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Ex Keeps Contacting Me, Why??


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 21st June 2017, 3:22 PM   #91
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Thought I'd vent this little frustration out a little.

Everything has been much better since my last post except for one little issue. I was just watching tv a few minutes ago and out of nowhere the thought of her and this new guy having sex and him basically "stealing" her from me. My self esteem has gone up a lot from the gym and having a better life but boy this thing ruins my whole mood instantly. I'm sure it's my dumb pride and ego but don't know how to stop these thoughts from popping up.

It's pretty much the only thing I have left to solve before she becomes just another stranger. Maybe just need more time.
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Old 6th October 2017, 6:29 PM   #92
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Hello again everyone! It’s been ages since I’ve been here feels a little weird haha. Doubt anyone remembers my situation but it’s been a weird one. After a few months of working out/making new friends I actually went on dates with a few different girls. Life was going amazing and rarely thought about my ex. I decided to move to California 3 weeks ago and it’s been pretty downhill from there.

Went from rarely ever thinking about her to her being on my mind all the time. It got so bad last night I got a little drunk and texted her for the first time in like 4-5 months. I thought I was ready to text but boy was I wrong. We’ve just had boring text conversations but all the emotions from the breakup and relationship are hitting me hard. This is the first time I’ve gotten emotional and cried about a girl since the breakup. Not sure what to do now tbh. All my progress just went down the drain.

Needed to vent all that out last 24 hours have been extremely rough on me. Thanks everyone
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Old 6th October 2017, 11:44 PM   #93
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Hello again everyone! Itís been ages since Iíve been here feels a little weird haha. Doubt anyone remembers my situation but itís been a weird one. After a few months of working out/making new friends I actually went on dates with a few different girls. Life was going amazing and rarely thought about my ex. I decided to move to California 3 weeks ago and itís been pretty downhill from there.

Went from rarely ever thinking about her to her being on my mind all the time. It got so bad last night I got a little drunk and texted her for the first time in like 4-5 months. I thought I was ready to text but boy was I wrong. Weíve just had boring text conversations but all the emotions from the breakup and relationship are hitting me hard. This is the first time Iíve gotten emotional and cried about a girl since the breakup. Not sure what to do now tbh. All my progress just went down the drain.

Needed to vent all that out last 24 hours have been extremely rough on me. Thanks everyone
Big changes can trigger emotions. Moving probably triggered something. Sometimes, you're okay for months, and then you backslide. But you'll be able to move on quicker this time. All your progress is not lost.
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Old 7th October 2017, 12:44 AM   #94
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Ok dude i just read your whole thread and I have some comments and suggestions for you.

First of all, I read some comment you wrote where you said that you wanted to do NC and then in a few weeks when you are over her that you would hit her up and try to be friends. I personally think that you need 2-3 years until you trully do not want to be with her again (lets say 5 years to be safe). I'm talking about not a single communication with her whatsoever. Do not message this girl again.

Think about this for a minute, if she really were to message you back and say "i want to be with you, take me back" then would you even want her back given her horrible personality?? Look at the way she writes you its like shes saying "i know you want me back hahahaha i got you on my leash little doggy now jump for me when i command". She does not sound like a nice person at all and you can definately do better than her.

You wrote that you are worried that you will not find another girl as attractive as her, then later on you write that you are sad that you walked by a girl who looks like her. Did this point not hit you or something? You just found someone as attractive as her! You should have been happy and started talking to her, not much to lose there. You wrote that you're in better shape so have some confidence in yourself now.

You said that if you were to see her in person that it would not be for some years anyways so that should give you even more reason to avoid this chick. Being in a long distance relationship for many years sucks, especially with this girl who does not love you. She is just using you for her boredom, you wrote this yourself. That is horrible man and you really need to remind yourself of this when you miss her, she does not love you and does not care about your feelings whatsoever.

Dont message her again, there is absolutely no point in doing it at all. If she messages you then have some satisfaction that she caved in to you and your power went up a little higher, don't respond to her and see if she will message you back again. If she does then you will feel even better and maybe she will get desperate for your attention and the roles will be reversed. If she does not message you then good, it will be easier for you to move on and will show you that she does not have any interest in you. It is a win-win situation for you if you do not write her back. It will actually turn her on more to see you ignore her instead of caving in and replying to her.

Dont think about her looks as a regret of not being with her, think about her awful personality and all the negative things which she said to you. Don't think about the guys she is seeing, she chose other guys over you so you should not worry about what she is doing. You have not even met this girl in person, let that sink in. You could end up meeting her in person and be turned off and have it be something you did not even expect to be. She is not in love with you and is not even a good freind to you. Stay away from her.

I do not see a single situation where she can write you something that would warrant a reply from you. Ok how about this, if she writes you "Hey, i am really sorry for the way I have been treating you, you do not deserve this treatment and I regret my actions towards you. I really want us to be together. By the way I just moved to California so we can meet up if you would like." then sure you can consider it. But thats not going to happen of course so be realistic, you need to move on man please do not look back. I am sure that in 10 years you will look back at this stage of your life and laugh.

You lasted a couple of months with no contact so you can do this. You wrote earlier that you would rather erase her from your memory than be with her so you really need to stick to it. This girl is no good for you, block her everywhere and move on. I would say that you not block her and just ignore her and laugh at her attempts to get your attention but by reading your posts I think you would cave in to responding to her. Block her and move on man.
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Old 7th October 2017, 10:28 AM   #95
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Stay strong

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Originally Posted by Altair0770 View Post
I met a girl online. Same story. Though I'm 26M and she's 22F. Painted a picture perfect fantasy. Met her in person and a huge red flag appeared.

It's easy to paint someone online as perfect because you do not see the flaws.

As people said here, it's leash pulling. You are plan B. Also with her attitude and saying the "distance doesn't work" do you trust her enough that she wouldn't be cheating? Out of sight out of mind. Long distance relationships are very difficult to work. You need to have Time, Money, and Commitment. No matter how hard you try, she doesn't have the commitment and that's something she can only change.

I am sorry. I know it's very, very difficult to hear. But block her and erase her. It gets MUCH easier when you don't know anything about her. Besides, with LDR where you haven't met or haven't met more than once, you have no idea how they are in real life. They may seem perfect in an online persona, but then you learn red flags when you meet in the flesh. My ex has PTSD and I became a trigger. That's how easy it is to hide stuff online.
i fully agree. I was/am in a similar situation. In my case exGF never contacted me for holiday or birthday greetings. Suddenly, I get multiple texts out of the blue. I've come to realize that I have always been her backup plan. Ivpaid her cell phone, taxidermy(Yes.. True) and rent in the past. Since I lost my job there definitely has been less contact. Now, she contacts me. It's likely she is in between guys again. I'm staying strong... I'm not a yoyo. you should go the same and learn from my mistakes.. It's the heart breakS not the money that hurt me the most. Don't respondto her. You'll see that she will get the hint and let you go on with your life.
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Old 10th October 2017, 2:34 PM   #96
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Thanks for the replies everyone just got to seem them now but wished I wouldíve saw them earlier. Post from outkast was pretty much spot on.

Weíve been texting back and forth casual texts and somehow Iím almost as bad as I was during the breakup. She hasnít been flirting but has randomly sent me selfies and seems to like how Iím improved over the times. Sheís pretty much on my mind constantly and feels like Iím staring at my phone waiting for her to text back. Really donít know how she got me to be like this again but it sucks. I really feel like a chump.

Not sure what to do now but Iíve gotten over it before so not trying to be negative at this time.
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Old 10th October 2017, 2:36 PM   #97
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Really donít know how she got me to be like this again but it sucks. I really feel like a chump.
It was your responsibility to protect yourself, not hers.
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Old 10th October 2017, 5:24 PM   #98
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It was your responsibility to protect yourself, not hers.
I understand that, maybe Iím blaming her too much instead of myself. Really thought Iíd be able to handle us talking again though tbh.
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Old 10th October 2017, 6:03 PM   #99
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I understand that, maybe Iím blaming her too much instead of myself. Really thought Iíd be able to handle us talking again though tbh.
You can't manage talking to her at this point. It's like someone who can't manage alcohol. They have to completely abstain from it. That sounds extreme, but it's the same concept. My best friend can't manage alcohol, and I can't mange myself around brownies. We all have things we can't manage in life, and we all try to test the fires now and again. We think we've had enough time and space that we can manage it. I know my examples sound silly, but it makes sense when you think of it that way. That's the basic principle.

Most people can't manage talking to a ex consistently, which is why people don't do it. I can't think of any ex I'd want to talk to on a consistent basis because our shared history would make it hard to manage. That's why people defriend exes on social media. They know they cant' manage being apprised of their ex's life. You tested the fires and figured out first hand that you can't handle talking to her. At least you know. Experience is the best teacher. Just don't make it a habit.
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Old 10th October 2017, 6:07 PM   #100
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It was your responsibility to protect yourself, not hers.
Yes. It's your responsibility. I've heard it called taking protective measures. For example, block her phone number. Don't expose yourself to her contact because you aren't strong enough, at this point, to resist. You put yourself in a situation where have to resist the temptation, and there are only so many times you can resist temptation before you give in. It's likely you will give in at some point, so minimize your exposure to her.
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