Shehulk Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 Alright so, my ex and I have been together for 1.5 years, on the 29th (last sunday) he broke up with me because he wanted to take a break and i said no. he wasnt sure at all about the break up so he told me he would come over on thursday (2 feb) and give me my stuff and talk so it would give him a few days to think, however he did told me to not have any expectation. he did came over thursday (and obviously didnt changed his mind) he was supose to stay for an hour but ended up staying for 2. He told me he still loved me, but he needed to grow up and get is independence (he is 28 and lost his job in may, since then i've been paying for all the food and he's been living with his mom) while he was at my place he kept hugging me, telling me he loved me, kissing me on the forehead etc. Before he left he told me that if i ever wanted to go to the gym with him, hang out or go for a walk with him and the dog i was more than welcome to txt him and he left telling me that eventually we would text me. He also said that maybe in a couples of months/years we could go back together. the same night i went on tinder and saw that he had a profil, i started panicking and called him, he told me he only made it so he could see if i was on it, and said he would delete it. the next morning i called him again asking him if he was sure about is decision he said yes. on Saturday i called him again asking if he missed me and he said 'omg stop acting like a 5 years old' that really hurt and pissed me off. we havent talked since then (3 day full NC today will be the 4th) I dont know what to do because i really love him and i want him back in my life, i really think he made a big mistake. Today is his birthday, he's turning 28. As much as i wanna text him to wish him happy birthday i dont wanna do it because i hope its gonna be a wake up call for him. I dont know that to think anymore, i dont wanna tell myself that he will be coming back but i cant imagine my life without him. help... (sorry for my english, french is my first language) Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 His self esteem is in the toilet. Men define themselves in part by what they do for a living & how much they earn. He hasn't had that for almost 8 months. He's struggling & is letting you go because he doesn't think he deserves you. You cannot fix this unless you can get him a job. He doesn't want your money, your pity or your love right now. He's not in a good place but you can't save him because he doesn't want to be saved at present. His upcoming birthday made everything worse for him. He feels unworthy. Sorry. Lick your wounds. Go NC. Heal & move on. It's all you can do. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shehulk Posted February 8, 2017 Author Share Posted February 8, 2017 its so hard because i cant stop hopping that he will realise he made a huge mistake. I saw his aunt today and she told me stuff like 'we taught he was a decent kid' and 'he cant see a good thing when he sees one' i feel like it would be a bit easier if he would of told me he didnt loved me anymore or he was never happy.... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 He's not going to lie to you but he really is drowning in self pity right now. Because you care about him, of course you want to help. But you can't. It's not your battle to fight & if you try you will make him feel worse. Surround yourself with positive people but accept the fact that this was not meant to be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 I agree with Donnivain. He needs to get on his feet. But I don't believe what he said about Tinder. I think he's also looking for some nonserious freedom. You should start dating other people and just let him be the one who gets in touch. He snapped your head off for acting like you're still together, so you can't do that without a big blowup. So start dating. Don't tell him and if he asks you can say yes but give no details. Just do it for yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 i want him back in my life, i really think he made a big mistake. Unfortunately - and, as heartless as it may sound - it doesn't really matter what you want or think about this. It seems like he came to his decision after some introspection and looking at where he was in life and where he was headed. Given what you've shared here, he actually made the right/best/highest decision for himself; the one that has the greatest potential for his own personal growth and development. He has, properly, made these things his priority in his life. The type of stuff that he said - about going to the gym and hanging out and walking the dog - is very common for people to say when they want to extricate themselves with a minimum amount of tears, hassle and drama; he was just trying to avoid having to deal with you if/when you started 'acting like a 5 years old', as he put it to you. You are on the right track just staying NC - congats on that! . Stick with it and you will find your courage and feel your inner strength grow day by day. Nevertheless, I know it sucks the big one, right now. Hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shehulk Posted February 8, 2017 Author Share Posted February 8, 2017 (edited) do you think theres any chances that he realise he's happier with me than without me ? I just wanna text him and beg him to give us another chance..... i know today is probably harder because its his birthday but i just cant believe its happening. just 2 weeks before the breakup he was telling my friend he wanted us to buy a house in the next year Edited February 8, 2017 by Shehulk Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 do you think theres any chances that he realise he's happier with me than without me ? I just wanna text him and beg him to give us another chance..... i know today is probably harder because its his birthday but i just cant believe its happening. just 2 weeks before the breakup he was telling my friend he wanted us to buy a house in the next year Only time will tell if he wants you back. Until then you have to go NC and move on. Begging him back is annoying him which is somewhat telling. I imagine he does love you but may not be in love with you anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 do you think theres any chances that he realise he's happier with me than without me ? Honestly? I really don't think so, no. It's truly far easier on yourself to not harbour even a speck of false hope. People are right, of course, to say that I have absolutely no way of thinking/knowing what your ex will or will not realize at some point in the future; but, also keep in mind that many of these people are simply fanning the flames of their own false hope that they themselves are still harbouring (denial and/or wishful thinking). Rather, do not do that to yourself. I know it's really, really emotionally painful and draining and difficult. Stay tough, Shehulk. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shehulk Posted February 8, 2017 Author Share Posted February 8, 2017 its really weird and frustrating because i go from being ok (ish) to being very miserable the next hour to then being somewhat ok again... is it normal ? ijust wish a could be somewhat ok all day long instead of being on a rollercoaster Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 i go from being ok (ish) to being very miserable the next hour to then being somewhat ok again... is it normal ? Unfortunately, yes, it is so totally normal - for this experience and situation. Spend your time and Energy reading some of the posts in the 'Coping' section -- even go back a couple of years. There is a lot of good stuff -- guidance, understanding, support, tools and techniques. Do whatever you have to. Working on multiple levels will speed up the healing process -- physical activity and psychological introspection. Yoga, meditation, journaling, art/drawing, gardening, skipping, singing, playing a musical instrument, volunteering with an organization with whose cause and values you feel a connection -- just experiment and try different things - WHATEVER comes to mind or strikes your fancy in any given moment, that will help you get through the moment and stay NC - and stick with what works for you...as long as it works for you...and, when one thing stops working, switch to experimenting with some other things. Hang in there - you CAN get through this; you do have the inner power and courage and strength - but you do need to let those come out and express themselves. Many, many hugs - and sending you angels of Comfort, Guidance and Support. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whatdeww18 Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 (edited) Honestly? I really don't think so, no. It's truly far easier on yourself to not harbour even a speck of false hope. People are right, of course, to say that I have absolutely no way of thinking/knowing what your ex will or will not realize at some point in the future; but, also keep in mind that many of these people are simply fanning the flames of their own false hope that they themselves are still harbouring (denial and/or wishful thinking). Rather, do not do that to yourself. I know it's really, really emotionally painful and draining and difficult. Stay tough, Shehulk. Just wanted to add to this a bit. I think Ronni_W has said it well and believes your ex will be happier on his own. It may be entirely true, it may be the complete opposite. However, that's not what you should focus on. The reason, as you see is explained in the rest of his post. Holding onto hope that your ex will realize breaking up with you was a mistake or that he will not be anymore happy is not something you should constantly think about. That's not to say that he won't come to realize it was a mistake but hoping for that only delays true healing. I will contradict myself a little bit here, as I think it is completely normal for the dumped person to use false hope in the beginning to get him/her out of the first month of pain, where you find yourself PINING after your ex. For most, it seems the second and third month is when the clouds begin to lift and you realize your own self-worth and cease the pining. However, it is dangerous because most people may be likely to hold onto that false hope only to be destroyed even many months/year later when their second chance never comes. It's pretty much back to the beginning of the break up. Which is why it's best to not begin with false hope, better not to get into that slippery slope. So, just take some time to yourself for the next couple of months, cry it out, let your feelings go, and take this time to reboot and get yourself back and enjoy life. Just want to say, you need to realize that you're worth so much more than being told you're acting like a 5 year old from an ex. Gather the pieces of your broken heart, let NC heal it, and walk away knowing there will be someone who will appreciate all of you. Especially when you financially supported your ex for a period of time, couldn't get a job in that time, and had someone by his side during that time, his LOSS. Edited February 8, 2017 by whatdeww18 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shehulk Posted February 9, 2017 Author Share Posted February 9, 2017 why is it so hard..... i was doing ok from sunday to tuesday but since yesterday its hell... today is day 5 of NC and all i wanna do is cry... started dreaming about him again.. i just wish i could text him and tell him that he made a big mistake 1 Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted February 9, 2017 Share Posted February 9, 2017 why is it so hard..... i was doing ok from sunday to tuesday but since yesterday its hell... today is day 5 of NC and all i wanna do is cry... started dreaming about him again.. i just wish i could text him and tell him that he made a big mistake I'm so sorry you're going thru this. Going thru a break up sucks and you have a right to feel this way for as long as you need to. Keep being honest, keep leaning on people who love you. Know that you're not alone. Big hugs my friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shehulk Posted February 10, 2017 Author Share Posted February 10, 2017 (edited) [] so its now day 6 of NC and i cant do it anymore.... i keep dreaming about him, i just wanna text him because im scared he'll forget about him. thinking about him with someone else makes me wanna vomit, i feel like crying from the minute a wake up to when i go to bed. Im even considering texting his friends/mom ust to see if he's as miserable as i am. i cant picture my life without him..... help we've been broken up for 13 days, spend the first 3 days without talking then he came over, i called him the enxt 4 days after that and been NC since Sunday. i would do anything to get him back.. Edited February 10, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator threads merged ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
keiji Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 my story : http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/613089-im-lost so its now day 6 of NC and i cant do it anymore.... i keep dreaming about him, i just wanna text him because im scared he'll forget about him. thinking about him with someone else makes me wanna vomit, i feel like crying from the minute a wake up to when i go to bed. Im even considering texting his friends/mom ust to see if he's as miserable as i am. i cant picture my life without him..... help we've been broken up for 13 days, spend the first 3 days without talking then he came over, i called him the enxt 4 days after that and been NC since Sunday. i would do anything to get him back.. Of course you would do anything, we all would because it's so painful, but please don't contact him. I know you don't believe it right now, but it will only worsen the pain. The outcome of a conversation with him is probably not what you expect. Any chance that you can talk to a friend or relative now? Anything except calling him: go out for a run, go shopping, anything but calling him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whatdeww18 Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 [] so its now day 6 of NC and i cant do it anymore.... i keep dreaming about him, i just wanna text him because im scared he'll forget about him. thinking about him with someone else makes me wanna vomit, i feel like crying from the minute a wake up to when i go to bed. Im even considering texting his friends/mom ust to see if he's as miserable as i am. i cant picture my life without him..... help we've been broken up for 13 days, spend the first 3 days without talking then he came over, i called him the enxt 4 days after that and been NC since Sunday. i would do anything to get him back.. Shehulk, Many of us have been in your exact shoes. I look back on the first month after my ex broke up with me and I remember what you're experiencing now. I would dream of my ex, literally be sick when I thought of my ex being with someone else, and cried for 2 weeks straight everyday. Thought about my ex for the better part of 25 hours a day, kid you not, felt like there was not a thing I did that wouldn't remind me of him. (not a typo, felt like I thought about him for 25 hours in a 24 hour day). Do not try to get his family/friends involved. All that will happen is that you will further your pain. Trust me, you can find some of the things I've written on Loveshack and I contacted my ex a month after the break up. I died inside. Luckily, I found my closure from that. What did that boil down to? Your ex, and mine, do not want to be with us. It's painful. You have to grieve the end of the relationship and the fact that you may never see or talk to this man again. So, what must you do? Move on. 100% no contact. Do not pick up that phone even if he calls. It will not help you heal. It will not make him come back. What it will do is help you reach a much better, happier place than you are at right now. What I like to do is point people towards a reconciliation story posted by blackcat77. This is not to instill hope that your ex will come back. This is to show you an example of a dumpee, who was truly focused on moving on. It was tough for her, hell it's tough for me too. But, she eventually gained her happiness and life back after the aftermath of the break up. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/544984-my-reconciliation-story-when-how-apply-nc-success You can do this. Focus on yourself, give you all of yourself right now. Nothing to your ex. Wishing you a healthy recovery! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shehulk Posted February 10, 2017 Author Share Posted February 10, 2017 thank you so much to everyone for the feedback. its really hard because im torn between 'if he wants to come back he will' and 'he if dont talk to him he will forget you' i just wish i could turn my feelings off it would be so much easier.... i cant wait to feel better, im in such a crappy place right now, 3 months away from my degree (and possibly a master) and i cant concentrate on school at all witch is really annoying because i know its really important, especially for the master Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shehulk Posted February 12, 2017 Author Share Posted February 12, 2017 NC day 8. i feel like its getting harder everyday. i cant help but wondering if he misses me, if he thinks about me, its driving me insane. i feel like everyday is harder than the previous, I literally have to fight with myself to not contact him. Does it gets better after 2 weeks ? I cant wait for the day i wont wake up feeling like ****.... he's the first thing I think off everyday day because usualy i dream about him..... then a wake up in panic because i remember that we wont do certain things together again...... it is so painfulll, i can honestly say that its the most painfull thing that's ever happened to me (no one in my family died before so). Today is also day 8 of not looking at his social media...mostly because im scared of what i'll see (new girls he follows or stuff like that) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shehulk Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 back to square 1. i was waiting for a book for school that i ordered before the breakup, I need the book for an exam. he was supose to give it to a friend who would give it to me. the exam is thursday so i emailed the company... he has the book since feb 2 ITS BEEN 11 DAYS. on top of that i saw him on tinder so i ****ed up and called him, he said he was gonna give the book to the guy then said his friend made the tinder acount and he would delete it by tonight. i ****ing hate my life i broke NC on day 8 and feel even worse Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shehulk Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 alright so, day 7 of NC (messed up last week and went back to 0 after 8 days), dont judge me but my ex and I really enjoyed playing pokemon go, we even logged our account on each others phone so we could catch pokemon for the other one if a good one popped, well it happened yesterday and i wasnt sure if i should catch it on his account or not ? Parts of me wanted too cuz its a really rare one and he would of been happy but I didnt catch it because i was scared he was gonna think its creepy so, would that be breaking NC ? Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Yeah because it's an excuse to stay in touch with him. Delete his account's info from your phone, he can catch Pokemons on his own. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Yes it is breaking NC. Find someone else to play with. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 No more playing pokemon go or anything else with him. NC is about separation. Yes you can be nice to each other if you accidently bump into each other. There is no reason to be rude but nice entails a tight smile, a quick nod & then extricating yourself from the situation. What you are doing is trying to maintain a connection. That does not facilitate your getting over each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Don't sacrifice your emotional wellbeing for the sake of pokemon. Your self-preservation and intent to heal should be your first priority. Link to post Share on other sites
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