Guiltyaf Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Some background: my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, going on 4 and we've lived together for about 2 of those years. The beginning was amazing but about a year into it, he changed. For a while, I guess I justified it as that's just how he talks normally but now I've come to realize I was making excuses. He calls me names A LOT. "Stupid b*****, worthless c***, useless, etc". If you can think it, I've probably been called it. Except for ugly or anything to do with my appearance. He doesn't care about talking to me like that in front of our friends or anything. He won't talk to me about problems in the relationship. Any attempts I make are basically met with "leave bitch". Or something of that sort. Here's where I am now: I'm done. I'm fed up with him and I want out. The problem is I have no where else to go and even though I've broken up with him we still live together and I know he doesn't take it serious. I know he's depressed also so I'm scared he'll hurt himself when he realizes I'm serious. I also want to start hanging out with an old friend (not romantic but it is a guy). I find I can't though. No matter what I feel guilty. He doesn't act like we're broken up so I feel like maybe we're not. I also can't just leave because he has no family in this state and if I did leave, he would have to leave which would make it impossible for him to see his 5 year old son. I've grown to care about his son and he's in a bad situation with his mother, so I would hate if he had to lose his father too. I feel like maybe I'm crazy for caring so much and feeling so guilty but I really don't know. I have no idea what my next step should be. Ideally, I would love if my ex and I could manage to be friends/room mates until we get on our feet but I feel like at this point it's probably impossible. I know realistically, he pushed me to where I am now but I can't help but feeling like I'm doing something wrong by even wanting to be single and pursue a new life. When I try to talk to him about how we really are over and I need him to respect that, I'm just met with "lol ok" or "yeah whatever". I'm guilty of falling back into normal habits to and idk. I feel lost, trapped, confused, and guilty. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Leave. He is abusive, with all the name calling etc. You don't need to feel guilty. He is a grown man and can take care of himself and his son. He does sound controlling. Getting rid of him will be difficult. Move in with a friend or family. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Guiltyaf Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 Leave. He is abusive, with all the name calling etc. You don't need to feel guilty. He is a grown man and can take care of himself and his son. He does sound controlling. Getting rid of him will be difficult. Move in with a friend or family. Yeah you're right. There's just no friend or family I can move in with right now. I don't know why but part of me feels guilty like maybe if I had found a way to let him know how I was feeling, he would take me serious. It's dumb because I know it's not responsiblity to make him respect me. Link to post Share on other sites
niji Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 No matter what I feel guilty. He doesn't act like we're broken up so I feel like maybe we're not. I also can't just leave because he has no family in this state and if I did leave, he would have to leave which would make it impossible for him to see his 5 year old son. I've grown to care about his son and he's in a bad situation with his mother, so I would hate if he had to lose his father too. I feel like maybe I'm crazy for caring so much and feeling so guilty but I really don't know. Reverse the situation. If you had a child, do you think he would care whether your child would "lose his mother too"? My take is that he wouldn't, from the way he treats you. You tolerating this POS behavior for this many months is just way too much already; you've already given him all the tolerance a human being can give. I'm sorry but, who cares how he or his son manages? His son is an innocent huma being, sure, so are the millions of children out there without a roof to live under, and you can't care for all those children, can you? We can only take care of the ones who love us and need us. He doesn't love or need you. So there's no point caring about him - you know he wouldn't care about you in the reverse situation. I know it's scary to step out of your comfort zone (no matter how sh*tty it might be), but trust me, once you do, you'll ask how you ever tolerated this cr*p for such a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Guiltyaf Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 Reverse the situation. If you had a child, do you think he would care whether your child would "lose his mother too"? My take is that he wouldn't, from the way he treats you. You tolerating this POS behavior for this many months is just way too much already; you've already given him all the tolerance a human being can give. I'm sorry but, who cares how he or his son manages? His son is an innocent huma being, sure, so are the millions of children out there without a roof to live under, and you can't care for all those children, can you? We can only take care of the ones who love us and need us. He doesn't love or need you. So there's no point caring about him - you know he wouldn't care about you in the reverse situation. I know it's scary to step out of your comfort zone (no matter how sh*tty it might be), but trust me, once you do, you'll ask how you ever tolerated this cr*p for such a long time. Yeah you're right. We actually tried living out of state for a bit because we had no option and he was terrible. If anything, the fact I relied on him made him treat me way worse. He's improved a lot, I think. Or maybe I just don't argue with him as much because I've felt detached. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 You can't move on emotionally till you are living together. You need to move out somehow. If he was worried about his son and your relationship with him, he would have treated you with love and respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Guiltyaf Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 You can't move on emotionally till you are living together. You need to move out somehow. If he was worried about his son and your relationship with him, he would have treated you with love and respect. Yeah. That's definitely true. I think I've moved on emotionally, except I just feel guilty. I don't feel like he's my boyfriend anymore but I know he feels like he is. I'm thinking that the only way for him to stop seeing me as his girlfriend though is for me to find someway to move out Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Yeah. That's definitely true. I think I've moved on emotionally, except I just feel guilty. I don't feel like he's my boyfriend anymore but I know he feels like he is. I'm thinking that the only way for him to stop seeing me as his girlfriend though is for me to find someway to move out He doesn't see you as a girlfriend. He sees you based on how he verbalizes his view of you. All those names, that's who you are in his eyes. Stop romanticizing the labels and move on from him. He's a grown man. You are responsible for yourself. So far, you've been doing a great disservice to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Yeah you're right. There's just no friend or family I can move in with right now. I don't know why but part of me feels guilty like maybe if I had found a way to let him know how I was feeling, he would take me serious. It's dumb because I know it's not responsiblity to make him respect me. If you pay half the rent with him you can pay it to live with someone else. Look for someone who needs a roommate or maybe rent a single apartment. You need to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 You're still making excuses for him....don't. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 If you pay half the rent with him you can pay it to live with someone else. Look for someone who needs a roommate or maybe rent a single apartment. You need to leave. This. Start looking, OP. You need to get away from this abusive little weasel. If he hurts himself or threatens to, you call emergency services and let them deal with him. You've been manipulated long enough, and he's still doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 We all go through this, hard to break away and most of all there is no where to go. But he can't be changed into something he is not. That's what you have to figure out. All those abusive names why would you even feed into that even more. First stop that right now. If he starts up on you leave the room or just put on your coat (if cold outside) and take a long walk. Don't answer the cell phone either. You need some quiet time away from him. Even if you need to head to a girlfriend house/apt/flat go there and calm down. If you want this man still after all that has happen but remember too much stress, too much BS and too much emotional and mental issues from him going to make your current life a living hell! If you can leave then go and find the guy that makes you really happy to be with instead of this one causing you so much trouble. There are times you just can't make things work in your life just have to move on... It hurts but in the longer run you'll be happy with yourself which cuts more than his world your in now. Can't worry about him you need to worry about you! Link to post Share on other sites
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