My ex gf texted me after 2 months of No contact

[brokenheart199]

Hi Guys,

I am want with how to respond to my ex who contacted me after 2 months of no contact. She broke up with me because she needed space and time. I gave that to her and now she texted me and idk how to respond so that everything be fine. I like her, but I don’t wanna get hurt again. She texted me yesterday and I read the message but haven’t responded yet. What should I do? Ask me more questions if you need more information to analysis the situation.

[Dandannydandan]

Hi Guys,

I am want with how to respond to my ex who contacted me after 2 months of no contact. She broke up with me because she needed space and time. I gave that to her and now she texted me and idk how to respond so that everything be fine. I like her, but I don’t wanna get hurt again. She texted me yesterday and I read the message but haven’t responded yet. What should I do? Ask me more questions if you need more information to analysis the situation.

 

It depends, what did she say in the text?

[brokenheart199]

It depends, what did she say in the text?

 

She just said "HI". I am thinking to text her on Sunday and just say Hey back.

[codest]

She just said "HI". I am thinking to text her on Sunday and just say Hey back.

 

It's not easy to give you advice here, as you didn't elaborate. What kind of a relationship did you have with her? For how long? What type of a person is she? And most importantly, do you still (or have you ever) love(d) her?

 

On the other hand, you may have been blessed in some way, as it's rare when people get another chance after a breakup. Don't lose that chance, but keep your head clear at all times, or you may get burnt badly.

[brokenheart199]

It's not easy to give you advice here, as you didn't elaborate. What kind of a relationship did you have with her? For how long? What type of a person is she? And most importantly, do you still (or have you ever) love(d) her?

 

On the other hand, you may have been blessed in some way, as it's rare when people get another chance after a breakup. Don't lose that chance, but keep your head clear at all times, or you may get burnt badly.

 

We had real good time and we both were in love. We were in long distance for 2 years and she was not hanging out with friends that much. So all of sudden decided she is bored with me and want to enjoy life. I am not sure if I still love her or not, but I do know that I don't want to get hurt again. She was always really nice to me. We had just normal fights in relationship. It was never too serious. Let me know what else you want me to explain. I really really appreciate your help.

 

Thank you so much.

[jamili]

We had real good time and we both were in love. We were in long distance for 2 years and she was not hanging out with friends that much. So all of sudden decided she is bored with me and want to enjoy life. I am not sure if I still love her or not, but I do know that I don't want to get hurt again. She was always really nice to me. We had just normal fights in relationship. It was never too serious. Let me know what else you want me to explain. I really really appreciate your help.

 

Thank you so much.

 

Contact like "Hi" is what is known as a breadcrumb. It probably means nothing. If you respond, you risk looking weak. But, every situation is different so you never know. Here are some possible reasons she might have sent that:

 

1. She's looking for validation/ego boost, and as soon as you respond she will disappear,

 

2. She's pulling on the string to make sure she has control over you, and then disappear,

 

3. Shes guilty and wants closure in knowing you dont hate her, and then disappear,

 

4. She wants to friendzone you,

 

5. She is feeling lonely, and wants to know you still want her, to feel comforted, and then disappear,

 

6. She is testing the waters for potential reconciliation, but is very immature and/or has terrible communication skills,

 

6. Shes playing a game with you,

 

7. She had a moment of weakness,

 

8. She's gauging your healing process, for some reason.

 

 

Those are just some possible and common reasons. Exes reaching out and sending breadcrumbs after a breakup seems extremely common... actual legit reconciliation intent seems extremely rare.

 

There is a lot of conflicting theories on what is the best course of action, if you still want her back.

 

1. Ignore her until she cracks and gives you something more real and vulnerable,

 

2. Respond with polite/casual indifference and make it seem like you are totally moved on,

 

3. Ask for clarity on why she is contacting you,

 

4. Ask her to only contact you if shes interested in the relationshi,

 

5. Block her number.

 

 

 

Personally, id stay NC. What she gave you us aboutas worthless of a breadcrumb as they get. It seems insincere, and just like some bait to make sure you are still on the hook, pining for her. Staying NC at least leaves it a mystery, and she will wonder about you and maybe step up her game. If you respond at all, you could give her closure and allow her to fully move on, or you could push her furthwrfurther away. At least staying NC keeps things neutral.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Or, Hi could just mean that. Hi.

[brokenheart199]

1. Ignore her until she cracks and gives you something more real and vulnerable,

 

I am going to do this for now. and after sometime I will do. Number 2.

 

 

2. Respond with polite/casual indifference and make it seem like you are totally moved on

[codest]

OP, I agree with jamili on this. If she showed signs of being manipulative in the past, you could've been just breadcrumed. But if not, give her some time before responding back. Then, if you still feel like it, respond with something neutral and nonobligatory. And then, if you get a feeling that she's serious, set up some time to have a talk. At that point, try to use Skype, so you can see each other. If she refuses, that would a red flag, as she doesn't want to open up.

 

In any case, be ready to move on and forget about her eventually. Don't get false hopes, but give her one chance to reconcile. It might just work.

[brokenheart199]

OP, I agree with jamili on this. If she showed signs of being manipulative in the past, you could've been just breadcrumed. But if not, give her some time before responding back. Then, if you still feel like it, respond with something neutral and nonobligatory. And then, if you get a feeling that she's serious, set up some time to have a talk. At that point, try to use Skype, so you can see each other. If she refuses, that would a red flag, as she doesn't want to open up.

 

In any case, be ready to move on and forget about her eventually. Don't get false hopes, but give her one chance to reconcile. It might just work.

 

Alright, Thank you so much guys. I will text her back in few days. I keep you guys posted if this works for me or not.

[jamili]

I am going to do this for now. and after sometime I will do. Number 2.

 

That's what i ended up doing with mine. I ignored for a while, and then when i finally did respond with polite/neutral indifference, she disppeared. Happrned a few different times to me.

 

Eventually, i went with the "dont contact me if it isnt meaningful discussion" option. No response, been two months since the last bteadcrumb.

 

They arent always looking for anything. I still regret not staying NC. I highly advise NC and not tesponding at all unless she gives you something REAL. But... there are others who will swear that it makes you seem hurt and thus unnattractive. Every situation is different, i can only go by my own experiences where the casual indifference thing didmt do anything.

Edited April 7, 2017 by jamili

[lolablue17]

this is what you should answer: "?"

[Sweetfish]

We had real good time and we both were in love. We were in long distance for 2 years and she was not hanging out with friends that much. So all of sudden decided she is bored with me and want to enjoy life. I am not sure if I still love her or not, but I do know that I don't want to get hurt again. She was always really nice to me. We had just normal fights in relationship. It was never too serious. Let me know what else you want me to explain. I really really appreciate your help.

 

Thank you so much.

 

I don't think 'Hi' is not enough input for me to respond personally. I would not respond to it. This happens to many people all the time... the dumper puts their feeling first and foremost. They don't put in consideration that you have been hurting for a long time and they really need a lot more effort on their own part to give you a reason to simply to respond to something so simple.

 

A simple "Hey, thank you for giving me space I needed and thank you for respecting that...blah blah..how are you doing"

 

 

You say 'Hi' and the fact is you're going to be scrambling and both of you will apporach this akwardly.. this is the time of the relationship she needs to feel what you felt and not responding will make her feel how you felt during the seperation.

[Altair0770]

"who is this?"

[BC1980]

She just said "HI". I am thinking to text her on Sunday and just say Hey back.

 

Oh heck no. That does not deserve a response.

[Kitchen]

For the love of God don't respond.

 

Relish in the power. The power you will most certainly lose the second you respond to her. It will take approximately 1 second after your response for you to feel like **** and regret replying.

[jamili]

For the love of God don't respond.

 

Relish in the power. The power you will most certainly lose the second you respond to her. It will take approximately 1 second after your response for you to feel like **** and regret replying.

 

Can attest to this

[brokenheart199]

I didn't text her back and I see that she blocked me again. I think she is mad because I didn't replied to her text. I am happy I didn't. I am very thankful to all of you. She have to put more effort if she want me.

[Marc878]

Nice job. She'll pout awhile since you didn't fall for her breadcrumbs.

 

When she realizes she's not a special snowflake maybe it'll build her character.

 

As for you you've found out the world didn't end because you went nc did it?

 

Nice job

[jamili]

I didn't text her back and I see that she blocked me again. I think she is mad because I didn't replied to her text. I am happy I didn't. I am very thankful to all of you. She have to put more effort if she want me.

 

Good. See? She didn't want to reconcile. Not 100% anyways. It was all BS to probably get an ego boost. If you truly meant anything to her, she would most likely have tried more than "Hi".

 

I don't understand why dumpers have such difficulty expressing their feelings or being direct. Perhaps if they had better communication skills, the relationship wouldn't have ended in the first place.

 

People like to say the most important part of any lasting relationship is attraction, and I disagree. I think it's communication. Bad communication WILL destroy a relationship, and will outright prevent a reconciliation. Until people like this learn how to communicate effectively, then I don't see them ever having a healthy, lasting relationship. I guarantee you dumpers like this will suffer through more and more breakups throughout their lives. They will dump and dump and dump and dump, because they can't communicate with their partners. They will never have a successful LTR or a marriage, until they work on themselves.

 

Dumpers NEED to work on themselves too after a breakup, not just the Dumpee. I agree with Marc, you likely taught her a lesson here about communication. I'm sure she's all butthurt that you didn't respond to her "Hi" like a good, thirsty little puppy. The good thirsty little puppy she probably pegged you for when she lost respect for you and decided to dump you in the first place. She will probably pout for a bit about it lol, that's true. But, ultimately she will respect you more for this, in the long run. If you ever truly want reconciliation, I think it's better that she respects you. So this was ultimately a good thing, IMO.

Edited April 9, 2017 by jamili

[choyhtya]

OP, I would suggest keeping up with NC.The reason beng that "hi" doesn't really say anything like others have stated. If she wants to start skmething anew her intentions will be revealed in tine because she will step it up. And if she does want to maybe reconcile do not take her back with open arms. I would tell her that you can date but it will be baby steps. Don't rush it. If she really wants to start something back up you have to think about yourself only in the begining at least because thats essentially what the dumper is doing. Hope this was helpful.

 

***edit*** Didn't see the above posts till just now.

Edited April 10, 2017 by choyhtya

[brokenheart199]

Nice job. She'll pout awhile since you didn't fall for her breadcrumbs.

 

When she realizes she's not a special snowflake maybe it'll build her character.

 

As for you you've found out the world didn't end because you went nc did it?

 

Nice job

 

Yeah, world is not ending. I really love her tho, but I want her to work for it now. If she come back with a good attitude, I probably accept her otherwise not.

[Chi townD]

Yeah, "Hi" is nothing more than a breadcrumb. She dumped you and that "Hi" was to see where your head is at. To see if she hurt you and if you're angry with her.

 

Good job with ignoring it. As you can see, she blocked you again. It couldn't have been that important.

[marky00]

Good job OP, I have been NC about 9 to 10 months. About 3 to 4 months ago I got a few texts saying the following:

 

 

How have I been?

 

 

How's Life Going?

 

 

Happy New Year and best wishes !!!

 

 

etc

 

 

In total, it was about 3 different text messages.We were in a LDR for almost 10 years with a few breaks along the way. So you can imagine how involved our history is. Anyway, at the time I struggled like you as to what I should do.

 

 

2 to 3 months later, I am certain I did the right thing by not responding. I think had it been say 2 or 3 years NC and I got such a message, I would have been less suspicious and more tempted to investigate. But after a 10 year on/off relationship and her dumping me they way she did, 6 months of NC was not enough time for her to really do some introspection.

 

 

I can honestly say she was and is the love of my life and it still hurts me considerably almost 2 years post BU but I have no choice in the matter. Keeping my dignity and DOING WHAT IS RIGHT now is all I have left.

 

 

We had some amazing times and I know she had a soft spot for me even at time of breakup and I'm sure she is dealing with a fair bit of guilt. But at the end of the day, it was her decision and all I can do now is try to minimise any further damage.

 

 

Jamili was spot on with the possible reasons for a dumper reaching out, some of which I have also posted on LS.

 

 

Due to the complexities, I would say the best advise is to trust your gut. If you felt like you would get hurt by responding, its 99% that would have eventuated.

 

 

I also think your gut picks up on old signs. The way your Ex contacted you probably created a red flag because you have seen that behaviour before. Maybe one day if she changes for REAL, something will come along that won't create that red flag. Don't wait for that of course.

 

 

You absolutely have done the right thing. A dumper saying "HI" deserves nothing but a SILENCE SANDWICH.

[brokenheart199]

 

 

You absolutely have done the right thing. A dumper saying "HI" deserves nothing but a SILENCE SANDWICH.

 

Thank you so much for your advice. When is the right time.Would there ever be time when she will contact me correctly? I want her back but I want her to work for it.