He ran off

[Ipsy]

I have had an awful month and lost one of my best friends to cancer. I too am having health issues and am very nervous about doctor's appointments that are coming up next week.

 

I have been dating my bf for two years now.

In the past month due to him starting a new job, we have not had much time together at all. It's been very rocky to say the least and we haven't gotten much time together.

He has worked so much these past two weeks and on his days off he was too exhausted to do much.

But he had five days coming up and assured me that he would spend them with me.

 

Then he left me a message letting me know that his sister wanted him to come to her daughter's wedding and he said he felt pressured to go and has now left. (we don't live together). He took a plane to where the wedding is.

 

We had spoken about this already and he said he would not go because first of all, he barely knew the girl getting married. Yes, she is his niece but he said he has only met her a handful of times in her life and was never close to her and hadn't seen her for years.

As for his sister, he said it's not a big deal and he hasn't felt close to her in years either. He reassured me that his days off would be for us as he knows I am going to be dealing with health issues not long and am concerned for appointments I have coming up and have had stress over my loss.

 

He will be gone for five days now and I feel like he had this planned all along but didn't have the guts to tell me about it.

When he and his family get together on occasions like this they drink heavily which is why we discussed not going to this wedding.

He knew that he and I have barely had time together for weeks now and that we needed this time together. He knew that I needed him and his support right now.

 

It was like he crept off in the middle of the night and had this planned all along.

I feel betrayed and abandoned. I am sitting here alone feeling very lost and knowing that he went so he could party it up and drink heavy.

This isn't the first time he has done things like this and I feel like our relationship is coming to a close.

I've not heard one word from him all day and no doubt he's too busy cracking a beer.

He is in his late 40's. I don't feel this man is responsible enough to be in a serious relationship and his priorities are so messed up.I feel very hurt over it and can't believe he went back on everything he told me.

If your partner did this to you would you be hurt and consider leaving the relationship?

[Zahara]

I don't think he's very much invested in the relationship. After 2 years of being together, I would think you'd be invited or he would take you to the wedding. He left you a message and took off rather than communicated it with you in person. You haven't heard from him since he's left.

 

I have to wonder if the working all hours of the day and suddenly taking off for the wedding is his way of escaping the relationship.

 

You note this isn't the first time he's done it and you're at the end of your rope. It doesn't matter what we think but all that matters is if this relationship is at this point giving you what you desire. You know the answer.

[Ipsy]

You're right, he's not invested. I can't count on him and I am going through a very rough spell. He is more interested in drinking.

[Zahara]

You're right, he's not invested. I can't count on him and I am going through a very rough spell. He is more interested in drinking.

 

It's a difficult decision to make but only you can decide if this is something you want to keep holding onto.

 

There's a saying -- It's better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you feel lonely.

[Ipsy]

I know you're right.

I am still sat here alone, not one word from him. By now he's no doubt wasted and having a great time while I sit here shocked that he planned this behind my back and didn't even have the decency to tell me about it properly.

This isn't how a partner is supposed to treat you.

[basil67]

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend.

 

Perhaps I'm missing something, but why is it so inconceivable that he originally planned to not go but then changed his mind because attending the wedding was important to his family? What reason has he given you to think that he's a liar? Does he have a history of lying to you?

 

I can't come down on him for not attending the drs appointments without knowing just how severe your likely diagnosis is going to be. What's going on with your health?

[Tressugar]

This is how the guy I was dating made his exit. Somehow I always knew I would never see him again after his brother came to visit.

 

Now I'm jaded when it comes to family interference. Yes I believe it should be you first before his family. Op, sorry you are going through a difficult time in life. The least your bf could have done was to invite you to the wedding with him.

 

I'm sorry, but it looks like the beginning of the end of your relationship from my vantage point.

[Ipsy]

@Basil he and I spoke about this wedding and why it was not a good thing to attend right now. We have had many issues going on and this wedding was going to cause more issues. We mutually decided that it was something that was not important. Being as it was a plane ride away, he would have had to planned going there and made arrangements far before he told me. He only told me this morning as he was running out the door. So basically, he fooled me into believing that he was not going at all and he obviously had made plans days back and didn't say a word to me. That's deception and a partnership does not work well with deception.

Yes, he does have a history of doing things like this and lying. He always justifies it somehow although to me, lying is lying and it's never right.

The thing is as well, he had worked two very long work days and gave me the impression that he had five days off now and would spend them with me. He was pretending with me for days! And I was looking forward to his days off and was grateful for his support and company. I had quite the shock waking up today wondering what we would do together today and he's gone.

Who does that? A grown man has no excuse to behave so terribly to his partner. He should have just sat me down and explained why going to this wedding meant so much to him and let me know that he was planning on going.That in my mind was only fair. How it went, was deceptive and a slap in my face.

[Ipsy]

@Tressugar

I don't necessarily want to be placed in front of his family at all times.

I do realise that there will be times that family will come first depending on the circumstances and I am okay with that.

But I do feel that if you're going to build a life with someone, that definitely your needs as a couple should be taken into account before others wants, as long as there is no emergencies going on.

My bf does not barely know his niece and he is not close to his sister. He literally went (as far as I can tell) to go and drink. He and I have had this fight before. His family are big drinkers and every event they ask him to..they get loaded and he goes right along with it.

He might have felt some obligation though I can't understand how when he is not close to these people.

He may as well just said that drinking with his family is something he wanted to do more so than be there for me. That's the bottom line and that's why this is so painful for me. I really did need him with all the upset that has gone on in my life. It has not been a typical few weeks at all.

Edited April 28, 2017 by Ipsy

[hestheone66]

His behaviour solidifies your misgivings.

You don't have children nor live together

Much better for you to break up with him cleanly..no pleading. No game playing. Better than being dumped or disrespected

[Ipsy]

You could be right. He finally messaged me, it was only one line, and it was very lame. He basically said he didn't know what to say. No apologies, no nothing.

He's not sorry.

[1fish2fish]

He's a coward. And a man child.

 

We're too old to put up with bad behavior from grown men. This is why we have pets.

[Ipsy]

Thank you 2fish...I really needed to hear that.

You are absolutely right and I knew that about him long time ago. He has always been very irresponsible in relationships and how he treated women. (I have heard many stories from his own mouth). But he acted like the poor puppy who no one loved properly and I got sucked in.

 

I'm not doing it anymore. He is not a good partner and is very selfish.

There is a reason why he never got married and is nearly 50. He is not marriage material and will never grow up.

I wasted a lot of time on him waiting for him to be a better man.

It's never going to happen.

[1fish2fish]

He sounds a lot like my ex, who is 47 and chose the drink over me.

 

Everything that was wrong with our relationship stemmed from his drinking and smoking weed. His addictions made him unstable and incapable of identifying and processing emotions, so instead of dealing with them in an adult manner, he would turn everything around to make problems my fault. This allowed him to never feel like he had to apologize for his bad behavior.

 

He was also a coward. Want to know how I found out he ended our relationship? He changed his profile picture on fakebook to one of his dog.

 

I haven't heard from his since and it's been 2 weeks. hahaha!

 

You and I have big hearts, and we have too much to offer a man without having to settle for an addict.

[Ipsy]

It is unfortunate but some men will never grow up or know how to treat a woman properly.