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Hi all,

 

My girlfriend of 3.5 years recently told me she wanted to date other people. I am heartbroken and devastated by the news and I'm trying hard to salvage our relationship. We have great chemistry and rarely ever fight. I suspect that someone else is pursuing her hard and she cannot resist the temptation. After reading numerous topics, I believe she's suffering from G.I.G.S. We tried to take a break from each other for two weeks but it did not work out, it was more of limited contact basis because she is the needy type and would call / text endlessly. She claims she loves me and we even went to couples counseling. The counselor suggested we take a one month break and absolutely no contact. I'm trying my best to keep the NC rule because I want her to mind to clear up. Is my relationship doomed?

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Yes. Your counselor isn't very good IMO. Breaks don't fix anything. Breaks make everything worse. If you want to fix a relationship you both have to work together to address the issues. Silence & time apart only proves to the person who wants out that ending the relationship is the best thing.

 

 

Your GF is swimming for daylight. Her reasons are almost irrelevant. After 3.5 years she wants something else. You can't keep her in the relationship against her will.

 

 

Let go. Fully let go. Preserve your dignity & end this. Then go NC to give yourself a chance to heal.

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snip

Is my relationship doomed?

 

What do you honestly think?

 

What positive attributes does the relationship have that make it potentially workable?

 

From my viewpoint, it looks like its completely over.

 

 

Take care.

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She went on a date with a guy and said they have no chemistry. She told me shes in love with me and is scared to lose me. I could see it in her eyes that she's confused but in love. Since I'm her only relationship is it possible that this is just a phase and she'll snap out of it after a month of NC? I'm in disbelief this is happening to me since we were talking about marriage a month prior.

 

snip

 

 

What do you honestly think?

 

What positive attributes does the relationship have that make it potentially workable?

 

From my viewpoint, it looks like its completely over.

 

 

Take care.

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. She told me shes in love with me and is scared to lose me. I could see it in her eyes that she's confused but in love. Since I'm her only relationship is it possible that this is just a phase and she'll snap out of it after a month of NC? I'm in disbelief this is happening to me since we were talking about marriage a month prior.

 

 

Marriage? Oh my heavens, no.

 

 

If you are her only relationship she is indeed scared. She doesn't want to lose you, not so much because she wants you but because she is scared of the unknown but knows enough to know that marrying the 1st guy that ever came along is a risky proposition. She has some desire to sow some oats & explore life. On that level you are holding her back. She doesn't want to hurt you because she's nice person. Yet she wants out. I don't see this progressing to you two heading down the aisle.

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Thanks for the feedback. We agreed to a one month break and she can't even last two days. She texted me that she misses me and I'm the only one for her. I'm so confused. Any advice? This is the girl of my dreams.

 

Marriage? Oh my heavens, no.

 

 

If you are her only relationship she is indeed scared. She doesn't want to lose you, not so much because she wants you but because she is scared of the unknown but knows enough to know that marrying the 1st guy that ever came along is a risky proposition. She has some desire to sow some oats & explore life. On that level you are holding her back. She doesn't want to hurt you because she's nice person. Yet she wants out. I don't see this progressing to you two heading down the aisle.

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Hi all,

 

My girlfriend of 3.5 years recently told me she wanted to date other people. I am heartbroken and devastated by the news and I'm trying hard to salvage our relationship. We have great chemistry and rarely ever fight. I suspect that someone else is pursuing her hard and she cannot resist the temptation. After reading numerous topics, I believe she's suffering from G.I.G.S. We tried to take a break from each other for two weeks but it did not work out, it was more of limited contact basis because she is the needy type and would call / text endlessly. She claims she loves me and we even went to couples counseling. The counselor suggested we take a one month break and absolutely no contact. I'm trying my best to keep the NC rule because I want her to mind to clear up. Is my relationship doomed?

 

My friend, you're in the same boat as me. My gf just dump me for another guy because she want to explore whats out there. You should just do NC and let her go and if she come back to you, its meant to be.

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That's the problem with first relationships...

 

At one point or another, someone cheats or it breaks off. It's natural. You have one life and you want to live it. There are not many people that want to reach 80 and say I've only known one person, one relationship.

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Thanks for the feedback. We agreed to a one month break and she can't even last two days. She texted me that she misses me and I'm the only one for her. I'm so confused. Any advice? This is the girl of my dreams.

 

 

Does the girl of your dreams date other men, and tell you she wants to go with other people? If so you need to dream bigger my friend, before your dream turns into a nightmare.

 

She wants to go with other people, but as she is a needy person she will use you for emotional back up, to be discarded when a replacement arrives.

 

You are being used and are in a potentially bad place.

 

She has expressed desire to be with other people, she is even dating other people. It is over. Don't be a punch bag for her. Go strict NC and walk away. She can contact you if she wants to get back, but only if. No wishy washy, immature nonsense.

 

This might seem to be a painful path but I promise you it is the best path.

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My friend, you're in the same boat as me. My gf just dump me for another guy because she want to explore whats out there. You should just do NC and let her go and if she come back to you, its meant to be.

 

 

Its not meant to be because she's dumped you for another man! How could you even entertain the thought of letting someone come back when they have dumped you for someone else!!!???

 

I'm sorry to be so direct, but you nice guys need to stop being nice and available! Because if she does come back, she will do exactly the same thing again, like a spoiled child who can do what she wants and get away with it.

 

By closing the door and showing intolerance to this sort of bad behavior and disrespect in her, you closing the door to this sort of negativity in life itself.

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Yeah I agree with the poster above. I'm another 'nice' guy and am sick of being a nice guy. How can you sit back and let your girl go on a date with another man? Dump her and move on. I find if you are too available they will walk all over you. There is no respect there for you. Open your eyes!

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How on earth can you agree to wait for her while she's dating other guys? Get rid of the stupid counselor, and call her today, even right now, and announce her the the break period is over. If she's not 100% fully into you, no problem, bye bye, you're moving on, and she must never contact you again, starting now.

 

If it was me, I would have left her immediately, even if she wants me back. Because her current words comes from fear, not her real desire, a desire which she already expressed (to be with other men).

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Thanks for the feedback. We agreed to a one month break and she can't even last two days. She texted me that she misses me and I'm the only one for her. I'm so confused. Any advice? This is the girl of my dreams.

 

 

You two have to talk. Explain that you agreed to this stupid break at the counselor's suggestion but upon further reflection you realize that breaks are not the solution. So you either get back together & date exclusively or you are apart forever

 

 

She's going to pick you but in a few months that wanderlust born of having a desire to see what else is out there because she's afraid of missing out will be back & then she will be gone forever.

 

 

This relationship is on life support IMO. It may survive but I think that is unlikely.

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OatsAndHall

I think that you need to step back and think about how much you actually went to date a woman that is going to act like this. You have been with her for three and a half years and she decides that she wants to see other people, even though you are trying to work through things with her..

 

I could handle a "break" under the right circumstances; we'd been together awhile and we were fighting a lot and couldn't get things resolved or something major happened between my significant other and I (other than screwing around) and we just needed to be apart for a little while. But, again, there would need to be very specific issues that we couldn't work through in counseling and some time away from one another might serve a purpose. And, the break simply meant that we weren't contacting each other: we would not be dating other people.

 

She still cares for you but she can't have her cake and eat it too.

 

So, a break? Maybe.

 

A break where we date other people? No.

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We are technically still on a break. We've established some boundaries and no dating is involved other than the random date her friends tried to hook her up with and didnt work out.

 

I've tried my best to enforce NC but every two days (this happened twice) that I do not pick up the phone or respond to texts she comes over my place and sleeps over like everything is normal. She still has the key to my place and I need to get that back. Other than that, what can I do? I love this girl dearly and I'm hoping after this break her mind clears up and she see's the bigger picture.

 

I think that you need to step back and think about how much you actually went to date a woman that is going to act like this. You have been with her for three and a half years and she decides that she wants to see other people, even though you are trying to work through things with her..

 

I could handle a "break" under the right circumstances; we'd been together awhile and we were fighting a lot and couldn't get things resolved or something major happened between my significant other and I (other than screwing around) and we just needed to be apart for a little while. But, again, there would need to be very specific issues that we couldn't work through in counseling and some time away from one another might serve a purpose. And, the break simply meant that we weren't contacting each other: we would not be dating other people.

 

She still cares for you but she can't have her cake and eat it too.

 

So, a break? Maybe.

 

A break where we date other people? No.

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We are technically still on a break. We've established some boundaries and no dating is involved other than the random date her friends tried to hook her up with and didnt work out.

 

I've tried my best to enforce NC but every two days (this happened twice) that I do not pick up the phone or respond to texts she comes over my place and sleeps over like everything is normal. She still has the key to my place and I need to get that back. Other than that, what can I do? I love this girl dearly and I'm hoping after this break her mind clears up and she see's the bigger picture.

 

She went on a date non the less. If you're smart you'll stay nc and go your own way. If she gets the impression you'll wait on her while she's out and about you'll be viewed as weak and passive. Not attractive.

 

You are helping to enable cake eating by waiting around for her to basically look around. Take yourself out of the equation.

 

Read up

"No More Mr Nice Guy" free PDF download.

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