soulforge Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 (edited) For some background on my situation read one of my older posts 'dumped my girlfriend for disrespecting me' And.. stupidly enough I got back together with her.. but things where a whole lot better than before.. up untill we moved in together. Anyhow we broke up around 3 days, she suggested she will be taking her belongings and moving out.. I agreed with her and told her I wanted her to leave, and suggested she packs her things and moves out before the end of the day.. We lived together for around 4 months & it was difficult for both of us.. she left her home town, family, and transfered her job to be with me. The biggest problem, lack of communication. If we had a little argument it would turn into silent treatments, lack of affection for each other, not telling each other i love you. So what triggered the break up?? She invited me to spend Christmas with her family.. she told me on Christmas eve will be sitting around the table & having chinese takeway She didn't fill me in on all the details, so i assumed the takeaway had already been paid for..I had to rush all day and had to rush to get to her house, and did not get a chance to go to the cash machine to take some money out.. When the takeaway arrived, everyone took some money out to pay towards the food.. My girlfriend didn't have much money on her, so she asked me.. I told her that i have no cash on me, but have got money on my debit card? She turned around and in front of everyone said.. DON'T TELL ME YOU HAVE COME OVER HERE TONIGHT WITH NO MONEY IN YOUR POCKETS so i told her i had no time to go the cash machine.. at this point i started to feel very embarrassed.. one of the guests paid more money towards the food. I felt really embarrassed at the way my GF spoke to me infront of everyone.. she could have quite easily pulled me aside and discretely asked me to go to the cash machine.. I felt like a free loader at the table.. later that night I spoke to her, and told her that i felt embarrassed by the way she spoke to me infront of everyone, and she could had handled the situation a different way.. She then started blaming me, and saying its your own fault for not bringing cash! She was defending her own bad behaviour. I felt really upset and angry about this.. i don't know what came over me then... i felt this sudden surge of hurt and anger all at the same time.. and i through a plastic cup across the floor (at this time the guests had left) I left the room and went upstairs to bed at 9pm on Christmas eve.. she didn't bother coming upto see me, or to see how i was, instead she started playing very loud music with her daughters and drinking, up untill 4am in the morning. I was awake all night angry and upset, plus there music was keeping me up all night, and my GF did not even consider turning it down a little, she knew i was in bed. In the morning she knew i was upset, but asked me to pretend everything was great for the sake of her daughters on Christmas day..so i complide. We went back home on Christmas day, and she the started arguing with me over laying the dinner table, she was nagging and throwing a tantrum. This again frustrated me, as it was Christmas day, and so far it was one of the worst days of my life.. so i got angry with her, and told her she keeps pushing my patience again and again. We finally made up, and got on ok up until new year.. she then started behaving distant from me, i knew something was wrong.. but she would not communicate anything.. Finally 2 days ago she tells me she wants to go back home to Manchester, and i told her that is fine, because i also want her to leave.. She packed and left... now i don't know what the hell to do, and cannot make sense of it Edited January 10, 2017 by soulforge Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 Sounds like she did you a favour. I can not believe she acted that way in front of her family and guests, let alone on Christmas. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BlkVelvet Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 What you do is go NC and STAY NC. She is very disrespectful and immature. There is someone who will treat you much better out there waiting for you. Stay strong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Stercrazy Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 I asked for a divorce on Christmas Eve going into Christmas day for a marriage filled with this behavior. I told my ex wife I was giving myself a present that year. That's how you should look at it. It is what it is. Go NC and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted January 10, 2017 Author Share Posted January 10, 2017 By the way... the guests where her daughters age 23 and 26 and both of there boyfriends. Non the less, it was still a embarrassing experience for me, as it made me feel like i was eating the food, and not making an effort to pay for it. What makes it worse is i got no apology from her, infact she balmed me. And now she is claiming that it was ME who ruined Christmas.. i spent Christmas eve in bed absolutely furious and hurt, and she didn't even bother with me. On Christmas day she through a tantrum, and I admit i could not take any more and i shouted and got angry with her. I could not help it, i was so frustrated over what had happened... i told her straight that she ruined my Christmas. I feel bad for shouting, but there is only so much a person can take Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted January 10, 2017 Author Share Posted January 10, 2017 I have to admit, sometimes i would get angry with her when we tried to talk, and she accused me of talking over her... and sometimes i was guilty of that, because i get very passionate and felt the need to defend myself. If she didn't disrepct me in the first place, i wouldn't even be having any arguments with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted January 10, 2017 Author Share Posted January 10, 2017 I recognise what i need to change about myself, but she does not recognise or accept any wrong doing, so seems impossible to fix the issues Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted January 10, 2017 Author Share Posted January 10, 2017 I still love her.. Part of me wants to let her go.. but some part of me is scared of losing her.. there was many good things about her too.. just feel torn right now Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 You need to let go. Good for you that you see your own faults. With the rest you describe I can identify. I was once invited in her parents vacation home and her sister and a friend of my ex GF were there too. There was no talk about who pays for what and how much. Her sister planned pretty much all the days ahead and took us to activities already on the first day. I didn't mind, it was interesting and I didn't want to come across as unappreciative, so I went along without saying anything. Her sister paid probably less than 30$ for entrance fees and such. I bought drinks, probably about the same amount. I didn't think I should pay entrance fees because I didn't plan the activity and didn't suggest to go there. A few days go by, we get some groceries which were mostly paid for by the sisters, or their parents respectively, as they were using their dads credit card. One night I've bought a huge group of people drinks when we all went bar hopping, it was all people I've never seen before and they were friends of the two sisters. It was just short of a 100$. The next day my GF's sister and I got into a fight over something unrelated, in which my GF took my side. After that my GF suddenly gets mad at me for not contributing with the groceries, which they never asked me to. I was confused and upset too, because she said it like I was free loading in her house on her groceries. I don't know, I never asked people to "pay" for their meal when I invited them to my or my parents place. Sometimes guests would offer to cook, if it was a longer stay and they'd get the groceries because they knew what they needed. Obviously I paid my share in the groceries as I thought this was really petty and I wouldn't fight with them over 50$ bucks worth of veggies and what not. A little later it turned out her sister also wanted the entrance fee back from the first day. I paid that too. What's the big deal, I don't mind if everyone pays for themselves and we dissect all the expenditures with receipts, it's fair after all. But what I don't get is when at first you pretend to be big on inviting people and then suddenly you want to be reimbursed on the penny. I'd be embarrassed frankly, to walk up to my guests with a receipt and ask them back money. So it's really straight forward. She should have told you that it was expected that everyone buys his own meal, that's fair and transparent. What she did is set you up for failure and she ignored you when you were rightfully upset. Dump her, go and stay NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 I have to admit, sometimes i would get angry with her when we tried to talk, and she accused me of talking over her... and sometimes i was guilty of that, because i get very passionate and felt the need to defend myself. If she didn't disrepct me in the first place, i wouldn't even be having any arguments with her. I see so many problems on both end. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted January 11, 2017 Author Share Posted January 11, 2017 You need to let go. Good for you that you see your own faults. With the rest you describe I can identify. I was once invited in her parents vacation home and her sister and a friend of my ex GF were there too. There was no talk about who pays for what and how much. Her sister planned pretty much all the days ahead and took us to activities already on the first day. I didn't mind, it was interesting and I didn't want to come across as unappreciative, so I went along without saying anything. Her sister paid probably less than 30$ for entrance fees and such. I bought drinks, probably about the same amount. I didn't think I should pay entrance fees because I didn't plan the activity and didn't suggest to go there. A few days go by, we get some groceries which were mostly paid for by the sisters, or their parents respectively, as they were using their dads credit card. One night I've bought a huge group of people drinks when we all went bar hopping, it was all people I've never seen before and they were friends of the two sisters. It was just short of a 100$. The next day my GF's sister and I got into a fight over something unrelated, in which my GF took my side. After that my GF suddenly gets mad at me for not contributing with the groceries, which they never asked me to. I was confused and upset too, because she said it like I was free loading in her house on her groceries. I don't know, I never asked people to "pay" for their meal when I invited them to my or my parents place. Sometimes guests would offer to cook, if it was a longer stay and they'd get the groceries because they knew what they needed. Obviously I paid my share in the groceries as I thought this was really petty and I wouldn't fight with them over 50$ bucks worth of veggies and what not. A little later it turned out her sister also wanted the entrance fee back from the first day. I paid that too. What's the big deal, I don't mind if everyone pays for themselves and we dissect all the expenditures with receipts, it's fair after all. But what I don't get is when at first you pretend to be big on inviting people and then suddenly you want to be reimbursed on the penny. I'd be embarrassed frankly, to walk up to my guests with a receipt and ask them back money. So it's really straight forward. She should have told you that it was expected that everyone buys his own meal, that's fair and transparent. What she did is set you up for failure and she ignored you when you were rightfully upset. Dump her, go and stay NC. Thank you for your lengthy post.. there have been a good view other occasions where this woman has seriously upset me, and i have forgave her for it. Most of our arguments come out of incidents such as this one.. it seems like a no win situation for me... i must stay no contact and never speak to her again.. She did not give a chit about me, so what kind of future do i have with her? She has threatened to leave on a couple of occasions too, so i feel in the long i would not feel safe in this relationship. On the day of the break up, she told me she packing her things and going back to Manchester.. I just agreed with her, and told her that i do not want to be with her any longer and she needs to leave.. Some part of me wanted her to stay and work things out, but upon reflection how can i be in such an uncertain relationship with someone who can treat me like chit and not even a knowledge what they have done.. Will things get better? Still hurting pretty deep... and should i ignore any all text messages from her? Link to post Share on other sites
PinkPampies Posted January 11, 2017 Share Posted January 11, 2017 (edited) Thank you for your lengthy post.. there have been a good view other occasions where this woman has seriously upset me, and i have forgave her for it. Most of our arguments come out of incidents such as this one.. it seems like a no win situation for me... i must stay no contact and never speak to her again.. She did not give a chit about me, so what kind of future do i have with her? She has threatened to leave on a couple of occasions too, so i feel in the long i would not feel safe in this relationship. On the day of the break up, she told me she packing her things and going back to Manchester.. I just agreed with her, and told her that i do not want to be with her any longer and she needs to leave.. Some part of me wanted her to stay and work things out, but upon reflection how can i be in such an uncertain relationship with someone who can treat me like chit and not even a knowledge what they have done.. Will things get better? Still hurting pretty deep... and should i ignore any all text messages from her? Op it gets better. Of course it hurts right now. Given some time, the rose colored glasses will be off and you'll see how you're better without her. She seems selfish and inconsiderate. People's behavior doesn't change. What usually happens is we grow more tolerant of it. It becomes the norm. We stay miserable. When it ends, it hurts bad. Then in time. Days to weeks to months, you feel better. Much better. I had a heartbreaker breakup last spring. I am so unbelievably happy now Dont settle. The right one will come along. Good luck. Edited January 11, 2017 by PinkPampies Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted January 11, 2017 Author Share Posted January 11, 2017 (edited) She sent me these messages.. 01. How are you feeling? 02. ? 03. Why are u not answering? Don't you think this is childish? I feel like ignoring the chit out of her, and continuing on with No Contact I feel like she is looking for a reaction from me. She broke it off (but i was at the point where I was also thinking of walking away if things did not improve) and i also told her i am not happy, and will be walking away. We had some good moments, but generally i don't believe she treated me well is this relationship Edited January 12, 2017 by soulforge Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 Would you continue ignoring?? Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 after what you've just been through? Absolutely ignore her. You need to give yourself time and space away from that toxic crap. Stay strong because staying out of contact a while will do both of you some good. You need time to let emotions die down so you can think logically and not with your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 Life is too short for ****ty sex and bad relationships. Get out and good riddance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 I am still struggling to deal with how I was treated over Christmas.. I have to even ask other people wether I was justified to feel angry and upset about it. My friends don't believe i was being sensative.. Truth is I should have ended things with her and walked away, after the Christmas Day incident.. I think best thing for me now is, to resist giving into her or reacting to any text she sends and just marching forward with No Contact Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 Been missing her quite bad today.. Even having thoughts of trying to work something out with her? But i know this is crazy.. In the long run a relationship with her seems too risky.. she claimed she does not like living in my house and misses her own house, so living together would not be an option again.. And going back to long distance seems like a step backwards. Also she the disrespect is something i couldn't deal with.. it would lead to fights and anger.. Also she could leave at anytime again... next time it could be even more painful. Why is this so damn hard.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 We lived together only 4 months, part of me me thinks, maybe this is a lucky escape??? Could have been lo ger etc Link to post Share on other sites
LitTunnel Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Soulforge, don't do it man, don't do it!!! You WILL regret it. Trust me. I know how bad you want to get in touch with her. I'm in the same boat right now my friend and I'm dying to talk to her but your ex reminds me a lot of mine. They simply have no integrity. They're disrespectful and downright insulting. Do you really want to spend your life with someone like this? Do you honestly believe that she is going to suddenly and magically "change" for you??? Hell NO! I'm sure if you guys got back together it'll be all hunky-dory for a couple weeks then BAM, she hits you again with another whammy, then guess what, you're right back here on these boards again. Dude, the only way I think with her will work is if she literally begs and pleads to have you back and she literally plays by your own rules otherwise she's going to do this again. My ex was the same way bro, a total disrespectful woman. Women with no integrity will make your life a living hell bro. We deserve better! Do NOT make the mistake I made by calling. If you call her, you're finished. She'll know she has you. Don't give her that satisfaction. Let the silence kill her because I guarantee you she's suffering. Silence truly is golden. But if you open lines of communication, you lose. Game over. Think of it this way, you have the power right now. Let her suffer. The only way she's going to be able to take herself serious is if she suffers the consequences of not having you in her life. Let her suffer. Eventually she'll come back to you on hands and knees. Then it'll be up to you to take her back or not. But if you do take her back make sure she convinces you that she messed up and is wiling to do whatever it takes to not disrespect you like that. It's called communication and respect. Good luck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 Thanks for the long message brah.. Here is the thing, she is a stubborn woman, and it is very very unlikely that she will come chasing me..i doubt this will happen Also it would be unfair of me to claim she was a complete monster.. she wasn't.. It is true, sometimes she did some things i found to be very rude and disrespectful.. and it deeply hurt me, when she did this.. I,m not sure if she does it on purpose or because she is thoughtless.. on the other hand she can be very sweet and loving.. Its this mix of good and bad, that makes it so difficult for me.. Respect is key in a relationship, so not sure how we can be together without it.. As for me, there have been maybe two or three occasions where i got quite angry with her, and she has accused me of me being bad tempered.. I find it difficult to communicate well, when someone is having a go ay me, i tend to get a bit loud.. But.. in the 2 years of seeing each other, i only ever got loud and angry 3 times, and that was after she seriously disrespected or hurt my feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted January 14, 2017 Author Share Posted January 14, 2017 I love her and miss her.. But i know getting back with her, will only bring me more pain in the long run.. and it will be a matter of weeks or months, and i will back on here messaging for help again Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted January 15, 2017 Author Share Posted January 15, 2017 There where many good things about us too.. We cuddled alot, affection, and spending days together.. the sex was good too, but that dropped off a little near the end. I feel scared i will not find that again in another woman.. so struggling to let this go. I also see many problems ahead, and a strong feeling this woman would not stand by me in the long run.. She could walk out at anytime.. the only possible way for a relationship with her is long distant, but even that seems risky. What can I do??? Feel lost Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted January 15, 2017 Author Share Posted January 15, 2017 (edited) Also on the day of the breakup, she sent me a couple of text. 01. How do you feel? 02. ?? 03. Why are u not replying? Why be childish about it I did not respond back, and a week later, still have not responded... do i need to say something back??? Right now our break up is kinda mutual.. she wanted to leave and i agreed, as told her i was unhappy with her behaviour too.. So if i reach out, i could end up being rejected and that would be quite a blow. Part of me feels maybe if we didn't live together we could be ok. We fought less, when saw each other once or twice a week. Still her disrespect and a lack of thought for my feelings is a big problem. Could i suggest to her to see each other long distant again? Or am i crazy? Edited January 15, 2017 by soulforge Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted January 15, 2017 Author Share Posted January 15, 2017 I kind of understand why she wanted to leave.. She missed her home, and we where not getting on too well... but that was due to her bad treatment of me.. She maybe felt lonely Link to post Share on other sites
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