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Ex Keeps Contacting Me, Why??


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 26th March 2017, 1:27 PM   #46
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Both of you are right! Been tempted to vent the last few days but as soon as I came on this website I would feel better immediately. Weird how that works out but definitely happy about that. Think now is the time for me to vent although.

Last few days have definitely been an improvement from the first few. Haven't really gotten depressed or cried just those moments of sadness which I expect. But have noticed the things that are bothering me are things that didn't seem to bother me at all during the previous NC attempts. The fact she probably is doing everything we talked about doing with her new boyfriend is definitely bugging me now. Also the fact she had a ton of guys practically obsessed with her even while we were dating. So sucks she can move on 100x faster than me. Still wish we coulda ended things on a better note also.

But with all those things happening, feel pretty strong that I'll be able to resist contacting her forever but kinda need some clarification. Sometimes on here I'll see advice on after a few months the dumpee should contact the dumper to maybe reconcile. Now I definitely don't want to do that but seeing that kinda makes me wonder if that's what I'm supposed to do. Not sure exactly. Hopefully I'll barely even think about her in a few months (hopefully few weeks). Well think that's all I had to say. Rant over!
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Old 31st March 2017, 12:20 PM   #47
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Haven't update this in awhile. So far things are going great! Feeling better each day which I'm happy about. Today was the first day I woke up and wasn't sad so knew that was a huge accomplishment. Still not 100% over it, she's still on my mind a lot of the day but guessing that'll just take more time? Also can tell deep down I'm telling myself I doubt we'll never talk again which by reading many threads here that holding onto hope delays the process much longer.

Also might sound crazy but this is kinda the first time in about 9 months I'll be going about my day without feeling in love with her. It just feels weird if that makes sense. Like I don't remember the last time I had this feeling so don't know how to handle it. But I'll just keep doing what I usually do and hoping more time will get rid of those feelings too. Thanks again everyone who helped me on here! Wish I would've found LS a lot sooner.
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Old 31st March 2017, 2:02 PM   #48
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Things got pretty aggressive and I said I don't want you back and she responded "You think I'm going to believe that pffttt lmaoooo I know u want me back" and sent one right after saying "Ok bye Mr. Idontwannabefriends" and I said bye. That all happened within the last half hour.

So safe to say we won't be contacting each other in the future (I hope so). Proud that I stood up for myself but hoping I don't regret this.
Damn, what she said is painful. She's pretty much admitting to what everyone on LS warms the ex is reaching out for - an ego boost! She is actually laughing at you for having you in her pocket. Cold. As. Ice.

You did the RIGHT thing sticking to your guns with this one. Call her bet, and show you her DONT want her back and challenege her ego. She thinks you are pining for her, probably lost attraction for you due to this. Hopefully in time with you proving you werent #$%^ing around will teach her something about you- that you aren't her little puppy bit%$
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Old 1st April 2017, 2:40 PM   #49
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Yea that was brutal. Oddly enough probably not the worst she's said. Before when I tried to go NC I told her you can still message me if you really need me and she said "Well why would I ever need you when I have friends in real life I can go to when I need help "... She's a teenager as well so guess I don't expect her to handle everything maturely.

Seems that still the biggest thing bothering me is that hope in the back of my head. I just went on my instagram and her page came up in suggested people. She hasn't been on it in over a month and I'm sure she doesn't even use it anymore. I could easily block it and not risk seeing it anymore but when I think about it I start thinking "Maybe in the future if she tries to reach out to me she'll message me on here".... it's pretty stupid I know but guess I haven't gone through what most people would say the phase/mentality where I'm 100% sure we're over FOR GOOD. Probably just need more time it hasn't even been 2 weeks of NC. But still proud of all the progress I've made!!
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Old 5th April 2017, 3:04 PM   #50
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Felt like I needed to let this out.... Still doing pretty good but one thing has been bothering me a lot lately. It's my birthday on Saturday and have no clue if she'll text me or not. I deleted her number before I remembered to block it so kinda out of luck on that. Just super anxious and fearful to see her number pop up and have all my progress go away. Pretty sure everyone here would say not to respond to whatever she says if she does? I feel a lot better about everything and even though I somewhat believe I can stay friends with her I've kinda realized it's pointless. Heck even been thinking if she asked me out again it would still be pointless.

Anyway just hoping she doesn't text me since after Saturday I'd have zero expectations of her ever contacting me and can fully move her out of my mind. And again thanks to everyone has helped me!! Don't think I could've done it without LS.
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Old 5th April 2017, 3:41 PM   #51
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If she sends you a text, ignore it. Don't feed her. If you want to heal and move on from this, keep up the boundary and look ahead.

Stay friends? Go out and make friends that you can hang out with, touch, see, engage, etc. She's not your friend.

If she asked you out again? She's halfway across the world! You've never even met.

First step with moving on -- take that person off the pedestal. You've placed her way up there. You need to stop romanticizing this and start focusing on reality.
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Old 5th April 2017, 4:25 PM   #52
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Thank you! I wasn't planning on responding I know there's really nothing good that can come from that. Not really a big issue but sucks that we never got to fully try out dating. Who knows if we dated in real life how things would've worked out.

For the pedestal part, to get her off of it is that a thing that just takes time or just my mentality? I'm guessing the last sentence in the first paragraph is exactly what you're talking about with me putting her on a pedestal.
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Old 5th April 2017, 4:32 PM   #53
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Thank you! I wasn't planning on responding I know there's really nothing good that can come from that. Not really a big issue but sucks that we never got to fully try out dating. Who knows if we dated in real life how things would've worked out.

For the pedestal part, to get her off of it is that a thing that just takes time or just my mentality? I'm guessing the last sentence in the first paragraph is exactly what you're talking about with me putting her on a pedestal.
It takes time, and honestly it takes meeting other women.
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Old 6th April 2017, 6:29 AM   #54
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Thank you! I wasn't planning on responding I know there's really nothing good that can come from that. Not really a big issue but sucks that we never got to fully try out dating. Who knows if we dated in real life how things would've worked out.

For the pedestal part, to get her off of it is that a thing that just takes time or just my mentality? I'm guessing the last sentence in the first paragraph is exactly what you're talking about with me putting her on a pedestal.
Not just time, but what you do with that time that makes a difference. You have to be proactive. When you start to romanticize her and what you had with her, step back and reset those thoughts with reality. Journaling is a good way to remind you of what was your truth. Start writing with fact. You want to reprogram those thoughts and replace them with reality. So when you start to romanticize her, don't sit there, mope and run/dwell with that fantasy thinking. The more you feed it, the longer you cling to that idealization. Change the pattern.

Go out and start meeting people. Join meet ups. Get to the gym. Find a volunteer group. You don't necessarily have to start dating but rather start to get out there and meet like minded people. Build your confidence. Make friends. The rest will fall into place.
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Old 6th April 2017, 10:23 AM   #55
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Thanks Zahara At least I can say I feel I've been proactive during the breakup even though I'm not fully over it. My past heartbreaks I'd just sit and cry but now I'm still going to the basically everyday and my self esteem has definitely grown a little. Only issue is I still feel I'm going to kinda impress her/show her what she's missing and yes I'm making progress but don't know if that's delaying my progress? I should be doing this for myself not her. And both my jobs are social ones so I've already met new friends!

I've thought about journaling before although I kinda like to use LS as my journal And I'm not exactly looking for a relationship like I always have. I want to make sure I'm totally ready for one so it can have the best chance to succeed.. My self esteem and jealousy are my biggest issues so just working on those.

Also need to let something out. Still boggles my mind how in love/obsessed she was with me. I could argue she was even more into the relationship than me. My mind takes that as there's no way she can just lose those feelings forever. I'm sure that'll change with time but writing it down helps me realize things more.
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Old 6th April 2017, 10:43 AM   #56
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Still boggles my mind how in love/obsessed she was with me. I could argue she was even more into the relationship than me. My mind takes that as there's no way she can just lose those feelings forever. I'm sure that'll change with time but writing it down helps me realize things more.
There's nothing mind boggling about it.

This again is where you need to check in with reality. You both were "falling in love" with a virtual image you both created in your minds. It's very easy to get caught up in the beginnings of getting to know each other.

It's exciting, it's new and it's all these feelings of infatuation coursing through your veins. Six months later, the excitement wears off. She moves on. It is short lived. And it's only normal because it's hard enough to work on a relationship when two people are together, let alone long distance and having never met each other. The chances of what you had having any lasting power was probably little to none.
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Old 6th April 2017, 1:31 PM   #57
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Thanks again! I'm sure you're right, I didn't know about the "honeymoon phase" until after the breakup and I'm sure that phase ran out for her. I'll even admit there were times where I wanted her to leave me alone for a little while. Today is definitely the best I've felt in awhile. Feel like even if she texted me wanting to get back together I'd either ignore or decline. Now that most the feelings are gone I'll admit the hardest part is still that she's one of the most gorgeous girls I've ever met. Don't want to date someone and be comparing them to her. But I'm positive that'll go away with time. I'm trying to put her behind me anyway.

So now my biggest worry is my future relationships. If an online one affected me so much I'm super nervous about a real life one. I'm torn between do I want to be some heartless guy who won't care about feelings. I know that's not who I am but it definitely beats getting my heart broken constantly. I'm naturally an emotional and lovey person, but how do I stay that way but not end up like this if I get broken up with?? I overthink too much btw
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Old 8th April 2017, 11:12 AM   #58
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Well so far it's been an interesting birthday for me. Woke up from a dream that my ex texted me happy birthday, checked my phone as soon as I woke up and yup she texted me that in real life too! It was basically a generic happy birthday message so don't think any hidden feelings were in it. It didn't bother me too much just gave me some butterflies. Also feel a little guilty that I'm going to ignore her when she did something nice but I know that's the best thing to do. Definitely wish she wouldn't have texted me but oh well I'm going to try and not make this a big deal but I can tell I'm starting to THINK about responding. (I won't)
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Old 8th April 2017, 11:34 AM   #59
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Well so far it's been an interesting birthday for me. Woke up from a dream that my ex texted me happy birthday, checked my phone as soon as I woke up and yup she texted me that in real life too! It was basically a generic happy birthday message so don't think any hidden feelings were in it. It didn't bother me too much just gave me some butterflies. Also feel a little guilty that I'm going to ignore her when she did something nice but I know that's the best thing to do. Definitely wish she wouldn't have texted me but oh well I'm going to try and not make this a big deal but I can tell I'm starting to THINK about responding. (I won't)
She will probably respect you more if you dont respond to that, as weird as that sounds. Never break NC for generic bday/holiday texts
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Old 8th April 2017, 3:25 PM   #60
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Well so far it's been an interesting birthday for me. Woke up from a dream that my ex texted me happy birthday, checked my phone as soon as I woke up and yup she texted me that in real life too! It was basically a generic happy birthday message so don't think any hidden feelings were in it. It didn't bother me too much just gave me some butterflies. Also feel a little guilty that I'm going to ignore her when she did something nice but I know that's the best thing to do. Definitely wish she wouldn't have texted me but oh well I'm going to try and not make this a big deal but I can tell I'm starting to THINK about responding. (I won't)
It took her nothing but 4 seconds to text you that so don't magnify it when it in the scheme of things she's done more harm to you than good. Let the day pass and move on.

Remember, don't feed her. And chances are, this is also her way of pulling on the leash to see if puppy dog is still there. Don't start something you know is going to be hard to finish.
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