Can't get over him although I know I deserve better

[chebell]

This post is going to be a long one so I appreciate everyone who reads it through and gives me some advice or hope since I've lost it all myself.

 

So, me (22) and my boyfriend (23) have been together for 1,5 years. We have had our ups and downs, have really good time together and our sex life is beyond amazing. We've travelled together, I've also met his family who loves me and treats me very well, give me presents and are so thankful for being in their son's life. He's an introvert and he said in the beginning of our relationship that he needs a lot alone time. He also lives alone. I try to give him as much freedom as he needs, we see each other 1-2 times a week, but never 2 days in a row, although we live like 3km away from each other. He can also go days without talking to me. Last 3 months have just been not so good. We have had a big argument once a month over silly things that he has caused. For example, he lied that he was home, but actually was in the club with his friends (including females). He said he didn't want to tell me the truth because I would be overdramatic and cause drama. Why he's saying that is because I'm quite a jealous person, but I let him have his female friends who he knew before he met me. I cry every time we argue and he says that he loves that I'm so emotional because that means I care about him more than anyone, but it's also hard because I tend to overreact to everything.

 

I trully love him and I want to make him happy everyday, bringing him little presents etc. I've been by his side all this time when he has needed me - since his family lives in another state I was the only one there for him when he was in hospital; I was the only one to celebrate his birthday with him and all in all I've supported him in everything. And I can say the same about him, he has been there when I need him the most. That's why I'm so afraid to break up with him, because I know I wouldn't find anyone else who could replace him. I can say that he knows me better than my own family.

 

He has graduated uni, but hasn't worked at all in his life and gets his money from his parents. But he's an amateur music producer and plays in a band and I support his decision. I work full time and also go to uni. That's where our differences start.

 

Yesterday was his birthday and I had organised a surprise for him, something I've never done to anyone else. I actually took loan to make it happen, that's how much I want to make him happy. At first I brought him to the hotel with town's best view, rose petals on bed, candles, champagne, everything one could ask for. Then we went to the restaurant where his best friends and his brother were waiting for him. He was so happy to see them and his friends told him that it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't organised it and they thanked me, but I didn't hear a single "thank you" from my boyfriend.

 

One of his friends asked him if this birthday meet-up is still happening the next day. I hadn't heard anyhing of this and confronted my boyfriend about it, he said that they are going out to celebrate his birthday the next day with his friends (including his friends' girlfriends). Then one of his friends said that I should come too, I've never gone out with his friends and thought that it would be a good idea to get to know them, but my boyfriend didn't say anything.

 

When we got back to the hotel room, he was very drunk and started acting weird. He randomly said that his life purpose is music and it will always be his priority. I asked him what about me and he said he doesn't see me as a priority. I was confused and he accused me of not understanding him. He went to sleep and he didn't even want to have sex. I was awake all night and cried because I felt so stupid for caring so much. In the morning he saw my cried eyes and asked what's wrong. I told him what he had said to me and he said he didn't remember anything and hugged and kissed me and apologized. I forgave him, but I was still crying.

 

He had a massive hangover from last night and he couldn't deal with me. When we were leaving the hotel, I asked him about this meet-up they were gonna have and if I'm invited too. He said no, although his friend had invited me there last night. I ordered taxi to get us home. My place was before his, so as I was leaving the car I didn't say anything because I was so hurt, he could see that I was upset. It's been 8 hours and he hasn't contacted me since. He's going to have this birthday celebration with his friends tonight. I just feel so sad and left out and don't know what to do. I don't have appetite when I'm depressed and I haven't eaten all day and it just gets worse. 'm afraid I will be again the one to run after him and say sorry for being overdramatic.

Edited March 24, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~6

[Mr Scorpio]

He's an introvert and he said in the beginning of our relationship that he needs a lot alone time. He also lives alone. I try to give him as much freedom as he needs, we see each other 1-2 times a week, but never 2 days in a row, although we live like 3km away from each other.

 

That isn't much time together considering the length of your relationship. I can understand it from an introvert's perspective. But still. Never a weekend together? Not a good start.

 

For example, he lied that he was home, but actually was in the club with his friends (including females). He said he didn't want to tell me the truth because I would be overdramatic and cause drama.

 

So he lied (about being in the last place an introvert should want to be) and then blamed you. Getting worse.

 

He has graduated uni, but hasn't worked at all in his life and gets his money from his parents. But he's an amateur music producer and plays in a band and I support his decision. I work full time and also go to uni. That's where our differences start.

 

Does he actually make regular and decent money with these musical endeavors? Playing shows? Management? Or is he more of a guy behind a turn-table wearing some headphones?

 

That's why I'm so afraid to break up with him, because I know I wouldn't find anyone else who could replace him.

 

Wouldn't find an unemployed guy to come by twice a week to have sex with you and maybe tell a lie and then blame you for it? You are either vastly overvaluing him or undervaluing yourself. Likely both.

 

He randomly said that his life purpose is music and it will always be his priority. I asked him what about me and he said he doesn't see me as a priority. I was confused and he accused me of not understanding him.

 

So he basically told you that you don't matter to him and then blamed you for it.

 

Ok. So first off: you're young. I don't say that to condescend to you or to diminish your pain. Rather, bear in mind that you have plenty of time to meet quality men who will make you forget all about this guy. That is what you need to do.

 

It sounds like he has checked out of the relationship. It sounds like he thinks of you as a FWB. It also sounds like he either has no social graces or just doesn't care. No more taking out loans. No more going out of your way. No more subverting being treated decently just for the sake of having "someone".

 

Leave.

 

Also consider using shorter paragraphs in the future. Your post wasn't that long. I suspect you would get more replies if you weren't using a wall-of-text.

Edited February 25, 2017 by Mr Scorpio
Completed quotation...

[preraph]

Two things stand out. One, he is the blackout kind of drunk who says and does things he doesn't remember. The problem with that, besides the obvious, is that it is a sure sign of alcoholism. And you don't need to waste your youth on someone who is only going to decline, because the longer it goes on, the worse it gets.

 

The second thing is because he was drunk, he told you the plain truth, that you were not a priority for him and never would be. I understand music coming first because it was first with me too and all my bfs, but that should only come into play during your working moments, just like someone's job may be their priority and for example they must leave you to go to a convention for their company. Do you see what I mean? It means he shouldn't have to mess up a gig in order to pacify you because that is like his job.

 

However, a person should have more capacity than not to be able to have enough priority to go around in most everyday situations. Now you're going to come back and tell me all the wonderful things he does, but that is actually not what I mean, because that is not what he was thinking about when he said those words and hurt your feelings. He was telling you that you really do not matter enough to him to bend your way and give you any priority. Now, I'm sure when he wants to get laid, it may look that way at times.

 

But think about aside from sex, what does he do for you? Does he see a low tire on your car and go take care of it for you? When you're sick, does he go to the pharmacy or to pick up food and bring it? If he heard someone broke into your neighbor's place, would he come over and be sure all your locks were working and be a little extra vigilant because the person was never caught?

 

He has told you you are not much to him, and him being drunk only means he meant it but very much wishes he hadn't said it. He doesn't love you. You deserve someone who does.

[Redhead14]

This post is going to be a long one so I appreciate everyone who reads it through and gives me some advice or hope since I've lost it all myself.

 

So, me (22) and my boyfriend (23) have been together for 1,5 years. We have had our ups and downs, have really good time together and our sex life is beyond amazing. We've travelled together, I've also met his family who loves me and treats me very well, give me presents and are so thankful for being in their son's life. He's an introvert and he said in the beginning of our relationship that he needs a lot alone time. He also lives alone. I try to give him as much freedom as he needs, we see each other 1-2 times a week, but never 2 days in a row, although we live like 3km away from each other. He can also go days without talking to me. Last 3 months have just been not so good. We have had a big argument once a month over silly things that he has caused. For example, he lied that he was home, but actually was in the club with his friends (including females). He said he didn't want to tell me the truth because I would be overdramatic and cause drama. Why he's saying that is because I'm quite a jealous person, but I let him have his female friends who he knew before he met me. I cry every time we argue and he says that he loves that I'm so emotional because that means I care about him more than anyone, but it's also hard because I tend to overreact to everything. I trully love him and I want to make him happy everyday, bringing him little presents etc. I've been by his side all this time when he has needed me - since his family lives in another state I was the only one there for him when he was in hospital; I was the only one to celebrate his birthday with him and all in all I've supported him in everything. And I can say the same about him, he has been there when I need him the most. I can say that he knows me better than my own family.

He has graduated uni, but hasn't worked at all in his life and gets his money from his parents. But he's an amateur music producer and plays in a band and I support his decision. I work full time and also go to uni. That's where our differences start.

 

Yesterday was his birthday and I had organised a surprise for him, something I've never done to anyone else. I actually took loan to make it happen, that's how much I want to make him happy. At first I brought him to the hotel with town's best view, rose petals on bed, candles, champagne, everything one could ask for. Then we went to the restaurant where his best friends and his brother were waiting for him. He was so happy to see them and his friends told him that it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't organised it and they thanked me, but I didn't hear a single "thank you" from my boyfriend. One of his friends asked him if this birthday meet-up is still happening the next day. I hadn't heard anyhing of this and confronted my boyfriend about it, he said that they are going out to celebrate his birthday the next day with his friends (including his friends' girlfriends). Then one of his friends said that I should come too, I've never gone out with his friends and thought that it would be a good idea to get to know them, but my boyfriend didn't say anything.

 

When we got back to the hotel room, he was very drunk and started acting weird. He randomly said that his life purpose is music and it will always be his priority. I asked him what about me and he said he doesn't see me as a priority. I was confused and he accused me of not understanding him. He went to sleep and he didn't even want to have sex. I was awake all night and cried because I felt so stupid for caring so much. In the morning he saw my cried eyes and asked what's wrong. I told him what he had said to me and he said he didn't remember anything and hugged and kissed me and apologized. I forgave him, but I was still crying. He had a massive hangover from last night and he couldn't deal with me. When we were leaving the hotel, I asked him about this meet-up they were gonna have and if I'm invited too. He said no, although his friend had invited me there last night. I ordered taxi to get us home. My place was before his, so as I was leaving the car I didn't say anything because I was so hurt, he could see that I was upset. It's been 8 hours and he hasn't contacted me since. He's going to have this birthday celebration with his friends tonight. I just feel so sad and left out and don't know what to do. I don't have appetite when I'm depressed and I haven't eaten all day and it just gets worse. 'm afraid I will be again the one to run after him and say sorry for being overdramatic.

 

he said he doesn't see me as a priority -- This statement cannot be "misunderstood" . . . He isn't treating you like a priority according to this thread. Do not run after him . . . in fact, you should be running away from him.

 

That's why I'm so afraid to break up with him, because I know I wouldn't find anyone else who could replace him. -- That is the worst reason in the world for staying with anyone.

[chebell]

Me (22) and my boyfriend (23) were together for 1,5 years and he broke up with me last week. His main reason for breaking up was that he sees that I love him more and he said he'll never be able to love me as much as I do. He also said he had understood that he's actually not ready for relationship. Last month we were fighting a lot, mainly because my jealousy and I felt like he didn't care about me. While breaking up with me he said that we can be friends and see each other cause he still cares about me, but there must be no intimacy (holding hands, cuddling, sex etc). I agreed, because I don't want to lose him and then I can still at least be friends with him.

 

2 days after break up he texted me that he couldn't sleep and he's starting to have a depression which he last time had when I met him for the first time. He wanted to meet the next day. He brought me flowers and when I asked him why, then he said that he just wanted to. We just talked how we've been and while he was driving me back home, he held my hand!? He also said that he wants to see me soon again.

 

So we met 3 days later, yesterday, went to the cinema and he had brought me flowers again? After that we went to his place, we were both very tired and fell asleep on the couch. When we woke up it was already 1am and he said that I can spend the night if I want to. When we got to bed he started cuddling and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex 3 times in a row. I had never seen him so affectionate while having sex! After that he said that he's really happy and we fell asleep, cuddling. In the morning he kissed me and asked if he could drive me to work. Again, during all this time he held my hand and said he can't wait to see me again. He didn't say a word about last night.

 

What do you guys think about that? Why is he acting like this and what could be his motive? And what's up with all these flowers and affection? He didn't even brought me flowers when we were actually together. I'm just so confused.

Edited March 24, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~6

[elaine567]

YOU have to talk to him and clarify your position.

Is he actually determined to win you back, or is he just using you as some cuddly, affection giving FWB until he finds another girl?

The latter is not that uncommon, sorry to say.

[Helenahrt]

My dear,

 

I made the the same mistake and believe me, it doesn't get any better. I don't understand men either, it seems to me like sex for them has nothing to do with love. Now that I read your post I can understand why my ex boyfriend is doing things he never did before when we were in a relationship. We need to move on :'(

[CollegeKid101]

Me (22) and my boyfriend (23) were together for 1,5 years and he broke up with me last week. His main reason for breaking up was that he sees that I love him more and he said he'll never be able to love me as much as I do. He also said he had understood that he's actually not ready for relationship. Last month we were fighting a lot, mainly because my jealousy and I felt like he didn't care about me. While breaking up with me he said that we can be friends and see each other cause he still cares about me, but there must be no intimacy (holding hands, cuddling, sex etc). I agreed, because I don't want to lose him and then I can still at least be friends with him. 2 days after break up he texted me that he couldn't sleep and he's starting to have a depression which he last time had when I met him for the first time. He wanted to meet the next day. He brought me flowers and when I asked him why, then he said that he just wanted to. We just talked how we've been and while he was driving me back home, he held my hand!? He also said that he wants to see me soon again. So we met 3 days later, yesterday, went to the cinema and he had brought me flowers again? After that we went to his place, we were both very tired and fell asleep on the couch. When we woke up it was already 1am and he said that I can spend the night if I want to. When we got to bed he started cuddling and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex 3 times in a row. I had never seen him so affectionate while having sex! After that he said that he's really happy and we fell asleep, cuddling. In the morning he kissed me and asked if he could drive me to work. Again, during all this time he held my hand and said he can't wait to see me again. He didn't say a word about last night.

 

What do you guys think about that? Why is he acting like this and what could be his motive? And what's up with all these flowers and affection? He didn't even brought me flowers when we were actually together. I'm just so confused.

 

Coming from a guy who has been in the same position as your ex..it's just the sex. If he broke up with you, he doesn't actually see you as a long term prospect. You're familiar to him right now, it's easy. That sounds horrible, but it's the truth. The second another girl comes around, he'll drop you...

 

Yes, I know it was wrong of me to do this. At least I can shed light on it for you and others on here..get out. You'll just be hurt more.

[chebell]

Coming from a guy who has been in the same position as your ex..it's just the sex. If he broke up with you, he doesn't actually see you as a long term prospect. You're familiar to him right now, it's easy. That sounds horrible, but it's the truth. The second another girl comes around, he'll drop you...

 

Yes, I know it was wrong of me to do this. At least I can shed light on it for you and others on here..get out. You'll just be hurt more.

 

Thank you for your honest answer. But what I'm the most confused about is that why is he then bringing me these flowers and giving me compliments and is more caring than ever before? Also inviting me to cinema and showing PDA? Would he do all of this when he just wanted to have sex?

Edited March 6, 2017 by chebell

[Zahara]

Thank you for your honest answer. But what I'm the most confused about is that why is he then bringing me these flowers and giving me compliments and is more caring than ever before? Also inviting me to cinema and showing PDA? Would he do all of this when he just wanted to have sex?

 

Yes, because now he can just let loose and be himself without the word "relationship" looming over him. The flowers and compliments is just his way to keep you enticed. To keep you there and to keep you giving. It's almost a way to cloud you from reality. And it's working.

Edited March 6, 2017 by Zahara

[chebell]

Yes, because now he can just let loose and be himself without the word "relationship" looming over him. The flowers and compliments is just his way to keep you enticed. To keep you there and to keep you giving. It's almost a way to cloud you from reality. And it's working.

 

Okay, but if he just wanted sex wouldn't he just find another girl with no strings attached? Why would he go out of his way?

 

To be honest, I kind of enjoy this current situation 'cause he cares about me a lot more than before and gives me all these compliments and shows PDA. Is it wrong?

[Zahara]

Okay, but if he just wanted sex wouldn't he just find another girl with no strings attached? Why would he go out of his way?

 

To be honest, I kind of enjoy this current situation 'cause he cares about me a lot more than before and gives me all these compliments and shows PDA. Is it wrong?

 

You're available and familiar. It's too much effort to go out there and start with someone new. You know the deal. He knows you know the deal. You're still into hanging out and giving him the benefits without a relationship. It's an absolute deal for him. Why throw that away?

 

The bold -- you can't be that desperate. You're willing to be demoted to FWB just to have those little bits of validation? Plus, his motives aren't genuine. It's just to keep you hooked. If you're okay with being with him with no commitment, then fine. But if you're only there to get crumbs, then you need to start aiming higher.

[Altair0770]

Coming from a guy that hasn't done what he's doing... yes, it's all about the sex. Sex is a lot different for men than it is for women from my understanding. I have tons of female friends that are just that... friends. But I'd have sex with some of them if they wanted to and still be friends with them. Granted some females are that way too, but generally speaking it's more emotional for women.

 

It seems to me you guys need to talk and set your boundaries. If you want a romantic relationship, then you need to tell him to commit. If he doesn't, or just lingers, then immediately go into NC and ignore him at all costs. It's difficult, but as long as you keep giving him what he wants, he will be happy, and as been said, will drop you (or even use you to cheat) the second he finds someone new and you will hurt even more than you do now.

 

Also, NEVER BE FRIENDS WITH AN EX IF YOU WANT THEM BACK. You will lose them and it will hurt more as long as they get what they want. It gets them what they want with no attachments and you suffer. Show him what he's missing... by disappearing.

[Sweetfish]

Me (22) and my boyfriend (23) were together for 1,5 years and he broke up with me last week. His main reason for breaking up was that he sees that I love him more and he said he'll never be able to love me as much as I do. He also said he had understood that he's actually not ready for relationship. Last month we were fighting a lot, mainly because my jealousy and I felt like he didn't care about me. While breaking up with me he said that we can be friends and see each other cause he still cares about me, but there must be no intimacy (holding hands, cuddling, sex etc). I agreed, because I don't want to lose him and then I can still at least be friends with him. 2 days after break up he texted me that he couldn't sleep and he's starting to have a depression which he last time had when I met him for the first time. He wanted to meet the next day. He brought me flowers and when I asked him why, then he said that he just wanted to. We just talked how we've been and while he was driving me back home, he held my hand!? He also said that he wants to see me soon again. So we met 3 days later, yesterday, went to the cinema and he had brought me flowers again? After that we went to his place, we were both very tired and fell asleep on the couch. When we woke up it was already 1am and he said that I can spend the night if I want to. When we got to bed he started cuddling and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex 3 times in a row. I had never seen him so affectionate while having sex! After that he said that he's really happy and we fell asleep, cuddling. In the morning he kissed me and asked if he could drive me to work. Again, during all this time he held my hand and said he can't wait to see me again. He didn't say a word about last night.

 

What do you guys think about that? Why is he acting like this and what could be his motive? And what's up with all these flowers and affection? He didn't even brought me flowers when we were actually together. I'm just so confused.

 

 

I have a clear reason why your having relationship problems...

 

your boyfriend plays guitar in a band right and travels. He keeps his facebook status on single. He is also young...I have high doubts he can keep faithful.

 

He is clearly not completely invested in you and you need to let him go completely

[chebell]

My boyfriend (23) said he wanted to break up with me because lately we fighted a lot about random things and he said he didn't want to hurt me anymore and said I deserve someone better. We were together for 1,5 years which was the longest relationship we've both had.

 

It's been 5 days since the break up. 4 days ago he went to Asia for 2 weeks with his best friend. I must admit, I've been stalking him and after 3 days I can see that he's been meeting girls there, added them on Facebook and followed them on Instagram. No pictures though, but he rarely followed a new girl when we were together. He hasn't talked to me since we broke up. So I guess he's moved on, which hurts me a lot because I don't even want to think about another guys, he is the only one on my mind. I try to distract myself as much as possible - work my a** off, study a lot, go to yoga everyday..

 

I made a list of pros and cons of him:

Cons:

1) he's 23, but has never worked in his life and gets all money from his parents;

2) has made negative remarks about my body (e.g my cellulite), although I'm 50kg

3) complimented me like once in 3 months

4) never posted a photo of us on social media or marked us "in a relationship"

5) lately became to know that some of his friends don't even know me

6) wanted to meet up 2-3 times a week, since he liked to be alone and produce his music

7) never talked about our future - marriage, kids, moving together - nothing

8) made negative remarks about his friends who were actually doing great in life

 

Pros:

1) introduced me to his family and invited me to all of his family gatherings

2) has a car and his own apartment

3) likes same things and activites as me

4) is tall and handsome

5) works out

6) plays and produces music, knows exactly what he wants in life and believes in himself (although he doesn't have a job that would get him money)

7) doesn't go to parties and is an introvert (which is a plus for me)

8) sex was very good

9) was very affectionate and likes cuddling

10) brought me flowers and presents

11) was never jealous (I don't even know if it's a good thing)

 

+ I was sooo happy to meet him every time, I had butterflies in my stomach every time we were together. I've never felt something like this towards no other. I didn't care about his flaws and went beyond my ways to make him happy.

 

I don't even know why I'm writing this. I probably want some kind of support or.. I truly don't know. It's so hard for me to move on. I graduate uni in 2 months and I can't concentrate on studying at all. I cry myself every night to sleep, meanwhile he's having a good time and probably doesn't care about me at all. I don't understand how someone can move on so quickly and how he doesn't contact me at all? I mean, we used to talk every day and before he left he said he still has deep feelings for me but he just needs alone time. And now he's meeting up with new girls?

 

I know, this thread is nothing new or surprising, but I just had to vent it out since I only have my best friend and I don't want to exhaust her with this topic anymore.

Edited March 24, 2017 by chebell

[John45]

I'm really sorry to hear your story. I feel the same way you do about your ex. Its very disappointing and makes you feel like there was no meaning to it all. The best advice I can give you is start no contact, theres no guarantee he'll come back, but at least you'll be able to move on slowly

[teddyzain]

Take it from someone who has been there. He is 23!! I have no idea how many 23 yr old males today are ready for it all, especially with the economy pretty much not providing stable jobs unless you are highly educated, but I'm sure its low. My gf at 23 wanted babies and I didn't even have a serious job until a year later and all I wanted to do was have sex with other girls. Anyway we broke up, I was heartbroken, but of course now I couldn't care less.

 

He is still supported by his parents which means he has a ton of growing up to do. Once he realizes that nice house is not his to live in past a certain age (unless you're culture is all about family) real life will hit him. To get that house you need a lot of hard work and basically an early life absent major crisis.

 

You WILL get over him. Try dating someone older if you're ready to settle down.

[marie25]

Agreed with the others. Just a few things to say:

- those cons are HUGE red flags and soon (once you are no longer in the "idolizing" stage of the breakup, which is totally normal, you'll see that you can do SO much better. Trust me on this. Not even the not having a job stuff - but mostly the fact that he didn't tell friends about you after 1.5 years, didn't post about you on social media (esp if he was posting about other stuff), not complimenting, etc. Those things are standard and you will find someone so excited to show you off to the world, compliment you, cherish your body, even cellutite, etc.

- It has been five days since the breakup and four of them he spent in Asia. He is likely living it up there and delaying that crash of feelings - but rest assured he will feel the effects of the breakup soon - likely once he is home to an empty apartment from that exciting trip. However, this does not concern you. Try your best (I know it's hard) to just forget about what he is doing. It no longer serves you. This is your time to be selfish. Think about you, your life and goals and interests. There are tons of guys out there and they will come and go in your life. But an investment in yourself will forever pay off bc that is the only person you will ALWAYS have.

[Sweetfish]

your still young..

 

find a guy with more PROs

[Altair0770]

DO NOT STALK HIS SOCIAL MEDIA

 

This will only hurt you. I spent 2 months stalking my exes social media. Saw how TERRIBLE she was doing. Exactly what I wanted right? Came back and made her SO HAPPY, and she found someone else once she got her happiness from me.

 

I'm in NC, have no idea how she's doing and 2 months later I couldn't care less. I only care about how I'm doing, and honestly I'm fine. We've all been in the same boat, right after a breakup, of how it seems hopeless. I was there, and had to go through a lot to prevent suicide. All for someone a few months later I hardly even think about and am happy to have been broken up with.

 

You need to apply NC. That means do not contact him, but also means do not receive ANY updates on him. Right now he doesn't exist.

 

Imagine yourself walking through a forest and you see a treasure chest. You have NO idea what's inside. It could be tons of gold worth millions of dollars or could be nothing at all. You have no idea. Do you open it?

 

This is what NC does. AKA radio silence. They know NOTHING of you and you know nothing of them. Granted, the curiosity will kick in for you, but you have to remain strong because you know if you don't open that chest, you will be rewarded. Whether it be him wanting reconciliation, or you get past this. For him, he has no idea unless he opens that chest.

 

As for adding new girls on social media in a foreign country... it's likely just mind games. 4 days after a breakup he's feeling relieved. 30 days after is when people start questioning their decision and start noticing your absence.

[chebell]

DO NOT STALK HIS SOCIAL MEDIA

 

This will only hurt you. I spent 2 months stalking my exes social media. Saw how TERRIBLE she was doing. Exactly what I wanted right? Came back and made her SO HAPPY, and she found someone else once she got her happiness from me.

 

I'm in NC, have no idea how she's doing and 2 months later I couldn't care less. I only care about how I'm doing, and honestly I'm fine. We've all been in the same boat, right after a breakup, of how it seems hopeless. I was there, and had to go through a lot to prevent suicide. All for someone a few months later I hardly even think about and am happy to have been broken up with.

 

You need to apply NC. That means do not contact him, but also means do not receive ANY updates on him. Right now he doesn't exist.

 

Imagine yourself walking through a forest and you see a treasure chest. You have NO idea what's inside. It could be tons of gold worth millions of dollars or could be nothing at all. You have no idea. Do you open it?

 

This is what NC does. AKA radio silence. They know NOTHING of you and you know nothing of them. Granted, the curiosity will kick in for you, but you have to remain strong because you know if you don't open that chest, you will be rewarded. Whether it be him wanting reconciliation, or you get past this. For him, he has no idea unless he opens that chest.

 

As for adding new girls on social media in a foreign country... it's likely just mind games. 4 days after a breakup he's feeling relieved. 30 days after is when people start questioning their decision and start noticing your absence.

 

Thank you all for your answers! These are helping me a lot. I'm afraid if he'll be having sex with these girls there and then he'll come back like nothing happened, because he doesn't know that I've been stalking him. I don't even know why I'm stalking, I probably want to know that he's missing me too but he seems to have a great time there.

I'm quite sure he wants to meet me when he comes back, I should say no right? The thing is that before he left I was so clingy and said that I wish him a great trip and said I want to know everything when he comes back, so that we'd meet up. I guess he feels like I'm waiting him back. I want to let him know that I deserve someone who cares about me at least how much I care about them, and I want him to know what he's missing out. I can't sleep and I have no appetite.

Edited March 24, 2017 by chebell

[preraph]

Right now you're just making yourself miserable by keeping track of him. One of these days you'll get sick and tired of being miserable and you'll change your behavior and move forward and leave him behind. You are the only one who has any control over that, you know. It's up to you when to stop being miserable.

[Miserably_depressed]

I know how you feel OP. I am in your shoes now also and it is hard to think of them having so much fun so soon and possibly sleeping with people. Im going through the same thing. With the no contact thing how long is that supposed to be. What if there is talk about taking a break and meeting up to talk over food?

[marie25]

I know how you feel OP. I am in your shoes now also and it is hard to think of them having so much fun so soon and possibly sleeping with people. Im going through the same thing. With the no contact thing how long is that supposed to be. What if there is talk about taking a break and meeting up to talk over food?

 

Okay, so I also had so much trouble with NC (it seemed rude and so impossible for me to do) at the beginning. Here is the thing. At the beginning, it is excruciating. Truly. We ALL feel it. When Day 1, 2, 3..not speaking to them feels like an absolute victory but also sad at the same time (bc you used to always talk to them).

 

Let me tell you that eventually, NC works magic. That's literally how it feels like. The cliche statement, "Time heals all," is the truest thing in the case of breakups.

Keep your head up. If it helps, try to make your life so amazing and vibrant as "pay back" or "revenge," so maybe, if THEY are the ones stalking, they would see that it is truly amazing. And you'll start feeling great about yourself as well. (Keep in mind it is also necessary to take some time to digest the breakup first and grieve. Work on yourself but also be compassionate with yourself if you aren't as happy or thrilled or living a dream life yet. All in due time.)

 

But after a while, you will find that you won't care much what they think. You will just think about how you are doing.

 

Only two things that can come out of NC: they contact you because they want to reconcile and you don't ignore it, or you move on.

 

Right now you are coming across as weak, vulnerable, desperate, etc etc, but thats normal because you are going through a breakup. However, you need to keep this separate from him. He can wonder, and message how you are doing. But you won't tell him. Just make it clear that you only want a romantic relationship and anything else, any friendship or FWB, you aren't interested in and don't want to small talk.

 

This sounds harsh and too mean to say, but TRUST me, he will respect you for having the confidence and self-respect to do that, and it will feel damn good for you to do something that was good for you.

[chebell]

Okay, so I also had so much trouble with NC (it seemed rude and so impossible for me to do) at the beginning. Here is the thing. At the beginning, it is excruciating. Truly. We ALL feel it. When Day 1, 2, 3..not speaking to them feels like an absolute victory but also sad at the same time (bc you used to always talk to them).

 

Let me tell you that eventually, NC works magic. That's literally how it feels like. The cliche statement, "Time heals all," is the truest thing in the case of breakups.

Keep your head up. If it helps, try to make your life so amazing and vibrant as "pay back" or "revenge," so maybe, if THEY are the ones stalking, they would see that it is truly amazing. And you'll start feeling great about yourself as well. (Keep in mind it is also necessary to take some time to digest the breakup first and grieve. Work on yourself but also be compassionate with yourself if you aren't as happy or thrilled or living a dream life yet. All in due time.)

 

But after a while, you will find that you won't care much what they think. You will just think about how you are doing.

 

Only two things that can come out of NC: they contact you because they want to reconcile and you don't ignore it, or you move on.

 

Right now you are coming across as weak, vulnerable, desperate, etc etc, but thats normal because you are going through a breakup. However, you need to keep this separate from him. He can wonder, and message how you are doing. But you won't tell him. Just make it clear that you only want a romantic relationship and anything else, any friendship or FWB, you aren't interested in and don't want to small talk.

 

This sounds harsh and too mean to say, but TRUST me, he will respect you for having the confidence and self-respect to do that, and it will feel damn good for you to do something that was good for you.

 

So if he one day asks how I'm doing, then I should just not reply to him?