LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Breaks and Breaking Up

Ex Keeps Contacting Me, Why??


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

Like Tree4Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 8th March 2017, 2:10 PM   #16
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 8,225
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlexM123 View Post
Appreciate this! I've always been a shy person so my social life is basically nonexistent and going to sound sad but I've never had a good female friend. I'm sure that's a big reason why I get so attached in my relationships. I'm starting my job today so hoping that will lead to new friendships and I can finally forget about this girl.

Quick question, say in a few weeks or whenever if she decides to contact me, do I just ignore it?
Well, don't worry about having a good female friend. Just go out and meet people. Try a few meetups in your area -- focusing on activities you like doing. Get into volunteering. There's so many causes out there and it's bound to get you connected with all kinds of people. It can help you slowly get comfortable with opening yourself up to others.

Yes, you ignore it. Infact you should block her. When everyone here is telling you that she is just yanking your chain, please listen to us. We've all been there. I've been there quite a number of times so from experience, and for your sake, cut her loose.
__________________
One regret, my dear world, that I am determined not to have when I am lying on my deathbed is that I did not kiss you enough ~ Hafiz
Zahara is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th March 2017, 4:19 PM   #17
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 17,505
At her age, she is going to meet new guys all the time and take an interest. The long-distance thing is always a big obstacle, but really it's her age (and probably yours too) that makes it inevitable you both end up seeing other people and exploring a bit.
__________________
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th March 2017, 7:13 PM   #18
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zahara View Post
Well, don't worry about having a good female friend. Just go out and meet people. Try a few meetups in your area -- focusing on activities you like doing. Get into volunteering. There's so many causes out there and it's bound to get you connected with all kinds of people. It can help you slowly get comfortable with opening yourself up to others.

Yes, you ignore it. Infact you should block her. When everyone here is telling you that she is just yanking your chain, please listen to us. We've all been there. I've been there quite a number of times so from experience, and for your sake, cut her loose.
Oh man that's what I was afraid of. I don't think I've ever blocked anyone before. Hard to believe she could've changed this fast but she definitely did. Just need to stop holding out hope that we can be together one day but man that feels impossible right now. Appreciate all of your responses thank you!

Quote:
Originally Posted by preraph View Post
At her age, she is going to meet new guys all the time and take an interest. The long-distance thing is always a big obstacle, but really it's her age (and probably yours too) that makes it inevitable you both end up seeing other people and exploring a bit.
I realize all of that now haha. Don't know many teenage couples who move as fast as we did and to add the distance to the equation. Still stings as of now.
AlexM123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th March 2017, 1:10 PM   #19
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 60
Hey everyone not really an important update but feel like venting would help me feel better.

Yesterday was a great day, one of the best I've had in awhile. Didn't think about her too much and when I did it didn't bother me too much. Today has been up and down. Been working the last few hours and can't get my mind off of her and it's really bringing me on the verge of tears. Haven't blocked her yet and it's only been like 4 days since I went NC so hoping a little more time will help.
AlexM123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th March 2017, 12:06 PM   #20
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 60
Going Crazy Debating Whether To Contact Ex

Hello everyone just really need some input on my situation.

Quick Summary - Dated an amazing girl online for 6 months. Never got to meet but called/video chatted and texted 24/7. Didn't notice at the time but our relationship went way too fast. Few months and we were talking about marriage and kids (did I mention we're both teenagers?) Last month she broke up w me because of the distance and a few days later starts dating someone else she can physically be with which I can understand. Stayed friends on & off but I definitely wasn't ready so I went NC and each time she ended up texting me and I went back to square one.

Been a week since we've texted and although I'm feeling much much better about it (can listen to love songs and don't cry about it anymore) in the back of my mind I'd just hate to just give up on this and I'll admit eventually I still want to be with her. She basically left me with some hope of one day dating again. I want to text her but she probably still has the bf so I would have to be patient basically.

Main Dilemma Since we live so far apart if we were to ever meet which would probably be my only way of dating her again it would most likely take 3-5 years. Crazy I know to kinda wait that amount of time but having trouble deciding if it's even worth it especially since it's not a guarantee. I'm thinking I jus stay NC and wait for her to contact me (if she ever does) since that would show she has at least some interest.

Any thoughts? Sorry if the story was a little confusing but appreciate any input! Thanks
AlexM123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th March 2017, 12:13 PM   #21
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 465
Stay NC. Start dating (she certainly is!). No sense in hanging on to this, as the distance factor wouldn't change for years, if ever. You state you are teenagers so you will have changed a lot in 3-4 years' time. Start dating locally.

EDIT: Just read your other thread and see I haven't said anything that's not already been said... :/

America <-----> Sweden? You really should let this go.

Last edited by springy; 13th March 2017 at 12:16 PM..
springy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th March 2017, 12:28 PM   #22
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by springy View Post
Stay NC. Start dating (she certainly is!). No sense in hanging on to this, as the distance factor wouldn't change for years, if ever. You state you are teenagers so you will have changed a lot in 3-4 years' time. Start dating locally.

EDIT: Just read your other thread and see I haven't said anything that's not already been said... :/

America <-----> Sweden? You really should let this go.
Thank you for responding

Yea sorry I didn't know whether to post in my other thread but that one was kinda on how to get over the breakup and I feel like I'm over it for the most part this was mainly on if I should contact her.

Thank you again though! Really just needed more assurance on why I should let this go so you helped me a lot!
AlexM123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th March 2017, 5:42 PM   #23
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 60
Another update...

Not that I'm shocked but she contacted me earlier today. It's been about 10 days since we last texted so I'm not going too crazy with her text. All she sent was a 3 second video of her shooting a basketball with a funny little caption.

Haven't responded yet so that's a plus. I know the majority are going to say ignore it but idk that seems hard for me to do. I'm sure this is what most would call breadcrumbs but is there like anything I can respond to this??
AlexM123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th March 2017, 5:56 PM   #24
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 101
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlexM123 View Post
Another update...

Not that I'm shocked but she contacted me earlier today. It's been about 10 days since we last texted so I'm not going too crazy with her text. All she sent was a 3 second video of her shooting a basketball with a funny little caption.

Haven't responded yet so that's a plus. I know the majority are going to say ignore it but idk that seems hard for me to do. I'm sure this is what most would call breadcrumbs but is there like anything I can respond to this??
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all.
la74219 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th March 2017, 12:02 PM   #25
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 60
Morning everyone! Hate to bring this topic up again but kinda going crazy on what I should do here

Decided to respond and we've been lightly texting the last few days nothing serious. Even though I was feeling great during NC I cant deny I still one day want to date her. I understand what everyone will say about the distance. Seems from what I've gotten in videos and random articles the best way to get an ex back is to just tell them to contact me if you ever change your mind and want to try dating again and being their friend is actually the worst you can do.

But all those videos/articles were for real life situations and don't know what to do with this one. I'm almost positive her physical attraction for me is there but have no clue if she'll put me in the friendzone.

So even though I know most will say forget about her due to the distance and age, what would be the best way to I guess one day get her to want to date me again?
AlexM123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th March 2017, 2:33 PM   #26
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 8,225
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlexM123 View Post
So even though I know most will say forget about her due to the distance and age, what would be the best way to I guess one day get her to want to date me again?
There is no other advice for you other than to forget this and move on. You can't date when you're thousands of miles away and you can't date when she clearly isn't interested in you other than to keep you there as a source of attention. And trust me she's out there with other guys.

This obsession is clearly unhealthy.
Zahara is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th March 2017, 3:02 PM   #27
Established Member
 
spiderowl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,533
I feel for you, honestly I do. I'm in a similar situation except not such long distance. It is possible to really bond with someone over the internet and via text/phone calls. I would not have thought it so before it happened to me. Even if you decide it is not a good idea to continue, there is still that 'what if?' and the desire on both sides to stay in touch. Then the bonding feels like it is more than just friendship. Yes, I know what it means!

In your situation, I would try to and get out and meet others instead. The distance involved is too great here. You are not even in the same country. The only alternative is for you to go there and maybe work there for a while and see how things go, but you would have to be prepared for a rejection. It would be better to visit and spend time with her before making any commitment to moving and working there, even for a short time.

But it is a huge upheaval for you. It is possible you will find someone you feel as drawn to in your own country, even if your own town, if you give yourself chance to meet them. I know it is really difficult to switch off that mental bonding switch, hellishly difficult, but the distance here makes it so much more difficult for you. I'm sorry you got caught up in this really; I know what it feels like.
__________________
"You ain't a beauty but hey, you're alright" ('Thunder Road', Bruce Springsteen)
spiderowl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th March 2017, 3:20 PM   #28
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 35
It's funny. I was in your same situation. And you know what happened. I'd always answer. Always respond. For over a year I did it. She dumped me and it hurt very much. Everything she did after that made it all worst. Talking and flirting with guys. Then every month she would message me sometimes for the stupidest things. Just to strike a conversation.

And you know what it led to. It led to me wasting the entire 2015 and 2016 behind her. Incapable of having a life and living. Always emotionally drained and thinking hey maybe she wants me back. Why does she always contact me. She misses me? She's thinking of trying again. This girl had me on cliffs edge man. Talking and throwing around words of reconciliation. Telling me about things trying to get me jealous.

It was horrible. I just looked between my legs. And grabbed those things. Lol not literally. Went cold on her a every time she messged. And I'm sure she got the idea. Haven't heard from her in 2017. And I'm very happy about that. I don't think about her or us. That's the past where it should be.

So what I'm getting at. Where you are at right now is a difficult spot. You might not listen to any of us and continue speaking to her. But your just prolonging pain and dissapointment.

If I were you I'd end it. Say you enjoyed speaking with her. You wish her nothing but the best but you want to move on. Wish her happiness and end it there.
BlueIvy likes this.
montie1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th March 2017, 5:46 PM   #29
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 60
Thanks for the replies everyone!

Been really up and down the last few hours. One moment I feel fine being friends with her the next I'm almost in tears. Like Zahara said this is probably unhealthy I just never looked at it like that just thought I was crazy in love. I've never been the one to end a friendship or relationship so saying officially goodbye is heartbreaking to me.

But either today or tomorrow I'm sure I'll do it and I'll have to start NC for the 100th time. Don't know what'll happen in the future but not looking forward to having to stop talking again. Ugghh really hate the fact if distance wasn't an issue who knows how good our relationship could be. Think it's just time to move on and forget about her once and for all even though that thought sucks.
AlexM123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th March 2017, 10:43 AM   #30
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 60
Kinda need to vent everyone. Yesterday I basically told her being friends is pointless and she was still trying to convince me to be friends because she doesn't want me disappearing from her life etc... Was a pretty emotional conversation and I have to decide today whether to stay friends or leave and most likely not talk ever again. Pretty sure I'm going to decide to leave but this time I don't think she'll end up ever texting me so it hurts a lot more.

Also should say I feel like if we never talk again the whole blame is on my shoulders. I couldn't handle being friends and that ended our whole relationship. Just sucks all around, I don't want to give up on this but also don't know if being friends for 3-5 years is worth it.

Only somewhat bright note is maybe after a few months of not talking I'll feel ready and we can be friends again without any issue. Thanks for letting me release my emotions LS it helps a lot! Feel a little better already
AlexM123 is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Way of contacting her/seeing her again? jayyy8 Dating 12 13th May 2016 11:25 AM
Why does my ex keep contacting me? Ztw Breaks and Breaking Up 3 23rd December 2013 5:58 PM
Ex keeps contacting me.... inde4544 Breaks and Breaking Up 3 24th December 2006 3:20 AM
So my ex has been contacting me VeniceQueen Second Chances 6 17th December 2006 7:26 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 2:23 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.