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Broke up recently after 6.5 years and could use some


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Hey all,

 

So me and my GF broke up on valentines day, I ended it with her. We were together for 6 and a half years.

 

Basically, we both had one foot out the door for the last year. We both subconsciously knew something was wrong but did not want to admit it and had no idea how to fix it. We did an open relationship 6 months ago thinking it could help (Well **** me, right?) Lo and behold, it didn't. Awkwardly, it gave me room to breathe with just the idea that I could go do what I wanted, that alone should have been an indication that this was going to end.

 

She started developing feelings for a guy she was seeing and told me, I naturally freaked out for about a week. I officially broke up with her on Valentines day so I could move on. We texted once and spoke once until today. I told her I needed to talk and just ask a few questions, I'm a very slow and logical thinker when it comes to processing relationships and information. We talked as good friends like we used to about random **** and just laughed a bit and were completely honest. She needs space and to figure her life out and basically I didn't want to be waiting on the side while she did: she understood.

 

We had a good talk. I basically said I understand we're not going to work right now. You go do your own thing and I'll do mine. My door is open if you want to reach out and that perhaps I will reach out in the future. I even told her about a date that I went on last night, not with the hopes to get her back or make her jealous. I have always shared everything with her and it's just weird not having that anymore.

 

Side note:

Her family are not good people. They would never let her go out or do anything growing up and she has never really had her own life and she has only ever been with me until this guy. I was an outlet for her to leave her house and tell her parents to **** off and have helped her grow and gain confidence in her self over the last 6 years. I get we're broken up, but I obviously still care about her (And she has expressed she cares about me still a lot) after 6 and a half years and am happy she is finally able to tell her parents to **** off. She's looking to move out and is doing whatever she wants with her life. Whether it was me or the other guy or a combo of both that made her realize this, then it is what it is and I am happy she is able to grow into her own person now.

 

Not that I would 100% take her back, obviously when you lose someone you care about it seems like the end of the world and I do care about her as a friend, she was my best friend and my girlfriend - we spent 6.5 years together and I will never take that for granted - she helped me grow so much. She said she'd always be willing to meet up assuming she's not in a serious relationship to which I understand.

 

Basically, my game plan is to just do my own thing and give my self time to heal. Once I am okay with who I am and my life and am able to get by day to day without needing to think about her and missing her, I will re-evaluate my life and see if I think I could even deal with speaking to her. Since she could have a BF, etc. I know I will have to be able to deal with that if I choose that road.

 

I wanted advice on the scenario. I tried my best to take the higher road and be a pleasant and understanding friend rather than ending it badly. With the hopes as of now to be able to contact her in the future if I decide to. Also, the fact I saw this coming for a while (also my foot was halfway out the door) makes it easier, it sucks but I do understand why it ended.

 

What do you all think? Just wanted input on whatever.

 

Thanks!

~MW

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Hey all,

 

So me and my GF broke up on valentines day, I ended it with her. We were together for 6 and a half years.

 

Basically, we both had one foot out the door for the last year. We both subconsciously knew something was wrong but did not want to admit it and had no idea how to fix it. We did an open relationship 6 months ago thinking it could help (Well **** me, right?) Lo and behold, it didn't. Awkwardly, it gave me room to breathe with just the idea that I could go do what I wanted, that alone should have been an indication that this was going to end.

 

She started developing feelings for a guy she was seeing and told me, I naturally freaked out for about a week. I officially broke up with her on Valentines day so I could move on. We texted once and spoke once until today. I told her I needed to talk and just ask a few questions, I'm a very slow and logical thinker when it comes to processing relationships and information. We talked as good friends like we used to about random **** and just laughed a bit and were completely honest. She needs space and to figure her life out and basically I didn't want to be waiting on the side while she did: she understood.

 

We had a good talk. I basically said I understand we're not going to work right now. You go do your own thing and I'll do mine. My door is open if you want to reach out and that perhaps I will reach out in the future. I even told her about a date that I went on last night, not with the hopes to get her back or make her jealous. I have always shared everything with her and it's just weird not having that anymore.

 

Side note:

Her family are not good people. They would never let her go out or do anything growing up and she has never really had her own life and she has only ever been with me until this guy. I was an outlet for her to leave her house and tell her parents to **** off and have helped her grow and gain confidence in her self over the last 6 years. I get we're broken up, but I obviously still care about her (And she has expressed she cares about me still a lot) after 6 and a half years and am happy she is finally able to tell her parents to **** off. She's looking to move out and is doing whatever she wants with her life. Whether it was me or the other guy or a combo of both that made her realize this, then it is what it is and I am happy she is able to grow into her own person now.

 

Not that I would 100% take her back, obviously when you lose someone you care about it seems like the end of the world and I do care about her as a friend, she was my best friend and my girlfriend - we spent 6.5 years together and I will never take that for granted - she helped me grow so much. She said she'd always be willing to meet up assuming she's not in a serious relationship to which I understand.

 

Basically, my game plan is to just do my own thing and give my self time to heal. Once I am okay with who I am and my life and am able to get by day to day without needing to think about her and missing her, I will re-evaluate my life and see if I think I could even deal with speaking to her. Since she could have a BF, etc. I know I will have to be able to deal with that if I choose that road.

 

I wanted advice on the scenario. I tried my best to take the higher road and be a pleasant and understanding friend rather than ending it badly. With the hopes as of now to be able to contact her in the future if I decide to. Also, the fact I saw this coming for a while (also my foot was halfway out the door) makes it easier, it sucks but I do understand why it ended.

 

What do you all think? Just wanted input on whatever.

 

Thanks!

~MW

Hi!

 

I think it's very mature from both of you to end things the way it did. She actually told you she was feeling something for someone else, she didn't let you find out on your own, a rare quality, I must say. So cherish that. You seem like a great guy, understanding, and you're handling it pretty well. It doesn't mean you're not hurting, of course you are, you spent 6.5 years with her, but you understand and you let it go. You are already half way there. You are on the right path to healing, never forget that when you're feeling down (you will feel down from time to time).

 

Feel free to vent here, and don't hold any feelings back :)

 

I admire you, really. You're very mature.

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Lostandconfused12

Wow. You are very mature. God I can't imagine the pain you're in. To lose someone you shared everything with is awful. I know I've been there with an ex before. We broke up and would start talking about the other people we were with. It DIS NOT end well. We ended up back together and years later we are officially done. Sometimes it's better to actually close the door and be with someone you love without question. Sure we all owe it to ourselves to see what we really want. But I loved my ex without question and would have never in a million years want to see new people. But that was one-sided. I guess love is when both people have that same feeling, without question. Mature and honest love. Some people are better just as friends. My only advice to you is to not hang on to any hope, or any future with her. You can and will find someone without question. Your maturity is remarkable but take these lessons and apply it to someone else. Time together grows that just like it did with your ex. Take care xo

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  • 2 weeks later...

Yes I can definatEly tell u had half ur foot out the Dorr I can hear it in ur sentances and vocabulary. I was like that wth the current ex for a long time till she dumped me and then I was hurting lol. On reflection it probably wasn't the best or happiest relationship she had kids and I found it very challenging altho now she's given em up long story shr moved interstate a 1000 miles to be wth me and a new job ex went after custody and got her kids and she decided to stay lol wat a crazy hot mess she was. Still in all the 20 odd yrs of relationships we probably had the best connection aND sex wss amazing but the baggage and timing she came wth and not to mention her family issues she wss not really close to her dad. This made her hav low self esteem and oh God we broke so many times and then it was done she left but we work together lol. Im not sure why ud wanna keep the door open r u hoping the spark comessage back by having time apart? Once it's broken it's broken it's rear these things ever work out for watever reason. U seem quiet level headed about it all wich tells me uve lost feelings for her and her also u lol. Seems like a mutual decision no real dumpee in this situation u hav drifted apart indifference. Me i would not have broken up if ud invested that much into the relationship but rather gone counselling or looked for ways within the relationship to re ignite that spark. Love is ever changing it doesn't mean it had to end. Having said that some relationships truly just run there course. Anyway al the best wth ur decision in this hope u find wat it is ur looking for

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You have my respect for sure! You handled this incredibly well, a paragon of how break ups should be dealt with. You recognized the problem, took steps to fix it, aren't letting emotion dictate your actions, and are realistic about the healing process and future with and without her. 5 star job, bro.

 

I've had 2 big breaks ups in my life. One when I was 22, my then-fiance left me for another guy after we spent 3 years together. It truly crushed me and I felt genuinely like my world ended. Needless to say, I made a lot of mistakes and let my emotions run the show. It got very volatile... I can proudly say we're on great terms now though and she's my closest friend. She comes to me for advice and guidance, we laugh and talk like we used to, there's no jealousy or animosity at all anymore. Time really does heal all wounds.

 

2nd big break up happened about a month ago and it brought me here. I spent 2 years with another girl I really grew to love almost as much as my ex fiance. As I've been posting, she moved on to the party scene and another man within like 4 days of us splitting. I'm handling this one FAR better though. I haven't reached out at all to her... she's the one texting me laundry lists why her new boyfriend is 10x the man I am and how she's never been so happy, just to spite me and try to piss me off. We're a little over a month into the break up now and I feel like 75% healed. Experience definitely helps. I know what pitfalls to avoid (checking her Twitter, texting her for any reason at all, letting myself think about what could have been, etc).

 

All the best to you, my friend. You are an exemplar to us all. It was pleasant to read and compare to my own obstacles.

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