Recentlly Ended 6+ Year Relationship

[lost_love_83]

Sorry for the length, but I had to get this off my chest. I had been in a relationship for around 6 years with a wonderful girl that I thought I could marry and start a family with. As of Thanksgiving last year, she claimed she felt the relationship was not working. After a few weeks of serious discussion on our future, I still felt as though the relationship was worth continuing and she decided ending it would be better. After a drawn out "breaking up" phase, we ended the relationship in late March. The chief reason the relationship ended was because of fighting and conflicts that would arise due to both of us being so headstrong with our views. This doesn't mean we butted heads all the time, but it could make joint decisions somewhat difficult to reach sometimes. Though there were times when the fighting got a bit too personal, I would try to look past the conflicts and focus on the calmer bigger picture. I would focus on the happier memories we had to calm myself down. As we own a business together, moving out became a bit difficult. Unfortunately, I've grown attached over the years to not only her, but her family, the pets we own, the apartment we stay in, the business we started and the area we live in.

 

Before the relationship ended, we both agreed we needed to finalize development on our business before one of us moved out (as we felt this would make communication about the business more difficult). We felt finalizing development on the business would allow us to focus on getting jobs outside of the business and move on with our lives. Unfortunately, development on the business has stagnated over the past week or two for two reasons - 1. The emotions that I've been juggling throughout all this have sapped a lot of my attention and 2. she has started dating while we're still living together. She spends a lot of her time in contact with the new guy and they do seem to be hitting it off. She'll spend time "with her family" a lot more frequently as of late, but I finally asked her if she was seeing him as well on these outings (she was dressed up way too much to be visiting her parents only) and she confirmed it (I did feel like a creep even asking that question to her). Her family overall respects her wishes and doesn't really want to push her to stay with me or pursue the new guy. However, her father saw a picture of the guy and listened to what she had to say about him. Her father felt the new guy wasn't a very good catch, as her father doesn't approve of tattoos (the new guy has full sleeves) and doesn't like what the new guy does for a living. He more supported the idea of her staying with me. She doesn't really listen to them though and seems like she's driven by lust for the new guy and the fact that the new guy is a creative sort (much like her). She felt like telling me about him once and indicated that while she doesn't agree with all of his perspectives on things, she's definitely attracted to him. This was a moment when I realized she was being cruel with all of this, but I had no idea why.

 

I'm still conflicted on how I feel about the relationship I had with her, as some part of me (despite her moving on) still wants to make things work. She had indicated before she started dating that she could've seen us getting married and starting a family eventually, which only added more fuel to my feelings on making things work between us. I feel like a fool, as I still make food for, more often than not, both of us which she'll take part of but even the thank you I get feels disingenuous. I realize it takes two for a relationship to work, but the ****ty feelings haven't really subsided from the breakup. I'm not sure where her priorities are at this point, as we pretty much maintain radio silence and communicate rarely these days (we had been communicating about the business but that dropped off a while ago). There's not even a "good morning" or "good night", as she probably feels that's sending the wrong signal to me (she's been very particular about what she says to me, as she feels that anything could be construed as her trying to get back with me). I feel like a stranger in my own home. As she's spending a lot of her time dating and growing attached to another guy, I wouldn't say she has her priorities set straight. She's not job-hunting or working on finalizing the business. She's simply setting up things with the new guy and chatting with friends on social media daily. When she was communicating with me, she indicated that she was going through a "crisis", and only focused on getting another guy. She apparently didn't feel that getting a job lined up or a better income situation was a higher priority than another man in her life.

 

I've been listening to a life coach who specializes on relationships and one of his mantras is why would you want to keep a person in your life that doesn't want to keep you in their life? I certainly agree with this, but these nagging "what-ifs" (such as what if she decides to end it with the new guy and try to get back with me) are distracting me from what my priorities should be. Also, the constant turmoil of the broken relationship and her moving on so quickly have made life kinda difficult right now. One day I'll feel decent and then something will remind me of the relationship and bring things down. I feel like a fool and that I'm somewhat being taken advantage of in regards to the meals I still make for both of us and she can't even say "good morning". I didn't think she would be capable of this. I know I need to move on, but I wanted to get this out there and see what others thought about it. Thanks for reading.

[Marc878]

Your coach is right. NC is your only way out.

 

Hanging on is getting you what?

[Goodguy05]

Sorry for the length, but I had to get this off my chest. I had been in a relationship for around 6 years with a wonderful girl that I thought I could marry and start a family with. As of Thanksgiving last year, she claimed she felt the relationship was not working. After a few weeks of serious discussion on our future, I still felt as though the relationship was worth continuing and she decided ending it would be better. After a drawn out "breaking up" phase, we ended the relationship in late March. The chief reason the relationship ended was because of fighting and conflicts that would arise due to both of us being so headstrong with our views. This doesn't mean we butted heads all the time, but it could make joint decisions somewhat difficult to reach sometimes. Though there were times when the fighting got a bit too personal, I would try to look past the conflicts and focus on the calmer bigger picture. I would focus on the happier memories we had to calm myself down. As we own a business together, moving out became a bit difficult. Unfortunately, I've grown attached over the years to not only her, but her family, the pets we own, the apartment we stay in, the business we started and the area we live in.

 

Before the relationship ended, we both agreed we needed to finalize development on our business before one of us moved out (as we felt this would make communication about the business more difficult). We felt finalizing development on the business would allow us to focus on getting jobs outside of the business and move on with our lives. Unfortunately, development on the business has stagnated over the past week or two for two reasons - 1. The emotions that I've been juggling throughout all this have sapped a lot of my attention and 2. she has started dating while we're still living together. She spends a lot of her time in contact with the new guy and they do seem to be hitting it off. She'll spend time "with her family" a lot more frequently as of late, but I finally asked her if she was seeing him as well on these outings (she was dressed up way too much to be visiting her parents only) and she confirmed it (I did feel like a creep even asking that question to her). Her family overall respects her wishes and doesn't really want to push her to stay with me or pursue the new guy. However, her father saw a picture of the guy and listened to what she had to say about him. Her father felt the new guy wasn't a very good catch, as her father doesn't approve of tattoos (the new guy has full sleeves) and doesn't like what the new guy does for a living. He more supported the idea of her staying with me. She doesn't really listen to them though and seems like she's driven by lust for the new guy and the fact that the new guy is a creative sort (much like her). She felt like telling me about him once and indicated that while she doesn't agree with all of his perspectives on things, she's definitely attracted to him. This was a moment when I realized she was being cruel with all of this, but I had no idea why.

 

I'm still conflicted on how I feel about the relationship I had with her, as some part of me (despite her moving on) still wants to make things work. She had indicated before she started dating that she could've seen us getting married and starting a family eventually, which only added more fuel to my feelings on making things work between us. I feel like a fool, as I still make food for, more often than not, both of us which she'll take part of but even the thank you I get feels disingenuous. I realize it takes two for a relationship to work, but the ****ty feelings haven't really subsided from the breakup. I'm not sure where her priorities are at this point, as we pretty much maintain radio silence and communicate rarely these days (we had been communicating about the business but that dropped off a while ago). There's not even a "good morning" or "good night", as she probably feels that's sending the wrong signal to me (she's been very particular about what she says to me, as she feels that anything could be construed as her trying to get back with me). I feel like a stranger in my own home. As she's spending a lot of her time dating and growing attached to another guy, I wouldn't say she has her priorities set straight. She's not job-hunting or working on finalizing the business. She's simply setting up things with the new guy and chatting with friends on social media daily. When she was communicating with me, she indicated that she was going through a "crisis", and only focused on getting another guy. She apparently didn't feel that getting a job lined up or a better income situation was a higher priority than another man in her life.

 

I've been listening to a life coach who specializes on relationships and one of his mantras is why would you want to keep a person in your life that doesn't want to keep you in their life? I certainly agree with this, but these nagging "what-ifs" (such as what if she decides to end it with the new guy and try to get back with me) are distracting me from what my priorities should be. Also, the constant turmoil of the broken relationship and her moving on so quickly have made life kinda difficult right now. One day I'll feel decent and then something will remind me of the relationship and bring things down. I feel like a fool and that I'm somewhat being taken advantage of in regards to the meals I still make for both of us and she can't even say "good morning". I didn't think she would be capable of this. I know I need to move on, but I wanted to get this out there and see what others thought about it. Thanks for reading.

 

 

Agreen wth the life coach ur subjecting ureself to torcher it's like me working wth the ex it just keeps opening old wounds. Like me im thinking i hav to get out ofor there but not so easy great job but create as much distance as u can wth her. U feel the rejection think about how u felt before she broke up i vet u probably entertained thoughts of breaking up our self esteem has taken a hit that's why healing is important to build that back up the more ur around her the more she has u as a door mat she'll only know wat she's potentially given up once u disappear

[curiouslysearching]

loss is hard on anyone no matter the form it comes in