Single with kids or single without?

[waiting_game]

I have recently become single. 33 male and everything was going well. We had a house together and spoke of children but for 1 thing or another it ended. Over the past 2 months ive found it really hard. I go to the gym daily but am now starting to finally see the light again. A friend of mine said 'its a shame you didnt have kids so at least youd have that' and i agreed but lately ive changed my mind. Would it really be easier to be left by someone if you still had children together? Is it really easier to be childless & single or single with joint custody of a child. My friend seems to think hed be fine single now if his wife left as he has 3 kids. I argued the case that for the kids sake and mine id prefer to be single and without kids. I dont want to settle for half a life like that. What is everyones experiences of this? Easier with or without kids involved?.

Id love to have kids someday but hoped when that time comes my relationship would be strong too.

 

Im enjoying single life again now as ive started to realise, i go to the gym for sometimes 3 hours, sauna, spa etc and realised id not be able to do that if with someone and kids. I go out with my friends a lot and Couldn't do that as much. There are a lot of positives to being single. I miss my ex and can honestly hand on heart say out of everyone ive ever been with she was the love of my life, i lost her but i want everyone to know whos in the same situation as me that it truly is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. Single male 33 no kids, is it really a bad thing. Im starting to think it isnt

[Goodguy05]

I have recently become single. 33 male and everything was going well. We had a house together and spoke of children but for 1 thing or another it ended. Over the past 2 months ive found it really hard. I go to the gym daily but am now starting to finally see the light again. A friend of mine said 'its a shame you didnt have kids so at least youd have that' and i agreed but lately ive changed my mind. Would it really be easier to be left by someone if you still had children together? Is it really easier to be childless & single or single with joint custody of a child. My friend seems to think hed be fine single now if his wife left as he has 3 kids. I argued the case that for the kids sake and mine id prefer to be single and without kids. I dont want to settle for half a life like that. What is everyones experiences of this? Easier with or without kids involved?.

Id love to have kids someday but hoped when that time comes my relationship would be strong too.

 

Im enjoying single life again now as ive started to realise, i go to the gym for sometimes 3 hours, sauna, spa etc and realised id not be able to do that if with someone and kids. I go out with my friends a lot and Couldn't do that as much. There are a lot of positives to being single. I miss my ex and can honestly hand on heart say out of everyone ive ever been with she was the love of my life, i lost her but i want everyone to know whos in the same situation as me that it truly is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. Single male 33 no kids, is it really a bad thing. Im starting to think it isnt

 

 

Try single male and 45 no kids lol ye i wish I'd had a kid well byou now in ur 40s everything's harder seeing making friends not the same

[d0nnivain]

While you don't have to have a relationship to have a kid, I think the kid deserves some stability.

 

 

If you are that interested in having a child look into adoption or becoming a foster parent. There are lots of kids out there who need love.

[SoThatHappened]

30's or 40's, single, no kids = Not a bad thing.

 

Primarily if you are happy and not doing things to try to fill a void.

 

People who are not truly happy always look for something to fill a void.

 

Then they wonder why they're even more unhappy afterwards, and it just keeps spiraling.

 

Example that I see WAY too often:

 

- Couple gets together, honeymoon period wears off, but the next logical thing is to get married, right?

 

- So they get married, but they're still miserable. Next logical thing is to have kids, right?

 

- So they have kids. Now they've dragged innocent, impressionable, children into their miserable lives.

 

- So they're still miserable. What's the next thing we should do to try to change being miserable? Oh yeah, let's get a divorce!

 

- Financially, the parents are the ones that pay for it, but the kids are the ones really impacted.

 

All that to say, if you're not truly happy, it's because of you. Not because you need to have a kid (or another person) to fill a void.

 

By the way, I was single from 34 to 37, no kids. I'm still 37, but am dating an amazing single mother.

 

I'm happy no matter what. I don't need my girl or her daughter to make me happy. They're a huge bonus though.

[SevenCity]

Dude, you're 33! You are acting like your biological clock has expired.

 

Would you rather be tied to this woman the rest of your life and have to curb your lifestyle to accommodate children? Or, would you rather find a compatible woman, have kids with her, and spend the rest of your lives together as a cohesive family unit?

 

I'm 45 with no kids and thank god I have none. I've seen so many divorced fathers makebthe trip to their ex wives house to pick up the children. Your finances are destroyed once you factor in child support.

 

I might never have a kid and I'm fine with it. If you want kids you've got many years and many options with women to do so. Having kids I'm sure is great, but they serve as an anchor. It's much harder to raise them as a single parent and in sure no fun to see your ex'es new guy every other weekend.

 

Find happiness with a woman and then have kids. Everyone will turn out better as a result.

[SevenCity]

30's or 40's, single, no kids = Not a bad thing.

 

Primarily if you are happy and not doing things to try to fill a void.

 

People who are not truly happy always look for something to fill a void.

 

Then they wonder why they're even more unhappy afterwards, and it just keeps spiraling.

 

Example that I see WAY too often:

 

- Couple gets together, honeymoon period wears off, but the next logical thing is to get married, right?

 

- So they get married, but they're still miserable. Next logical thing is to have kids, right?

 

- So they have kids. Now they've dragged innocent, impressionable, children into their miserable lives.

 

- So they're still miserable. What's the next thing we should do to try to change being miserable? Oh yeah, let's get a divorce!

 

- Financially, the parents are the ones that pay for it, but the kids are the ones really impacted.

 

All that to say, if you're not truly happy, it's because of you. Not because you need to have a kid (or another person) to fill a void.

 

By the way, I was single from 34 to 37, no kids. I'm still 37, but am dating an amazing single mother.

 

I'm happy no matter what. I don't need my girl or her daughter to make me happy. They're a huge bonus though.

 

This pattern is so common it's almost the norm. The other side is not getting a divorce and being miserable their entire lives.

 

Very few married couples I've met are truly happy with each other.

[Snow_Queen]

Your friend seems to be living in a fantasy world. Trust me when I say it's much harder as a divorced single parent.

 

If your situation ends poorly like mine did (he became abusive), you still have to deal with that person due to having children. If or when you date again, you must find someone willing to except your children and the possibility of a blended family. Read some of the threads related to that and you'll see how complicated that can even become. You also can't rely on your children for emotional support and you absolutely must stay strong for them at all times. I could go on.

 

So no, it isn't easier. Far from it.

[waiting_game]

The strange part is i agree with the above. Why is it that people break up and theyre gutted... but then my friends who are married are now jelous of my single life as they're bored daily. As silly as this may sound, a line from a film 'passengers' got me over my ex slightly. The line was 'youre not where you want to be but if you could click your fingers and be anywhere else youd eventually not want to be there either so instead of worrying about what you cant control start enjoying what you can control'.

[BluEyeL]

Not your situation but in my case indeed I was thinking to myself that was happy that although I divorced at 37 after 14 years of marriage , I had a child. I only found my second husband at 42 and now I'm 45 and he's 52, too late for children together. But I'm a woman. You have plenty of time to have children if you want to later.

[aileD]

The only thing that's important is how you feel. You sound like you're in a good place. Good luck to you .

[Popsicle]

Your friend is projecting onto you, don't listen to him. He is imagining his life being divorced, he obviously fantasizes about it, but he loves his kids and would not want to divorce the kids. He's just having grass is greener syndrome and trying to cherry pick. It has nothing to do with you so don't take it to heart and make it be about you.