionally from an attachment is a painful process but it is possible. While painful at first, gradually the pain will fade and new people will come into your life and 'overwrite' the feelings you have for him. I know it does not feel possible at the moment. I know it happens though because, like many others on here, I have been through similar experiences.

 

Once you get over the initial blow, you are likely to feel hurt, sad, depressed for a while, then angry. Eventually you will realise he was not the romantic, loving guy you thought he was and you will find it easier to shrug him off. The important thing is not to stay in touch with him because if he moves on and tells you about it, that will re-open any wounds.

 

You know how to love and how to commit to a guy. You will make a great partner for some lucky guy who knows how to appreciate you. Just think what it might be like to find someone who does want to stay with you and care for you? A better future awaits.