Worried For My Safety

[Dis]

Hi guys!

 

I broke up with an ex 1.5 years ago, he made a lot of mistakes. He was cheating on me for most likely the entire 2.5 years we were together, he was doing steroids, stealing from me....the list goes on. I shouldve ended it much sooner than I did

 

He works at my doctors office. It took him a year to find that job because of his extensive criminal history.

 

I have been NC with him since the break up but he continues to text me. His texts go to my spam folder (I have an andriod so I cant block him). But he messaged me on fb (from one of his many fake fb accounts) and told me he noticed I had an appointment and he wants to talk to me. I had had a sneaking suspicion he was looking in my chart (he did when we were together and knowing him..he still is) so I filed a complaint just in case he was

 

They launched an investigation and it turns out...he has accessed my chart 7 times in the past 1.5 years!!!

 

I'm a nursing student so I'm aware that thats 7 intentional violations of HIPPA and HIPPA does NOT mess around. One unintentional HIPPA voilation gets employees fired in a heartbeatnever mind 7 intentional voilations. I'm so upset he had access to my records, personal information I was telling my doctor...he invaded my privacy to the nth degree.

 

So...he got fired and is sending me a lot of texts and messages on fb saying I'll 'pay for this' and to 'rot in h***' etc etc

 

He also texted my parents which he has no business doing. Hes stepping over boundaries left and right. My parents texted him back to try to diffuse the situation because they're concerned for my safety. I told them not to engage but I dont think they're going to listen to me

 

I feel like I cant get rid of this guy no matter what I do. He's been parked outside my house awhile ago, he's looking in my medical records, hes texting me, texting my parents and now...he has a bone to pick with me so I'm worried about my safety

 

I dont know what to do...any thoughts would be very much welcomed

[hippychick3]

Oh how scary! If he's sending threats and parked outside your house, call the police. File for a restraining order and report the threats. Be safe!!!

[RecentChange]

Contact the police!!!!

 

Not to alarm you, but women are killed every day by controlling crazy men - this is a real danger.

 

Please document, contract the authorities and get a restraining / protective order. If he has a lengthy record as you say, one will be granted, and violation will land him in jail.

[Dis]

He is sending me text after text about how this is my fault.... how could I lie.... how could I do this to him

 

He isnt taking any accountability for what he did and I'm def not breaking NC

 

Its kind of scary how diluded his thought process is

[RecentChange]

Have you called the authorities? This guy sounds unhinged.

 

Add steroid use.... I am worried for you! I would be so scared in your shoes.

[Gillys]

Police and restraining order. You already have enough ammo on your side with the threatening text messages, HIPPA violations/medical records, and him parking outside your house. Perhaps stay with a friend for a while as well or have someone else stay over with you. Be careful, he sounds very angry and dangerous!

[KBob]

Restraining order for sure. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to stay at your parents place for a week too until you figure out what happens with the law.

[Dis]

Oh how scary! If he's sending threats and parked outside your house, call the police. File for a restraining order and report the threats. Be safe!!!

 

Contact the police!!!!

 

Not to alarm you, but women are killed every day by controlling crazy men - this is a real danger.

 

Please document, contract the authorities and get a restraining / protective order. If he has a lengthy record as you say, one will be granted, and violation will land him in jail.

 

Have you called the authorities? This guy sounds unhinged.

 

Add steroid use.... I am worried for you! I would be so scared in your shoes.

 

Thanks for your responses girls

 

This is going to sound really bizarre but I kind of feel bad for him...hes making me feel like it is my fault

 

It took him so long to find a job and he was doing good work and now??? Hes 100% screwed for the rest of his life....he'll be working at McDonalds if he's lucky

 

But at the same time I dont feel bad. He did this to himself. He voilated my privacy. I just filed a complaint and rightfully so

 

A part of me wants to contact the police and file a report but my Dad said that wont stop him if he wants to get to me. And if I do and he's not planning on doing anything....that'll be the final nail in the coffin for him

 

Ok, so...he's still gaslighting me and making me feel bad for him after all this time

[KBob]

I only know what you posted here but you have absolutely no reason to feel sorry for him, this is completely his fault, caused by his actions. He told you he's been accessing your files!! What did he expect to happen?

[RecentChange]

Thanks for your responses girls

 

This is going to sound really bizarre but I kind of feel bad for him...hes making me feel like it is my fault

 

Don't fall into the abuse victim mentality.

 

Did you cause his length criminal record that made finding a job so difficult? Did you cause him to violate very serious rules pertaining to his job, ones he knew he would put his employment at immediate risk if he violated them, not once, but 7 times?

 

He makes bad choices! And he has to deal with the consequences of his bad choices!!!

 

This guy has abuser written all over - and his inability to play by rules society places shows that he has serious implies control problems.

 

I agree with other's. I was going to ask if you lived alone and recommend staying with someone if you did.

 

DON'T MAKE EXCUSES FOR HIS BAD BEHAVIOR

 

He is a big boy and should be able to control himself, but it sounds like he doesn't. And a grown a** man who can't control themselves or take responsibility for their actions is a scary thing.

 

I hope to God he still isn't abusing steroids.

[Dis]

I only know what you posted here but you have absolutely no reason to feel sorry for him, this is completely his fault, caused by his actions. He told you he's been accessing your files!! What did he expect to happen?

 

Thanks K

 

He has an incredible way of spining things around on me

 

I kind of feel bad he lost his job (his last chance at a good life) even though I know its his own fault

 

Hes sending me text after text saying I destroyed him, that I lied, how could I do this to him, how could I put an end to the good work he was doing, I wrecked his entire life, how can I live with myself

 

And the weak part of me that he manipulated in the past is wondering if any of that is true

[SoulCat]

As part of his employment - with having access to patient records - he would have to complete his annual HIPAA training so he knows exactly what he did was against the rules.

Heck, even I have to complete HIPAA every year even though I'm in the UK and don't directly work in the US medical field, we only supply software.

 

Also, his employment contract will no doubt have a clause it it regarding strict adherence to patient confidentiality and the HIPAA regulations.

 

You ought to take the outcome of your complaint and subsequent investigation into his conduct along with the text message evidence to the police and file for a restraining order.

 

 

And maybe get yourself one of those personal keychain alarms that make a holy hell racket when you press the button.

[KBob]

Thanks K

 

He has an incredible way of spining things around on me

 

I kind of feel bad he lost his job (his last chance at a good life) even though I know its his own fault

 

Hes sending me text after text saying I destroyed him, that I lied, how could I do this to him, how could I put an end to the good work he was doing, I wrecked his entire life, how can I live with myself

 

And the weak part of me that he manipulated in the past is wondering if any of that is true

 

I'm wondering why you haven't blocked his number. Because you need to do that right now...

[spiderowl]

I think contact a local women's refuge for guidance if you don't want to directly contact the police at this point. They will know the score and can be supportive. They can also discuss with you whether it would be best to file a restraining order at this point or not. I think it is right that you wonder if this would push him over the edge - the most important thing at the moment is your safety. At least if you make contact with the refuge and guidance counsellors, you will know exactly what you can do next.

 

It may be worth installing discreet video equipment outside yours and your parents homes, just so you can see whether he is still physically stalking you or not.

 

If he is your ex, did he ever have a key to your house?

 

Vary your routine and route to work if you can. At the moment, this guy has nothing better to do than seek work or be angry with you. Be cautious, maybe install a dashcam. You need to be aware of where this guy is to see if he's just texting or if he is doing more.

[Cookiesandough]

Oh my!!! Exes be scary. I'm sorry your dealing with this, dis:(

[curiouslysearching]

That whole scenario is INSANE....what in the world is this person

thinking? You really do need to go to the authorities and file a

complaint or whatever the local term for it is.....be aware of your

surroundings and BE CAREFUL....there is ZERO excuse for doing

anything remotely similar to what this person has done

[Simple Logic]

Here is what you do. Contact the police and file a report. Follow their directions on getting a restraining order. Also ask if your state has a law making misuse of computer equipment a crime - it is usually a felony undervthe theft section of state laws. He stole your information.

 

Then hire an attorney. Have the attorney send a letter to the doctor that employed your boy friend that you are going to bring a law suit against the doctor if he does not press criminal charges against your BF for misuse of computer equipment.

Edited March 24, 2017 by Simple Logic

[Tressugar]

OP, a TRO to RO sounds good and all, realistically speaking it does nothing to protect you. The cops come always after the fact...Long after the ex leaves and has done his damage.

 

 

Now if your ex is anything like mine (ex felon) you need a house alarm/camera system, small hand gun and put all of your neighbors on high alert. I even had the local sheriff department doing detail security on my place. This actually works if you have a good relationship with them.

 

True bad asses aren't scared of a piece of legal paper. It's good to leave a paper trail, but it doesn't stop someone from doing you harm. Save and document everything!

 

I wish you well and I'm sorry that you are going through this.

[Grathblagg]

OP, a TRO to RO sounds good and all, realistically speaking it does nothing to protect you. The cops come always after the fact...Long after the ex leaves and has done his damage.

 

 

Now if your ex is anything like mine (ex felon) you need a house alarm/camera system, small hand gun and put all of your neighbors on high alert. I even had the local sheriff department doing detail security on my place. This actually works if you have a good relationship with them.

 

True bad asses aren't scared of a piece of legal paper. It's good to leave a paper trail, but it doesn't stop someone from doing you harm. Save and document everything!

 

I wish you well and I'm sorry that you are going through this.

 

All of this. The police are good for showing up after the fact, drawing some chalk lines, and looking for bad guys. They're not good at raising people from the dead, or preventing assaults. Yes, get a restraining order, but do not rely on it.

 

If you live in a "free state", then consider purchasing something for home defense and practicing with it at your local range. Don't just buy it and stash it. A weapon in the possession of a novice is dangerous to everyone. Don't let anyone know that you own it, as that makes things complicated.

 

If you are living somewhere where you are not allowed to defend yourself with equal or greater force than the bad guys use, then buy what you are allowed to possess, and familiarize yourself with it, such as mace, stun gun, etc. Anything is better than nothing. If you have nothing, or are caught off guard, and are attacked, the first target is the eyes and/or testicles. Destroy them.

 

Make sure that your neighbors are aware of your situation, and have at least one, preferably a few, on speed dial. Let them know what you're going to say if you're in trouble- ahead of time. Dial them before 911, say the phrase that you've agreed upon, and then hang up. They can react more quickly than the authorities, and after you dial 911, you're stuck on the line with the 911 operator.

 

I've dealt with a few victims of stalkers, at least, those who survived. All wished that they had planned for the worst. One survivor had an illegal firearm in her home, used it to successfully defend herself, and is dealing with the fallout from that, but she will be judged by 12 instead of being carried to the grave by 6, and if she had to do it all again, she'd wouldn't change a thing.

 

Hopefully, you're dealing with someone who's only motivated to harass you, and little more, and all of this is just an exercise. Good luck to you! Be careful!

[Redhead14]

Hi guys!

 

I broke up with an ex 1.5 years ago, he made a lot of mistakes. He was cheating on me for most likely the entire 2.5 years we were together, he was doing steroids, stealing from me....the list goes on. I shouldve ended it much sooner than I did

 

He works at my doctors office. It took him a year to find that job because of his extensive criminal history.

 

I have been NC with him since the break up but he continues to text me. His texts go to my spam folder (I have an andriod so I cant block him). But he messaged me on fb (from one of his many fake fb accounts) and told me he noticed I had an appointment and he wants to talk to me. I had had a sneaking suspicion he was looking in my chart (he did when we were together and knowing him..he still is) so I filed a complaint just in case he was

 

They launched an investigation and it turns out...he has accessed my chart 7 times in the past 1.5 years!!!

 

I'm a nursing student so I'm aware that thats 7 intentional violations of HIPPA and HIPPA does NOT mess around. One unintentional HIPPA voilation gets employees fired in a heartbeatnever mind 7 intentional voilations. I'm so upset he had access to my records, personal information I was telling my doctor...he invaded my privacy to the nth degree.

 

So...he got fired and is sending me a lot of texts and messages on fb saying I'll 'pay for this' and to 'rot in h***' etc etc

 

He also texted my parents which he has no business doing. Hes stepping over boundaries left and right. My parents texted him back to try to diffuse the situation because they're concerned for my safety. I told them not to engage but I dont think they're going to listen to me

 

I feel like I cant get rid of this guy no matter what I do. He's been parked outside my house awhile ago, he's looking in my medical records, hes texting me, texting my parents and now...he has a bone to pick with me so I'm worried about my safety

 

I dont know what to do...any thoughts would be very much welcomed

 

My parents texted him back to try to diffuse the situation because they're concerned for my safety. -- It's not a bad idea. The theory I apply here is "keep your friends close and your enemies closer (so that you know what they are doing/thinking).

 

Nevertheless, I would go to the police immediately. Show them the texts and explain the situation. Take a picture of him parked outside of your place as well. Don't waste another minute. Do it.

[Steffi]

I am having problems with my ex..his behaviour is concerning.

 

Friends family have said to go to the police but I was reluctant due to not wanting to aggravate him and possibly make the situation worse.

 

So I understand your reluctance and your feelings of guilt; don't let him do that to you. He is typical 'it's not my fault so who can i blame.'

 

I read in the papers today of a young women who had her throat cut by her ex. boyfriend. The police are now being investigated because she had called them several times but they didn't act on anything.

 

I'm going to the police tomorrow I hope you do too.

[newheart]

Hey Dis,

 

I am so sorry to hear you are dealing with this! While I know that a piece of paper isn't always the greatest protection, I think it is important you alert the police to this now in the event something else happens.

 

Please be safe and check in!

[Dis]

Hi guys

 

Sorry I havent responded sooner, I've been really busy with school

 

I understand your point about filing a restraining order and I dont doubt that he is a threat to me but I'm concerned that if I do file, that will tip him over the edge

 

He knows he has nothing to lose now

 

Someone mentioned blocking him but I have an android so I literally cant block him...I can only put him in a spam folder which I have done. But lately I've been looking out for his texts not so I can respond to them but to see where his head is at

 

My parents are concerned for me and suggested I tell him that I'm going to write a letter to see if his job can be reinstated and that I didnt mean to get him fired. I dont agree with that logic. Thats like rewarding a child for bad behavior so they wont do it again. I stand by the complaint I made, I had a right to make it and I'm not going to balk just to appease him. Texting him would also break NC and get me nowhere as he will never take accountability for what he did. He made his bed

 

I do have mace on my key chain and I've told a neighbor about whats going on. My neighbors are....not the most upstanding people so I dont know that they'll really keep an eye out

 

I've been staying a few nights at a friends house and I'm hypervigilant of my surroundings. He hasnt been parked outside of my house. I havent seen him at school or anywhere else

 

I know getting a restraining order is a smart idea but like someone else mentioned, he's a truly messed up individual so that wont stop him, it just might be the final nail in the coffin

 

I'm not saying I wont file down the road but for now I dont know if its a good idea

[curiouslysearching]

Hi guys

 

Sorry I havent responded sooner, I've been really busy with school

 

I understand your point about filing a restraining order and I dont doubt that he is a threat to me but I'm concerned that if I do file, that will tip him over the edge

 

He knows he has nothing to lose now

 

Someone mentioned blocking him but I have an android so I literally cant block him...I can only put him in a spam folder which I have done. But lately I've been looking out for his texts not so I can respond to them but to see where his head is at

 

My parents are concerned for me and suggested I tell him that I'm going to write a letter to see if his job can be reinstated and that I didnt mean to get him fired. I dont agree with that logic. Thats like rewarding a child for bad behavior so they wont do it again. I stand by the complaint I made, I had a right to make it and I'm not going to balk just to appease him. Texting him would also break NC and get me nowhere as he will never take accountability for what he did. He made his bed

 

I do have mace on my key chain and I've told a neighbor about whats going on. My neighbors are....not the most upstanding people so I dont know that they'll really keep an eye out

 

I've been staying a few nights at a friends house and I'm hypervigilant of my surroundings. He hasnt been parked outside of my house. I havent seen him at school or anywhere else

 

I know getting a restraining order is a smart idea but like someone else mentioned, he's a truly messed up individual so that wont stop him, it just might be the final nail in the coffin

 

I'm not saying I wont file down the road but for now I dont know if its a good idea

 

I hope you realize that you DO NOT DESERVE to live in fear like this.....WHY

would a man want to scare a woman??? What does it accomplish or what COULD IT EVER ACCOMPLISH? I am amazed who CRAZY some people will act

[Shanex]

I doubt he's that much a bad ass. Once he gets the police at his door for harassment, stalking behavior and the other things he has done to you, I assure you that he will all lay out to the cops and never do it again. Those who do are reckless psychopaths and it's probably not his case. He's probably not going to hurt you, I hope so anyway, but his persistance makes me wonder about his mental health.

 

Fill a complaint, it's a courageous but needed move. Most of the time, a ''friendly'' interrogation by the police ends it all. This is needed sooner rather than later.